I have a great life. Im 19 years old, a college student. I get decent grades, I come from a great family, and I should be happy as ever. I feel horrible bringing up my problem when so many people have it so much worse, but its just not going away.

I am incredibly lonely. Every night before I go to sleep and every day when I wake up, i feel empty and alone. I hardly have any motivation to even go to class. I have many friends here, but no real bonds.

The problem is, Im a strange person. I say whats on my mind, and i have an overactive imagination. Im a film freak, and Im also sort of an artist. I get along with other people just fine, but I feel no connection to them. I cant speak my mind, talk about the things I care about or are important to me, i cant really do anything I want to do socially, because everybody finds me strange when I do.

Its not a problem with insecurity. I dont exactly like the way I look, but Im not unattractive in any way. The only reason I cant get a girlfriend is because I cant tolerate girls that I think have bad taste. That only adds to the problem.

I know its probably whiny and stupid, but I need a way to get past this. Im a deep thinker, i like to analyze and identify things. But college life is just so shallow. When i want to talk about film, or literature, or art or theatre, everybody just looks at me like Im some kind of idiot, then go off on tangents about football or beer or ******* or something. I dont look down on them or anything, in fact, I envy them. I want to be able to do the things they do and enjoy them, date the girls they date and like it, but I just cant. I've tried, and I hate it. So that just leaves me by myself, with nobody to really bond or identify with.

This leaves me feeling very lonely almost all the time, and I've tried to go out and meet more people without any luck. I just dont really know what Im supposed to do.

If anyone has advice, I'd love it.

Hey there,

You sound like a Van Gogh, Kandinsky, or Mondrian in a Bud-Light TV commercial world. You love culture and the arts, they love Animal House. You love Indy films and Film Noir, they love Family Guy and The Simpsons.

Maybe you are at the wrong school to find people that share your tastes. It's not that you are different; it's more that you're at a Beer and Peanuts kind of school.

I have a friend who grew up in North Carolina, with very racist relatives, very sexist relatives--men expected to be waited on, women expected to anticipate their every need and not speak up. My friend is very outspoken in a very caring way. In NC she felt like a fish out of water. Here, in graduate school, she is getting rewarded for the very things she used to get punished for in NC. She loves it, says she feels like she finally has found the round niche for her round self.

If you aren't clicking with people there at all, it makes sense that you would not feel bonded, or like going to class. There's no one to have great exciting discussions about your passions/favorite topics, people who know exactly what you are talking about, people you can escalate an idea with...

So, you've been in college.....a year.....? It does seem to get more specialized in the 3rd and 4th years as people choose their majors, but still, you may want to have a talk with the career center about schools, fit, your personality preferences, stuff like that. Somewhere like NYC or other major metropolitan area which has the ARTS with a capital A?

Hi Soldat! i totally agree with MacademinaNut, who says that it's you that is weird and not them? I can relate to your story quite a bit. I'm german and went to university here but have been dating an american for 4 years now. He lives over here now but when we got to know each other he was still in a military college in the South, Whenever I went over there to see him I had real problems relating to people and especially to the girls there. Everything seemed incredibly superficial and fake to me and i was not quite used to people being admired for the number of their sexual partners or the quantities of alcohol they could drink ;) looking back my boyfriend agrees that its not the kind of environment he generally wants to live in but as everybody was doing it and so on and so on. I think a lot of people feel pressure to adapt to whats cool and therefore it seems like you are the odd one out, but I bet there is many that would do things differently if they weren't pressured into being "cool". I also suggest looking around for a college that might have more of 'your kind of people' :) or at least join a film or arts club or something.
kitten

I know its probably whiny and stupid, but I need a way to get past this. Im a deep thinker, i like to analyze and identify things. But college life is just so shallow. When i want to talk about film, or literature, or art or theatre, everybody just looks at me like Im some kind of idiot, then go off on tangents about football or beer or ******* or something.

I know how you feel in some ways. I also consider myself to be a deep thinker, and I am also an artist (a writer, explorer, and thinker). I have a passion for philosophical lines of thinking, and I read avidly about this and many other subjects.

What really helps me is to realize that everyone has something to offer me, and others, and is, therefore, a potentially great friend. We are multidimensional, and we have many different sides to ourselves. I look at getting together with friends to go to a club (which I LOVE to dance, so this works out really well :) ) or any other thing as a way to explore these other aspects of myself and develop them more fully. Does this make sense to you? I hope that this helps you to form the much needed bonds with other people that you are desiring.

I see myself as philosophical, moody, creative, and loving...but in the same breath, I am also funny, rebellious, and crazy at times ;) . What are some of your other dimensions? Can you see some of these sides in others, and therefore relate to them?

~Colleen

This message really screamed out at me because you sound so much like me. I'm 21 now and my first year of college sounded precisely like yours. I know just how you feel - you are a kind-hearted person like me so of course you don't look down on these people you describe but you just can't connect to them. I have felt like that for such a long time. What advice do I have for you? For one thing, try as hard as you can not to judge people until you've known them for awhile. There were people who seemed shallow to me but after awhile I became friends with them and realized that we could talk about deep things, in fact. Also, I agree that a lot of it has to do with the age and the college atmosphere, but remember that wherever you go and however old you are there are always going to be these types that are hard to connect with for people like us. In other words, moving to a different college or whatever isn't going to magically solve the problem, it's something we're going to have to deal with forever. My Mom says she still has that problem, some people are shallow their whole lives and things like art and philosophy will never interest them. The best thing you can do is try to develop your interests and learn how to entertain yourself when you are feeling lonely. Friendships will come (if they did for me, they will for you.) It takes time. College has been some of the loneliest times of my life, but I've grown a lot from them and think I've changed for the better since my first year.

I would love to meet someone like you. You sound interesting, kind-hearted, and humble. Other artists and deep-thinkers would be lucky to have you as a friend and I guarantee it will happen for you. When you're lonely, listen to some good music (I recommend Elliott Smith - he is a lot like us and helps me when I feel lonely), paint, draw, do whatever you love and know that loneliness is always temporary. Good luck to you, kind soul!

Yes, I do love indy films and film noir. In fact, I'm writing a noir screenplay of some sort...but I also like Simpsons and Family Guy, but those things are just afterthoughts. I couldnt get into University of Washington because of my grades...and Im sure theres tons of people like me here. I think most schools are shallow on the outside, im just having a hard time finding the part that I like. I havnt been able to find any real clubs that interest me...i seem to get along best with theatre type people, but I dont have any theatre classes.

I like going out and doing things like dancing, but I live in a hick town where thats pretty much impossible. I do like doing lots of things aside from the ones I listed, I just either have no access to those things, or I already do them and they dont really make me any happier.

My traits...at best, Im very affectionate, loyal, loving, introspective, curious, spontanious, and romantic

At worst, Im hateful, lonely, spiteful, envious, angry, and judgemental.

Most of the time, its a combination of both. Like say me being kind to someone and them treating me like crap, i'll still act nice, but be deeply hateful, and i wont let it go. I cant stand people that are cruel and mean to others for no reason, it turns my stomach.

Im kind hearted, but not at the same time...its kind of hard to explain. Small negative things can make me despise a person. I've tried to find depth in people that i previously judge shallow, but its never there. I have very good instincts about people, and i havnt really found anybody that has anything to offer me.

It might be a little conceded of me, but I think i'd be a great friend to someone like me. My friends back home were great.

I just dont really know what Im supposed to be doing. I've made lots of friends but their just not the same as me. I dont get them, and they see me as a wierdo or something. To me they're the strange ones....

I suppose i could look at the clubs list again or something...any other hints? I really appreciate the help...it seems like the internet is chock full of people that think along my lines, only they dont exist in real life.

Yeah, we like the Simpsons and Family Guy too, but I wouldn't rearrange my schedule to see them.

Since you posted on a depression board, do you think maybe you are depressed at all? There is the Seasonal Affect Disorder thing up there in the Pacific Northwest, and one of my friends north of you joked that Prozac was being handed out at fast food drive through windows because there had been sooooooo much rain and darkness. I just wondered because you kind of mentioned feeling angry, possibly out of proportion to what triggers the anger? Anger can be a symptom of depression, sometimes more especially for males. And being at a college that was not your first choice, where you don't feel you fit in, where the last season was pretty dark, blah blah blah...all fairly common for setting off depression. It might be worth a visit with the campus counseling center (I seem to really want you to go there, huh?) or a doctor even. And yeah, if you're aren't actually IN Seattle.....maybe not a whole lot going on, and less diverseness in the student body.

And hey, we're all real here......you just can't drive round the corner to meet up for coffee.

(gotta run--paper is due Friday)

I honestly dont think that im depressed, I just didnt know where else to go. I dont know anybody to talk to about this, which is another problem. Im not sad all the time, but enough of the time to bother me. I suppose campus counseling would work.

Since we're both on here at the moment, I just want to mention that depression isn't all about feeling sad. My worst depression was not sadness at all. It was anxiety and anger--lots of anger. Most of it I kept inside, but sometimes I'd yell at my husband or young kids. You may not be depressed, you're right.

Oh, there was a good site about men's depression. I'll see if I can find it again, and leave info about where it is if I find it. But, this is just to offer the information, not to stick you with a diagnosis (not a doc anyway) that isn't right. Here, it's a .gov site. http://menanddepression.nimh.nih.gov/infopage.asp?ID=1 It's got info about symptoms, treatments, and where to find help, if you find this resembles you at all.

You're not alone in how you feel. People (like myself) who are different than the mainstream can feel very isolated, especially if they're in an area where like-minded people are rare. If you're into film, then perhaps join a local film appreciation group. If one doesn't exist, start your own. You're feel more connected when you surround yourself with people with similar interests.

I understand how you feel, but I'm not really sure if I know what to say...

I'm an eighteen year-old male, who also gets good grades (I was an honour student in highschool, but I took a year off to work, and I'm currently layed off. Heh.) I have a good family, and I have a good bond with my Mom (my Dad and I usually see things differently a lot, but we get along pretty well.) However, for some reason, I just never seem to be happy.

I'm relatively overweight, but I wouldn't say I'm overly obsese, or anything. My weight bothers me, as does the fact that I never seem to be able to find someone (a girlfriend.) I keep wishing something good will happen, but it never does. I always find myself getting attached to things, just to have them fail in the end.

I'm also a film-geek, and I'm not very outgoing. I'm incredibly shy, and it's because I'm self-conscious. I try to find people to talk to about things, but most people don't share the same interests, or are just too interested in meaningless things, to talk about anything interesting. I have one friend who I can talk to, and he's gone through a bout of depression, but most of the time, I don't really know what to say. One of my main problems is definitely the fact that I don't know how to talk about my feelings, and I just let things pile up inside.

I've always been lonely, but it seems to be getting worse these days. It seems as if I keep getting more "depressed," as the days go by. My symptoms include severe lonliness, no will to do anything, wanting to be alone most of the time, and feeling like I'm living for nothing. I've also got Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and it seems like that has been getting worse, as well. I'm supposed to be taking Prozac, but I fell out of my routine before it was able to take effect, and I haven't started taking it again.

It's also weird because I've been feeling sick lately. It's as if I've got the flu, although I can only feel it in my throat. It feels like I have some sort of piece of volatile matter in my throat all of the time, but I never really get the feeling like I have to puke. I tend to get that when I'm tired, and I think it's also possibly related to when I start thinking about things that depress me.

(Sorry for this lengthy whine, especially since it's in your thread. I didn't want to start a new thread because our problems seem relatively similar, and I didn't know what to say.)