Good morning all!

Sorry I haven't been able to post lately, I'm going through a divorce (yuck).
Just wanted to let everyone know:
57 DAYS CLEAN - NO OPIATES! NONE!
Even through all the BS I'm dealing with right now, screw the pills, it would only make things worse in an already ******ed up situation. I have been thinking about them, craving them, but then I just get pissed off at them, as if they are a person that I can slap the hell out of.
Anyway, I'm still here, just dealing with alot right now.

Christy

hi Christy, glad to hear you are still doing well in spite of a difficult time; so sorry to hear about the divorce. Unless I am confused, I thought you had posted a few weeks back that hubby was being wonderfully supportive which is exactly what you need, so sorry honey that has changed. You have been through sooooooooo much and certainly didn't need this. They say everything happens for a reason where we sometimes don't understand or can make sense of any of it at the time it is happening to us....just keep that thought though---hopefully something wonderful is weaving a pathway to you and you don't even know it! Hang in there!

My hubby has been supportive in my recovery process. There are other issues that we feel we can't work out. It is a loss and a huge change but it is for the better.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Hugs and best wishes to all,
Christy

Hello Ms. Christy,

I love the fight in you!

You are a warrior and nothing life throws at you will defeat you.

Girl, slap it, kick it, stomp on it, fight it like Mohammad Ali but, just like a matedor,...you will eventually have to put a sword in it. Don't let this demon keep tormenting you! He is trying to weaken you with these attacks.

Kill it ,...and move on with your new life.

You are a beautiful, strong powerful woman in control of her own life.

I send you a "RIGHT ON, GIRL" and a " BIG HUG, sista'.

Luv ya'

Keep on keeping on!

United
It ain't nothing to it but, to do it.

Hello Ms. Christy,

I love the fight in you!

You are a warrior and nothing life throws at you will defeat you.

Girl, slap it, kick it, stomp on it, fight it like Mohammad Ali but, just like a matedor,...you will eventually have to put a sword in it. Don't let this demon keep tormenting you! He is trying to weaken you with these attacks.

Kill it ,...and move on with your new life.

You are a beautiful, strong powerful woman in control of her own life.

I send you a "RIGHT ON, GIRL" and a " BIG HUG, sista'.

Luv ya'

Keep on keeping on!

United
It ain't nothing to it but, to do it.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. The worst thing about this whole divorce situation is that the loneliness is killing me. My mother has my children tonight and I am by myself with no one and nothing to think about (except dwelling on WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG IN MY LIFE). I'm thankful for my life experiences because without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. I just don't know what happened and what went wrong. I feel like things are falling around me.
Please don't let this post mislead you, YES I AM DEPRESSED, but I WILL NOT LET THIS TAKE ME DOWN...I'M WAY BETTER THAN THAT.
59 DAYS CLEAN!!! - NO OPIATES! NONE!
I'm doing this day by day...the divorce, the pills, the screwed up thoughts running through my head...day by day.

Thank you all for the encouragement and support. I would not be able to do this on my own, you guys are lifesavers.

Christy

Hello Christy,

Even though you do feel lonely, you are not alone.

Girl, sometimes God has to get us by ourselves so that we can hear him.

Sist'a, you are listening to the wrong voice. What you need to do is learn to enjoy the peace instead of letting internal negative feelings intrude on the peace.

I am really sorry about your divorce and I know that sometimes after a divorce you begin to examine your past and wonder, what the hell went wrong? My father used to say " girl, don't walk over old footsteps ". I think what he meant was don't keep re-living the past if it causes you pain. Those old foot steps always lead to the same place and the address is PAIN. I know it is hard, but let it go because you have to begin to think about you and the childrens future. ( how old are your babies? )

Let those things that are not solid in your life crumble and fall to the wayside. You don't want to re-build you life on any foundations that will not support you.

When you are married, you tend to lose yourself in the marriage and the other person. Although you may feel lonliness it, like all the other emotions, are just feelings and just like all emotions, they do change. That is why love is so hard and rarely last,..because love is an emotion. It is how you feel about someone or something but it changes,..our fellings change,..love changes.

Don't let it overwhelm you, take advantage of this feeling. All emotions are useful to some extent. Take this opportunity to get to know yourself.

What does Christy like? What does she want out of life? what does she need? Who is she?

Christy, just like you had to make a game plan to quit the drugs and stay clean for 59 days ( that is so amazing ) you will now need to make a game plan for your life.

Give yourself a certain amount of time to mourn the loss of your marriage and when that time comes,..put it behind you. Your marriage may have ended but you must continue to live,..not just survive but to actually be happy in your life and give yourself a chance to laugh, dance, enjoy waking up on the morning and look forward to the setting sun at night. You will even love again and be loved,..again.

So, for now even though it hurts, be grateful that you can feel all of the emotions again because it means that you are still alive and no longer in the world of the walking dead! ( the world of addiction )

I am so proud of you and listen for the voice of God. He is trying to tell you something,..listen.

Luv ya'

United
It ain't nothing to it but, to do it.

Hey guys.
62 DAYS CLEAN! YES!!!
I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is absolutely beautiful. I'm not experiencing strong cravings, actually right now, no cravings at all. I'm finding me, Christy, THE REAL CHRISTY - and I am a good person despite my faults. I'm learning to love myself again...what an awesome feeling! I'm 25 yrs old and I can honestly say that I've never felt more clear-headed in my entire life. I'm learning to let the little things fall by the wayside and except all the beautiful things in life that, fortunately, I've been blessed with. I never thought I would make it this far, ESPECIALLY after my divorce, but I am...I'm surviving and it's not so bad after all.
I hope this post finds you all happy, healthy, and sober. Thank you all so much for your support.

hugs to all,
Christy

By the way - I'm just wondering...Does anyone else count their days of soberity? I seemed to be obsessed with keeping the numbers in my head. Is this a little strange or is it normal?
JUST WONDERING,
Christy

HI Christy

I think most do count the days of sobriety. Congratulations on your success. I actually quit on September 16th of 05, but have had a few "slips" along the way so I don't really put that many days together without slipping again for a day or so. So I sort of quit counting. Now that you mention it, I haven't had any opiates whatsover since February 3rd so I believe that's about 63 days this time around. I guess I should see how long I can really go this time. I don't know why I just give in to temptation once in awhile. I always pick myself up and don't do it again for awhile and I never do it for more than a day or two in a row (don't ever want to go through those withdrawals again). I know its dangerous to do, but sometimes, I just can't help myself. I don't think about them as much anymore though.

Again, congratulations on your success and KEEP COUNTING if that's what keeps you clean.

jka