for years now i know i've needed help, but i havent know how to get it. my parents think of anything such as psychologist/thearpest as 'shameful', but i view it as my only hope for happyness.(at least im hopeing, i HATE takeing any form of med) my parents relize i have problems, but i guess they just cant swollow thier pride and accept the fact that they have a 'defective' daughter. any sugestions on how to get past this?
or dose anyone at least know of any good self help/diagnosis sights?

Therapists may not be what you expect. You can have one more person who shout at you, disrespectful, talks about things easy and interesting to him/her. I was a paying adult when I face it 2 times. I could just dump him/her no questions asked. Will be much harder in your case. May be you will have to change 10 before you find one you are comfi with and you are having "non-suppotive parents". Best of all if you can share with good friend or there is family member you like and respect.

i didnt know that thearpist were like that. i need someone who can draw me out. i try talking to my friends but i cant seem to express myself well.i just get angry at them because thire supposta be my friend and they dont understand me 100%. then agian id probly get that way with a profesional too.i guess im just treally lost at this point but im open to all sugestions

You will have even less understanding and desire to hear you with paid professional rather than friend or relative. May be try support group. Some people go to alanon meetings even though they don't have alcohol problems but there is a lot of good stuff and people are nice and at least not gonna hurt your feelings.
BYW second specialist I tried started pushing me to take meds without listening to me much and was very mad when I refused but brought same issue to discuss.

I respectively disagree with galinaqt in some areas.

Professionals have tha advantage of being objective with their patients, it is hard, even impossible sometimes for friends/family to do this because they do know you.

If you really want help, and aren't afraid to hear things you may not want to hear, then a professional could be a very very good thing. Counseling is not all fun at all. It is hard work. They are not their to be your friend. They can care about their patients of course, and there are plenty bad ones out there. I got lucky with my first counselor. She was amazing. Did I always hear what I wanted to? Nope. She pointed out observations she saw in me- and sometimes it was hard to hear because I had my own percepions of myself. But I wasn't there to have someone confirm my thoughts on myself because I knew I needed work in some areas and I was obviously missing something otherwise I would have been able to fix it on my own.

I went to another counselor after moving to a new area, and while he wasn't professional at all, I did learn somethings from him. I stopped going to him because I didn't think he was a very good counselor, but it is as simple as that. If you come across one that isn't good, you move on. There are good and bad in every profession, but finding the right one can mean a world of difference for you.

If seeking a counselor is out of the question for you, I would say the next best thing would be to talk to someone at your local church (if you attend one). I think they key is finding a neurtal party that doesn't already have their own beliefs and opinions on what you should do or be like.

Since you are concerned about your parents, I am assuming you are younger. If you are in college or high school you can seek counseling there.

Counselors seem to get a bad rep. I don't exactly know why. I do believe there are bad ones. I often wonder though, if it is because they are in the business of telling others what they may not be ready to hear- the truth hurts sometimes, and people see the counselor as the bad guy for pointing it out because they would rather see the counselot as the bad guy then find some truth in what they are saying.

That said- I don't think counselors should yell at their patients or go on about their own lives and stuff- that is totally unprofessional, and this counselor should have had a formal complaint turned in for this behavior.

Best of luck!

thanks for the info. Im used to my one friend being pretty direct with me when needed, so i dont think that would bother me so much.Its something that im still weighing the pros and cons of. I do have a friend from church (ive graduated school last year, havent moved on to coledge yet) that i could get to talk my parents into letting my get help, but im affraid that i'd "be makeing a big deal over it' and then have them find nothing wrong with me.I fear alot of things though. i know thats part of my problem.
i relize that a profesinal would be hard work, but i would much rather do the hard work than to be drug dependent the rest of my life.

If anyone knows an unbias websight for getting more info on profesinails i'd really appreciate that,Ive learned a bit from just the 2 posters, and im begginging to think that more info might help me get to my parents. or decide if i want to hold out a few more months till im 18.

If you afraid to be medicated you better of stay out of these people. I've heard in old times they really took time to talk to person, these days they can call anything chemical misbalance, put you on drug and then instead of listening to something unpleasant to listen, you will just come on a weekly basis to talk about shopping, vacations, relative's wedding and other nonsense you can talk free and better with anybody. It is not like it is even done in any respectful way with explanations why you need it, person just rude and shouting and almost call names.
My husband don't mind to fight with them if necessary, interest in there life so they will like him, change them if necessary. I just don't want it. It may not be what you expected at all I can tell you right away.

Counselors seem to get a bad rep. I don't exactly know why. I do believe there are bad ones. I often wonder though, if it is because they are in the business of telling others what they may not be ready to hear- the truth hurts sometimes, and people see the counselor as the bad guy for pointing it out because they would rather see the counselot as the bad guy then find some truth in what they are saying.

I can understand if person critisize you in order to help you, not to prove that you are worthless person on earth and don't let you even open your mouth, just say something mean and change the topic. I wasn't by all means unemployed drug addict.

What problems exactly are you experiencing? I don't necesarily agree with any of the prior posts...Could you start off my specifying what exactly is going on, and why you think you need help in the first place? Are you "going through" a hard time right now, and just need someone to talk to, for advice ect? Or do you actually think you may have some sort of condition/disorder? Depending on what symptoms you are experiencing you may need to see a different type of doctor, or engage in different therapy. When you mentioned you didn't want to be drugged- well you probably wouldn't be "drugged" if you are not experiencing very severe symptoms-- Are you experiencing depression? If so, CBT (congnitive behavioral therapy) could be enough to pull you out- Otherwise you may need a mixture of an anti depressant and cbt... You wouldn't want to see a couselor for mental health issues as they are typically for family problems, ect.... Just to help you deal, and well be a mentor. A psychiatrist could deal with your mental health problems... ect... :) SOO like i said in the beginning :) What symtoms are you experiencing? Thanks! GOod luck!
jasmine

I agree with Catt18.

Psychologists cannot prescribe drugs. They can refer you to a psychiatrist if they think you need them. I have heard that many psychiatrists are not into the "talk-therapy", which I got the impression you were looking for. There are psychiatrists, however, that do this, they may be harder to find though.

I myself have never been to a psychiatrist. I was prescribed prozac from my OB/Gyn after giving birth to my first son for depression (post-partum), but felt I needed talk therapy more then drugs. I didn't feel as though my problems required drugs- I had years of trauma to recover from and really needed to get them out and learn how to get past them.

There are many mental illnesses that require drugs in order for the individual to function "normal".

I just really don't want you to leave here thinking that mental health professionals are bad and should be avoided. This is a blanket statement and is simply just not true at all. I am also not trying to say they are all good, you may come across some bad ones in order to find the right match for you. It is always a good idea to interview a potential counselor in order to find out if they can offer the help you are looking for.

I can relate to what you are going through as far as feeling the need to find someone to discuss your problems with- but being afraid to get your parents approval. I was there at your age as well. My parents were/are extremely "anti-counselor" for reason I won't go into, but it made it hard for me to cope with the things I was dealing with, and as a result I found very unhealthy ways to deal with my problems on my own.

I don't know if your parents have contributed to you need for counseling, or if you feel the issues you are dealing with are chemical imbalances, but if your parents are understanding- could you just explain to them the inner turmoil you are in? I would think that if you believe your friend could convince them, that you may be able to as well.

Also- you mentioned that you did have a friend that would set you straight, have you been able to talk to him/her about what is bothering you? Is it helping you at all?

You also mentioned the fear of them finding "nothing wrong with you". Do you think that if you aren't diagnosed with a mental illness then what you are feeling doesn't matter?

If you still want to go to councelor I'd suggest you ask your primary care or somebody you know and trust if they can recommend you somebody. I was burned two times by going randomly to people from insurance list. They can tell you anything at all at the interview and being unexperienced you will trust them. Second person I had was extremly pushy to have and keep me as a customer for good since I called her first. You don't want to have somebody harassing you as a salesman. Also some of them can prescribe drugs, enough to have extra degree or licence.

ok ill try to get back to the questions i was asked. if they dont find anything wrong with me ill think its just all in my head (well i know it is but...) if they say im normal, i guess i would fell as if my feelings didnt matter didnt matter after all if they cant be change why bother? and id just look like a crybaby then.

my problems: i seem to be in fear alot (i rember being little probly 4/5 and hideing when i heard police sirnes because i though eithes A. i was framed B. i broke a law i ddint know about) i still have that but in a slightly more realistic perspective (such as affraid i made someone mad and they wont be my friend) i dont feel like ita anxity though
also i know i have low self essteme/ depression
i also have the tendancy to take my friends problems on (freind's parent's divore effects me as much if not more ect....)

those are the main things i fell are wrong, but i feel like theres more too i just dont know what. maybe its just the fact that im fustrated and dont know how to deal with my issues.i dont know if it matters much but i have (untreated) ADD that ive dealt with alot of my life. sometimes it think the mental strain of trying to cope with that (forcing myself to sit still, mind over matter ect...)

Edit: i forgot to say what bugs me most thats driving me to get this help. i act like a brat often and i know i am but i cant stop because i feel like its the only way people will pay atention to me and not ignore me
i probly just feel that way because im spoiled or somethig but i guess i need to hear that
also i know im an emotional sadist, ill often line myself up where i know im going to get my feelings hurt and then i drag out the hurt for as much as i can. i try not to do it much but when i get fustrated ill cut myself, not for the reason most do, rather i almost force myself to do it in order to reflect the pain i feel inside.

May be you should see somebody, so start with your primary care phisician and ask her to recommend you somebody who accepts your insurance. She may have good person. If she thinks you need help may be your parents go alone with it. Hopefully she will recommend you good person not somebody I had, which was crime to let near people.

Unless a counselor is a medical doctor, they can't prescribe drugs. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor, too, which is why he can prescribe drugs.

I've had two experiences with therapists, and neither of them have ever yelled at me or acted hostile towards me. Yes, they've both told me things that I didn't want to hear, but I needed to hear them. Also, we don't wind up talking about vacations, shopping or anything like that. We've always talked about what's bothering me and how I can fix it.

My therapist I see now is almost like an old friend. She lets me tell her what I need to and then helps me to develop a plan to overcome it. If I'm doing something wrong or have the wrong idea about something, she points it out. She's great. And, I truly believe that that's what most people need to find in a psychologist, unless you have a major psychological problem and then you need a psychiatrist.

Tamara you are lucky one Therapist out of seven therapists that I went to bothered to listen to me and help me with a plan on how to solve my problems- the other therapists refused to help and they said that it was all up to me and that they were not there to tell me what to do. So I was really left in the dark and confused for so long.

they said that it was all up to me and that they were not there to tell me what to do.
I HAD to comment on this because I found it very interesting. Change IS all up to you. A counselor isn't a miracle worker and they do not have super powers. Change lies within you, all they do is help you to find the way, key word, is help. They cannot do it for you. They also shouldn't tell you what to do, they can make suggestions, but you need to make the decisions on your own. You are the one in the drivers seat of your life, not the counselor. Their job is not to control you by telling you what to do- but they can help you find ways to help you figure out what to do for yourself.

I tried "councelors" two times and I had shouting, telling me what to do, choosing topics easy and interesting for them and no use for me, bringing bad moods and personnal problems to sessions.

Kstorts: One does not change in a negative, invalidating, and non emapthic environment or relationship. Cognitive and Behavior therapists learn procedures and techniques to aid a person into changing for the better. Talking about problems week after week and learning no new skills and obtaining little or no empathy from the therapist will result in disaster and resentment. The unfortonate problem is that therapists say "we are not here to control or tell you what to do" but they end up controlling and ordering me around and being negative, non compliant, argumentative and bitter towards me. So the problem lies soley with the professional and rarely with the client who desires to get better. In behavior analysis they believe it is always the therapists fault for not helping enough rather than blaming the client. If the therapist blames the client for not wanting to change then nothing gets done. Remember the client comes from a stand point of ignorance and may need to learn new skills. My life has improved 10 fold because I taught myself psychological techniques and learned new skills I got worse and felt worse because I talked on and on about my problems with some arrogant and withholding therapist that did not provide warmth or empathy. And I always report a rude or arrogant therapist. Each bad therapist I've been to has a hidden agenda and either I introject and live out their negative projections and solve my problems along with their problems and tell them about the painful journey and I do all the work which is draining, a waste of time and causes more suffering and the bad therapist enjoys every minutes of it. Rather the one good therapist I went to did not want me to suffer and provided empathy when I felt miserable and rejected, provided suggestions to help me get out and do things, used praise and encouragement, and taught me how to reason and give myself love when I felt bad. In the code of conduct it states that counselors are to use psychological procedures scientifically prooven to work- if they do not and the therapist gives me a hard time I report right away. ANd saying "It is all up to you. Don't ask me because I don't know" is not a psychological procedure or helpful at all it is plain rude and a cover up for incompetence and narcissitic greed. The famous psychiatrist Aaron Beck coined the term Collaborative Empericism which means the therapist is listening, collaborative and lets the client stay in control. I was wondering what knowledge you had about counseling because it is more complex than what you they tell you??

Some easy examples of how that belief of it is all about the client to change and how it can be turned around to narcissitic purposes. Is like in my case where my therapist refused to provide compassion towards me when I was talking about verbal and physical abuse that one of my parents had doen to me. She made me relive everything during the inner child treatment. Then as I was suffering in an emotional agony session after session she would rudely state "how there is no magic bullet and that you will have to go threw pain and you have to figure it out on your own". So she easily attended to my suffering and gave attention to that even if it was negative but when I said that I was doing research on how to feel better and reading books etc she would remain silent and give me the cold silent treatment as if she did not believe me. Deep down inside she wanted me to suffer and no get better. She did not want me to resolve my issues as she probably had mental problems herself that were unresolved and her competative and narcissistic nature prevented me from solving my problems which lead to more embitterment and feelings of persecution - when in fact she was projected into me and insisting that I continue to stay with the misery and look at it even if it caused me harm and then she provided no encouragement to feel better or be happy or be successful. That is how projection works. You pay obssessive attention to somebody elses ills and misfortunes, imagine that they are holding onto and taking in your negative aspects that you hate about yourself, and give it attention to the point where it magnifies and increases suffering rather than teaching new skills and providing compassion and empathy. This is what I had to go threw which was plain awful.

I guess I am very lucky. My therapist is wonderful. She doesn't actually tell me what to do. She tells me what she thinks I should do and helps me develop a plan to make it work. She also knows that we are having a few financial problems right now, and she won't accept payment from me until things get cleared up. Her whole payment system is based on how much you make. I wish everyone could find someone like her.

That is awesome Tamara! There are definately plenty of great therapists out there that truely want to help. =)

Strongernow- I really do not want to hijack this thread with a debate. I simply did not want the original poster to get the impression that all therapists are narcassistic and enjoy other peoples pain. Thiis is misinformation. It is common for people that start reading into psychology to then begin to diagnose everyone, it sounds to me like you have diagnosed the entire mental health profession as filled with a bunch of narcassists. I understand that the way many therapists practice is text book. I think it is good that you report therapists that are negligent in their duties, I do however, find it odd that you know all about these counselors inner workings- they are all out to get you, or so it seems? Change IS up to you, if not- then who is in charge of your life? I am not narcissistic at all. I do, however, understand that illness extremely well. Therapy is not for everyone. If reading up on psychology has better helped you to understand yourself- then that is awesome, it may be a good idea to try not to diagnose everyone though. Some people just get into the wrong profession and with counseling they can be doing more damage then good without even meaning to- that is why it is important to do as you have, and report the bad ones. I don't really want to say more than I have, because I am afraid of offending you and I really don't want to do that.

I tried "councelors" two times and I had shouting, telling me what to do, choosing topics easy and interesting for them and no use for me, bringing bad moods and personnal problems to sessions.

galinaqt, sometimes it takes more than two tries to find the right councelor. I interviewed four, key word "interviewed", before I found one where there was a mutual rapport. Maybe you need to take a more proactive approach and interview a few before you make a choice. Or, maybe therapy is not for you.

Condeming the whole profession based on two experiences is wrong. I know therapist who have wonderful track records and get referrals all the time. If they are everything you say then they wouldn't have successful practices.

To tell the original poster that therapy is no good is doing them a disservice. Therapy might be the best thing for them. Just because it is not right for you doen't mean it applies to everyone else. Sorry you had such bad experiences, but not everyone does...some have very positive experiences like myself.

Second person who I was interviewed asked me to give her my phone 'cause she is with the client. By the time she called back she'd already talked to insurance to find out as much info as she could about me and decided that she was the one and started pushing me to come as soon as possible. That time I didn't pay much attention that she didn't care that I am not comfi to talk about things why did I need her at work and didn't had enough patience to explain commute.
I don't think that she had successful practice, it's possible that even bad person can find somebody he/she hits off. On my opinion unless you have good people skills - show interest in their lives, make them like you, can stand up for yourself it will be a disaster.

She made me relive everything during the inner child treatment. Then as I was suffering in an emotional agony session after session she would rudely state "how there is no magic bullet and that you will have to go threw pain and you have to figure it out on your own".

Looks like she was taking you through the pain so you could eventually come out on the other side of it.

I went through that in therapy. I recalled some painful events in my childhood and felt tremendous pain. I finally found the abscess that was lurking inside of me that needed to pop. Sorry for being graphic, but if you think about it, don't you have to poke a hole in the abscess for it to heal and isn't that going to be painful? I felt the pain and was able to identify key elements of my personality that existed because of those childhood events. It was like I was following emotional strings all the way back to their source. By doing so, (and it was painful) I was finally able to heal.

So she easily attended to my suffering and gave attention to that even if it was negative but when I said that I was doing research on how to feel better and reading books etc she would remain silent and give me the cold silent treatment as if she did not believe me.

Maybe she thought you were avoiding dealing with the pain.

That is how projection works. You pay obssessive attention to somebody elses ills and misfortunes, imagine that they are holding onto and taking in your negative aspects that you hate about yourself, and give it attention to the point where it magnifies and increases suffering rather than teaching new skills and providing compassion and empathy.

When someone is projecting aren't they attributing their own thoughts and impulses to another person unconsciously. For example, a man, unable to accept that he has competitive or hostile feelings toward an aquaintance, says, "He doesn't like me." Another example, a woman, denying that she has sexual feelings about a coworker, accuses him, without basis, of flirting and described him as a “wolf.” I don't think the person is actually aware they are doing it...if they were, wouldn't that be manipulation.

I am not trying to minimize your experiences and it is good that you found a therapist who, you feel, has more compassion. But, instead of condemming and labeling the other therapist, isn't it just that they were not right for you? They could be very effective to someone else.

Second person who I was interviewed asked me to give her my phone 'cause she is with the client. By the time she called back she'd already talked to insurance to find out as much info as she could about me and decided that she was the one and started pushing me to come as soon as possible. That time I didn't pay much attention that she didn't care that I am not comfi to talk about things why did I need her at work and didn't had enough patience to explain commute.


galinaqt, sounds like you have good insurance and that is why she wanted you as a client...gauranteed payment if you know what I mean. That is unprofessional behavior. A good therapist would want YOU to determine whether or not they are the right choice. A good way to find a therapist is to talk to someone in the field and ask who they recomend. Or, talk to your medical doctor about the difficulties you are having finding one and see if they have any recommendations. There are plenty of great therapist in practice...sometimes you have to do some research to find them. One reason is, if they are good, they are busy and working mainly from referrals, so it might be a little hard to find them.

I don't mean to offend by asking this and you don't have to answer...are you new to this country? The reason I ask is because you might be able to reach out to your cultural community and get a referral there.

At the very least, you have good insurance so YOU can be selective. Interview therapist like you are hiring them for a job (which you are)...if they are good they will leave the decision up to you. It might be time consuming at first, but isn't it better to make the effort up front and choose the right one rather than finding out later it's not a good fit.

I am originally from Russia, but I've been here for 13 y. I am agree about refferals, good idea not to go to anybody at all without a refferal. Right now I have few recommendations to therapists from my dh therapist, but can't force myself to go for it.
Lady I went to was actually complaining that insurance paying her very little, but she was struggling to keep a house in an expensive neighbourhood, who knows if she was telling the truth.
It is not hard to fool unexperienced ( and even experienced) person on the interview and even use all kind of tricks to push one to choose you. I don't want to go through that again.

Like I said in the other post, a good therapist is NOT going to try to convince you that they are the right choice for you. A good therapist is going to suggest an initial visit to see if it is a good fit for the both of you. Keep that in mind when you interview them. If they try to sell themselves to you or complain about their personal life then cross them off your list fast! As a matter of fact, you should just get up and walk out and say, "this is not a good match." A good therapist is not going to tell you anything about their personal life.

I feel for you galinaqt, I know it is hard to go through this process, but you are showing incredible strength because you are trying. It takes a lot of courage to go to counseling... Keep telling yourself that and let me know how you make out.

It was partially my fault 'cause when she suggested to charge me less in co-payments but give me less sessions I went for it 'cause I was happy to save. I should of use common sense and move to somebody with regular office and professional relationship.
Thank you for your suggestions.

It was partially my fault 'cause when she suggested to charge me less in co-payments but give me less sessions I went for it 'cause I was happy to save. I should of use common sense and move to somebody with regular office and professional relationship.
Thank you for your suggestions.

It was all new to you, so it is easy to make those kind of mistakes. Don't worry, now you know what to avoid in the future...it was a learning experience that's all. :)

Hmm but I never went on the other side of it and it was a waste of my time and probably fun for her to enjoy my misery.

Looks like she was taking you through the pain so you could eventually come out on the other side of it.

I went through that in therapy. I recalled some painful events in my childhood and felt tremendous pain. I finally found the abscess that was lurking inside of me that needed to pop. Sorry for being graphic, but if you think about it, don't you have to poke a hole in the abscess for it to heal and isn't that going to be painful? I felt the pain and was able to identify key elements of my personality that existed because of those childhood events. It was like I was following emotional strings all the way back to their source. By doing so, (and it was painful) I was finally able to heal.

Maybe she thought you were avoiding dealing with the pain.

When someone is projecting aren't they attributing their own thoughts and impulses to another person unconsciously. For example, a man, unable to accept that he has competitive or hostile feelings toward an aquaintance, says, "He doesn't like me." Another example, a woman, denying that she has sexual feelings about a coworker, accuses him, without basis, of flirting and described him as a “wolf.” I don't think the person is actually aware they are doing it...if they were, wouldn't that be manipulation.

I am not trying to minimize your experiences and it is good that you found a therapist who, you feel, has more compassion. But, instead of condemming and labeling the other therapist, isn't it just that they were not right for you? They could be very effective to someone else.

Yes Freudians believe projection is purely unconscious. BUT it is a theory not a fact that applies to all people. There is no emperical evidence that the projection theory can only and strictly be unconscious for all people. Some theories believe it is purely somebody placing their unappealing or rejected aspects onto another and treating that person as if he or she owns them.

Yes and I do consider it a manipulation wheather it be unconscious or conscious. In behavior sciences behavior is behavior regardless if it is habitual or not. That is why if I give feedback to the therapist she needs to take it seriusly and not blow me off and say "you can leave if you don't feel this helps you". A huge part of therapy is the relationship and the empathy used in it and if the therapist is refusing to accept, hear and rejects all feedback then there is a problem with the therapist.

Still that is sadistic "if she thought I didn't want to go threw the pain" because nobody knows for sure what the other is feeling. I don't have to suffer and go threw pain to satisfy the counselor. That is why giving me the cold shoulder is very uncalled for and rude. A counselor should believe in their client and know that if they suffer continuous depression and rage day in and day out then they do not need to go to counseling for more rage and depression to be induced for the counselor. The counselor imo enjoyed it when I started to freak out and panic. Reading books on congitive and behavior therapy is not an escape but a way of fixing the problem. Self curing rather than dealing with some arrogant and sadistic therapist was how I wanted to resolve this problem that she made worse.

No actually I think the therapist was an evil person. Lucky me I got the therapy for free and she was actually repositioned to do another task instead of counseling.

Nobody is saying you should have to go through pain to for the therapist sake, I was merely trying to understand the situation. Getting to root cause of my self esteem problems and finally allowing myself to feel the pain allowed me to finally heal. If you feel a different method of therapy works for you that's good. Sorry for the cliche, but different strokes for different folks I guess.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a particular disorder? Is therapy working for you now?

I had severe depression diagnosed by a psychiatrist who did prescribe medicine. WHen I told my therapists the diagnosis they did not believe that I had it which made me feel worthless and invalid. That was over 3 years ago. I've tried different therapists but they continue to say that they see no depression or anxiety with me. I think I have histrionic traits but no therapist has ever seen that in me. Nearly all therapists have refused to diagnose me or acknowledge that i have had any emotional problems. One christian therapist argued that I should just believe in God and pray more often and that would cure my problem which is stupid imo....I don't need to pay money to hear that. Right now I just try to listen to self help audiobooks, attend church, do volunteer work, help others, and be as kind as possible. And you are right about your other post it would probably make sense for me to find a therapist who can relate to me at a more intellectual level but I don't have insurance or money to waste on interviews. So far I've only had one therapist who bothered to understand me and see my point of views and help me to change and enhance my self worth. Believe me I do not want to go threw life depressed and miserable that is why i attended counseling. I knew I had to do hard work but most therapists I went to only wanted to lecture or talk down to me about the basics of self esteem, rarely did they want to hear about my life or experiences and empathize with me at all. I am currently not in counseling because I fear that it will be to traumatizing for me. I attend college and I had most of the counseling done for free at the colleges by begginer counselors or interns. The funny thing is that I am minoring in counseling and majoring in psychology so I know there is more to it than just going threw pain. It pays to be educated.

In my case, it wasn't just going through the pain. My therapist tried a few different techniques with me and one of them helped me recall a memory that I had been surpressing since I was around 3 or 4. Before that I didn't even know it existed. The moment I recalled it I felt like I wanted to run out of her office and hide. I was seriously freaking out! That is when the pain started because I was able to see myself as a child, feeling incredibly hurt and confused. After, I felt like an abscess had popped within me and I started to heal. Actually, it was quite an incredible experience to go through because it was a whole new beginning for me. Recalling that memory put a lot of how I was feeling into perspective. Once I started to heal, a void was created within me and I started to fill it with what I wanted inside.

So, I do understand that it not just the pain...that just happened to be my experience. I am not a therapist, but I do have a sister who is and she is really good. So I do know from my own therapist and my sister that really good ones do exist. It is just a matter of finding the one who is the right match.

When I decided to go to therapy I didn't have much money, but I knew it would be a worth while investment...and I am happy to say...it was. It helped me decide to get out of a bad marriage and raise my 2 daughters in an emotionally healthy environment. It wasn't only an investment in my life it was an investment in theirs too.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your experiences and I hope it all works out for you eventually.

Smz3 - Also I do not want to invalidate your experience. I want to validate you. You reexperienced a long lost memory and because of that you felt better. That was beneficial to you and you've raised some kids that you value alot and in which they probably bring you joy and satisfaction. I was wondering how your therapist(S) responded to you as you recovered that memory or brought it out of repression and into full consciousness. I was wondeirng what the therapist said or how he/she acted? I've read that what matters significantly is not just how the client brings up past painful memories but how the therapist responds to it. I was wondering what the differences were between your experience and mine and what made your experience successful and mine a failure. And yes I believe you, there are good therapists I know because some of my teachers are professional therapists and one is actually a famous child therapist !

After I recalled the memory she helped me deal with the feelings that surrounded the loss of the child. She used some hypno therapy techniques to help me look at myself, as a child, and identify with the feelings. It was really interesting because I was able to identify everything I was feeling as an adult in that child. Then she helped me through the mourning process and eventually I was able to embrace and let the child go. So, I guess that is what I meant by feeling the pain and I am sorry if I came off sounding callous about your experience. When I think about it, she wanted me to feel everything associated with mourning the loss of innocense, but she was very encouraging at the same time. It is quite different than what you went through. Thanks for taking me back there because it has been long time since I really thought about the experience.

I forgot about something, when the pain was hard to deal with she used a technique that took away symptoms of the pain (the ones you feel right in your chest), but it still let me deal with all of the feelings. Gosh, I completely forgot about that. I was amazed how well the technique worked. It was kind of like a psychological beta blocker(sp?). She used it again when I went through a break up.

The experience helped me realize the choices I was making in life stemmed from that time...unhealthy relationships, bad career choices etc...

That is great that you know good people in the profession and I hope that you are able to build a nice career for yourself in the field. How far along are you in school? My youngest daughter is majoring in psychology and wants to get her MSW...she is a sophmore right now. I guess it runs in the family, my uncle, sister and now my daughter. :)

Hmm but I never went on the other side of it and it was a waste of my time and probably fun for her to enjoy my misery.



Yes Freudians believe projection is purely unconscious. BUT it is a theory not a fact that applies to all people. There is no emperical evidence that the projection theory can only and strictly be unconscious for all people. Some theories believe it is purely somebody placing their unappealing or rejected aspects onto another and treating that person as if he or she owns them.

Yes and I do consider it a manipulation wheather it be unconscious or conscious. In behavior sciences behavior is behavior regardless if it is habitual or not. That is why if I give feedback to the therapist she needs to take it seriusly and not blow me off and say "you can leave if you don't feel this helps you". A huge part of therapy is the relationship and the empathy used in it and if the therapist is refusing to accept, hear and rejects all feedback then there is a problem with the therapist.

Still that is sadistic "if she thought I didn't want to go threw the pain" because nobody knows for sure what the other is feeling. I don't have to suffer and go threw pain to satisfy the counselor. That is why giving me the cold shoulder is very uncalled for and rude. A counselor should believe in their client and know that if they suffer continuous depression and rage day in and day out then they do not need to go to counseling for more rage and depression to be induced for the counselor. The counselor imo enjoyed it when I started to freak out and panic. Reading books on congitive and behavior therapy is not an escape but a way of fixing the problem. Self curing rather than dealing with some arrogant and sadistic therapist was how I wanted to resolve this problem that she made worse.

No actually I think the therapist was an evil person. Lucky me I got the therapy for free and she was actually repositioned to do another task instead of counseling.

If it was free for you it means that therapist receives little money and good specialist normally are not free or cheap. I also got mine for free at first through eap program at work.

If it was free for you it means that therapist receives little money and good specialist normally are not free or cheap. I also got mine for free at first through eap program at work.

Hi galinaqt, sorry to chime in here, but that is so true. It does cost money to go to someone who is good because they don't have to work for free...they are too good. I tried Family Services at first, but found that the therapist were either new or not that good (I had one that dumped her problems on me). She actually said, "I was glad to see you were coming today because I have someone to unload on." Can you believe it?! I stopped going to her after that session! :mad:

If they are new, I know they have to start somewhere, but I didn't want it to be me. :) I went to a someone who was new too and in the initial session she told me, if I chose her, we will put on my "ruby slippers" like Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz" and go on a journey together. I said to myself...oh puhleeeeze....I can't do this! :rolleyes:

The first one (the one who dumped on me), talked me into doing a 6 week evaluation with her....I didn't last beyond the third visit. That is when I decided to start interviewing prospective therapist first. I found the one I went to for five years on my third interview. She was a referral from someone in the field. It cost money, but she worked with me on the payments and I considered it to be a great investment. If you want something bad enough you find a way to pay for it...right?

Both times I have people who passed there retirement age, second person hardly realized that I am not personal friend she can say anything and ask to do anything. First one was more concern of writing report for insurance and tried to save himself from negative topics. I'd rather have somebody new who still have some school knowledge and interest in what he/she is doing, common interest than put up with shouting, insulting, telling me what to do.

We have used to believe that doctor with degree knows something that why we trust that people and they took advantage of it. Somebody told me that shrink is a doctor who doesn't want anything and doesn't want to do anything. I don't want to badmouth whole profession but 2 bad experiences certainly affected me.

It is a shame that sometimes we end up going to bad matches and just waste our time. A few bad starts can really turn someone off to therapy as you already found out. I guess if decide to go to therapy and you don't know where to start, you end up with a few wrong ones to start with. Part of the learning curve I guess.

I understand what you are saying about someone who is new and fresh out of school, I didn't mean to sound cold about that. It was just the "ruby slippers" thing that turned me off. I prefer someone who is more in the middle so to speak...someone who has some experience under their belt.

I hope that it all works out for you eventually. And if you do decide to go and they turn out to be a good match...I wish you the best.