did I eat so much today??? I will admit for the past 3 weeks Ive been restricting to under 800 calories a day but today my family wanted to order out for some chinese food and I just went crazy! :eek: I dont know what came over me. I wouldnt call what I just ate a "huge" amount of food, but its WAY more then Im use to. Im trying not to think about it or how much calories was in it... I dont even want to know... I just feel so guilty about it and have strong urges to take a bunch of laxatives. But then I remind myself that Im only 95 lbs at 5'3'' and probabily need to gain. But then again Im having this bloating feeling right now thats really uncomfortable.. Sorry this is a pointless post, I just needed somewhere to vent. Thank you

You have been restricting to 800 calories a day!? Then you SHOULD go crazy on chinese food! Your body is STARVING! And at only 95lbs you could afford to do that at every single meal. You feel bloated b/c you are not used to eating normally. Your body doesn't know what to do with a normal amount of normal food!
Are you in recovery? Trying to gain weight?
If not, you definitely should be. You should not feel bad about the chinese food in the SLIGHTEST...if anything, you should be trying to eat like that more often. I'm serious.

Thank you so much LS289, I just needed someone to tell me its okay and not be to hard on myself. I was in recovery and doing really well until this one girl in my PE class called me "pudgy" :( I cant understand why she said that, I was a 100 lbs! This really set me back and I've been restricting ever since. Even though she called me pudgy I guess deep down I know Im not, it just that what she said really screwed things up for me. Usually I can take a joke but when someone makes a comment like that I take it to seriously. I mean that was weeks ago and Im still getting over it

I know the feeling - I am about your size (a little taller), and I get the same feeling after eating grapes. As with Chinese food, I know they're not going to put weight on me but the bloating tricks my mind into thinking they will. Understand that a) you need to put on pounds anyway, and b) this isn't going to do it. More of a problem is that dinner with your family is prompting all this trauma! Can someone support you through it, remind you of what is rational and what is eating disordered? I think finding one person you trust, who you can agree to at least listen to when things get "wierd" inside your head, can help. Good luck and be strong!

I completely understand how difficult this is for you, but you cannot let one person's comment deter your entire recovery.
Just a week ago a man who works at a mexican restaurant I always go to told me "not to eat too much and get fat b/c I am perfect." I was REALLY upset by this, but I had to just put it out of my head and realize that he is the ONE person in the world who has not told me I am too thin and am I going to listen to a) him or b) every other person I know who loves me and cares about me? Obviously B. I AM too thin and I AM going to gain weight even though this one man may think I am "perfect" (or a girl in my PE class calls me "pudgy.")
There is almost some cynicism in her comment b/c you are so obviously NOT pudgy. Perhaps she said this out of jealousy? Sometimes when people are envious of something, they call you the opposite of it just b/c they are so threatened. It's true! Happens all the time.
Anyway, you have to focus on what you need to do for yourself and for your body and ignore what others say. You KNOW you are not fat, you KNOW you are not eating enough - so EAT! That girls comment should roll off your back like water on a duck (sorry for the cliche).

You can do it!!!

hey mops, you've really gotta find it somewhere inside yourself to re-commit to recovery, hon. you know perfectly well how bad eating only 800 a day is, so you HAVE to find the strength to push yourself. the chinese food thing was just your poor, starving body's response to an opportunity to actually nourish itself, as ls explained. it NEEDS food and the feeling "out of control" that you got while eating is your body basically forcing you to feed it so it can keep you alive. so please try not to feel to down about that night. try to understand WHY it happened, yes, but accept that it's over and that there's nothing you can do about it anymore, okay?

as for the girl ... you MUST let this go. you can't just sit around and feel horrible about yourself for weeks, months, etc. because of what some bi*** girl said! you know why she said it? because she's a bi***. seriously. she looks at a girl who is obviously WAY too skinny (and probably MUCH skinnier than herself), she gets mad and jealous of that girl's anorexic body, and instead of feeling bad about herself, she takes it out on the other girl (ie: you). there is really NOTHING else going on in this situation and you HAVE to realize this, okay? you're in high school, and you know what? high school girls are mean. really, REALLY mean very, VERY often. (believe, i was mean to other girls then and other girls were mean to me.) but here's the good news? later, when you're in college, you look back and you're like "why did i even CARE??? that girl was an idiot!" so please, try to stand back from the situation and stop obsessing over it. you NEED to recover!! good luck.