Hello Everyone,

I am a new guy around here. 30 years old, living in Toronto Canada.

Been using Celexa for close to 4 years now.

Depressed as a *!#&@(&#!@*&#(!@*&...

I am UNMOTIVATED to get better now! I have been so depressed that I "accept" defeat... I don't have the energy anymore to fight my internal struggle for happiness.

Of course the struggle keep the rest of the world off your back drives you crazy too...

"cheer up"
"life ain't so bad"
"what makes your life worse than anyone elses"
"there are tones of people out here with worse lives, you have it good"

etc etc etc etc etc!

Statements are true enough, but postive thoughs are NON-EXISTANT 90% of my days.

I have searched high and low for a support place.

Doctors are all useless to me.
Family is worse.
Girlfriend is even worse.

My support has to come from somewhere, so here I am!

HELP http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

I feel your discouragement. I feel much the same way. My wife doesn't understand depression at all and doesn't understand why I don't just decide not to be depressed anymore. Man if it was only that easy. Do people honestly think anyone would choose to be depressed at hell. It's simply a lack of knowledge on their part. All I can tell you is that things will get better. The problem with depression is you honestly believe you will never get better you suffer from a lack of hope. Keep searching and at some point you'll find a ray of light. I have started running and cycling and that has helped a lot. I also have a strong Christian faith that helps. Keep your head up. Sorry I don't have any earth shattering insights for you other than to say a lot of us feel like you do and we've got to communicate with each other.

I know I am not alone. It is hard.

I have been a wreck for years, but the last few days have been a KILLER...

I have had to look for a support system like this, just becuase! I have NO HOPE LEFT.

Everyone thinks I "WANT" to be depressed.
It is a "CRY" for attention.
I am a "SPOILED BRAT WINING"...

!*(&#$!@(*&$(#@*&(*$#@&(*@$#&

Hang in there. We all have crap days, weeks and months, but usually it subsides until we throw ourself back into the vicious circle. Keep talking and reaching out and we will all get through this together. This board is a big help. You don't feel like the only "chemically" impaired being on the planet.haha

The reason why you have no positive thoughts is because you've been only focusing on elevated mood. Instead of focusing big time on cognitive (thought) issues. Your thoughts are what controls your moods and behavior. And if you have no positive and happy thoughts then you pretty much out of happy fuel. And you cannot expect to be happy and at harmony or peace or in control. What you must do in order to get better is to see a cognitive therapist and they will help your thoughts to quickly start to change, the change for the better will indeed happen if you keep going at it.

And I noticed the replies that you posted that other people have given you EX: what makes your life so bad. Those replies are nothing but garbage. You have every right to feel the way you want to and be the way you want. You are not a perfect person, you are not a robot that lives in harmony regardless to whatever is happening in the environment. You are person whom is infuenced strongly by your OWN thoughts. Ok , please ignore people who do not support, empathize, or encourage you to seek help and get better. You must do this for yourself.

By the way the biggest support and empathy must come from within you. In order to achieve this you must seek cognitive therapy. Medication, family, and friends will not do this for you. I promise you that you feel so disapointed and angry when you find out that family and friends will not give you what you need. You must support, empathise, love, and control you self. A therapist will teach you to do this because it is a learning and applying process that must be traught and learned through repetition and much practice. And each time you practice your raising all kinds of great things in your life, self esteem, confidence, and those thoughts.

Your family and friends seem to be on the negative side (if they do not encourage you to seek help and get better and support you with positive words). You must NOT expect them to give you the affection and love that you need, that affection and love must be coming from your own mind. A therapist will teach you how to do this, and you will feel marvolous and spectacular and like a beautiful human being once things get started. Once the therapy has started maybe you will learn social skills and you will find people that WILL support, love, and be there for you when ever you have bad days, or feelings of inferiority or sadness.

People and friends are important but you are the most important person in your life. Therefore you must help and guide yourself.

Thinking that your situation cant be worse and you reached the bottom is the most classic symptom of depression..though a depressed person suffers from no real disease.
Well...as i used to say to my girlfriend who is depressed when he was sayong to me that he reached the bottm..."you cannot imagine what the real bottom looks like".
And this is the truth...but that is another story...
I really think that depression can be fought by you and not by any ssri or any drug...
The last year i suffer from GAD everyday and sometimes i 've had panic attacks as a result of the depression of my gf ,and as i suffer from GAD i've been experiencing and depression myself....but at low levels.
I was on ssri's for 10 days but i couldnt and still cannot stand the thought that these meds will change the homeostasis of my brain.
I think i am strong with so many experiences bad and good in my life ..so i and only i have th power to stop this and to cure myself...with the proper helkp of course.
I am on a benzo therapy for the time mostly because of my GAD that is an everyday hell but i stopped the panic attacks by myself i can say and i will improve more now that i am about to begin psychotherapy..
I am not saying to you that adds specialy ssris are not good...but i believe that they have to be the last depression cure option...
best of luck to you

------------------
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

Thanks for all the tips.

I have yet to find anyone I can do talk therapy with on a frequent basis. My Phycologist I can see at best every 2 weeks. My Phsyciatrist I can see at about the same frequency as well.

The problem is, seeing them affects my job (I would have to take LOTS OF TIME off work) and all I have good right now IS MY JOB. If I lost my job, man oh man....... forget thinking about it...

Lately the slumps have been really bad... I have been in compliance mode, and it sucks. I do whatever is asked/told and I shut up. I can't speak my mind, because the ANSWERS hurt my feelings too much.

I am over sensitive and can't stop shaking my leg ;/

I feel like I have so many problems and very few options as far as support and seeking help.

I have went as far as emailing the governemnt offices to request a location to get a free phsy eval done...

I feel like I have put in so much effort and gotten very few results.

I have found myself at the end of the line when it comes to using any more energy to fix myself... I can't do it anymore... the work, effort, stress, and then neglecting of other people causes severe guilt and ...

lets just say i am screwed ;/

Thanks for all the tips.

I have yet to find anyone I can do talk therapy with on a frequent basis. My Phycologist I can see at best every 2 weeks. My Phsyciatrist I can see at about the same frequency as well.

The problem is, seeing them affects my job (I would have to take LOTS OF TIME off work) and all I have good right now IS MY JOB. If I lost my job, man oh man....... forget thinking about it...

Lately the slumps have been really bad... I have been in compliance mode, and it sucks. I do whatever is asked/told and I shut up. I can't speak my mind, because the ANSWERS hurt my feelings too much.

I am over sensitive and can't stop shaking my leg ;/

I feel like I have so many problems and very few options as far as support and seeking help.

I have went as far as emailing the governemnt offices to request a location to get a free phsy eval done...

I feel like I have put in so much effort and gotten very few results.

I have found myself at the end of the line when it comes to using any more energy to fix myself... I can't do it anymore... the work, effort, stress, and then neglecting of other people causes severe guilt and ...

lets just say i am screwed ;/

Maybe you can enroll into a community college course and get free therapy at the college counseling center and skip going to the class since you must work and withdrawl from the last day so that is does not go on your record.

If you look in the yellow pages and call up a bunch of therapists make sure they have their PHD in psychology and make for dang sure that they apply cognitive therapy. You could sit in a chair and talk to a highly intelligent person doctor till the cows come home and still not get better. It must be cognitive therapy.