To all those who has been following my heartache with my son, it finally happened, he called his insurance today and has an intake appointment for Monday inpatient rehab. (They won't take him until Monday because he has to have his meth dose lowered for three days.

Now I need you to walk me through what I can expect from rehab.

Since they know he is on methadone, is it a detox program first?

What do they do all day in rehab?

What kind of medication are they going to put him on (that's why he has to have his meth dose lowered.)

How exactly does rehab work with an addict and what is the success rate? Do they hold back visitors? Calls?

He was honest with them when he called the rehab and said what he was using. I have no idea what he said because he asked me to walk outside. That I am hoping is the first step....honesty.

Why he agreed is because he was no longer welcome here (and won't be on Monday if he doesn't go). We were making arrangements to move him to a different state with a relative, when he knocked me over and said he would agree to inpatient.

I really had a tough 24 hours and questioned my faith today, it seems someone finally heard me.

We are still thinking of moving him out of the state after he gets done in rehab for the summer until school starts.

After my son got clean he went to Florida and has been there for five months. He wanted to leave just to get away from his drug using friends. Now he wants to come back home. He is 15 months clean. I hope he is ready.

I am really happy to hear your son is willing to go to go to rehab. I can't give you any info about rehab because my son detoxed at home with me drug testing him daily. I didn't care as long as he stayed off the heroin which he did. He didn't go to NA either. Doing what he did probably doesn't work for everyone but it worked for him.

Hello Cram315,

My heart begin to ache when I read your thread. As a mother of two, I know the pain of watching a child suffer. I am sending love and strength to you.

I do not know exactly what your sons treatment will consist of but most of the clinices seem to utilize physical detoxification, group therapy, christian counseling, etc. I am sure you son will be allowed to contact you and advise you of his progress and the methonds once he has reached a certain point in his recovery.

I know it is hard but you are going to have to let go now. Of course you are going to support your child but this is something he has to do for his self.

Remember, children are not ours to keep forever. God blessed you with your son but, he always did and will forever belong to the Lord. The Lord must see something is us that we do not. I don't know if I would have given me two daugthers to care for, back when I was in my early 20's, ( please ). But thank God, he knows our hearts and does not judge our ways.

It is now come the time that you will need to give your son over to the Lord to finish what he has started. We must all walk with the Lord, on our own.

You still have a part in your sons life. While he is going thought this hell on earth, you will need to partnership with Jesus and be in continual intercession for your sons life.

We all have to spend time in the desert at some point in our lives ( just like Moses ) so that the Lord can brake us down, grind us into dust and mold us into his image.

Your son must walk in the valley of the shawdow of death, but remeber, we shall fear no evil.

I know exactly what you are feeling. I understand the sleepness nights and the paralyzing fears that overwhelms us at all time of the day and night. We worry about our children until it makes us ill, and before you know it we are fighting a battle that is not ours.

Do not question your faith,..walk in it!

Tonight, get down on your knees and say " Lord, I surrender back to you this beautiful child, take him", and " thank you for trusting me with him so far but, I know in my heart, it is time". I will not fear for him any longer, I will not worry about him anymore because I know he is safe in your hands and that you will never, ever leave or forsake him. Father, send your mighty, mighty angels to protect him until he can place his feet on solid ground.

Lord, please give me peace that surpasses all understanding. Receive his assurance and stand strong on his promise.

That is how we fight for our children that,..is how we survive for ourselves.

You and your son are in my prayers and I luv you.

United
There ain't nothing to it but, to do it.

Joanharvest it's nice to read a positive post, it gives hope. 15 months is a long time in a young persons life and I am happy for you and your son for making it this far.

Testing home daily would not work here, removing my son from his friends would. If you son was willing to do that for you and he stayed clean, then it sounds to me that he was ready, I don't think my son is ready.

Anbrianna, I just cut and paste the prayer you sent me. You brought tears to my eyes, I got such comfort from it, yes there is a reason I found this board. Someone guided me to it, someone is watching over my family. Actually I am going to cut and paste the whole post and when I get down, I will draw strength from it.

God Bless, thank you!

Happy to hear the news :) It's so important that he recognizes this is his disease and it is his choices that got him where he was with his addiction, and now with his recovery, and I think that is probably the main thing they address in rehab. That and then doing some soul searching to learn what it was about life that he felt was so empty that he developed the desire to fill it with drugs. Meetings I'm sure are going to be a large part of it, but I've never been in a rehab setting, though, so honestly, I'm just guessing.

I think there are a lot of different combinations of drugs that can be used in rehab to help a person detox. I'm wondering since he's on methadone, if they need him to be down in his dose so he can be switched to suboxone? That is one thing they do at my clinic as a way to get off the methadone...you taper very slowly down to 30 mgs or less, and then they can start you on the sub, and you taper the rest of the way down to nothing on that. There are a lot of posts about sub on the board if you want to do a search.

I think the hardest thing for the loved ones of an addict is to know that the decisions he made were his and you aren't responsible for them. It's not up to you to make it all good. As parents I think we have a definite responsibility 'to' our children, but not 'for' them, does that make sense? Like we're responsible to listen to them when they come to us with a problem, but it's not our job to then take over and fix it. Forgive me, I've been reading a lot about codependency lately, and that's where these musings are coming from!

Anyway, again I'm just really happy he's making this wise choice, and I'm glad you found this board and got help and support from it. This was the first place I came to when I was at my worst of my addiction, and throughout all my denial and cynical outlook, the folks here hung in there with me until I finally acted and did something about it. The people here are truly wonderful, and there is a ton of information here, too, along with the comfort anonyminity offers.

Best wishes, Cram!
DallasAlice

I just wanted to say my thoughts are with you and your son during this time. I know it's hard; I have teenagers and I'm thinking of how hard it would be. I'm just, I'm sorry for you. It makes me realize how my own parents must've felt when I told them I was going to rehab. It would hurt knowing they're in there, wondering what's going on there. I'd never even considered how it'd made them feel, as I was 40 (last year) when I went. But I thank you for that insight; yet another reason to be angry at the drug that put me where I am now.
And speaking of insight, I can tell you what rehab was like, at least for me. We had good insurance, but I think the place I went was for folks of all incomes, so it seemed. The place was clean, not a hotel but comfortable enough. There was security, but it didn't seem like a prison, it wasn't like that. There was always someone to talk to, night or day, a counselor, a nurse, somebody. That was comforting, I remember. The day began with a little (very little) exercise, and after breakfast there were classes every hour, or every 50 minutes, with the other ten minutes to smoke or whatever. Three meals and a lot of classes, that's what the days were. There were visitation or "family nights" and family counseling, if your family was so inclined. The classes were about everything... from nutrition to HIV/AIDS, kind of workshop-like classes where you'd analyze when you used and why, etc. The teachers of the classes seemed to know their stuff and it looked like most folks were getting out of it what they were intended to get. The food was excellent, for those who felt like eating, and there was plenty of it (snacks at the nurse's desk between meals, etc.) Three times a day, folks lined up for their meds, and you saw the doctor every afternoon. They monitored your vitals at least daily, and basically took care of you. The people were very kind, which would matter to me if I had a child going in. They were kind and someone was always there, believe that.
This was just my experience at a place in Chattanooga (called Valley Hospital.) I don't know how it differs from the rest, but this one followed the standard 12-step program in it's teachings, and I'm betting that other rehabs are run in similar ways.
It was a wonderful thing when family night arrived once and my husband and one of my daughters were there. I just - it meant everything. People may say (I did) that they prefer no visitors, but it's nice to maybe ask during their rehabilitation... getting clean changes the mind really fast, and they may be hoping you'd ask. I was just thrilled to see them; it really made me determined to get my life together.
I really wish you the best of luck, you and your son.
Your Friend,
Tonnie

Rehab, helped me during one period of my drinking days. Got me out of my enviroment. I hope it helps, but but ultimatly it's out of your hands now, you've done so much that you can't carry him beyond the doors.

Have you tried Alanon, sounds like you could find some fresh air there?

cram...was he open and honest about the clinic situatuion did your threat of inquiring about the p-test pressur him enough to decide on in-patient...musy of been something to make him realize this is a big deal...they have to wait a couple days for methadone to leave system...its a long acting opiate and stay in tour system for 72 hours before acute w/d start....sounds to me they will start him on bupenorphine(suboxone or couple days on subutex,the put hi on the suboxone...)this drug is a long acting opiate also..but not as hard to wean(they say) off of suboxone than methadone....he will go into w/d's getting off that drug also know matter how long hes on it....if he could go total c/t and not use any maintance drugs than chances are he will frind sobriety in a lot quicker time...suboxone/subutex...same thing as methadone in regaurds to the fact that it is just a maintance drug also......make sure he realizes any route they take him he still has to suffer the consequences of w/d's...they come from usin opiates and there will be/is no way..to avoid them...just make them easier.....i had tried the methadone to subutex plan also...can be still a long road to recovery....they plan out the hole days activities...have meetings,orientation on what to expect...people eat three square meals...recovering addicts come and speak...exerise programs for better health...one on one with counselors....teach about relapse and why it happens,ect....chef

ps..what was his reasoning why you were not able to listen to his phone conversation...im even wondering what he his still hiding...thats the 1st part of recovery..he has to be honest with himself.....they also have visitation time but i think thats after a period of time...in the clinics ,i remeber some folks had their friends bring them in dope...just a yaer ago it happened at my docs clinic and the kid o'ded and diesd right there...they check visitors sometimes to insure that stuff dont happen..people smneak it in in smokes,ect...when i was in they kicked out a girl whos friend brought her up smokes and heroin was hidden inside the pack...clinic called cops..they arrested girl....chef

Hello Cram315,

I was so worried that I had said to much to you and hurt you with my last post. Thank God, the words did not come from myself but from my spirit and that they will help comfort you and your son in this time of need.

I am a 47 year old mother, grandma, wife and I am a recovering addict. I know what your son is going through and I know what you are going through.

It is so strange, my daughter just told me some news today about a decision she has made in her life and I almost had to eat the same words that I sent to you. :D

It is so hard when we realize that we no longer have control over their lives, like when they were little ( remember?) but on the other hand we should rejoice in the knowledge that God has them now and we are truly free.

So cram,
Stay tucked gently under the wings of grace and realize that the yoke has been removed. I don't think Jesus would be happy to know that he went to the cross to give us an eternal life after death and freedom in our lives now and we are still bound and enslaved by fear.

I am glad that my words helped you but instead of saving those words, you should print and post Psalms 23 around your house. Although my words can comfort you, the word of God has power.

Please keep us posted on your sons recovery and also, how you are doing.

We am here for,..take care,

Luv ya'

United
It ain't nothing to it but, to do it.

Hey, I am 28 and have been to 5 or 6 different detoxes and inpatient rehabs. Every single one was completely different in how they attacked my drug addictions(some use drugs to soften the blow, some don't). One thing that most encourage is AA and the 12 steps. AA/NA is good to a certain point, and seem to work much better for outgoing type people. The introverted people(like me)don't seem to benefit nearly as much. The bottom line is that something has to change inside the person. You mentioned that you dont think that your son is ready. If that is the case then the odds are very much against him. YOU HAVE TO BE READY YOURSELF OR ELSE YOU ARE WASTING TIME.

I started at 15 years old and I am just now starting to physically break down, which has given me more than enought of a wake up call to get my mind really geared for sobriety. To start to have health problems at 28 and having friends start to die around me from drugs and alcohol is terrifying. That is my rock bottom and that is why I have changed. It wasnt because of my parents or my wife or anybody else, it has come from within me. That means I have a chance.

Good luck to your son, I will pray for him.

First I want to say that reading your posts makes me want to cry, cry because I understand the pain your addiction brought you and cry with happiness that you are getting or got past it. I know it is a battle every day for you.

Sadly, I am obviously co-dependant. deleted question (I learned this behavior early on when I grew up with an alcholic father, only in the past years have I been able to admit outloud that my father is an (functioning) alcholic (but oddly enough, never to his face. Wonder what that says about me? My father remembers wonderful memories of him as a father and we all look the other way and never say a word).

I am a logical thinker, I don't think my son is going to come home in 30 days cured. Once he goes in, I have to throw my energy in setting in motion moving him out of this state. He can't come back here right away. I need time to heal, get my brain functioning again and I am soooo tired of being put down.

He refers to rehab as a month long vacation out of this "hell hole". What do you make of that, any takers?

Justin77, you are young, the age of my daughter, way too young to die. Please stay strong. You are married....that means someone saw a loving caring man with potential, believe it yourself.

Now I have a question for those that have gone to rehab, does talking about drugs all day long make the rehab person crave the drug more?

Good night all, may be early but I am bushed, been a lousy few days. :yawn:

Mom E

One thing, Mom E, about drugs is that they change you emotionally. Drugs and alcohol will change a happy person to a sad person. A nice person to a mean person. An emotionally strong person to an emotionally weak(crying all the time) type of person. Your son is not himself because of the drugs. He is not 100% responsible for the things he says or does. Alcohol and drugs put you in a trance, and its as if the devil hypnotises you and then takes your hand and leads you into doing things that hurt yourself and other people. Needless to say you start to alienate yourself because of the things you do and say to people.

Your son will be a new person when he gets some clean time under his belt. It may take a while but little by little he will become more and more pleasant to be around and he will enjoy life more than ever before(if he becomes clean). If not, then dont give up just keep praying for him and for yourself(and your family). And remember that none of this is your fault, so dont be hard on yourself about it at all.

hi,speaking as amother whose daughter had a 4yr habit on heroin a reaaly mega bad habit in the end,she went into rehab and it can work miracles,the programme keeps you busy all your waking hours,no time to think about drugs,loads of councelling as to why and a rehabilitation back into the comunity with great emphasis on no contact with drug abusing people,detox in our experience was just tapering no subsitutes,contact was minimal for the first few weeks as this a great adjustment period but plenty of letters then phone calls and eventually visits,they really want them to keep in touch with family,only one word of warning rarely works first time didnt with mine walked after 10 days was back in 2 weeks later sying biggest mistake she ever made,not all do but sounds likely because you dont think he is ready,just dont take him back if he does,the seed has been planted and chances are he will make it,keeping fingers and toes crossed,sad mum

Hi, our 10 am appointment was a no go. After driving for an hour, sitting for an hour, admissions refused him on the basis that he had to be dropped down to 20 mg of meth or they couldn't detox him. News to us, they told us last week 25 mg and I had no idea it was for detox, I thought he was going into rehab. (Turns out 30 day in house rehabs are a thing of the past.)

I was so upset. Then I spent hours on the phone, between finding a person to help us and a place to take him with his meth dosage level (of course we haven't gone in yet, his appointment is at 3 pm today and they could send him home too!). This detox place is for 3-5 days, then they set up outpatient rehab.

They are setting him up to fail. Detox will be miserable. I wouldn't recommend meth to anyone!

Has anyone ever done a short detox, like this? Do they counsel you during those days? Don't you fiend the drugs after such a short detox?

I had no intentions on bringing him home but how do I drop the mess I am getting back from detox in a out of states relatives lap?

I need your support again.

Got to get ready to go, wish me luck. Will check in after I get back, hopefully I will be coming home by myself today.

the first time i did a ten day detox....dropped me two mg a day till i was zero....i didnt sleep for like 11 days straight....dont remebber much about it(back in 1984)...but i do remeber i went out in those 11 days and got some opiates...didnt seem to help much...then my sleep only averaged hour or two at night...was back right into it...this was up in michigan and i ended up coming down here to get away....ended up moving here(1989) to ghet away from people/places/things.......chef

Well we didn't get home, yes I said we, till 7. His insurance refused to pay for it! Said he wasn't in distress! His insurance had me run all day and then refused him treatment.

Out of pocket would have cost me $3000 for each week. He wasn't eligible for sliding scale because he wasn't in county resident. Our county has no detox centers. They would have put him on suboxone. I don't know if I should have signed away the 3K or not.......

Supposedly in 2006 insurance companies changed the way they deal with opiate addicts, it is not life threatening like alcohol, that is how the treatment center explained it to me!

Tell me does suboxone work?

I have been to many rehabs. The costs are criminal. I will say I learned a lot in those places. But as usual, no magic bullets.

Your son should be posting.

And I really know where you are and I empathize.

ethos

I am going to ask him to post, you are right, if he posts he can get support, understanding and experiences I cannot offer him.

Thank you for suggesting this :)

Before my son became a drug addicted I always thought there was so much help out there for addicts. I was very wrong. I couldn't get my son into a rehab either which is why he ended up detoxing at home. The reasons were different than yours but the results were the same. I made so many calls to get him help but to no avail. If he had broken the law it would have been easier but he hadn't.

Suboxone is a wonderful drug that could really benifit your son.I would not hesitate getting him on it.It will take away all his cravings and withdrawls.After he's stable for awhile then he and the doctor will decide when to start a slow detox.This drug won't have him walking around like a zombie,you won't even know he was taking it which is great for people that have to work ect.Again,I would get him on it right away,this drug is helping so many people with their addictions.....Dave

Just want to bring attention to the fact that detox and rehab are different things. Many places demand a detox before even setting foot inside the premises. Others include it but not often.

Here is an idea: there are also christian orgs (not cults) that do rehab for free. If the bible and God thing make you or your son uncomfortable don't be. You just do everything they say - you don't have to believe - you learn tons of other things too, keeps you busy, makes you responsible and you are off the streets!

ethos

Anbrianna,

I don't know how many other people your words touched....but tonight your post is JUST what I needed. I've been going through heartache with my 20 yr old too and that prayer is what I needed to soothe my heart. I printed it out and put it on the fridge. I've been praying so long and hard for him the last few years, and things just seem to get worse. Thank you for feeling the need to post tonight. God Bless you!!