Just like many of you, I went to the doctor for a routine appointment and asked to get a complete physical - blood work, pap smear, aids test, the works. Having not gotten the phone call requesting that I come back in to see the doctor, I proceed to begin a new sexual relationship, using protection, of course, but sexual nonetheless. After a couple of weeks, I still hadn't received my test results in the mail, but given my recent move I assumed that they sent it to the old address so I called my nurse to inquire. As I was giving her my new info, I said, "well, I guess since you didn't call, everything came back ok" to which she replied "all good". Now that she had the correct address, I requested a copy of my results be mailed.

During all of this, my sexual relationship took off, but instead of it just being about sex, we started to emotionally connect, he's great, we're having a great time and we really like each other. Nothing is complicated, hard or difficult. The feeling is mutual, I go on the pill, we stop having unprotected sex, life is good.

Of course, you've already figured out that when I received the results, it said (and I quote) "Good news! Everything came back great, with the exception of the Herpes 2, which I'm sure is old..." ***??? I've been going to this doctor for, oh, I don't know, about 10 YEARS!!!!! and 1) given that I've never had any symptoms, outbreaks, etc.... and the issue has never been raised during any exam or appointment wouldn't she think that this might be news to me? and 2) why isn't a herpes test been PART of the STD testing that I'd had in the past (of course, this is a whole other topic!) and why was this the first time I was getting one?

Anyhoo, back to my story. Spent the rest of the day, night and this morning reading everything I can find online. I call the doctor this morning to try to get in to see her today, which I can't, so I leave a message that I NEED to speak to her about my test results and now, (tic, tic, tic) it's noon and I still haven't heard from her.

What I'm freaking out about is this guy that I've been seeing. We are incredibly compatible, he's sexy, handsome and we have worked out a really good thing that compliments where our lives are and what we are able to commit to at this time. No serious relationship or anything, but it's soo good and I'm so happy with it. But I really do care about him, and if I knew that I had HSV2, I NEVER would have had sex without telling him and now knowing that I MIGHT have exposed him or even infected him is killing me. And I HAVE to tell him, because he means too much to me and not telling him, lying to him or infecting him would be worse than just owning up and telling him the truth even if he walks away. I've spent the whole morning crying just thinking about sitting down with him tonight and talking to him about all of this. Since our whole thing is pretty much based on sex, I can't see him wanting to stay around and risk it, just to have it affect the rest of his life since I'm not necessarily part of that picture. But I've let my guard down, developed feelings for him and can't imagine losing him. I'm so sad and so confused. And I just continue to cry.

What sort of test did you have for herpes? The best one to have is the HerpeSelect test, which is a type specific test. You may have to request it by name. It's a blood test.
Some older tests do not distinguish between herpes type 1 and 2. Others yet include IgM results, which in the case of herpes, is inaccurate and DOES NOT REFLECT how long you have had herpes, despite what some doctors think.

Ask what kind of test they did, ask for a copy of the results themselves. Disregard anything that says IgM. What you want is the herpes type 1 and 2 IgG results.

Good luck to you.

Well, now I've talked to the doctor and yes, it's HSV2, she thinks I've had it for years since I've never had any issues or signs before.

You know, I completely understand the reality of this and will be able to deal with it - it's not the physical part that I'm worried about. Seriously, it's telling the guy that I'm involved with about it. We have plans to see each other tonight, and I have to tell him. It's completely his decision to walk away, which I'm expecting will happen. I'm just so sad because I've fallen for him and the thought of not seeing him, being with him is excruciating. It's making me realize how strongly I feel about him, which just makes me cry harder. We have (had?) the most emotionally healthy, relationship built on friendship and compatibility. As an adult, I haven't had that before and I just feel like right when I was getting a taste of it, it is about to be ripped out from underneath me.

Is it horrible for me to hope that he also has the virus without knowing it, will get tested and confirmed and this will be a non-issue and we can continue to explore what we've started?

He's such a considerate and compassionate person, that I don't worry about how he will react - I know that he'll be concerned for himself, but for me as well. I'm sure he'll hold me and we'll talk - I'll answer all of his questions and let him determine to stay or walk away.

Ok, time to get off the computer and dry my tears since he'll be over soon. Finding out you have H and dealing with this is hard, but having this conversation is going to be the hardest part of it all.

magic8-ball hi . Are you saying that the IgG blood test reveals how long one has had hsv?



What sort of test did you have for herpes? The best one to have is the HerpeSelect test, which is a type specific test. You may have to request it by name. It's a blood test.
Some older tests do not distinguish between herpes type 1 and 2. Others yet include IgM results, which in the case of herpes, is inaccurate and DOES NOT REFLECT how long you have had herpes, despite what some doctors think.

Ask what kind of test they did, ask for a copy of the results themselves. Disregard anything that says IgM. What you want is the herpes type 1 and 2 IgG results.

Good luck to you.

Smartypants...how did it go with your boyfriend? Have you considered that maybe he gave H to you? I really hope it went ok. Stay in touch. :angel:

***Sad Story Update***

I could never have imagined how well it went. First, to answer and clarify a couple of things - we've been seeing each other for about 5-6 weeks, so no, he didn't give it to me. And he's not really a boyfriend per se. It started out as a "Friend with Benefits" kind of thing but has mushroomed into a more emotional connection. What took me by surprise is that this has caused me to see that I do care about him very much, and much more than just a FwB.

As soon as he came through the door, I started bawling. I had a bottle of wine ready, and once we both had a glass, I tried to gain my composure and just came out an told him. We talked, he held me, I cried, he wiped my tears and he couldn't have been more supportive, compassionate or consoling. I told him everything that I had learned online. He told me that we'd figure this out together, and until he was able to get a test and I can confirm that I got the IgG test we would face this together. He told me that he respected me for telling him and although he could still decide that this isn't what he bargained for, I respect him so much for the way he handled the situation.

I am very glad this worked out so well for you.

No, any time you have a test that seems to indicate "how long" you've had herpes, you had a test that measured IgM, which is MEANINGLESS in the case of herpes. Many doctors do NOT understand this.

You need the test that give the results in IgG, which is the HerpeSelect test (there is another one, but I can't remember the name right now. And anytime you are "diagnosed" with Herpes and have never had a symptom, you can request a confirmatory Western Blot test. Not that it's impossible to have had hepes without symptoms, it's not common and you want to be 100% sure.

I personally would call my doctor and request a confirmatory Western Blot test. And if you were told you had an "old" Hsv2 infection, you had the older, confusing IgM test that is NOT accurate in the case of herpes. It could be you do have it, but I'd want to be 100% sure, myself.

Thanks magic8ball - I'm scheduled for another appointment on Wednesday, but given some of my other learnings, I'm pretty sure that the test is correct (see my other post! :) )

My doctor told me she thought it was something I've had previously since in the 10 years I've been seeing her, I'd never mentioned it or had any issues that I told her about. And since I was married, she didn't have any reason to test me for herpes since I didn't have any of the "symptoms" to make me think I could have it. And we wonder why so many people are walking around with this unaware of their status and spreading it to others unknowingly. :eek:

I'm still going to go get the IgG test, this time at Planned Parenthood and I have another call into my normal doctor to get the specific test type and numbers from the first blood test. I'm pretty much 100% sure that I'm HSV2 positive, but having as much information as I can will help me to manage this and will give me the opportunity to be an advocate for others who are facing this and need support and reassurance from someone else in the same boat. Just like all of you have done for me. :)

I'll keep you posted on what I find out and good luck to any of you newbies who are perusing this site to get all the facts you can. I was there a few days ago, and I can tell you that now I'm in a MUCH better place emotionally and you WILL GET THROUGH THIS! You're not alone!

Hello Smartypants,

Is it worth mentioning here that you wouldn't know how you caught it, therefore WHERE you caught it, could be on the mouth and not the genitals. I'm glad it went so well for you after reading your thread, it's very comforting to know that there are men (and women) out there who are understanding, patient and loyal.

All the best
Blue