hello, can you help?
my brother inlaw is a heroin addict, it's been a few years now, he's tried cold turkey, (allthough i have my doubts it was done properly) and he's done a quick fix rehab, you know the type,five days and no follow up.(mum and dad payed for)
he has even lived with my husband and myself in an attempt to get away from the bad influences that surround him in the town where he lives.
i feel that these attempts at getting well were not done for himself , but for his mum and dad, and long term girlfriend, he has never sought help himself, his life is not so bad that it warrents a change.

i feel that as someone who is in the family , but not so envolved in an emotional way, i see things far clearer than the rest of the family,
add to that experience, i am married to his brother, who too is a heroin addict, who has turned his life around and been clean for 8 years ,and is now a fully qualified councellor and an amazing man,( allthough he cannot help his little brother.)
i feel that my brother in law is being held back from the true experiences an addict encounters ,that may help to make him want to stop.
his girlfreind recently threw him out, she has been through enough of the lies and deciet.
my brother in law made a call to his mum and told her he had been thrown out, and before he even had a chance to ask for a bed for the night, his mum had allready offered it!
so he is living with his mum and dad again,and he is out of work.his meals are cooked, his clothes are washed, he sees his son, he texts his girlfreind, his dad gives him money , for petrol, for ? , and all the time he is scoring, and injecting heroin.his mum thinks that she shouldn't moan at him, or express how she feels, the worry, the lack of sleep, the fact that he is slowly killing her (because she read it in a leaflet somewhere that she shouldn't burden him with her worries!!)
here's my opinion...please agree or disagree with me.
his mum, dad and girlfriend are keeping my brother in law an addict.his girlfreind needs to say "get out of my and my boys life"
his mum needs to say "you are killing me"
his dad needs to say"no more money son" and lock up all his valuables,
if it were me i would throw him out, he needs to experience what its really like to be a junkie, its crap,
you dont eat, you look like crap, you steel, you get in trouble,no one wants to know you, life stinks.
maybe if he hits rock bottom, he might want to change things.
right now, why should he change?, life is good, he walks around in new clothes, trainers, shoes,even plays footie once a week, gets fed, watered,plays with his son, and his dad even buys his gear for him, sorted!!
i am angry, i care a great deal for my mother and father inlaw, it hurts me and my husband to see them go through this,
please help,
i will read all you have to say.

Tough love is the way to go. My 24 year old son is a recovering heroin addict. It wasn't until I told him he had to get out of my house and my life that he finally got clean and he has stayed clean for 15 months. The rest of my family wouldn't take him in either and he knew it. He would have been out in the street.

His parents need to get him out. Maybe you could help his family do an intervention on him. It puts the choice of getting clean and staying clean in his court. Get clean- or get out.

Good luck

i agree, people with very self-centered lives (addicts) aren't thinking about what they're doing to their loved ones and will never have any incenteive to stop until there are consequences. a good friend of mine recently went into rehab after failed attenpts with out-aptient or self-recovery. i am glad he is getting help but am very uspet with him fo rliving so selfishly and hurting people in the process. he called me recently and asked if i would still be there for himn when he go tout and i didn't tell him yes or no but asked him if he could understand why i wouldn't want to be around. it really got him thinking. i told him how hurt i was and i think he's beginning to understand. i see addicts as being very child-like (self indulgent, self-centered, selfish) and they should be treated as such. i think coddling an addict and constantly being there for them is all they need to keep doin what they're doin.
main thing, there need to be consequences.
good luck.

Joanharvest - what is involved with an intervention?

cram 315

I had my son's father, sister and husband, my sister and her husband and a couple of his friends who were not doing drugs come to my house. My daughter has a friend who is a therapist who came as a mediator. When my son showed up at home I brought him into the room and sat him down. The mediator explained to my son that we were here because we loved him and then we all took turns telling him how his drug use has hurt us etc. Finally we told him he either had to go into detox or he was out of the house and we would have nothing to do with him until he got off the drugs. He chose to detox. He stayed clean for a few months and then found a doctor to give him more oxycontin. After that I found his heroin and he detoxed again and has been clean for 15 months.

There is a show on A&E network called Intervention. Each week they follow an addict and then do a surprise intervention on the addict. Very good show. My son used to watch it after he got clean.