ok well i have a nutrionist and i dont have a meal plan after 3 visits (a month) i was told to add 42 grams of protein and 10 grams of fat into my intake. i wasnt able to do that so that is why i wasnt set with a meal plan. me, my therapist, and nutrionist have decided that IP is what's best for me. but after reading alot of the posts especially with LS, i know that my intake in IP is going to HAVE to be 2000+ especially since im a little over 6 feet tall. how can you get adjusted to that and not freak out when you gain? i know you dont usually get to see your weight in treatment but i will know when im gaining. i am now backing away from the thought of IP because i know that the caloric intake WILL be forced. and i know they can tube feed me if i refuse but i dont want to be the fat one with the feeding tube? i know i dont need a feeding tube but im scared i will refuse food and have to be forced. how can i help ease myself in before i go to ip? this is about what i usually eat in a day...
nothing until about 4 or 5 pm (i know not good but i just always do that)
then for dinner i usually have like salad or some kind of fruit/veggie.
i usually dont eat anything else unless i know im going to purge that. i never eat like pasta, bread, rice. the only time i eat sweets and like chips are when im 'binging' and my binges are only like 500-800. so besides eating more times throughout the day, what else can i do?

texas, you gotta chill out, girl. really that is all you can do. are you gonna HATE eating more calories? probably. are you gonna hate knowing that your body is changing? probably. are you gonna get mad and want to quit? probably. and is there any way around these feelings? not really, sweetie. it's part of recovery, it just IS. it's gotta be the crappiest part of recovery (cuz a lot of it is GOOD stuff!), but it IS a necessary part that you have to go through. with the IP treatment, you will learn to COPE with these feelings, but you will have to expereince them.

for now, attempting to eat 3 meals a day is a good start. also, committing yourself 100% to the idea of IP is necessary for you. you CANNOT back out, sweetie. you simply won't recover if you don't go. so eat your 3 meals, and try to think of the rest of it as "out of your hands." it's in God's hands now and He will help you along, i promise. also, try your hardest not to assume ANYTHING about what is or isn't gonna happen in IP. there is no guarantee they're gonna put you on a 2000 calorie diet starting day one, okay? they might, but maybe your body couldn't handle it yet, so they might start you out at like 1500 or something. honestly, i have NO IDEA, so don't take my word as truth. but do believe me when i say that there's no use worrying and wasting mental energy about what they are or aren't gonna do, k? just be strong and brave and call on God for support and you WILL beat this. get into that IP as soon as possible, alright?

i know i need to chill out. just right now i think im at a rock bottom point in my life and im just not sure how to fix anything right now. i know i need ip, im so unhappy and ive been turning to drugs now and i need to get out of this enviornment. im going ip as soon as i get back from my trip which is june 10th. nothing is for sure but im going to plan on that... thanks for the response

"i know i need to chill out."
" just right now i think im at a rock bottom point in my life"
"im so unhappy and ive been turning to drugs now and i need to get out of this enviornment."
In-patient treatment rarely fits "neatly" into one's life. I have been twice, and both times it was a MAJOR inconvenience and meant not doing things I wanted to do - but frankly it really wasn't a choice. You may find that getting the help you need NOW is ultimately a much better way to spend the next month. Just a thought - and maybe a gentle push... None of my business I know, but I've been reading your posts for a while and am quite concerned!

Texas- I think you know what you need to do, it's just a matter of doing it. If you want my opinion, you should not even wait until June 10th to start IP. You are in such a critical position right now. Not eating anything until 4 or 5 pm is absolutely horrible for your body (you are killing yourself!) and then only eating veggies, basically - I can't think of anything worse. ESPECIALLY if you are as tall as you say you are. I was surprised at how many calories someone with a few more inches on them can eat. I know you've heard it all before, but you can actually eat an incredible amount of food and not gain weight at your height. THAT IS, if you don't slow your metabolism down to nil. My metabolism has definitely slowed down, but by eating more food and increasing my carbs and fat, it is picking up again. So when I finally do reach a healthy weight, I'll be able to eat a ton of food and still not gain weight -that's the beauty of being tall!
But besides that, it's about being happy. There is no question that you are not happy right now. You are depressed. I have never - not once - heard or seen someone come out of inpatient obese, more depressed, or even fat. Their goal is to get some nutrients into you - not to fatten you up. It actually might be kind of nice if they took on that task, but they leave that up to you. You have to find the courage and stgrength within yourself AFTER you leave IP to continue with recovery and become healthy on your own. Half the girls in my OP program right now were in IP before this and I never would have guessed it b/c they are all still so thin. The people who work in IP clinics are trained professionals and ALL they deal with is EDs. You have to just trust them. It sounds to me like you have NOTHING to lose, texas. Turning to drugs is a major no-no. That really scares me. Please get help before you get yourself into a hole you can't get out of. We're all here for you, but you have to take the first step on your own. I know you can do it!
LS

i know what i need to do and i know that i probably should go ip asap but, this camp that im going to that i wont be back til after june is going to have alot of impact on my life and i need it. its a christian camp with my youth group and if i dont go, ill never know if my life would start heading in the right direction on its own. i know what im doing intake wise is horrible, but its the pattern ive gotten myself into and ive limited myself as to what foods are my 'safe' foods so mostly its veggies and fruits. and yes i really am over 6ft so i know what im consuming 'isnt right for my height'.

i know im not happy and havent been for a long time, i think my post was too 'over the top' with it because i had just gotten home from a rough night and it was 1 in the morning so its all bs... i know i wont come out of ip obese or anything, i just dont know if i can stick through it if ill actually stay after i get scared. but i know they know what they are doing and i need to let go of the CONTROL thing..

i know that me turning to drugs is a horrible thing, but its another 'fix' like food, alcohol, cutting. and right now i know im getting myself in a huge mess with all four of those. but i know if i fix things soon enough, there will still be time for me to pull out of it. just to clarify i AM going to ip... just when is the question...

and tyluck- i know this will not be a 'convienient' thing, and quite frankly i think i do need a 'push' i guess i just dont think im sick enough to need ip so it makes me feel like im crying wolf. and dont worry, nothing is 'none of your business' anything i post on here, obviously is meant for everyone so dont feel that way.

thanks for both of yalls replies...

texas, i'm not saying don't go to the camp but i DO want you to seriously re-think whether it will actually "have alot of impact on my life" and make your life "start heading in the right direction on its own." seriously, you need to sit down and honestly, brutally hash through these thoughts. if you can discuss them with your therapist or youth group leader, that would be even better.

i can tell you honestly that i disagree with you. i DON'T think this camp will have anywhere near the impact you think it will/can and i DEFINITELY don't think it's gonna help your life start moving in the "right" direction. i'm not questioning the credibility of the camp, i'm questioning your ability to seperate from your eating disorder enough to actually EXPERIENCE the camp. i'm not criticizing you, sweetheart, i'm just saying that i don't believe you will be able to focus and commit yourself to the camp experiences enough for it to have much (if any) lasting or beneficial effect on you. just think about it: how much of "you" is actually YOU right now? 5%? 15%? cuz it seems to me like "Ed" is AT LEAST 80% in control of your life, actions, thoughts, emotions, habits, beliefs right now. so how is a religious camp experience gonna change that??? you aren't YOU right now because your eating disorder has taken over and i do not think that you will be able to "turn it off" while you're at the camp (and we know well enough that NO ONE can convince Ed to back down, right? i don't think the camp is any exception.)

again, i am NOT criticizing you in any way, but what i see is you obsessing about what they served for breakfast while you're supposed to be fully committing to a spiritual experience. or you're all sitting silently in prayer and all you can think about it how you're gonna avoid eating at the banquet style dinner that night. seriously, i don't see you doing well at this camp. and i honestly don't see it helping you. you need IP immediately. THAT is what will help you re-balance your life and getting you moving forward. and when you combine it with your strong faith in God, honey, you're gonna really succeed. anyway, just some thoughts, but PLEASE think through this. i really think you should get straight into IP cuz going to the camp will just prolong your depression.

hmm maybe i sounded wrong, im not trying to say that maybe camp will help me recover from my ed. i was saying i hope i get really spiritually connected and get in the right direction in my relationship with God. i am going to therapy tomorrow and im having dinner with my youth leader so i can talk to both of them tomorrow about what they think is best. and i was able to talk to one of the college leaders today. and she said that if im not going to be able to do the things that are supposed to be a big part of the spiritual aspect of the trip, like hiking a mountain and rock climbing, bc of my health.. then maybe it isnt worth it.

after i read this, i started thinking.. i was like 'i may not be able to focus in my quiet times or during deep talks because im too focused on food and ed related stuff' i honestly couldnt tell you how much of me is well me... i know ed is ALOT of me right now. but i see your point in that i dont think that i will be able to turn ed off and get the full experience. but this is my last year to go so i really want to....

i didnt think you were critizing me at all, thanks so much for your honesty. after talking with a couple people now and apparently everyone is saying go ip.... i dont know, i will talk it over with my therapist tomorrow and see what she says and see what we come to... thanks so much for your input, i like the truth so dont ever feel like its too much!