anyone remember that sesame street song where kids had to pick the odd one out with the tune...
"One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?"


well i am trying to apply it to my ed/life

things i want to have/be/do...

* be a good mum
* be a good wife
* be healthy
* be fit
* be strong
* be mentally stable
* be happy
* travel more
* live a long life
* be thin (below set point)
* enjoy life
* be a good Christian
* be relaxed and not anxious

well i am beginning to see that most if not all of these are acheivable, but holding onto the desire to maintain a weight below setpoint is the one that will not only be too hard to achieve, but will also potentially trip me up for all the others.

it is just SO hard changing the rules i have lived by for over half my life eg success is a low cal day, failure is gaining, happiness and weight gain are incompatible, loss of control over weight equals panic.

but i am trying, and with the help of this sesame street ditty i am reminding myself of the bigger picture!

it takes time, honey, and i think making that list is a great idea. you have a lot of admirable, practical and attainable goals on there and i don't think i need to list off WHY i think these goals are really great for you (the benefits, etc.). but the obvious "out of place" goal -- "be thin (below set point)" -- really DOESN'T fit in with the others. the other goals lead to a healthier, happier you and the other goals can all work together. all that "goal" can do is screw it all up, because it contradicts every single other goal you've set for yourself. it WILL make those other goals impossible to achieve. i'm pretty sure you already realize this, so i won't go on and on explaining why, but i think you should keep that list as a starting point and work towards a better, more complete list that DOES NOT have any goals placed their by our good friend, Ed. don't feel totally rushed on it or anything, it'll take time, but i think it's a great thing to work toward. anyway, i really liked your list of things to work towards, and i LOVE that you are beginning to see how the goal of being thin creates a huge dichotomy in your life.