Need help don't know if i'm loosing my mind or not.....
I was diagnosed bipolar and PTSD i think three years ago..Diagnosed with Crohn's disease two years ago..I've been taking topamax for these last two years, stop taking wellburtrin xl on my own over three months ago..
-Consistent worring-stressed-depressed at times-my self esteem went from to a 10 to a 0-Thinking people are just out to hurt me in some way-husband might be cheating even though i have no proof-i'm angery all the time at what i don't know-not eating properly-made myself sick, Crohn's was taken care of until stress started up, breaking out in a rash on my neck i think from stress and can't get rid of it-gave myself a bacterial infection which they said is also caused by stress..Does this have anything to do with my bipolar???Do i need to maybe up my meds??I don't know where this is coming from???I have been off the Wellbutrin before and never had this problem..I just feel as if i can't funiction properly..I'm making myself sick and i don't know how to stop it..Is this all in my head??This is driving me nuts..Sometimes i want to rip my hair out i'm so stressed..Does this have anything to do with bipolar??Just trying to figure where this is coming from..Thanks

daystar,
It sounds like you have so much going on, I don't even know how to help.
I can tell you that that you have serious challenges with the combination of Chron's and BPD (Not to mention the PTSD) so I'm going to suggest you get on your doc until you feel better, body and mind.
Chron's is hard, but its restrictions are mostly diatetic, right? I can't remember what you can't have but I'm pretty sure eating healthy for you inolves a basically healthy diet that's no fun. (Is it the no corn, wheat and soy one? That one must be really hard)
I work in a restaurant that caters to vegetarians and vegans but also people with sciliac disease, gluten problems, allergies of all kinds and any other really picky people. Luckily it's a great place and I get free food.

If I were you, I think I might seek out a holistic doctor, who encorporates the spirit/body connection and focuses on the wellness of the whole being. These people can be very helpful in directing you to treatments which focus on complete wellness.
And you might go in for some alternative therapy like accupuncture or deep tissue massage.
There is also a treatment called Rapid Eye Movement Rehabilitation and Desensitization (I might be off on the last two words a little, sorry.)
Basically, it involves making your mind think bilaterally by giving a mild impulse to each hand from small paddles you hold in each hand. It doesn't hurt, it's just keeping your mind in a certain state. Then they do different types of regressions based on what you want to accomplish. For instance, integration is a process where the patient returns to a time of trauma from childhood and then leads the child through the life the patient has had since and integrates and heals that trauma.
They have found this treatment to be especially effective for PTSD, not only does it often show results in a shorter period than other therapies, with more permenant results but it reaches severly traumatized patients who were thought to be formerly untreatable. I haven't tried it yet, although I want to soon.
I hope that's helpful.
Hang in there. Things will get better. It really is darkest before the dawn.
littletimebomb

Thanks for your reply..I have been in therapy for about three years and hasn't worked for me..He talks about the same old issues all the time..Never gets down to the problem..Sometimes i think it's not worth my time but i go only because my phyciatristic tells me not to stop..I think i will look into these other therapies that you have mention..Would i be looking for a therapist for the Rapid Eye Movement Rehabilitation and Desenitization?
With Crohn's disease my diet is no dairy, red meat, pork, spicy food, and greasy food... I do take meds for this but at this time they are not working so i do have an doc apointment..
I'm just worried that all of a sudden my whole way of thinking about life and people around have changed..I use to give people the benefit of the doubt not anymore..I've turned nasty and i'm a truely good person.. I could careless..These feelings i'm having are just not me...I feel i have opened my eyes to another world and looking at it a totally different way..I don't know if that sounds right but thats how i feel..I feel angry and sometimes enough to explode..I feel that people just are totally out to hurt me especially the ones that are close to me friends and family..Sometimes i feel i'm loosing my mind and i don't care to share this with anyone because who know what people would think of me then..I just want to be me but i feel lost lately...Thanks

daystar,
It's okay. Everything that you're feeling right now is normal. It's a hard thing to face that for whatever reason your brain chemestry has changed, but it will be all right.
With the right treatment, you wll find peace. Check around on here. There ae people like Ruth6:11 who have been stable for 20 years! She is amazing.
My point is, you can lead a "normal" life where your moods don't control you, but it will take some time for you to understand how best to help yourself.
If you think your psych isn't working, get someone else who will help you. As long as you're seeing someone. Don't be afraid to demand what you want from a person you're paying up to $100 or more for 1 hour. They do work for you. If it's not working, like anything else, try something different.
I think the therapy is called rapid eye movement desensitization and rehabilitation. (again last two words not sure) Any therapist should know what that is and good ones actually do it. If you find someone make sure they have experience and you're comfortable with them.
You don't have to live in the chaos that your current imbalance has you lost in. Eat right, exercise, drink lots of water and be with people. Talk to your pdoc about alternatives that will get you what you want from therapy. Think about what you want and ask for it. Like "I want to feel calm and not angry. I want to control my temper, I want to stop depression." Then hopefully you'll start to get results.
Good luck.
littletimebomb

When you said that my brain chemistry has changed is that a good thing or a bad thing???What could of happen for it to change??Do you think the meds would help me get back to where i was or am going in a different direction??I'm looking for answers and i just don't know where to look, sorry about all the questions..Thanks again..

Hi daystar, sorry your having a tuff time right now. Maybe all you need is a med tweak. Sometimes my meds have to be ajusted,either up or down for me to feel like i'm not losing it. Please speak with your Pdoc and have him/her adjust your meds.

cagedbird :wave:

daystar,
When I say your brain chemestry has changed, I don't mean bad or good, just different. You may be able to return to your "former self" when properly medicated. And you might never see things the same way. It is very likely that you will have great benefits that come with this change. People often find they are suddenly more creative, open minded, compassionate... and a huge list of other positive qualities.
Change is good and change is bad. Everything is equal. As you struggle with the new deficiencies, look for the new assets. I'm certain that you will see some things you won't want to give up.
Hang in there. It gets less confusing. I had a MOJOR episode this week that ended with a panic attack like I've never had before. But only when I was unable to stop my teeth from chattering did I get emotional. I knew what was going on all week and I was constantly aware that I needed to eat right, exercise, sleep well and drink lots of water, so my emotional state was good, although I was a little disoriented.
In time, you'll recognize these things and know that if you just do the right things, you will feel better with time. And damn the world, if it takes a week, it takes a week. Or month or whatever.
You have an ILLNESS. Never forget that. It is an incurable but managable illness just like diabetes. The symptoms are not you and can't be controlled by you. They can only be helped or hindered by your actions. Avoid sugar and caffeine, live a healthy lifestyle and seek moderation and calm. Meditation is helpful, yoga... find something that makes you calm. I walk my dog a lot.

Hang in there. You can handle it.
littletimebomb