help :confused:
in trying to beat bulimia, i'm worried i'm developing anorexia.. like a sort of out of the frying pan, into the fire kind of situation
i'm so scared of b/p that i'm reluctant to eat.. yesterday i ate a little bit of pasta and that was it.. although it made me feel ok and didn't give me the need to purge after eating, i know it's not enough.
i have verged on anorexia in the past, before i developed bulimia, and i know that it's not the way to go to beat the b/p cycle, but in a way not eating, so i don't need to be sick, seems the only way out
does anyone else seem to be constantly swapping one ed for the other?
i do know though, that the two aren't really seperable

lilly xx

I AM IN EXACTLY THE SAME POSITION I REALLY WANT TO RECOVER BUT AM FINDING IT ALL TOO DIFFICULT I AM ANOREXIC/BULIMIC AND IF I STEER CLEAR OF FOODS ESPECIALLY BREADS SWEETS MEATS ETC AMD LIVE ON FRUIT AND VEG I DON'T LEAD MYSELF TO A BINGE PURGE BUT IF I EAT THOSE I EAT MORE AND MORE AND MORE CAN'T STOP FEEL GUILTY AND VOMIT I CAN'T FIND A MIDDLE I ALSO EXERCISE EXCESSIVLEY AND FEEL I AM GOING ROUND IN CIRCLES I CAN'T SEEM TO STICK TOO RECOVERING MY HEART WANTS TO GAIN WEIGHT BUT THAT EVIL PART OF MY BRAIN DOESN'T SO INCREASING MY CALORIES IS SO HARD. aT THE MOMENT I AM 5F4 AND 6 S 4 POUNDS AND FEEL FAT IF THE SCALES SAY I AM 1 LB HEAVIER . I REALLY WANT TO RECOVER BUT CAN'T MY COUNSELLOR TOO HAS MOVED ON AND NOW I AM STUCK IN A RUTT .HELP! . a LITTLE QUESTION TOO WHILE I AM WRITING I AM HAVING A PROBLEM LATELY WHERE I FEEL LIKE MY LOWER BODY LEGS ESPECIALLY ARE LIKE PUFFY AS IF THEY ARE RETAINING WATER ANY IDEAS!

sorry..have no ideas about an explanation for your legs, but i'm so glad someone understands.. like take today for example.. i skipped breakfast, and ate a jacket potato for lunch with carrot. i felt so pleased with myself, but i knew that i couldn't eat anything more today without being sick.. i was totally right, cos i had a sandwich with some mates later on and just couldn't stop eating, which of course, led to b/p.
it's so horrible, and i understand what u say about a circle, i feel so trapped.
i'm fed up, and what makes it worse is the fact that i'm supposed to be on the road to recovery.. yeah, whatever..

lil ladee, what do you mean "whatever?" sorry, but come on, girl. you KNOW you don't feel that way. so you're supposed to be "on the road to recovery," what do you mean by that? are you in therapy? if not, then join. now. that's how you REALLY get on the road to recovery. you need a therapist and a nutritionist to deal with this and you KNOW that. the way you beat the tough situation that you're in now is by following a STRICT meal plan presribed by your nutritionist. otherwise, what's happening now will keep happening -- you'll either starve or b/p. and you deal with the issues really causing your bulimia in therapy. if you don't have those two VERY important people in your life right now, then i don't really believe you when you say you're "on the road to recovery." i don't want to be harsh, but i feel like you're "giving up" and deciding this whole thing is hopeless. it's NOT, but you have to get the help you need; otherwise, yeah, it is probably pretty hopeless. please get some help.

i feel like i'm in this boat as well.

come on, girls! you've gotta believe in yourselves! i KNOW that you can beat these disorders (just as i know i can beat my own), but you have to realize that for yourselves. give yourselves some credit. maybe make a list of all the things you've accomplished so far in terms of beating your ed. it can be minor or insignificant, but write it down anyway. you have to find that faith, that little light of hope somewhere deep inside that says "I can do this. I can recover and be healthy and happy." it's a REALLY hard battle and i know it can break you down, but you've gotta at least just keep believing in yourself. YOU are the only one that can beat this, right? So find that strength inside yourself. Even when things are going sh***y and you think it'll never happen, keep just a little light of hope that says "well, i THINK i can still do this." please stay strong, i know it'll get better. good luck.

i am in therapy and seeing my dr, so yeah, i am on the road to recovery, although sometimes it doesn't feel like that. i'm sorry about the way that i phrased it in my last post, i was having a sh***y moment.
the problem is, that when i hit darker times, it's so hard to see anything positively, and it's not all bad, and when i look how far i've come, it's quite comforting, but when u want to get better and are struggling, and some days, getting worse, it's very difficult to maintain the same desire to get better..i have thought so many times that if i could just lose a bit more weight, then everything will be fine, so i then think that i don't even need all the medical attention i'm getting..
round and round in circles

it's frustrating, but i know that there are better days to come, even if i have trouble really accepting it a lot of the time

lil x x x

re: the retaining water...it's a common sign of anorexics and bulimics -- you'll find this on a lot of the anorexic/eating disorder websites. I was a laxative abuser but am off and now have been retaining water for 3 months...I don't know if that's the cause of mine. If your protein levels are very very low that can cause you to lose fluid into your interstitial space. Also if your metabolism is very very low from long term starvation ... often your heartrate and bloodpressure is very low -- so there's poor venous return to your heart. And I also believe there's a mechanism of insulin spikes and increased capillary permeability (leaky blood vessels) that goes along with the anorexic who is trying to refeed herself...the paper I read (written by an endocrinologist who specializes at an eating disorder clinic) recommended that when increasing the calories that the person try to limit the simple carbohydrates, increase the proteins, and most importantly increase their fat intake to 35% or even 40% of their caloric intake. I think I googled edema and anorexia? maybe...but this is a pretty good summary of the mechanism. Hope that helps. What i can't find anywhere is how long it takes to get back to normal. I'm going to a clinic in Santa Barbara because I'm not an anorexic so I don't know what the hell is causing my edema. Good luck with your struggles...I'm a binger ... it's awful. My heart goes out to you.