I'm 24 years old. I have no girlfriend, no friends, no job, I'm overweight, losing my hair, acne. I look like I'm 14 years old. I have such hatred for myself and the way I've lived my life since graduating high school. I've basically kept myself locked up in my parents house for 7 years doing nothing but watching tv and getting on the internet. I've wasted so much time and have done things I regret and have such shame as a human being. I want go into specifics but I'm a bad person. I wish I could take it back but I can't. I went on ******* and looked up people who I went to high school with and how good they are doing and their lives are so much better than mine. Their happy. Their living their lives. I'm not. And I hate that I've wasted so much time. 7 years! I think because I look so young for my age that's part of the reason why I don't want to live in the world. I may have hypothyroidism but still haven't gotten it checked out. And if it's not hypothyroidism and I'm stuck looking this way, I don't know what I'll do. I want to burst in tears. I hate myself. I've been at this website before and have asked for help and still I do nothing. I'm just so sorry for the way I lived my life and I need to tell somebody. I have almost no communication with anybody. Not even my parents. If anybody else out there is depressed, I promise you that I only wish I had what you have.

It sounds like you really need and want help and I don't mean drug therapy. Are you on anything? Isn't there any way that you can dig yourself out of the hole that you're in? Just make a move - one move everyday, that will get you out of the house. Life's too short to waste! Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Heck, a LOT of people are overweight and have other problems, but it's how you see yourself that matters. You're a valuable person, so snap out of it! Call around for counselors, therapists, preachers, etc. Good luck!

Hi :wave:

I'm sorry you feel so badly about yourself. One good thing is you don't have to feel self hatred. When people are depressed they see only the worst in themselves. You're young and I think you should concentrate on getting well, and then take steps to make your life richer and more enjoyable.

If I hadn't gotten help 20 years ago, I would still be laying in bed isolated and not talking to anyone. One antidepressant made my life worth living. I started feeling good about myself. I can't urge you enough to consult a psychiatrist or your mental health facility about people trying to talk you out of taking drugs that could help you and even save your life. Ignore people who are negative and put your trust and hope in someone with years of dealing with people just like yourself.

Keep posting so we can see how you come along. You have so much ahead of you, but I know that's very hard to see right now.

I sincerely hope you post again and I will respond. Get to a mental health facility, as I said before. They will even come to you if you can't handle going out. Please take care and good luck......Connie

Rick,

Hi there. I'm glad you posted. You've done something--reaching out, typing the words, putting thoughts together about what you have been doing and what you see and what you don't want. If you're feeling as bad as I did at my lowest, you'll know I mean the things I just listed as an accomplishment. It's so darn hard to do ANYTHING when feeling darkly and deeply depressed.

Depression tells people terrible untrue things about themselves. Connie is right, " when people are depressed they see only the worst in themselves." It may be hard to believe, but those classmates you THINK are happy with their lives....they maybe just said what they want people to believe. Chances are, one out of four or five of them is or has felt as bad or close to it as you are right now, at some point in their lives. Really, about one in four or five.

For right now, let's just say you are starting to live the life you want to or imagined you would. What is one thing you would be doing? What about it would you enjoy? How would you feel physically and emotionally doing that?

I know how you feel about the whole "my ex-classmates are doing better" thing.
I'm 22 and I can see some of my ex-classmates are more accomplished than myself. But there is more to life than that.

Perhaps its wrong of me to say, but most of the people that are "doing better" than me are about as interesting as a bag of potato chips. I may not have a higher I.Q. but I know I'm for sure more interesting.

I think depression is a gift in that respect. I think depression forces you to exercise parts of your brain that "normal" people don't usually tap into. That only leads to one other problem, however. The problem of finding others who at your level and capable of understanding you.

I think meeting someone with depression in person is more beneficial (gets you out of the house). Perhaps do a search for someone near you, or maybe someone here is somewhat near you?

Everything I described in my post, I would take steps to correct all of those things. That's what I would do to make my life better. I have yet to do it. Even those people who are depressed are still in a better boat then I am. They have friends, relationships, jobs, money. Many of them atleast are comfortable with the way they look. I have nothing but regrets.

Changing everything that you described in your post.....of course. That makes sense. And at the same time, it sounds like it could be overwhelming to consider taking it all on at once.

I know I get stuck when things overwhelm me, whether it's the housework getting out of control or the dishes ALL being unwashed because I'm still waiting for the *h to put in a new one (and I'm thankful that I have the means to have that option). It seems so hopeless to even get started sometimes, so I just don't. And those are easy examples. The harder ones, the emotional or life changing ones.....just facing ONE change at a time is hard enough. If I personally look at ALL the things I would change about myself, all at the same time, I just head back to bed for some blissful sleep. It's just toooo much to tackle. So, sleep is safe and I escape.

I'll just do some formatted listening to what you said--apologies if the structure is stupid.

You feel trapped because life is depressing.
You feel uncertain because there are many things you want to change.
You feel hopeless because there is no one place to start.
You feel "less than" because everyone else seems to have something going for them, even other depressed people.
You feel sentenced to stay this way because you believe you look too young, you have acne and are overweight and you believe will put other people off.

Is that some of it?

Hello

I was also once in a deep dark far away place for most of my 44 yrs. I am on meds but, I also have a cousellor.

I have a much more positve outlook and never thought I would.

And yes it's true, when you feel you can, you will eventually realise that we 'so called misfits' are a breed of our own, and have more knowledge on life than other people. We are here to tell the tale and reach out to help other's because we CAN. And oneday sweetheart, so will you. Take Care debdough :angel:

macadamianut,

You hit the nail on the head. Although I think looking so young for my age is the main problem. If I could grow a beard I think 90% of my problems would go away.

hey rick i just want to let you know i feel the same way you do. Anytime i have a problem i run from it and i stay in my home hiding from the world hoping it would go away. but i know thats the wrong way of doing it. And about see how your freinds from highschool are now that there living there lives i just want to let you know things seem better on the outside then in the inside im sure that there lives arent that perfect no ones life is. But i know what your going threw because im going threw the same thing and i wish everyday my life will get better but it doesnt it only gets worse and i dont know why or what have i done so wrong to deserve and i might never know

I'm sorry things are so bad for you. It kind of amazes me how many people on here who are depressed and whose situation is so much better than mine. I don't know if I'll ever change.

You will change you jst got to make it happen. Its hard to ger over depression but i think that you really got to want to to change to happen. I wish you the best of luck rick

If you really think a beard would solve 90% of your problems, see if there are beards, like toupees, available online.

As for those who have it better than you, it's hard to say from where you are, you know? How about those in homeless shelters, or those who are just plain homeless, no shelter. They're very often mentally ill. And they get stuck by the judicial system for maybe stealing something to eat. Then they have a parole officer and are ineligible for housing. IF they happen to get into state help they may be able to stay in a crisis shelter for a short while, but those are often remote because no one wants them "in their back yard". So, like one young schizophrenic man I talked to, prison sounds better than in a care home where no one can go anywhere and there's nothing to do, plus hearing voices all day and night. He sat there for a good two minutes considering prison as an "option". Fortunately other shelter was found and he can now hop on a bus and go hang out where he wants as long as he is back at a certain time each day. Cool "kid". His parents live nearby but won't have anything to do with him. How about volunteering a day at a soup kitchen?

Going out in public is difficult. But when I have to compare myself to schizophrenics to feel better about myself, you know you're nearing the bottom of the barrell. I know things could be worse, but I'm amazed at how much time has gone by and how I have nothing to show for it but shame and regret. I just don't know what happened.

Every moment is a new moment, Rick, and your future can start right now. What do you want to be saying next year at this time?

Actually, I admire this particular person (the schizophrenic). Despite all the hurdles he faces, he has a bright attitude and lightness. Frankly, there are days when he makes much better use of his time with his abilities than I do mine.

I think someone here said we're each the author of our own story. Keep writing, you'll figure something out.

Hi Rick, thanks for posting.

I dont know if I can be of much help but I just wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation to you, and I know how lonely it can be. Im 24 also, have no boyfriend (only ever had one in my life for a very short time), and I have about 3 acquaintances, none of which I consider true friends, and I never see them because of my situation with depression and major social phobia. I too have been stuck indoors since leaving school 8 years ago and feel Ive done absolutely nothing with my pointless life, and have never worked. I know it feels no one understands cos they all have a partner, or a job, or friends, just anything you can think of that you feel you dont have. People do understand more than youd realise though, I know it probably makes you a bit angry to hear that sometimes, its just that I do wonder if you did have what you believe would make it better, would you really be better? I often think that myself, but with depression it can trick you into making you think you can identify something that would make it all better, but never really know if thats true until you have it. For instance, if you think having a beard or looking better would solve so much of your anguish, what might happen if you suddenly got that wish? Chances are with depression, it'd find something else to make you unhappy, as Im sure thats certainly not at the core root of all your problems, even thought it might feel that way. It often goes much deeper than that. It pains me to hear how badly you feel about yourself and I can honestly say 100% do feel the same myself, I also have terrible problems with the way I look and am also a bit overweight, I suffer from body dysmorphia so it might be greatly magnified in my mind and only mine. I want you to know you are by no means alone. I wanna tear my hear out when I see couples walking down the street hand in hand, I always think its never gonna happen for me. I also know in a way though, if I had a partner etc, I probably wouldnt be any happier, cos people can drag you even more down! I hate mind games and I hate the ignorance of people so much that I tend to isolate myself, even though thats probably not healthy, and it seems youre doing the same.

Were you referring to the friends reunited website? Cos if so, that site is evil for people who feel as you do, dont go there! Ive visited it several times and it makes me bawl my eyes out every time; ashamedly I admit Ive gone there myself when I want to feel sorry for myself and have a massive cry, it doesnt get me anywhere though except wake up next day with a splitting headache! Ya know what? It might sound a bit unkind to say but Im comforted that I know many other people feel the same way when they go to that site. Those people arent better than you, I promise you. If they suffered as you are, maybe they would be where you are. And as someone said, a lot of people do lie or exaggerate the truth to make everyone think theyre doing great. Avoid that place cos it wont help you when you feel as you do.

I know its near impossible to 'just feel better' when we know people have it much worse too. Especially when everyone in your personal life seems to have it 'better'. It may just be my personal view, but dont feel guilty about that- you have pain and you have a right to feel it. People may have much more chronic mental problems, but often people who are seriously mentally ill arent even aware of their suffering. Unfortunately with major depression, we are too aware. I dont think its a major crime to feel sorry for yaself now n again too- some people need to just in order to get in touch with their emotions sometimes. I find sometimes I cant cry on my meds, and really need to, I hate feeling numb and zombified. I hate that phrase anyway, lol. If we're allowed to feel sorry for other people, why cant we feel sorry for ourselves? Dont we also count?!

Sorry for rambling a lot. I just want you to know above all no way are you alone. Get that thyroid checked out too, it might reveal stuff! And know that you are a worthy, acceptable person, same as everyone else. Forgive yourself for whatever youve done in the past, for even if it was something terrible, at least you have the remorse that many people would never even feel. No ones perfect, hang in there, n best of luck

luv michelle

Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. I really think you're the first person I've seen on here who seems to be in the same boat as I'm in. And I can't help but think I do have a thyroid problem. Nobody in their 20s look as young as I do. I can't help but think it's a medical condition. But even with medication I wonder if it will make me look older, if I have a problem at all. I hope I do so atleast I know how to fix it. Rogaine could stop my hair loss and running could help me lose weight. I know there's things I can do to get better but I think I also have OCD. I think that's a contributor. But my parents haven't exactly pushed me to do anything. I can't blame them though. It's my own fault. I wish you the best on your journey to get well.