My husband is a recovering addict from hydrocodone. He has been in a methadone treatment for several months now. I can say that he is doing much better. Has been in counseling with the clinic from the beginning, has not failed a drug test since his admittance. He has worked hard these last six months. The problem I am having is with me. I worry so much about him. I find myself analyzing everything that he does, every move that he makes. I worry that he is getting into trouble again, with no real evidence that he is. Every call he gets, every bit of money that he has, or withdraws from the bank. I am driving myself crazy. We have fought about his cell phone on numerous occasions. People texting him, or him checking his phone alot. (He does own his own business...that is expected.) I don't know how to handle this. He gets frustrated because he doesn't understand why I can love him and not trust him. I do trust him, but I'm still having doubts. (Does that statement even make sense?) How can I help myself? This only hurts him, hurts us, hurts me. Am I just being paranoid? Are there any other addict's spouses out there that can give me some guidance in this?

addiction busts trust to smithereenes....i got divorced because of my addictions and the ex wanted to save my kids from my destructive path...i do not blame her...however,if i would have straightened myself out alot sooner....maybe i would be fortunate to be in your hubbies shoes...as long as he deals with his disease on a daily basis...dont let him forget,but be gentle on him.....hopefully the trust issue will resolve itself on his sobriety...god bless him/you....chef

Thank you chef. I have good days and bad. As I'm sure that he does. I guess somewhere deep down, I think that I should have been enough for him, but wasn't. I've told him that I knew that I wasn't enough. I know he has made his own choices, and I have been there with him when he chose to get help. Its a very hard situation. Do I need to talk with someone? He gets frustrated when I get upset. I know he is trying so hard, and I'm not trying to be a mother hen. But I guess that I am. I am so afraid of loosing him. Remembering when I could look in his eyes and see nothing there...its unbearable! Thanks for letting me vent...talk...

there is available for addicts..a/a or n/a....i hit the a/a mtgs...both are the same....12 step programs...hell need to start arraigning his recovery soon cause once he starts to wean the methadone,hell have to deal with that bridge when its time to cross...children and spouses/or family have alanon mtgs that are available to help you better understand an addicts thought pattern....and the recovery process....this board is a good venue for information also....chef

ps....its not your fault by the way......he got himself addicted....now he has to un-addict himself.....chef

Hi,
I have been in your shoes for a very long time. My husband has been an addict for almost 19yrs. Then back in 2003 he was arrested. He went to rehab. and this time it has worked. He is taking Suboxone and that has saved his life and mine.
The thing is, you have to keep talking about the addiction. We talk almost every day about it. I had trust issues as well, just like you wrote. I had to learn that the addiction is his to own. I cannot make him well and I cannot be with him 24/7. Just take one day at a time and alot of prayer and things will get better. Hang in there!!

I appreciate your words so much. He is such a wonderful husband. He loves my children. (From a previous marriage) He considers them his. Do you ever get the questions out of your mind? We have had so much strain on us this past year. Not just with the addiction, but with other things going on in our lives. All the stress he is under makes me worry that he won't be able to cope. I guess I can look back and see old habits that I thought were in connection with the addiction, that maybe really aren't addiction related! They are just his "quirks". We do talk about it (the addiction). But to be honest, when he was on the pills so bad, he could still make reference to other people who had let it ruin their lives and how terrible it was. (I guess to throw me off the track.) He has promised me that he is never going to go down that path again, and has promised that there is nothing more important than his family. I have prayed alot. And that does bring alot of comfort. But I do have weary days. Yesterday was particularly bad. No apparent reason, just a low day for me. Again, thank you for the words. They do help so much!

YES, I can relate. My husband was introduced to heroin by his brother in january 05. Previously addicted to vicodin. He sought help in july 05 with treatment by suboxone (similar to methadone but easier to get off of). During the time he used I was unaware what he was doing. Money, belongings in the house missing, late night trips for extended periods of time. Nothing but complete lies. Since the medication I thought everything was getting better. He has been taking it daily. Then about 2 months ago, the same actions started taking place that resembled before when he was using. It is his best ability to turn things around on me to make me think I'm the one that is crazy. For following him, checking his phone records etc. Still claims that he doesn't have a problem because he takes his meds. Then while i'm doing laundry, I find drug periphenalia. Of course- it's not his. But I am not a fool. We had an agreement for him to bring home his checks uncashed. But there is withdrwals taken before payday(reflected on his stub). He is the only one that works because I stay at home with our daughter. I feel like I can't take the lies anymore and that he needs help. I feel guilty for turning my back on him for that he is in need of help but i've already done that once before. I don't understand because he has his medicine that takes away the cravings????Why is he still using? I feel hopless and iam scared for my daughter. His job is literally less that 1 mile from where the dealer lives and people he works with use as well. but- he makes great money and is the sole provider for our family! What do I do???? He finally admitted using occasionally, but from what I understand-that is not an occasional drug. Someone please help!!!

madi'smom....I am so sorry. I am not familiar with the sub regimen. Does he have to go to a clinic for that, or is it prescribed so that he has it at home? If he is in a clinic setting, you could try to find out if drug testing has been done. I know that my DH doses everyday. I also know that his tests have been clean for the last six months. I have not found any evidence of any type of drug use in the home. He was very clingy to his cell phone a few weeks ago. I lost it and it spurred a fight. He lied about checking it, and I caught and confronted him in that lie. I just feel suffocated with the worry. But right now, I think it is me more than him. WHich I know only makes his stress more. I can understand your concern. Its the tough love that they talk about. Keep checking in. Don't feel alone...you know that there are more people out there that are going through what you are going through. I pray daily. (That's a personal choice.) I do find such comfort in that!

at first he went to a clinic that did drug testing. Now he goes to a internal medicine dr. that lets him take it at home. I have given him my own drug test and he did fail. Thank you for letting me know that i'm not alone. Before i knew it for sure i definately did lose it over the phone records and mileage on the car. Now it has turned out that I was right. He is using again. This is a very tough obstacle to over come but please don't let my story discourage you. Hopefully your hubby is telling you the truth!Thank you

I am not discouraged. I can only say that I can certainly remember the shock and hurt and anger and disappointment and fear when I found out that my hubby was using. The hardest thing was to not verbally question everything. I have and do still cry alot sometimes. He asks what is wrong, and truthfully, I tell him that I am worried. He says that he wants to do whatever it takes to prove that he is not doing anything. Its like I told him, yes, I know that he is going through and has gone through alot. But this has also been alot for me also. Is he still taking the subs, or off them altogether. Do you believe that what he is using now, is something he was using before? I truly believe that when my husband lied about the use, is that he was scared that if he admitted it that it would be over between us. Believe it or not, your DH needs your support. But I can understand that sometimes it is hard to give. Keep in touch!

]tooty-
He is still taking the suboxone. But i guess he figured out a way to still take the medicine and skip a day and the following day after that use heroin again. He also admitted that he did not tell the truth about his problem because he was ashamed and also thought our relationship would be over. However, in july 05 i did the research and made him go get treatment. So part of me thinks that because he wasn't willing to do it on his own that it was a mistake. Everything was fine for a few months. Then his lovely brother( the introducer to this drug) came around during christmas time. I didn't like the idea of him being around but family and christmas time what do I say???? So I believe that's when it started again. He also went to the extreme to try and prove his innocence. I mean extreme. i.e. told me a certain phone # was a co-workers. When I called the # blocked the demeanor of this individual was not polite and very arrogant. When I ?ed him, his comment was that the co-worker just had his # changed. Even went to the extent of calling the company he works for ,on speakerphone, asking for this certain co-worker's # so that I could hear 4 myself. When clearly it was the wrong #, he had another excuse. Pretty extreme. Even created false receipts to justify money. But I know 100% that the #'s called were a drug dealer's #. So he went to no-limit. We only have 1 vehicle and i left to go to the store one day and left our daughter here with him while she was taking a nap. When I arrived home-he immediately left. My daughter was dressed as if she had just gone somewhere. He left his phone home and I checked when he left, He had called a cab service to come and pick him up?!!! Also the dealer's # wsa called previously before the cab immediately after I left home. Yet he claims he didn't leave to go anywhere. There is so much history that I could definately go on but I will not bore you anymore that what I might have already done. I just feel like If i leave i'm turning my back on him. But if I stay I am jeopardizing my daughter and myself. Thanks for listening

Trust me, you did not bore me. I can understand the "proving innocence" situation. Even though, I have never seen my DH go to such extremes. I think that you have enough evidence to justify getting away from him. I know that it would be a hard step to do that. I'm not saying the leaving is the right answer. But your DH may need to see that he could loose everything over this. Does anyone else in his family know of this problem? (obviously the brother does, but anyone else who would support you?)

his father is an alcoholic & homless...they don't speak. His mother is fully aware of what is going on but seems to not care at all. I guess her view is her 2 boys are addicts. where did she go wrong? ya know. I have my family. But i don't like envolving them because if my DH does change they will view him as what he was not what he has become. Tough situation. I know what's right in my mind but for some reason I can't find it in my heart. We've talked the last couple of days and it is the same ha has always said." I don't wsnt to lose u, etc" He admits that he needs counseling to help with his lies. still denying the drug problem. Said he didn't let it become a problem this time. He stopped before it got that way. But in all actuality who's to say that isn't a lie? I really guess I am beating myself up over this. I would just like to know if there is any hope at all for him to recover and the only person that show that is himself. I wonder if anyone else has had to go through the same or similar situation with relapses and the success rate?

i guess it is so hard because we are high school sweethearts. Together 4 years in hs, broke up and apart for 31/2 yrs. and now we've been back together 4 years in april. So really 8 years and that's why, if your wondering, i don't walk out. Have you and your DH been together long?

Well, the positive thing that I am seeing here....along with the unconditional love that you have for him, is that he did admit that he needed counseling for the lies. Do you think that the counseling would benefit him....possibly lead to the realization that he has a problem? It took several relapses before my DH finally hit the bottom and realized that he had a true problem. I have been down several CT trips with him. A few that he thought I didn't know about, he was trying to secretly do this without me knowing, but I knew all along. And a couple after he admitted that he had the addiction problem. He did lie between the relapses, but admitted that he was afraid I would leave. Once he finally admitted, we went together and got help. Even on the ride to the rehab clinic, he wouldn't come completely clean because he said that he was ashamed. Once in, he had to lay it all on the table before they would treat him. I didn't go back with him. Since then, he has told me about his habit. Not as serious as some, but enough to put HIS life in a mess. He is a very private person, and that was a sobering thing to have to do. I think now he does realize that he has someone behind him. And I totally understand your devotion to your DH. Please don't beat yourself up. Even though I have hard days, and I feel so responsible at times, I realize that this is HIS problem. And it was HIS problem from the start. I think it was "chef" that said, he owns his addiction...not you! By the way, we have been together for 2 years.