Hi Again...

Another topic we are struggling with is bed time. DD had a super routine until the past 2 weeks or so. Her Dr. says its normal and gave the typical speal of letting her cry for 10 minute intervals and going back in to sooth her.

The only problem is that she just doesn't ever seem to give up/give in. Each night we have had to give in and let her sleep with us because we will try for hours to get her to sleep but she will only scream the minute we put her down.

Even the babysitter is struggling with her at nap time and has resorted to laying down with her to get her to sleep.

Does anyone else have a baby who just won't give in? Any ideas on how to deal with this? My husband and I both work so these late hours are killing us but I feel that we are really heading down a bad road by letting her sleep with us. help :confused:

How old is she?

oh ya, when my nephew came to live with us, when he was 2, he was unable to sleep alone. no way. he was used to sleeping with his mother beside him..

so, what we had to do, was lie with him, on his own bed, until he fell asleep, we did that for a while, but slowly, we left the room, earlier, and earlier,until he was able to sleep alone.. took awhile.. but it worked.:D

but now, he just stalls on going to bed.. but thats all kids. hehe. he tries not to be sent to bed, until as late as possible. haha. hes eatting his snack now, and is going to watch american idol..and go to bed.. so in 1/2 hourm until bed, i guess. heh :bouncing:

Hi :D

I have a child that if left to scream or cry it out she would go forever... I'm a firm believer that a baby should learn to go to sleep in their own bed but that's just my philosophy... plus I like to be able to have my evenings with my DH and take off my "mumma hat".

Here's what worked for me: PS I DON'T KNOW HER AGE...

When Abbie (my dd) was around 2wks old I started to wrap/swaddle her before going to bed. I put her down and if she cried I went in and went Ssshhhhhh (a lot I might add) and rocked her bassinet with my hand gently resting on her chest... this will help settle them and help them go to sleep in their bed.

When Abbie got older around 2 months I began leaving her to cry. I started leaving her for 3 minutes. When I went back in I had no expression on my face and I just went sssshhhhh... I extended the 3 mins to 5 mins... then out to 10 minutes if she was settling down.... if your baby is still crying badly you may have to get her up and give a gentle burping/winding session because crying can give them wind... put her straight back down without talking, no smiling and leave the room. When DH was there we would take turns in going in so it was less stressful... remember NO SMILING, it provides them with a pay off for crying... you only want to let her know you are still there.

Abbie learned really quickly that mum wasn't going to give her smiles and play because its bed time. Its REALLY hard not to give a facial response but it really does work....

Good luck...

Oh, by the way Abbie has a dummy/pacifier which helps her relax from day one she has been a baby that soothes herself by sucking, it used to be my little finger tip but I decided that I needed to have my finger back and a pacifier was far more sterile. She never managed to find her thumb to suck and now when she puts her thumb in her mouth at 4 months she doesn't think to suck it...


:wave:

My DD is now 7 months. Up until about a couple weeks ago, the "shhhhh", rubbing her back for a few minutes, or just putting her sucker back in her mouth would put her back to sleep. But now, it just seems that all the things that did work, don't work anymore and she can go on screaming for hours.

I struggle between thinking something is wrong, to thinking she is just getting old enough to realize that eventually her behavior leads to the desired reinforcement (sleeping with mommy and daddy).

I will work on not verbally or facially soothing her. I also do try to sleep in her room with her but even then, when I try to move her from the bed to her crib she screams..??

Keep at it... I know its really had to break previous habits and it probably will get worse before it gets better... Its a shame you need to sleep in her room... poor DH has lost his sleeping partner ;)

Try to change one thing at a time so she doesn't get too stressed... if you slowly add to the changes she will be sleeping in her own bed in no time... just think, you really want to get her used to sleeping in her own bed and own room without mummy and daddy before she is at the age where she just gets up and walks into your room and it becomes harder to change...

I bet you'll sleep better too if you're not in with her and vice versa :D

Good luck :wave:

Sometimes your babies could be crying b/c of teething pain or tummy pain?

I held my ds to sleep until he was 6mos old and then started CIO...i would only wait 30secs before going in and patting his side and giving him his soother(my heart hurt too much to listen to him :) ) and then i increased it to 1min and so on until 10min. I was lucky that he was able to fall asleep quickly after. (I also started CIO with his naps and then bedtime)
Lately he's been waking up b/c he's teething....so I hold him for a few minutes to soothe him...and then he'll be back to sleeping like he was.

He started to sleep in his own crib when he was a week old..I tried to have him in a bassinet by our bed but dh and I couldn't sleep! :)

I've asked many of my friends about CIO and some say I must do it and others say it's ok to hold your baby when they cry and they've had no trouble when their kids have gotten older.

Alos, what if you went in and rubbed her side until she feel asleep? That way you are soothing her without picking her up.
Good Luck!
S :)

I hate the cry it out method. It serves no purpose other then to suit the needs of the parent, not the child. If left to "cry it out" they will settle for one of two reasons - they're exhausted, or they have given up hope of being "rescued". I would NEVER want my child to believe I don't care enough about her to pick her up and comfort her.

It is now well documented (Dr. Sears talks about this a lot) that babies who are actually picked up when they cry become less dependent and needy because they develope a sense of security in knowing that we (their parents) will always be there for them. Knowing that they will never be abandoned, which I think crying it out is a form of, they feel empowered enough to explore. Children who are forced to become "indipendent" before they're ready have deeper attachment issues later on because they're affraid to leave their parents side for fear of being abandoned.

I'm also a firm believer in attachment parenting; breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, attending their needs. In fact, I've found the best way to keep her from crying is to get to her BEFORE she cries. Many people, my own husband included, always asks me "why are going to get her, she's not even crying yet". No, but she will be, I want to be there for her when she does.

A young baby (which I believe to be 6 months and younger) cries for a reason - hunger, gas, pain, or just the need for comfort, etc. Many a times I will pick my daughter up and all she wanted was to be held. How on earth could I leave her to cry when all she wanted was the warmth of her mother?

I agree that night time is a time for sleeping, but no way in this world would I not pick up a two week old baby when they cry (sorry Sherbert, but I had to use that as an example). I pick her up and make sure the basic "needs" have been met - not in pain (no gas bubbles), has a clean bum, not hungry, and if all else fails, she just needed her mamma. I don't over stimulate (no talking), I keep the lights out, I keep it quiet, and 99% of the time she falls back alseep in the comfort and security of my arms.

When the child is old enough to understand the point of crying out it, then it might have its time and place, but that age is still debatable. A young infant does not understand why you, their confidant, their protector, their provider, is not picking them up to comfort them, and will eventually, if left to cry, will exhaust themselves, or give up hope. Either way, it's pretty heart breaking if you think about it.

I just went back and read.. I didn't notice your baby was 7 months old. I was talking about younger babies (about 6 months and younger).

No offence taken by the way... a two week old baby should never be left to cry it out... they need security and the knowledge that we are not too far away from them at all times...


:D

my dd is 6 1/2 months old and i will let her cry for about 20 min. when i put her in her crib. if she is still at it, i will feed her, see if shes cold or warm and then put her back. if she cries for another 20, i give in and let her stay up with us till she looks really tierd. then she usually falls asleep with no problem by herself.

Thanks for all the tips. Last night I put her down, left... (let her cry for 5 minutes) went back in and patted her back then rubbed her back until she was seemingly asleep again. As usual, as soon as I wasn't touching her she screamed again. I repeated this process for about 40 minutes when at last she didn't scream when I left and she fell asleep.

I thought this would take all night so I was pretty happy with just 40 minutes and we all (baby included) had the best night sleep in weeks.

I spoke to the baby sitter today about doing the same thing at nap time for consistency. Maybe tonight will go even better.

Thanks again for all the tips!

FLAngel:
Your baby sounds just like mine. I am having the exact same problem! DS is almost 7 months and around 6 months, he started waking evry 2 hours and crying alot, sometimes needing to be fed just to get him to go back to sleep. I try to keep him in his crib as long as I can take it, b ut every night around 4am, I give up and bring him in my bed. My Dr said its probably preteething and its hurting him so hes waking and wanting comfort. He said it will go on until his teeth break thru and the only thing I can do is go with it. Not good enough advice for me, so if anyone else has any, Id love to hear it! I just wanted to let you know angel, that you are not alone.