i want to feel "normal" again..............please explain how you feel now..........I don't feel normal myself anymore, since this started the end of 04............and I was wondering how others felt........when they say they dont feel normal...........make sense??

Well, for me is ike not having any kind of fogginess, dizziness anda stuff..


But really it's being some time since that... even as I "lock" to 90-95% out of the blue, some times I feel like I'm not myself like phasedo out and dizzy...

I posted some while ago asking where "normal" is... I beleieve it might be slightly different from people to people...

When I walk down the street, I am aware of every step I take. Each and every step is a struggle. The sidewalk slants and tilts and I have trouble just walking. Not enough trouble that it makes me look like I'm staggering, but enough that I feel like I'm walking on a boat and I feel sea sick.
So for me, I just want to be able to walk down the street and not be aware of every step I take. I see everyone around me and I know that they have the luxury of not having to THINK about walking. I long for those days. I remember I used to be one of them.
I can't look at anything without my vision being all messed up. Bricks on the walks dance and jump around. Same with the grocery store items on the shelves. Everything I look at vibrates. I know this is not normal, and I wish it would go away.
So for me, these 2 things are the most distrubing for me and make me feel "not normal".

Hi
Suzy: you sound exactly like I did in the thick of this stuff. I remember being in a store looking around me and thinking that these people didn't feel like I did and were "normal"...when I told my sister what I was thinking she said "you could be wrong, that woman may have breast cancer, that old man may be developing alzheimers..." which really put things into perspective and helped me to get over the victim stage of "why me" (which lasted a very long time). I longed for a normal and now I am getting there...I think I can say it is pretty much the same normal as before, only better because of everything I have learned along the way. I was not always very positive and spent lots of time wondering why this was happening and wanting instant results to everything I tried...
Sometimes doing the "fake it till you make it" will help to get your mind around this stuff and get on with finding that normal.
FC

Ihad to reply to this post because after all the looking for answers, researching everything to death, and basically coming up with nothing including running from one doctor to the next it all boils down to "why me" all the time and I am so sick of it. I write in a journal everyday and I looked back through 2 years of entries and theres not a single day that I'm not whining or bemoaning this condition to some extent.

I guess I too look around at people enjoying themselves and think "gee, they have not a care in the world", but how do I really know that??? Maybe they, like most of us, look great but feel like crap constantly too. I always have to remind myself of that. So many people not only have health problems, but money woes, relationship troubles, work troubles, etc etc etc. I am fortunate because mine just centers around this mess I have but at least I have a great husband, good job (which I cant enjoy because I feel like crap constantly) but at least I have a job that can support our lifestyle. I feel like it is a mourning of our old selves that I do constantly, like remember when I could blah blah blah and feel good? Well, I keep telling myself, get over it, because those days are gone. I am 35, have no children, we love to ride motorcycles, which I cant do with any enjoyment anymore because, well you know the feeling....... Its all so much for the brain to take. I am not in therapy but Goodness knows why not. I have tried everything else. Dietary modification, environmental modifications, shutting myself off from everyone and everything and nothing changes so I should talk to someone impartial about it. My family is great but I think I am wearing out my welcome with the "no, I cant I feel awful" thing. So thats how I feel, generally like I'm on a boat with no shore in sight, no fun, no joy in anything anymore, continuously pondering, what if its this or that? Its sickening how self centered I feel Ihave become. Sorry to rant, it feel good to be able to do it without guilt on here though.
I wish everyone a beautiful day, one with happiness and stress free, even if its just for a few minutes or hours, because I know how rare that can be for us.
Take care,
Kim

Normal....hmmmmmmm to me normal is not having ear pressure, i can breath and not hear myself in my ears.....no brain fog just overall feeling "out of it" in a trance.....no watery eyes, no blurred vision, when i drive and come to a stoplight - not feeling like i am still moving when i am stopped. its been tooooo long! :(

Hi Everyone,

Kim:
I have to respond to what you were getting at in your post about the journal etc...I was there once and I think perhaps it would be a good idea to try to talk to someone about how you are reacting to your physical symptoms. I have been going to CBT for the past 20months which is pretty much right after my diagnosis of BPPV and when I was beginning to learn to compensate. Believe me I went through the pity party, really had a hard time getting over the "why me" syndrome etc. But once I took some accountablity for my reactions to my physical symptoms and learned more about myself in the process I was able to look more objectively at this inner ear crap and deal with it as something that has happened to me and not as something I had become. If you take ownership of this disease (or any disease) it will become who you are, and healing may never happen to you because you have associated yourself with this problem. I have been dealing with this crap for a total of 5 years and it was a tough hill to climb...but now I am on top of that mountain looking down at the struggle to get to the top and I can honestly say that it was worth it. You will get better if you want to, but only if you are willing to dig deep down and work for it. Riding your motorcyce is an awesome goal to have...if you have a good day, go around the block. You may feel like crap after the movement, but next week go two blocks...just keep at it. If your family wants to go do something different...throw caution to the wind and give it a go...you will probably suprise yourself and find you are able to enjoy things as lot more than you ever realized. My husband used to look at me like I was the "fun police" dismissing any opportunities to go and play, I would just watch or stay at home. ONce I took the plunge I didn't look back.
To reiterate, it isn't easy, and many times I felt worse after, but just doing it told me I was capable of a lot more than I was giving myself credit for.
Hope you enjoy this Easter weekend, keep moving and have some fun.
FC

Dear FC,
Thank you and you are definitly right in all that you said. I know this, and yet still keep malingering with it all in side myself instead of going to someone objective to talk it through. I wonder why that is? I have never been self centered, as a matter of fact I am too giving to people, if thats possible, so why do I procrastinate in something that could really make a difference in my life? Its the $64,000 question.
All you said is true regarding the motion feeling, I have had it so long and still every time think uh oh, is it a stroke? how about a brain tumor? anything other than an inner ear thing. I read these posts and physically see that thousands of other people have the exact same descriptions of their illness and immediatlely forget it all when I am feeling particularly bad.
It has now developed into a mental thing for me and you are %100 correct in sayin I need to take ownership in my illness, not the why me, what is this, approach. Thank you for being so kind in your words of wisdom, I truly needed it as I am feeling particularly bad today, physically, emotionally, mentally. Its nothing new, but your poignant words really hit home for me.

You have a wonderful Easter as well, I dont know how religious anyone is here, and I myself am not particularly, but, I keep thinking today is the day Jesus died for us, I surely can go through this if He did that!!!

Best regards,
Kim

Hi Kim and FC,
First, FC, it's so good to hear you're still on top - good on you! I hope you're having a terrific Easter holiday with your family...

Kim, when I read your post, I, like FC, can so relate to how you are feeling. I think that we all go through the "fear" stage and we let this "vestibular crap", in whatever form it manifests itself, become "us" and it totally takes over our lives. I also felt totally self-absorbed trying to find an answer without really even knowing what the question was sometimes - all I knew was that I wanted to "not feel like I was feeling"! It's a struggle to try and wrap your mind around this because it's never (or hardly ever) cut and dried - everybody's symptoms have some similarities, but also differences - and that makes it tough to figure out what works. I think almost all of us here have had to go through the same trial and error for the physical part of this to find answers... and most of us have had to do the same thing with the mental or emotional part of it... I would say that 99% of the people going through this have had the associated anxiety / panic / depression, etc. that goes along with it. Also, for the most part, there doesn't seem to be an "ah,ah" moment - it's a gradual process of realizing that there are ways to feel "better" - often with lots of ups and downs in between.

I started writing this with the hope of helping you feel better, but I'm having a little difficulty expressing myself. FC expressed herself so well (as usual :) ). When we first started corresponding, she said that this was just something that happened to her, and she was fighting to not let it "become who she was" - and it was that statement that hit home for me too. My latest bout of this has been ongoing since March, 2004, and I am still struggling with many of the physical aspects and the changes it has made, but overall I now ask myself, "What's the worst that can happen?", and I often smile to myself as I realize that it already has! No, this is not a terminal illness and it is often not that noticeable to those around us for the most part, but I would never minimize the effect it has on us all. As FC also said, we have to bite the bullet and "just do it", even if it doesn't feel good, as is often the case, but bit by bit we can just get pleasure out of the trying. I was always very practical and did not really believe in fate, and I am still not particularly religious as such, but I think this has made me so much stronger as a person overall, as well as more "spiritual" in that I now believe things just may happen for a reason. It's not easy, but I try not to take myself too seriously, and using humour (hopefully appropriately!) to deal with it has helped me. I, (again like FC), have learned so much about myself, but also have become so much more understanding of others and their frustrations - and I can really "feel their pain" as a co-worker of mine likes to say.

The CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) that FC talked about has had a major impact on how I view the whole thing. It sounds like you are at the point where something like that may work for you. There's lots of information out there that you can access to familiarize yourself with the process if you are not comfortable or ready to go through the medical avenue yet. As for procrastinating in this area, you're not alone there either.

I also find that setting small goals and gradually increasing my "risk factor" works for me when I'm having a particularly bad period. I read somewhere recently the words, "Take two risks and call me in the morning", and that's become my motto!

I hope you are able to spend this Easter holiday in a way that will bring you joy - even if it's little itty bits at a time - and know that this can be your "safe place" to vent whatever you're feeling - positive or negative - as it has been for me and many others...

Happy Easter to you and FC, and all of the others who have shared and listened ... Sending positives and hugs...

~Sheri