Oh Lord, I just don't know what to do! Dad left very specific instructions as to what to do after he passed. He named me to do it, legally. One of my brothers doesn't approve of what I did for Dad. He has threatened me physically and also to cause a stink at the funeral.

He has gotten me so upset that I am actually afraid to go to my own Fathers services. What can I do if he attacks me verbally? I am not up to dealing with this BS.

My husband is disabled, can't attend and won't be able to "protect" me. I feel so scared and alone.

What to do. . . what to do

Cruiser, do you have any family that he respects? Some male (preferably larget than him...) that could put him in line?

I would tell the funeral home what is going on and ask that they be on alert and step in if he causes a scene.

I would also tell him that if he chooses to make a scene, then you'll do whatever you have to do to make sure that he can't disrupt your fathers funeral, and if that means calling the authorities to have him removed, then that's what you'll have to do.

Is he mentally unbalanced? Has he ever threatened you before (and/or carried through)? What is his beef? Is there any way possible to resolve it? What is it that has him stirred up?

Please don't skip your dad's funeral because of this bully. Would it help him to understand that your dad put you in charge for a reason and that your wishes, nor anyone else's matter at this time....it is what your DAD requested and he is the only one with the final say??

I don't know, but I could probably be of more help if I knew why mini-me was on a tirade.

Good luck, hon and I'll be prayin......love Angel

Several female members of my family had a brawl at my grandmother's funeral. Right in the church. Spitting, cursing, etc. Quite a sight. Make sure you alert the funeral director, and also the clergyman who will be conducting the service. They may be able to arrange for security. By all means, go to the service. Stay strong for your Dad.

If he threatened you phsyically, you should get a restraining order.

I agree with all of these posts. Please alert the funeral home and clergy so that they are aware that your brother is angry with the plans , but that the plans reflect your father's distinct wishes.

I GUARANTEE that this is not the first family that has had conflict with funeral services and the home should be experienced with dealing with such conflict.

One time in the ER, a woman died in a car accident and her two adult sons accused each other of murder and broke out into a full fist fight. We got security involved to get things under control.

But, definitely, make the funeral home and clergy aware. They have probably dealt with similar issues before. As for your brother's behaviors, if he makes a scene, that is behavior that he must own. He will embarass himself! Do not succumb to his level and try to control his behavior because #1 - you can't control anyone's behavior and #2, if he sees that you are upset and trying to control his behavior, he gains the satisfaction that he is bullying you.

If he makes a scene, I would either, walk away, ignore him, divert attention to somewhere/something else, or, let him have the floor and make a fool of himself - that reflects him, NOT you! He will have to live with the shame on how he behaved for the rest of his life!!!!

Sometimes people are all talk and no action. He may not actually do anything. He may be blowing steam to try and assert authority or control. This may be hard, but don't let him bully you. Focus on fullfilling your dad's wishes. You are doing a great job.

Cruiser, I am praying extra hard for you today! Hugs, KPOE.

Angel: To try to answer your questions. No he's not unbalanced in any way other than being a horses patootie.
As far as I can figure out this is what he is upset over; my Dad signed his condo over to me over 5 years ago to avoid probate and other expenses. All my brothers own a home, I do not. Dad gave away all his belongings after my Mom died so there would be no problems at his own passing. He owned very little at the time of his death. The day he passed my husband had the locks changed on the condo because we had no way of knowing how many keys had been given out Dad didn't know. To protect the few things he did have as executor my husband locked it up and told all the siblings they could have anything they wanted, just to make arrangement to come and get it and as long as everyone agreed. Simple, easy, safe. Apparently not. My brother seems to feel that I should not have denied access to the condo to my Dad's girlfriend. I just don't understand. We are obligated to protect my fathers few belongings and the condo that is now my responsiability.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, I pray for all of you also.

I will keep you posted. Thanks for your advice.

I didn't mention my husband is a 100% disabled veteran and unable to attend the services with me.

You can hire off duty cops (its called detail) and they will just hang around the front door and make sure everything goes smoothly.