Kim,

I have been reading a lot of your postings. You seem so strong-- I admire that very much. Where do you get your strength? I wish I could have 1/4 of your strength. My mom was just diagnosed about five weeks ago with nscc-- stage IV. I was wondering what stage Stan's cancer was when he was diagnosed? What were his symptoms? It also sounds as if you have young children. How are all of you doing? I have been thinking a lot and praying for all of you.

My mom never feels sorry for herself-- she always says there are people worse off than her. My mom goes for another scan in July. Hopefully the cancer has not grown. They will start chemo when the cancer grows. So I am praying for a miracle.

It is hard to enjoy the time I have with her-- when I know what is coming? How do you do it?

I know you are busy but would love it if you had time to respond!

Take care of yourself and stay strong. Prayers are sent your way.

Kim

Hi Kim,
Wow, when I read your posting just now it might have be at one of my weaker moments...my husband is having a tough time right now. He is the type of person who will torture himself with pain instead of taking pain pills...so heartbreaking. You ask where I get my strength...I think most of it is from my husband...I see him fighting for his life and know I must be strong and smile for him...don't get my wrong we do cry and he tells me what to do if he is not around.
We do not feel sorry for ourselves with this terrible disease as we know it could even be worse. (we do know life is not fair) Stan was diagnosed June 05 and at that time it was Stage IV SCLC with at least 7 mets to the brain at that time.(and everywhere else in his body) He has been so lucky as to where the mets are located in the brain...the doctor is even surprised he has had no problems especially since there are now "many" more new mets to the brain. We cherish everyday together as a family. He is my best friend and husband and I will miss him dearly, but the time we have now needs to be special and enjoy every moment as we know it can be taken at any time. I know it is easy to be bitter, but cherish the time with your mom, make new memories and do things you have always wanted to do...something as simple as surprising your mom with a CD you made with her favorite songs so when she is alone she can listen to the CD...just little things....
You ask my husband's symptoms...he had a cough and at that time had a lung x-ray but was clean (sept. 04 and then another April 05) I also realized he was losing weight. (10 lbs.) and noticed his butt was gone...I know that sounds odd but the cancer was already wasting away his muscle. I really don't think lung x-rays are worth much and a waste of time for most people. (personal opinion) They say my husband's cancer grew in 2 months, but when I look back at the year before he was diagnosed you can reflect and I remember he slept more and the cough never subsided even with antibiotic.
Yes, we have 2 boys...one is 16 and the other will be 10 soon. The boys are doing okay...they both know the complete truth and so does their school/teachers. I have had some good talks with my 16 year old and try to keep him communicating with me on how he feels. (hard enough for any teenager!) We had a scare with him in December with pre-melanoma so gave him the big talk about knowing your body and watching for signs and symptoms no matter how silly you think they may be. I worry more about my youngest son since he is very attached to his dad. I will do anything to protect my boys from this pain and give them the most normal childhood they can have. I have no family close by so it makes it harder when I need help with the boys, but we have awesome friends! I do call my mom about twice a day since my dad died in February. My mom is doing quite well and is in the midst of moving, which she says will help her deal with my dad's death much easier.
I thank you for the prayers and thoughts...they are sure needed! I keep all of my friends on the posting board in my thoughts and prayers daily. I think (know) this posting board has helped me so much. I have great friends, but eaiser to communicate with someone going thru the same thing.
You know Kim your mom could be around for a long time...you never know...so I do hope you can set aside the sadness and cherish some great times with your mom. I do yell and scream when I am alone when I cannot handle seeing what is happening to Stan...but then pull myself together for him and the boys.
I do hope and pray you have strength to help your mom and take care of yourself.
Kim

Kim,


Thank you so much for your kind words. I know it may seem weird that I am this upset about my mom. It is not my husband or one of my children. I am very close with my mom. I think I talk to her about 3 or 4 times a day. I am a special ed teacher-- I only work two days a week. She watches my two younger children while I work. We just finished the school year and I will not be going back to work next year. We don't know what her health will bring and it is not worth me working. I would lose half my paycheck to daycare. I am grateful and excited about being home full time-- just wish it was under better circumstances.

My husband lost his dad when he was 11 to lung cancer. There are 7 kids in his family. The youngest one has Downs Syndrome. My mother- in-law does not and has never driven. I ask my husband why he is not angry at God for taking his dad from him when he was so young. He always tells me it is not God's fault. Death is part of being human. God is with us to help us deal with all the bad and enjoy the good. My mother in law is a wonderful example of someone with amazing strength. She has been handed a lot of awful things-- and still she has awesome faoith. She is never angry. She says we will never understand God's plan for us until we get to heaven.

I guess I just question why all of this is happening to my family. It is so hard.

I am praying for Stan and you and the boys. Remember there is a reason and a plan for all of this!-- I should start taking my own advise :)

Kim