I didnt know where else to come...
my psychiatrist, Lucy, is leaving her job - meaning she is leaving me...
She means the world to me, i have finally began to trust her, and it felt like she was the only one in the world that I could talk to, who could understand me, and who I could trust!
And now she is leaving her job... now she is leaving me, like everyone else in my life that left!
Why does this have to happen to me
I feel like i dont want to 'be' anymore - what ever that means...
i have no reason to live,
she was all that was getting me through each day... she was all that I thought about because I felt like at least one person "got" me...
soon that will be gone again...
soon I will be left on my own AGAIN!
What is the use? I might as well give up now!
Please help me!
I dont want to give up... but I need her...and I know no other way to keep myself alive through each day

X Hannie X

I remember well the time my therapist left to have a baby - not quite the same as your situation, but the "abandonment" felt similar, I think. It's so important to build a support network, so that you have other places to turn when one piece isn't there... Will Lucy help you find another psychiatrist? Somehow I don't think she will leave you out in the cold completely... Remember - there are others out there who can help, if you can allow them to. Good luck.

((((((HANNIE)))))
First and foremost, try not to take her "leaving" personally in any way. She isn't leaving YOU. I can understand that it may feel like that, but it is not true.
I have a friend with a quite severe eating disorder and what you write reminds me of her. She always says she hates change. Hates it if anybody leaves, goes on their way. I always try to tell her that change is normal, and often we think something is bad and really later we will look back and then we will see it wasn't that bad at all.
Change can be really scary, especially when it involves somebody leaving whom we have become attached to. But in change there is also always the possibility for growth.

Does your psychiatrist know how you feel?

And Hannie, if you feel suicidal, please talk to somebody immediately. I mean, NOW. Call a suicide line or even go to the ER or call 911 if need be. Just make sure you are safe. because what you are now going through is a kind iof crisis, and it feels really bad, and emotions can get out of hand... but in the long-term, you will NOT want to "not be here" anymore.
Try to focus on a point in the future. Let's say, a month after she left. Tell yourself by then you will have started to feel better again. probably even earlier than that.
And no, it is not true that you might as well give up now. Because... well, chances are that you will soon feel much better again. If you give up now, you will not get to see that.
And if it doesn't get betetr you could STILL "give up", right, so what do you have to lose?

Be safe. take care. Sending love.

Kathrin

Hey thankyou so much for your reply...
...you are right, i am scared of change, i always have been, ever since I was little - i remember crying because my mum changed my room around and it wasnt "the same" it wasnt "mine" anymore... lol!
I guess I just thought that my therapist was someone that would always be there for me... she wasnt ment to leave!... I have had countless close people to me leave the country, pass away, or leave me as friend... and it just feels like the person that I thought would never leave and would always be here to understand...is leaving me like everyone else!
I have 6 more appts with her... then she's gone... next appt i will tell her how I feel, but it cant make much difference... she is going to leave, and I have to deal with that... but I know ill breakdown over it,.... she hasnt even left yet and I am really not doing well... i cry myself to sleep... im stressed at everyone... Im now falling apart at school... and no one seems to understand me , I am just trying hard to keep it together!

I am not suicidal...well...i dunno... i have thought alot about suicide...especially while writting my last post, but I know it will never gedt to the stage where I will actually put myself through that... i think i just have emotional breakdowns which get out of hand... i need to control that

Ive written now all that I "need" to do with myself... its just putting into action which is worst part of it all!

Thank you for your reply!

X Hannie X

I think it's extremely important that you talk to your psychiatrist about how you feel about her leaving. Even though you can't make her not go (something that is often hard to understand, but those people we become attached to, we can't hold them forever, that wouldn't be fair to them, now would it? Love also has to do with being able to let go. Just think of parents whose kids leave the house...) - it is important that she knows and that the two of you can talk about that.

Kathrin