It has only been 5 weeks since Dad was diagnosed with sclc. Tuesday he went to see his GP and the trip was so hard for him that we thought he was going to die right there in the parking lot!

Hospice arrived last night to start making his life easier. He has chosen to do nothing to fight the cancer. The hospice nurse said I should be moving in with him now but he is still fighting losing his independance and privacy. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to argue with my dying father!!

How can it happen so fast?? Just a month ago he was normal. Now he is cyanotic and can't breath.

Please, if you can give me any support I really need it. Mom is gone and he is all I have left.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I truly know how difficult it is to accept. It is 4 weeks to the day, today, that my dad passed away from lung cancer. He had only been diagnosed 6 weeks prior to his death. It is truly shocking and I still wake up in the middle of the night and jump up when I remember. My dad was very weak. He actually had 1 dose of chemo but then developed a septic infection which he did start to recover from. He just never recovered. My prayers are with you. Please just let your dad know how much you love him. I feel so blessed that I had that opportunity to say goodbye. Take care of yourself also.

Love,

Beth

Bethsch:
Thanks for your words of kindness and support. Today Dad was put on sub lingual morphine to ease his breathing, it seems to be making a tremendous difference.

I am just trying to hold on. My siblings ( who aren't spending any time with him at all) are finding fault with the way I am trying to handle things. I just have to go on doing what feels right to me and not wory about those things, but it does bother me.

Thanks to all the people here for letting me vent.

God bles you C...
there are so many that hold us up against the wall and all we do is try our best. You stand strong and KNOW that you are doing your best. Holding you up in prayer....


Jan

Jan thank you so much. Dad had a real bad reaction to the morphine they started him on yesterday. During the night he had a psychotic episode and it was scary. Today they admitted him to hospice in patient, he has an upper respi infection and they fear pneumonia.

Why does it seem that the deathbed watch turns siblings and others into persons who say things they don't mean and back biting and nasty words about how one did or didn't treat a loved one at an earlier time. The waiting room is the worst place for this type of in-fighting but it still goes on. Why can't everyone unite to take care of the ddying loved one?? I do not understand and it breaks my heart.

God Bless all of you for being here.

You know, I guess it's fear. Everyone is afraid and so many do not know how to deal with it. Not just afraid for the person who is sick, but afraid for their own mortality. They see themselves in their place and that's scary. I know that everyone of my hubby's kids and siblings smoke. They see what lung cancer is doing to him. They see themselves in his place down the road. For the most part, they have become supportive of my efforts, but that's on the days he holds his own and is doing OK. When he slips and starts showing signs of losing ground and the pain intensifies, suddenly questions arise about what about taking him here or there. What about this university or that hospital. Never mind that we don't have the money to just "go". That I work full time to try to continue paying the bills. I have asked them do you have $50,000 as a downpayment for such and such program? Do you mind paying my house payment and our car payments while I take him? All of a sudden then things quiet down for a while. I worry about "afterwards". But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I sure keep you in my prayers Cruiser and hope he finds some relief. My son just got out of the hospital after a week. He was in horrid shape and dx with severe pneumonia. He's 19 and in otherwise good health. I can't imagine trying to fight that while also fighting cancer.

Take care and keep us posted.
Jan

Jan: Thank you for your warm response. You have really made me feel a little better. I pray for you and your family also.

Dad had a truly bad night. They need to catherterize him and they can't because it is so painful for him. He is sinking so very fast. Today for a short time he didn't recognize me. We can't understand him the few times he wakes up and says anything. He hasn't eaten for 24 hours and is barely taking fluids.

I feel guilty for leaving the hospital. I stayed for 8 hours today and left when my brother and his wife came. I can do nothing and the nurse will call me if he starts to decline any further, but I still feel I should be there. Since it is hospice it is quite small and it is too much with everyone there. Am I wrong to feel that I can go rest and do some chores while other family members are sitting with him??

Lord, how could this happen so gol darned fast!!??

Jan thanks so much again, it means a lot to me to be able to come here and speak feely without being judged. This board is a wonderful thing.
Pat

Love you Pat. You hang in there. I hate to say it and I have read it before...but get ready. It's good that someone else..like your sibling, is getting involved. What do I know except what others that have been there before have said. You are getting ready to cross the bridge I will look at soon. Honey, this is so difficult. You pray and make memories. You keep strong and know that you have done your ultimate best. No one can take that away from you. I hope someone reminds me of that when my own time comes... when I wonder...should I have done this or that...
Get some rest when you can...as often as time allows. I do the same.

Lots of love and prayers from Southern Indiana.....stay warm and dry...

Jan

God love you, I am reminded of dealing with my parents' deaths, both within a week, both Hospice patients. My sister, brother and I had so many upsets, because my brother couldn't face their deaths, and my sister because she didn't accept that we were all doing the best we could. We had no contact with each other for two years after our parents died. We lost my husband's mother less than a year later. The same thing with that family. One of her sisters was furious with all of us, like we were responsible for her death. It is simply that some people cannot cope and they lash out at whoever is available at the time. Please don't let it get you down and I know that is hard to do but keep telling yourself you are doing your best, and try not to hold a grudge. They maybe are handling the situation the best they can, even if it is unreasonable. Dear God it is so hard to lose loved ones and we sure need all the strength we have to get through it. You are all in my prayers daily, for strength, faith and courage. Love from Ky. from another Pat.

Thank you all so much, your kind words and support mean everything to me