My therapist told me last Tuesday that she would be leaving at the end of August. The thing is, she's still in school and her focus is on Child Psychology so she'll be changing clinics.
I'm about to be 30 years old (WAY too old to have this ED still) and I'm totally freaking out about this. Why am I so scared? It's because when I started seeing this therapist nearly a year ago now, it was my last hope, my last chance at recovery that I was going to allow myself. Progress has been very slow. Today she suggested increasing my food and eating 2 meals a day. My safe foods are salad, rice cakes, cereal, and lots of bottled water. And she also wants me to try and incorporate some type of deli sandwich as one of those meals. I think she's nuts, but it's worth a try. I'm so dreading August! I won't have anything or anyone to lean on to keep me accountable. The sad thing is , is that I'm hoping to move to Nashville this time next year to help young girls deal with issues such as ED's. I can't do that if I'm still struggling. And I know that. That's part of what's terrifying me. So come August, I'm on my own, for better or worse. I refuse to see another therapist after that. Even though everything is in my chart that Kara (my therapist) would pass on, I don't trust people that easily and I don't want to start all over again.
I feel hopeless, frustrated, scared and angry. My life is such a mess.