Sorry about this I just need a place to vent.Today my mom is going to visit my aunt who lives downtown and invited me to go with her. She said on the way up theres a great pasta resturant(sp?)that we could go to. I was so happy to go since I havent eaten there since I was a kid but then ED started telling me to think of all the calories thats in pasta and bread :( I know one day isnt going to hurt but it still really bothers me. And of coarse this caused me to bring up the website of the resturant and look at their nutriational facts of all their food so now I really know how many calories is in everything. I wish I could just get ED out of my mind and just enjoy the food and the company of my mom. It even adds more stress that my other aunt wants to go to the movies this weekend and ED is telling me there will be even higher calorie foods there and that I should cancel the date all together... I hate it when ED tells me these things,its ruining the time w/ my family.

oh mops, i know what you mean. just try to do your best, k? stupid eating disorders make every so NOT fun for us, don't they? just try to relax your mind and enjoy the restaurant the best you can. if your brain can't "turn off" and stop counting calories, then just try to have as much fun as you can despite that, you know? i don't really have any good advice, but i want you to know that i can empathize with you on this one. it happens to me all the time too. the best results i've had (ie: the times when i've been able to let go and have the most fun) are the times when i've consciously relaxed my mind and focused on turning ed "off" before the situation. it doesn't always work 100%, but the more relaxed and open i am, the better i usually do. anyway, good luck and sorry i don't have any better advice!

well I guess it went okay.. I still feel guilty about yesterday and have strong urges to restrict today to make up for yesterday. Its already 2 pm here and I havent eaten yet, I know I should probabily eat but I can honestly say Im not hungry. I dont know if thats from the guilt or what. I did take one laxative though :( I tried so hard not to but I went a head and did it anyway. So Im mad at myself for doing that I said I wouldnt but I did anyway

so scrape yourself up and focus on the future. so you took one laxative, feeling bad about it ain't gonna change that fact, is it? just try to move on. you slipped a little, that's all, and the best thing you can do now is focus on not slipping next time, k? please eat something. i know you know you need to, honey. the only reason you aren't hungry yet is because your body is starving away and trying to conserve energy because it's become convinced you aren't feeding it today. please just eat a little something and try to smile, k?