Liz Cook
05-25-2006, 11:35 AM
i feel deeply offended that anyone would assume that my son does not receive services. he began receiving them at the age of 2 and he is now almost 5 so he has been receiving them for almost 3 years now. we are doing what we can for him. we just dont feel that he is some sort of genetic freak that needs to be fixed and that he was made just the way he was suppose to be. we want isaac to be enabled to be the best isaac he can be not just look like he fits in. and if that doesnt come across clear enough that he is getting ABA, OT, Speech, and PT and that half the time i have to let my newborn cry longer than i want so that isaac gets what he needs then i am sorry that my oppinion that he is not a mistake offends.
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Ausomemom2
05-25-2006, 12:21 PM
Wow, I totally agree. My son Blake is autistic and I wouldn't change him for the world. He is such a beautiful soul, I wish I could see the world through his eyes. He is so loving, so innocent and pure. I have an NT nephew who is the exact same age as Blake (4.5) and I thank the good Lord above that my son isn't like him. He's mean, spiteful, arrogant and selfish, not to mention he curses and says the most hurtful things. He also picks on my son, which sends hell through me. My son doesn't pick on anyone for being different, he doesn't act like a neanderthal (sp) either. He's just Blake, a wonderfully beautiful child. I jumped on the pity ride big time when he was diagnosed 2 years ago, but I healed, accepted and now have embraced his uniqueness. I think we all go through that emotional uproar in the first year or so, and that's healthy for us, but then we make peace with it. I have grown to respect and even love autism. Maybe it's not a disorder, maybe it's just a difference. I feel like they are better than most NTs because they are so pure and true. They don't lie and they don't hide their emotions. If only the rest of us were so beautiful. :) When I get sad over my son I used to blame autism, but now I have realised it's not the autism at all, but it's the way the "normal" world treats him. That is what I pray to protect him from......the "normal" ones. Thanks for your point of view. Stay proud mama!
Brandy
Brandy
Kolby
05-25-2006, 12:28 PM
i feel deeply offended that anyone would assume that my son does not receive services. he began receiving them at the age of 2 and he is now almost 5 so he has been receiving them for almost 3 years now. we are doing what we can for him. we just dont feel that he is some sort of genetic freak that needs to be fixed and that he was made just the way he was suppose to be. we want isaac to be enabled to be the best isaac he can be not just look like he fits in. and if that doesnt come across clear enough that he is getting ABA, OT, Speech, and PT and that half the time i have to let my newborn cry longer than i want so that isaac gets what he needs then i am sorry that my oppinion that he is not a mistake offends.
I think it is great that you love and care for your son so much. And that you like him the way he is. We are in the same boat here and on the same side as you. You just want you son to be the best that he is able to be. I mean why teach someone anything? It is so they can reach their full potential right? So you are doing a great job.
I think it is great that you love and care for your son so much. And that you like him the way he is. We are in the same boat here and on the same side as you. You just want you son to be the best that he is able to be. I mean why teach someone anything? It is so they can reach their full potential right? So you are doing a great job.
jeffreys mom
05-25-2006, 01:15 PM
Liz;
I just want to say that this is a very caring board and we are all here to support and help inform each other not to judge each other. It sounds like you need a hug right now !!! Hugs.....
Take care
I just want to say that this is a very caring board and we are all here to support and help inform each other not to judge each other. It sounds like you need a hug right now !!! Hugs.....
Take care
ThreeBoys
05-25-2006, 04:29 PM
I don't know what was said to you, but I feel just like you.
I went through a period of "fix him fix him fix him". Then realized I was trying to fix him for my sake. Not his. He is exactly who he is supposed to be. And I do everything I can to help him be the best he can be. Not CHANGE him. If I changed him, he'd be someone else! And I like him the way he is! Warm, loving, happy. Frustrated, curious, mysterious. I couldn't imagine him BEING any other way. Sure it's a hard road, and you go thru the why stage. And you wish it was different sometimes. If this is the way our children are supposed to be, then we give them our best and support them just like all our other children!!!
We love our children, challenges and all! And all sorts of emotions go with their special needs. And apparently someone upstairs thinks we're just the mom's to handle all of it!!
HANG IN THERE!! You are not alone!!!
-Kim :D
I went through a period of "fix him fix him fix him". Then realized I was trying to fix him for my sake. Not his. He is exactly who he is supposed to be. And I do everything I can to help him be the best he can be. Not CHANGE him. If I changed him, he'd be someone else! And I like him the way he is! Warm, loving, happy. Frustrated, curious, mysterious. I couldn't imagine him BEING any other way. Sure it's a hard road, and you go thru the why stage. And you wish it was different sometimes. If this is the way our children are supposed to be, then we give them our best and support them just like all our other children!!!
We love our children, challenges and all! And all sorts of emotions go with their special needs. And apparently someone upstairs thinks we're just the mom's to handle all of it!!
HANG IN THERE!! You are not alone!!!
-Kim :D
MOM23ANGELS
05-25-2006, 09:29 PM
the love we have for our kids is certainly bigger than life. but i must be honest and admit that yes, i would want him to be NT. he is a very loving, kind, gentle, and adorably naive soul. reality is,he must live in this "normal" world and anyone different is not accepted. it hurts my heart to see him playing on his own while other kids around him are playing together. i don't believe he chooses to be a loner but doesn't have the skill (at times) to join in. i love all the stories my NTson comes home with and how excited he is about playdates. when i ask my ASD son about school i just get, "fine" and "i don't want to talk about school." don't get me wrong, he does get excited about things that interest him but certainly lacks social cues and that's what
sets these kids apart.
so, yes, i would change my sons fate and rid him of this socially unacceptable disabilty. not because I can't accept it but because this is a cruel world we live in and it's hard enough being NT. forget about being a little "different".
i hope i haven't offended anyone.
sets these kids apart.
so, yes, i would change my sons fate and rid him of this socially unacceptable disabilty. not because I can't accept it but because this is a cruel world we live in and it's hard enough being NT. forget about being a little "different".
i hope i haven't offended anyone.
SherriEleanor
05-25-2006, 10:03 PM
I would change dd too, if I could. I know she wants to do typical things but is trapped in her sensory issues and her fears.
I think that we all strive to get them as far as we can. ABA, OT, PT, SLT, supplements . . .
I think that we all strive to get them as far as we can. ABA, OT, PT, SLT, supplements . . .
SuchGreatHeight
05-25-2006, 10:50 PM
I don't happen to believe that Autistics are these "normal" persons with a "shell" of Autism. Autism is a neurological difference. It is a world. So yes, we have difficulties doing "normal" things; but we can still do what we like to do...just differently. I also bet your sons and daughters enjoy different things that most NT's enjoy; that they find more easy than them as well?
Sorry, hijacked a thread. And I suppose I'm not in the best of moods.
SGH
Sorry, hijacked a thread. And I suppose I'm not in the best of moods.
SGH
9CatMom
05-25-2006, 11:13 PM
Liz,
I agree with you! The objective is not to "change" or "fix" a child, but to help him or her grow. Growth is the best type of change, in my opinion. Good luck to you.
I agree with you! The objective is not to "change" or "fix" a child, but to help him or her grow. Growth is the best type of change, in my opinion. Good luck to you.
marissamm
05-26-2006, 10:52 AM
hi liz, when i see a person with an autistic child i will ask if they receive services because when my son was small (he is 17 now) he didn't receive any because i didn't know.so the more parents know the better off they are, i didn't have anything when he was small and he probably would have benefited from ot etc, i had to do it all my self. the state i live in doesn't volunteer any info. go figure its Tn. the volunteer state. lol
Liz Cook
05-26-2006, 03:58 PM
i just get frustrated sometimes... and i am not offended by people who wish that things were different for their kids... i just cant spend the energy on the what could have been when i have too much of the whats going on now to deal with:)
and as far as highjacking the thread SGH i have to tell you that i like to hear the opinions of people who are actually in the position to give real first person point of views about all of this. and the more autistic people i talk to the more i agree with you.
thanks for all of the replies everyone. it feel good once in awhile to hear some one with a similar point of view. the support group my husband and i go to offline is very pro cure and alot of times we just end up biting our tongues.:)
and as far as highjacking the thread SGH i have to tell you that i like to hear the opinions of people who are actually in the position to give real first person point of views about all of this. and the more autistic people i talk to the more i agree with you.
thanks for all of the replies everyone. it feel good once in awhile to hear some one with a similar point of view. the support group my husband and i go to offline is very pro cure and alot of times we just end up biting our tongues.:)
bercol1
05-26-2006, 06:07 PM
I love my son and I smile at his funny little ways and sometimes the way he looks at the world is so innocent and beautiful. Ages ago he was underneath the branches of a tree turning slowly around when i joined him and copied his actions the results were breath taking if it wasn't for him I would never have the opportunity to see all these lovely things he loves to watch the wind make ripples in puddles, he loves to stand and watch the clouds move he squints his eyes at the sun and watches the colours it makes it's all very beautiful.
However it breaks my heart when he throws tantrums in the super market and can't join in a game because he can't follow the rules when he is incontinent at a party with his peers(he is 7) etc.
When I was at a local support group there were 10 parents someone asked if they could wave a magic wand and take away the autism 9 out of 10 parents said no they love there child exactly how they were.
i was the only parent who said I would wave it furiously above his head. I would love for him not to feel frustrated any more I would love for him to be able to speek his mind and ask for things he wanted I would love for him to be able to go to the toilet and maintain his self dignity I would love him to go to the same school as his sister etc etc.
It makes no odds to me I'm his mum and bringing him up is a joy and I love being his mum he is so cute and funny but I don't know if life is as cute and funny for him.
After the support meeting I felt really down and felt terrible to want to change the autism but I was being honest.
However it breaks my heart when he throws tantrums in the super market and can't join in a game because he can't follow the rules when he is incontinent at a party with his peers(he is 7) etc.
When I was at a local support group there were 10 parents someone asked if they could wave a magic wand and take away the autism 9 out of 10 parents said no they love there child exactly how they were.
i was the only parent who said I would wave it furiously above his head. I would love for him not to feel frustrated any more I would love for him to be able to speek his mind and ask for things he wanted I would love for him to be able to go to the toilet and maintain his self dignity I would love him to go to the same school as his sister etc etc.
It makes no odds to me I'm his mum and bringing him up is a joy and I love being his mum he is so cute and funny but I don't know if life is as cute and funny for him.
After the support meeting I felt really down and felt terrible to want to change the autism but I was being honest.
marissamm
05-26-2006, 11:10 PM
well said bercoli!
ThreeBoys
05-27-2006, 04:01 AM
I read something about a year or so ago when I was searching for anything about "Cure Autism Now". This letter came up and it was titled "DON'T Cure Autism Now". Written by a teenager w/ autism. He basicaly said why do you waste time trying to "cure" us? Don't you like us the way we are? If you go on and on about curing you'll miss the child in front of you, waiting for you.
I was in a car accident recently, and let me tell you about the reality check I got. I have been so tired and so frustrated with autism and ....life and stress. That I couldn't wait for my husband to get home so I could escape for a while. I think we all need that every once in a while... But there is nothing MORE important to me than my kids and my husband. The life I have and the life all my kids have is what it is supposed to be. I just realized that maybe I was put here to be Chase's mom. That I needed to turn the frustration and stress into something positive. Because I could have easily been erased from his and their lives(my family), in that accident.
I agree, you can't change what is dealt to you. So get on with it! Be there to guide, taxi, teach, hand out the supplements, change the diapers, make the meals and wipe the tears.
THINGS CAN ALWAYS BE WORSE!!!!!!! Think of the moms out there with the kids in wheelchairs that don't talk, smile, walk, communicate...nothing. I feel very blessed to be Chase's mom.
I was in a car accident recently, and let me tell you about the reality check I got. I have been so tired and so frustrated with autism and ....life and stress. That I couldn't wait for my husband to get home so I could escape for a while. I think we all need that every once in a while... But there is nothing MORE important to me than my kids and my husband. The life I have and the life all my kids have is what it is supposed to be. I just realized that maybe I was put here to be Chase's mom. That I needed to turn the frustration and stress into something positive. Because I could have easily been erased from his and their lives(my family), in that accident.
I agree, you can't change what is dealt to you. So get on with it! Be there to guide, taxi, teach, hand out the supplements, change the diapers, make the meals and wipe the tears.
THINGS CAN ALWAYS BE WORSE!!!!!!! Think of the moms out there with the kids in wheelchairs that don't talk, smile, walk, communicate...nothing. I feel very blessed to be Chase's mom.
soozeq
05-27-2006, 09:32 AM
Everyone has the days where we just want it to be different. Yesterday was my NT daughters birthday. She turned one. Liam didn't like it. Everytime we mentioned Kaya's bday, he threw himself on the floor and screamed. Then, at 9am, I laft Kaya with my mom, and took Liam to the Early Years Centre, where we've been workng each Fri with the Resource teacher on an Early Learning Plan. When we got there, he flipped. All he would do was tell her 'bye-bye', scream, and try to break out. So, we left an hour and a half early, and I was frustrated beyond belief. It was raining, and I was just so blue. At that moment, in that place, I would have changed our fate, if I could have. He's my boy, he's my soul, but that was just hard. We're still adjusting. But, some days, I wish that there was nothing to adjust to.
Suzy
Suzy
Liz Cook
05-27-2006, 12:38 PM
our pregnancy with isaac was hard. i had 2 surgeries under full anasteasia (i know it is spelled wrong but i am no good at medical spellings) i was hospitalized 3 times for gall bladder infections, was in a car accident at 5 and a half months. and so on...:) i had to have my gall bladder removed because it was shutting down my liver and that would poison both isaac and me so we did it... oh yeah i also had an MRI to get a better look at that gall bladder. so we figure with all the antibiotics i was on and the liver problem and the surgeries that it likely the gall bladder complications was what made him autistic.
we have one son who sits in an urn on the shelf in the dining room... let me tell you something i know from experience that we are better off having an autistic child who you just as easily love as be driven insane by. i wouldnt have changed anything, i will take him just as he is as apposed to have two tiny little urns to look at.
so even with his challenges he is a survivor from day one and that is enough to make me proud. anything else that he accomplishes is just icing on the cake. Happy and healthy are our MAIN concerns for our 2 surviving sons... after that they can go as far as they can and we will support however far that is no matter what the limits on that are.
we have one son who sits in an urn on the shelf in the dining room... let me tell you something i know from experience that we are better off having an autistic child who you just as easily love as be driven insane by. i wouldnt have changed anything, i will take him just as he is as apposed to have two tiny little urns to look at.
so even with his challenges he is a survivor from day one and that is enough to make me proud. anything else that he accomplishes is just icing on the cake. Happy and healthy are our MAIN concerns for our 2 surviving sons... after that they can go as far as they can and we will support however far that is no matter what the limits on that are.
ThreeBoys
05-27-2006, 10:40 PM
To Liz Cook:
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss.
Secondly, I agree with you TOTALLY!!!!!!
Have a good Memorial Day weekend......
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss.
Secondly, I agree with you TOTALLY!!!!!!
Have a good Memorial Day weekend......
9CatMom
05-28-2006, 09:02 AM
(((Liz)))
You are right! Your son is a survivor. That is a great way to look at it.
You are right! Your son is a survivor. That is a great way to look at it.
synthetic lies
05-28-2006, 09:11 AM
wow. this is odd. im a boy. anyways with ur son. i think ur idea with ur son is wonderful. I think that ur idea of not having him JUST fit in is a v ery good one. i have to say ive never thought of anyone approaching it in that manner. Im srry if i offend u in anyway im not that experianced in giving advice. Its hard to say things being my age. no experiance or nothing. I think ur method is going to work great.
sross24
05-28-2006, 11:13 AM
Liz,
It sounds like you have been through more then any person should ever have to go through. I don't know the circumstances of your other son's passing, but I would like to tell you a story about a friend of mine. My friend recently was devastated by the the delivery of her stillborn daughter. While discussing it with another friend, this other friend said "Well at least this is better than the baby being born with problems!" I could not believe she said that. How does she know what is better for their family? Just because our children have special needs does not mean they are not perfect to us parents. They are special, and we are lucky to have them. I wish you and your family the best as you try to get over the loss of one son, and hope that you can enjoy each and every wonderful moment your other son's bring to you.
-Steph
It sounds like you have been through more then any person should ever have to go through. I don't know the circumstances of your other son's passing, but I would like to tell you a story about a friend of mine. My friend recently was devastated by the the delivery of her stillborn daughter. While discussing it with another friend, this other friend said "Well at least this is better than the baby being born with problems!" I could not believe she said that. How does she know what is better for their family? Just because our children have special needs does not mean they are not perfect to us parents. They are special, and we are lucky to have them. I wish you and your family the best as you try to get over the loss of one son, and hope that you can enjoy each and every wonderful moment your other son's bring to you.
-Steph
9CatMom
05-28-2006, 11:31 AM
Steph,
That was insensitive of that person to say such a thing. Just because we are different, doesn't mean our lives aren't worth living. I am at work on a book about a boy from England (odd place to choose, because I am American), who was born with some problems. His parents named him Roger after English runner Roger Bannister. Doctors said it would be a waste giving a child "like him" a name like that because he'd never live up to it. "He'll never break the four minute mile or do anything else of consequence," doctors said. His parents replied, "You're wrong. Our Roger has been breaking four-minute miles every day of his life by surviving and doing things you thought were impossible." If there is life, there is hope. With his parents' love, he began accomplishing the impossible. It's only a story, but it is typical of the love the parents here have for children who are "different."
There are some days I wish I were the same as everyone else. I am currently studying for my driver's test, working on something "normal" people do at 16. (I'm 41, with four college degrees, but no driver's license.) I think this time I could do it.
That was insensitive of that person to say such a thing. Just because we are different, doesn't mean our lives aren't worth living. I am at work on a book about a boy from England (odd place to choose, because I am American), who was born with some problems. His parents named him Roger after English runner Roger Bannister. Doctors said it would be a waste giving a child "like him" a name like that because he'd never live up to it. "He'll never break the four minute mile or do anything else of consequence," doctors said. His parents replied, "You're wrong. Our Roger has been breaking four-minute miles every day of his life by surviving and doing things you thought were impossible." If there is life, there is hope. With his parents' love, he began accomplishing the impossible. It's only a story, but it is typical of the love the parents here have for children who are "different."
There are some days I wish I were the same as everyone else. I am currently studying for my driver's test, working on something "normal" people do at 16. (I'm 41, with four college degrees, but no driver's license.) I think this time I could do it.
kattjo5220
05-28-2006, 06:11 PM
Hi I wanted to add my 2 cents, lol
My 6 yr old is either pdd-nos or aspergers, DX on 6/22. Anyhow I lover her exactly the way she is. She is the most special child and she brings me joy and happiness. I don't know if we will will do any treatment at all. I plan on homeschooling and we will see. I will look into therapies and what they involve but who knows. My child does have a lot of fears & anxietys, I woud like her to get help with that. The only reason I would change autism is so that the kids would never be hurt by other people or taken advantage of.
Best to you all.
Katt
My 6 yr old is either pdd-nos or aspergers, DX on 6/22. Anyhow I lover her exactly the way she is. She is the most special child and she brings me joy and happiness. I don't know if we will will do any treatment at all. I plan on homeschooling and we will see. I will look into therapies and what they involve but who knows. My child does have a lot of fears & anxietys, I woud like her to get help with that. The only reason I would change autism is so that the kids would never be hurt by other people or taken advantage of.
Best to you all.
Katt
sross24
05-28-2006, 10:07 PM
Katt,
I completely agree with you. I love my children (autism and all). And the only thing that really hurts me about it is the pain they will endure throughout life for being different. None of us want our children to ever feel pain.
-Steph
I completely agree with you. I love my children (autism and all). And the only thing that really hurts me about it is the pain they will endure throughout life for being different. None of us want our children to ever feel pain.
-Steph
bercol1
05-29-2006, 11:25 AM
Hi Synthetic lies
Don't feel bad about having a point of view that's what this board is all about. It's about parents, grandparents of children with ASD men and women with asd from all walks of life, from all different circumstance, from all different ages, from all parts of the world all helping each other out with the one thing we have in common and that is experience of ASD.
Everyone has to except that everyone has different experiences and no point of view is wrong or right it's just that it's a point of view.
I have always found the board a really warm and helpful. A place where it is healthy that we all don't think alike because if we did there would be no point in having discussion.
We can not allow for one person views to be acceptable while anothers isn't.
So don't feel bad the fact you are young, coming on here and talking shows a certain amount of maturity.
Never feel bad about expressing how you feel
Bernadette
Don't feel bad about having a point of view that's what this board is all about. It's about parents, grandparents of children with ASD men and women with asd from all walks of life, from all different circumstance, from all different ages, from all parts of the world all helping each other out with the one thing we have in common and that is experience of ASD.
Everyone has to except that everyone has different experiences and no point of view is wrong or right it's just that it's a point of view.
I have always found the board a really warm and helpful. A place where it is healthy that we all don't think alike because if we did there would be no point in having discussion.
We can not allow for one person views to be acceptable while anothers isn't.
So don't feel bad the fact you are young, coming on here and talking shows a certain amount of maturity.
Never feel bad about expressing how you feel
Bernadette