I had a complete meltdown over my herpes status the other day. It started with a sore on my knuckle. I assumed it was an insect bite. On Monday I had a sports lesson and my teacher had a major, major cold sore. I was kind of freaked out about it but tried to keep calm considering it obviously cannot be passed on through air. However, he took my hand at some point during the lesson to correct the positioning of my hands. I was panicked but did not know what to say. On Thursday I went to my daughter's house and played with my newborn grandchild. Thursday night I looked at my insect bite and noticed two very tiny (pin head size) whiteheads or blisters. I had a complete meltdown panicking over the thought the my bite may be herpes and I played with my grandchild. I wanted to call my daughter immediately but my DH said that I have no way of knowing if what is on my knuckle is herpes and if by rare chance it was, what would be the odds of passing it on to the baby. He strongly felt that since nothing could be done, I would be causing my daughter tremendous concern over nothing. I was hysterical (to put it midly) and we stayed up half the night discussing this. I decided to keep calm and not say anything. On Saturday I saw her again and I noticed a rash on the babies neck and chest. I asked my daughter what it was and she said she doesn't know and was perhaps a heat rash. Today she said it has spread to her face a bit. I looked at it and it doesn't really look like anything more than a heat rash but with herpes, the symptoms are so varied that there is no real of way of knowing. I don't want to scare my daughter needlessly so I'm keeping this to myself (my husband refuses to allow me to say anything prematurely because I would be worrying her for nothing). If I have passed this on to my grandchild, I could never live with myself.

For the first time in the over 20 years that I've had this, it hit me like a ton of bricks. DH keeps saying it's no big deal but I explained that I feel like a leper . . . I have the ability to destroy someones life simply by touching them. I am contagious and carry a lifelong affliction and that I cannot stand living like this . . . constantly worrying if something as simple as a insect bite could be herpes. Constantly worrying that making love to him could destroy him. He keeps trying to put this into perspective . . . we all have problems that affect our spouses and that it doesn't bother him at all. But his health issues are not contagious and he doesn't constantly have to worry about passing them on to me simply by touching me or having sex. I said that he doesn't have to worry that a grandchilds rash may infact be something more . . something that will destroy her life. I know the odds of it being herpes are slim but it is the fact that I even have to worry about this that is driving me insane. My daughter thinks I'm insane . . calling constantly to ask about her "rash" and keeps saying "MOM, IT'S A RASH!!! If I was worried about it I'd take her to the doctor!!" I wish I could tell her why I'm so concerned about but I agree with my DH and that I shouldn't say anything at this point. I hate living like this.

OMG sweetie, I am SO sorry you are making yourself worry like this! I totally understand WHY you are doing it, but I think your DH is right. The chances are slim and babies do seem to get a rash on the slightest things. Surely you didn't touch this spot on your hand directly to her neck anyway. And it sure wouldn't spread around like that would it? You don't know your grandchild didn't get stung by something that is giving her a mild allergic reaction...

I'm so sorry. I know you must feel completely powerless. It is not fair.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now.

Philly, Thank you for your kind and supportive response. After having sometime to digest this, I am quite sure the "herpes on my knuckle" is more likely an insect bite. It is also unlikely my finger would have touch her neck. And yes, you are very right in saying that babies do get rashes. Although I'm calm, I just hate living in a way where I always have to worry that I can pass something on to someone. If I didn't have herpes, never in a million years would I have thought an insect bite to be herpes and never would I have thought a babies rash to be anything other than a babies rash. But having herpes makes you overreact and second guess everything. Every little cut on your body becomes a possible herpes missle aimed at someone. It makes having sex become much more than just having sex . . . it causes doubts that linger long after the act is over . . . am I sure I was 100% herpes free . . . did I pass this on . . . and how will I react if I did? The constant worry. The not knowing. These are all things that take up so much much time and take away from the enjoyment and simple pleasures of real life. Sometimes, for perspective, I will go onto a forum and read the posts from people who are HIV positive. It does give me dose of reality and makes me thankful that the person who gave this to me was only hiding herpes and not an HIV positive status. Where I live, it is illegal for someone who is HIV positive to have sex without first disclosing their status but of course that doesn't mean people obey the law.

As you said, it isn't fair that we have to go through this. Again, thanks for your kind words.

OH gosh...I'm sitting here thinking to myself...am I still going to be freaking out over herpes 20 years from now...good god!!!!!!! I sure hope not! I'm sorry that you are so upset over this even after all these years. You probably wouldn't start getting herpes in new spots though so if you didn't ever have herpes on your finger before, it's very rare that after having this for all these years it would start coming up on new parts of your body....do you think? I mean, just think of all the women that have herpes and have children of their own and touch them all the time all over! My sister had genital herpes while raising 2 children and as far as I know they never got herpes on them...In fact I don't ever recall them having as much as a cold sore either even though my sister gets cold sores. I'm sure you're just being paranoid!

Happiness Is. I can totally relate to what you are going through .. feeling . I have a child in my household also . Since I found out I have Hsv I have been constantly washing my hands.. using dial, or germ x . change clothes .. undies couple so times a day .. always using those antibacterial wipes everytime go to restroom and change .wash my toilet seat , and bathroom sink faucet with lysol each time also . I wish I knew for sure all many places this virus can move to .while I read leaflet doc gave me did not say anything about getting from toilet seats and such other places or it moving from gentals or mouth . I am constantly thinking I need to more less steralize myself , an d also I do feel that sex will never be the same at the moment life and how would a man want to be in a relationship when he constantly may be thinking he may be infected . I know could be worse , and while I am very grateful it is not Hiv or worse still feels very bad . maybe over21 or someone knows about this .. how it spreads to other parts of body , and what things others may touch that put them at risk to contract this virus ???? anyone really know all facts on this . if so please post here or reply . hope you are really feeling some better happiness is . its so great to be able to come here and read post and know there are others that are feeling just like you .. even though none of us would really wish this on our worst enemy huh ..I take my valtrex, doc gave me and the pain meds for pain in legs , and she gave me some antibiotic to clear up what had that she thinks is not a herpes breakout . I dont think was either . thats why never thought had this virus for a moment really as no obs . no symtoms thought to be this . anyway am tryinmg to carry on day at a time . if anyone really knows about about any of this please post .. take care

Keepsgoing, I think I am more freaked out now, than I was 5 years ago. Back then, my herpes outbreaks were nothing more than an inconvenience . . . one that happened every 3 or so months. I wouldn't even think about it until an o/b happened and even then, the outbreaks had a definite ending so I knew it was over, without question. These last few years it has taken on a life of its own. I went through an extremely stressful period (my own doing) and consequently herpes came back with a vegence. The outbreaks are so often and even when I don't have one, the prodome is nearly always present. I don't think you need to worry that 20 years from now you will be in my position!!

Everything you, Philly and my DH says make sense. Why after 20 years would I have an outbreak on my knuckle? And my knuckle would have never come in contact with a sore and since it can't just jump through the air and land somewhere, it is unrealistic to think it is herpes. Yesterday I was holding the baby and trying to see if while I was holding her, my knuckle would be positioned in such a way to touch her. If yesterday was any indication, it would be very unlikely.

I'm hoping the Valtrex is going to tame the beast, put it back into hibernation and my life will once again become much more than herpes outbreaks and worrying about herpes outbreaks. In other words . . . I'm hoping it will help me to get a real life!! I started taking it last night. I took two pills this morning and I would say within a week I will know if it will be successful.

Hey H.I.,

Sorry I haven't been on the boards the last few days--schoolwork is so incredibly hectic! Anyway, I hope by now that you are feeling more relaxed about this whole situation. All I can say is that even though I suppose it's POSSIBLE for you to get H on your hand from semi-brief hand-to-hand contact, I think it's pretty unlikely. Also, babies do frequently get rashes, especially red blotchiness. I can't tell you whether or not to call your daughter and tell her about why you're upset, that's totally your call of course, but I just want to say that from everything I've researched (and it's been a lot!), the scenario you described is pretty unlikely. I can totally understand you getting upset--freqent OB's like you and I describe (and even INfrequent OB's) can be very depressing and frustrating, especially if you have a non-H partner. I saw your other thread where you said that you just started Valtrex--I really hope that works out for you, definitely keep us updated. Take good care, H.I. I'm sorry if I wasn't much of a help, but I want you to know that you always have an ear here to listen. :angel:

~Katalina

I try not to be paranoid, but due to an overwhelming amount of stress recently, I have noticed I have herpers on my hands. I have several tiny blister like bumps especially on my index finger. they keep peeling I went on VValtrex to hopefully suppress it, but no luck yet. It terrifies me I can't shake peoples hands without fear. I had to shake hands with several people at a graduation and a church service. My children want to hold my hand and a little boy at my kids school came up to me and grabbed my hand. I don't know if I have contracted another strand of the virus or what, but I have spots on my shoulders and face that break out in what apear to be zosters. My children seemed un affected for years until 2 years ago I had my son through a natural birth and of course every time he got a rash and I panicked. His doc said he could only contract them if he was being sexually abused or if I was not washing my hands . He had mysterios pimples and he still gets them occasionally. My daughters started breaking out with acne but they are to young to have it. I am afraid I had active lesions on my face that I thought were acne, but were actually herpes sores I could have passed the virus on to him. With it on my hands now I don't know what to do. I don't want to go out in public. I fear touching doors, pens, money, anything that may cause hand contact. I hope I am completely paranoid, but I guess I will need to see a infectious disease doctor to find out why I am breaking out in strange places and If it is possible I have passed it on to my family. It is not a Genital herpes is not just a sexually transmitted disease. I hope someone comes up with a vaccine that everyone can get an then the fear of transmission will not haunt those of us who are infected. I feel like a lepor to.

hi badgirl ... I know how you feel . actually docs do not have all the knowledge they should have about this virus . I have heard others post here that they have had what looked to be obs on other parts of body besides the mouth .. oral , or in the genital area . I really had no idea that coule get on these other areas .. would not think so especially if you did not touch an ob and used antibacterial soap to wash your hands or those wipes . can understand how you would feel like a leper .. I do also . I find myself constatly washing my hands with antibacterial wipes and soap and water . even use that germ x . use the lysol wipes to wash doorknobs, and such . use them each time go restroom to clean the toilet seat . I have never had any real obs that I thought to be obs or even hsv . just diagnosed a couple weeks ago myself . think prob had for years . I have been searching all over the net trying to find out precausions need to take other than ones when have sex .and such . have been also trying to find out if having hsv can also cause one to get hiv..or any other viruses or diseases.. so far no replies or replies from emails have sent to some sites . if anyone knows this I wish you guys would please post here . you take care . I think having all the facts . not the myths is what we all need then we will know all precausions we need to take , and when we get a bump here or there on the body we will know what it is and be prepared . hope that you feel better about all this soon .. take care . this is a great place to come . great people here .

THanks for your reply. I don not think HSV leads to HIV, but having HSV weakens your immune system which can makes it easier for you to contract certain diseases because of this weakened immune system.

I kept reading about hsv increasing your risk of HIV and I kept saying to myself "why is this?" and finally ready one website that elaborated and said that the reason it increases the risk is that when/if you have sex with someone that has HIV and you have a lesion at the time, that lesion gives the HIV a place to enter because it's an open sore. Finally made sense(I said to myself "DUH!"). So no you can't get HIV just because you have herpes if you aren't having sex with someone that has HIV!

I don't know what to say about the herpes that pop up on hands and spreading it but I can only assume it's contagious. I will get it on my wrist and I keep it covered with a bandage. I don't know why I had herpes in strange places but I can guess that when I was infected with herpes, I touched it to those parts of my body but I really don't know if that has to be true to get it in these spots. Like we are always saying "Drs. don't know enough!" and I'm not so sure that anyone really has all the answers...just a bunch of guesses :(

If you have active blisters, you should have them tested to see if they are herpes. I would also suggest your children having a blood test to see if what they are experiencing is infact herpes. If you are having active outbreaks on your hands, it is very important to not touch your eyes. It is also very important not to shake hands etc while you are having an outbreak. You could easily pass it on to anyone who has an entry point (cut) on their hands and most children seem to have cuts and scrapes everywhere. You need to find out if these blisters are herpes and if they are, you are going to have to take every precaution not to pass this on. For now, just avoid having anyone touch your hands by making up an excuse you can. Just say the skin on your hands is painful to the touch so I'm not shaking hands right now. Or, I have the flu and I don't want to risk passing it on to you so I'm not going to shake your hand. If your children's test are positive then they too need to be made aware of the risk of passing it on. Just be very careful until things can be confirmed because passing it on to another child is not something you want to risk.