wewon
05-14-2006, 11:47 AM
My friends daughter just turned 18 and will be going off to college in September. She is anxious about fitting in. When I asked what the concern was she said she wasn't sure she could have sex so no guy would want her!!!
I suggested asking her doctor if sex was possible but I am sure she would like to hear from someone else with CP.
I suggested asking her doctor if sex was possible but I am sure she would like to hear from someone else with CP.
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Steffers2318
05-14-2006, 06:20 PM
I know that fitting in and being seen as "desirable" are common issues when someone is disabled. As far as sex, I guess it depends on her specific physical problems/limitations...I'm sure she would just have to experiment to see what she can do. But tell her not to let that stop her from meeting a nice guy who will be willing to work with her!
write
05-16-2006, 03:06 PM
I agree with Steffers
Although I'm not really sure I should be giving advice since I struggle with relationships, I have had a 3 year relationship. She has to put herself out there and do a little experimentation to see what her comfort level is. And besides meeting the right person makes everything easier in life (as far as relationships go)
Although I'm not really sure I should be giving advice since I struggle with relationships, I have had a 3 year relationship. She has to put herself out there and do a little experimentation to see what her comfort level is. And besides meeting the right person makes everything easier in life (as far as relationships go)
NJCrip
05-26-2006, 04:45 AM
We all struggle with fitting in. Like most freshmen, she will have to find as new niche and peer group. With regard to sex, where there is a will there is a way. I would suggest a book called Enabling Romance.
NJCrip
NJCrip
LisainFlorida
05-26-2006, 09:13 PM
Just a note of encouragement. My son is a perfectly healthy young man. He is 24 years old. He met his girlfriend online about 6 years ago and she has just moved in with him. She has CP and is almost totally disabled.
My son does not look at her disability. He loves her for who she is.
There is hope. I am so proud of my son and his girlfriend is a sweetheart. :) I look forward to having her for a daughter in law.
My son does not look at her disability. He loves her for who she is.
There is hope. I am so proud of my son and his girlfriend is a sweetheart. :) I look forward to having her for a daughter in law.
Albertarose
05-31-2006, 06:34 PM
I have CP and sex is very possible evan having children. I experiement with my hubby and we find ways that are comfortable for me as well as him. I have 3 kids ages 18, 17, and 15 and they are all very healthy too. Just keep try new things and it will be fine.
Thrill Lover
05-31-2006, 08:22 PM
Speaking of having children, I've been nervous that all doctors will automatically be against vaginal deliveries. Is this the case?
CPchick
06-01-2006, 02:35 AM
I have an adult friend who has a 2 year old daughter. She has Spastic Diplegia CP. Her husband is also in a chair due to a spinal injury.
adinahwithkaden
06-03-2006, 03:46 AM
When I had my baby, that certainly wasn't the case. I had a normal vaginal delivery- no one even suggested a c-section. However, they may be more apt to suggest one at a hospital with a high rate of c-sections in general.
The biggest problem I had was I had shaky legs after the birth-- common in women who deliver vaginally. And the thing is, it was really hard for me to walk due to that. The hospital didn't really "get" it and put me in a room that was across the freaking hospital wing from the neonatal intensive care unit where my baby had to stay because he had jaundice (very normal, and he was healthy otherwise). I was literally shuffling all around. It took me a long time, with a lot of nervousness, to get to my baby and back.
The biggest problem I had was I had shaky legs after the birth-- common in women who deliver vaginally. And the thing is, it was really hard for me to walk due to that. The hospital didn't really "get" it and put me in a room that was across the freaking hospital wing from the neonatal intensive care unit where my baby had to stay because he had jaundice (very normal, and he was healthy otherwise). I was literally shuffling all around. It took me a long time, with a lot of nervousness, to get to my baby and back.
Funky Dynamite
06-03-2006, 10:52 PM
Ok,
This is an area that I have knowledge in, I wouldn't call myself an expert, but....
First of all, I do not wish to offend anyone but I am going to be going into things that are pretty adult. So consider this a PARENTAL ADVISORY....
Now, first, masterbation is one of the best ways to discover what your body can or cannot do, as far as physical limitations. When you have that knowledge you can more easily tell your partner where to touch you, how to touch, where not to touch, and so on.... Masterbation, if one doesn't take it to extremes, can be a very reliable and healthy way of exploring one's body. To the parents out there, no, I am not saying give your sons and daughters a Playboy, open the door to the bathroom, and telling them to enjoy. Nevertheless it is an important part of the learning process and it reduces stress. It is very important that parents do not hide or stop this.
Second, I agree with the person that said experiment and find what works best for you and your partner. Experience is the best teacher. A book can be helpful, yes, but nothing can match actual experience. I'm not saying that you should encourage your sons and daughters to have sexual encounters with hundreds of people, safe sex practices are always a must, but they gain knowledge from these encounters. I myself have only had two sexual partners in my lifetime but those experiences have made me a better partner. It is important to let people with CP know that they are as much as sexual beings as their normal counterparts are.
Thirdly, picture Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Ok? Remember him? Now take the comic character Wolverine (No, not Hugh Jackman, the actual comic book character, do a Google search on him and you'll see him), now cross those two. Now make the result a nerd. Scary picture, huh? I'm lanky with this wild mane of blond hair and beard with glasses. I thought I would die alone. If I can a loving partner, anybody can! All is say is beauty is in the eye of the beholder....
This is an area that I have knowledge in, I wouldn't call myself an expert, but....
First of all, I do not wish to offend anyone but I am going to be going into things that are pretty adult. So consider this a PARENTAL ADVISORY....
Now, first, masterbation is one of the best ways to discover what your body can or cannot do, as far as physical limitations. When you have that knowledge you can more easily tell your partner where to touch you, how to touch, where not to touch, and so on.... Masterbation, if one doesn't take it to extremes, can be a very reliable and healthy way of exploring one's body. To the parents out there, no, I am not saying give your sons and daughters a Playboy, open the door to the bathroom, and telling them to enjoy. Nevertheless it is an important part of the learning process and it reduces stress. It is very important that parents do not hide or stop this.
Second, I agree with the person that said experiment and find what works best for you and your partner. Experience is the best teacher. A book can be helpful, yes, but nothing can match actual experience. I'm not saying that you should encourage your sons and daughters to have sexual encounters with hundreds of people, safe sex practices are always a must, but they gain knowledge from these encounters. I myself have only had two sexual partners in my lifetime but those experiences have made me a better partner. It is important to let people with CP know that they are as much as sexual beings as their normal counterparts are.
Thirdly, picture Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Ok? Remember him? Now take the comic character Wolverine (No, not Hugh Jackman, the actual comic book character, do a Google search on him and you'll see him), now cross those two. Now make the result a nerd. Scary picture, huh? I'm lanky with this wild mane of blond hair and beard with glasses. I thought I would die alone. If I can a loving partner, anybody can! All is say is beauty is in the eye of the beholder....
route66
06-10-2006, 10:56 AM
I concur. I'm 38 and have been very happily married for over eight years, and my AB wife and I have a great sex life together. As far as "going all the way," she was my eighth (I was her sixth, and she was married before). I dated a lot of AB women before her and found that most had no problem with my disability. If it wasn't a problem for me (ie, I didn't have an attitude of "Woe is me, I'm disabled so nobody can love me"), it wasn't a problem for them. In my early 20s I did the nightclub thing a lot and made many friends. There was a guy in a wheelchair who had the "Take pity on me" attitude to get women (though he seemed very confident and was a handsome man), and word of this got around. Women found out and wouldn't go near him, which opened my eyes. I promised myself I would never act like that.
I think if a disabled person is confident and doesn't allow their limitations to hinder their attitude and drive, most other people respect that and are comfortable in forming relationships with that person (romantic, friendship, business, etc.). Now, in my mind and heart I still struggle, but many have told me they never see it on my face. Guess I'm doing something right.
We purchased "Enabling Romance," but my wife and I were kind of like "been there, done that." But for someone who is new to sex and disabled, it can be a good resource. Sex is not as big of an issue to me now as it was when I was single. It's still great, but I often wish that my wife had been my first and only partner. I wish I had followed my Christian upbringing and waited for her, but what's done is done.
I think if a disabled person is confident and doesn't allow their limitations to hinder their attitude and drive, most other people respect that and are comfortable in forming relationships with that person (romantic, friendship, business, etc.). Now, in my mind and heart I still struggle, but many have told me they never see it on my face. Guess I'm doing something right.
We purchased "Enabling Romance," but my wife and I were kind of like "been there, done that." But for someone who is new to sex and disabled, it can be a good resource. Sex is not as big of an issue to me now as it was when I was single. It's still great, but I often wish that my wife had been my first and only partner. I wish I had followed my Christian upbringing and waited for her, but what's done is done.
Mceestix
07-18-2006, 09:01 PM
There was a guy in a wheelchair who had the "Take pity on me" attitude to get women (though he seemed very confident and was a handsome man), and word of this got around. Women found out and wouldn't go near him, which opened my eyes. I promised myself I would never act like that.
So, are you saying the women wouldn't go near this guy anymore because of the fact that he was kind of being sleezy. It sounds like that guy was just cashing in on a little bit of sympathy, though there is some wrong in that. Maybe it just made the guy feel better about himself. I know if some girl comes up to me and starts to ask "what happened?'' they almost instantly feel sympathetic, so I could see how this guy could use it to his advantage, though it might not be the right thing to do.
So, are you saying the women wouldn't go near this guy anymore because of the fact that he was kind of being sleezy. It sounds like that guy was just cashing in on a little bit of sympathy, though there is some wrong in that. Maybe it just made the guy feel better about himself. I know if some girl comes up to me and starts to ask "what happened?'' they almost instantly feel sympathetic, so I could see how this guy could use it to his advantage, though it might not be the right thing to do.
route66
07-18-2006, 10:46 PM
Well, this was about 15 years ago, but I remember a couple of females he spoke to saying he was milking the sympathy factor way too much. I think they said his attitude was, "Nobody will love me or sleep with me because I'm in this wheelchair..." I agree that the sympathy factor works, but we should use it tastefully. Once the other person knows your limitations, move beyond that and be strong as a person. Hope that makes sense.
Mceestix
07-19-2006, 02:25 AM
Oh it definatly does man, I totally agree with what you are getting at.