The news was heartbreaking...I am still numb, but had an idea things were not looking better for Stan.
The cancer in his brain now has MANY more lesions on top of the 11 plus he already had. The doctor was surprised he is not having headaches or seizures but guess they are in so called "safe" areas so no problem yet...but could be at any time. The mention of WBR was brought up, but the doctor said it won't save him at this point and the side effects would not buy him any quality at all.
The liver and the lungs have quite a bit of new lesions also and there was some other mention of lesions elsewhere...the adrenal had enlarged on one side and so on and so on...so the bottom line is he starts chemo on Monday...I guess it is a brutal chemo and could land him in the hospital. Stan said he will try it and see if he gets some quality. The chances of it working are 10-20%. We will hold on to that % in hopes that he will get some reduction in the cancer. He might miss our son's 1st Communion on Mother's Day, but I will take the video camera with us so he can still share the day but at a later time. He seems to be doing okay...naturally we are both very sad, but we still enjoy what time we have together.
Anway, need to get dinner ready...May you all have a great weekend.....and God Bless you all,
Kim

I am so soryy to hear that. I will say a prayer.

dearest Kim,.....omg....honey, I am so sad. We are walking the same path and what a painful one. Our hubbies are trying so darn hard. They fight and fight and continue on. We are helpers, aides, whatever caregivers can be classed as. We are their rocks yet, somehow, they are ours. I cannot express words that can comfort you, just as others have tried with me. You have dinner, I have laundry. We do what we must to continue on. Life has lost all spark for me. People tell me how well I look. Should they look inside. So, I guess the disguise is a good one. Kim, I am here, even though thousands of miles away, holding you up and praying for you and thinking of you and Stan. I think I can agree with Ron. There are 4 of us all in the same place right now..and I am so sure more. Myself, Ron, you, JanMarie...and Linda and so on.......
Thank God we have this place to come to where we can reach out to eachother and hang on tight. Look up Kim. God is with us. He will get us through these terrible days and weeks and months.
As for myself, I still hold fast that IF our Lord cannot heal Bud completely, let Him take him into his fold swiftly. The pain and horribly long days he experiences cannot be a reward. I try to be strong and I think I can keep up the facade most days, but when alone I fold. White flag is up.

I so look to Pat and Dave for inspiration. They are our beacons of light in such dark nights. Thank you God for their successes and their presence on this board. I hope Karen and Tricia and Cam are doing OK. We have not heard from Cam or Tricia in a while....and Karen is such a sweetheart for coming through here, no matter how painful it must be to help anyone she can. That is what this place is all about. As our US Army says....An Army of One.

Take care everyone and prayers, blessings, healing, peace, and above all Love to all....

Jan

I am so sorry about CT results, my heart breaks for you .I will say a special prayer for your husband and your family.
God bless and try and stay strong.

Maggi

Kim,
I hope Stan and you know so many people have you in their hearts and prayers. I am praying for the chemo to help, and that Stan is comfortable and at peace. He sounds so remarkable, and you also. My 'family' here has meant so much to me and my heart breaks when one is not doing so well. Love, cyber hugs and prayers coming at you from Ky., Pat

Just a very quick note...will write more later but I spent most of the time I had responding to Mica the 14 year old you just posted. I wish I could take her pain away...so sad.
Thank you to all of you who have said such kind words and have sent their prayers our way.
Off to the doctors with Stan and will check in later this weekend.
Hugs to All,
Kim

Kim, Words can not express how I felt reading your posts. I am so sorry to hear about Stan's CT results. I wanted to reply last night but after driving home from O.C. and going into a staff meeting at work,I checked the message board and decided to eat some dinner before replying then I sort of crashed and fell sound asleep on my couch and woke up only long enough to crawl up the stairs to bed. I have been feeling so exhausted lately that I tend to not get much done somedays.

I pray that the chemo they are planning is not too horrible to put up with and can buy Stan both time and comfort. I think getting your boys into some sort of support group would be good for them as it would allow them to explore their feelings about the situation and come to grips with it. They probably hold back from saying too much as they do not want to upset you or Stan and in a support group would be free to say what they are really feeling. The author of the one books I read lost his mom when he was 12 and it was back in the days when ICU's only allowed 10 minute visits every 2 hours and kids were not suppose to go in ( but some nurses let him in) yet he felt so shut out of the death experience and I think that just made it harder on him. Kids are tougher then we give them credit for.

You, Stan and the boys will remain in my thoughts and prayers and I know you will be in my mind alot over the next few days. Hugs to you all. JanMarie

Kim
I am so sorry to hear about the latest test results of Stan's! I know how disheartening that is to hear all the negative.
Just hold on to today,laugh lots and love him like there's no tomorrow!!
I know how hard all of this is, My prayer for you and your family is that sweet peace that comes from our Lord washes over each and every one of you!!

God Bless
Karen