Hi my friends,

I'm having a hard time again. As many of you know I deal with a lot of health problems....but for those who don't, a brief summary.

First, I deal with depression *duh*, OCD, self-injury, ADHD, hypothryoidism, chronic and acute tendonitis of my wrists, chronic tendonitis in my knee, occasional recurring plantar fascitis, chronic sinusitis and allergic rhinitis, fibromyalgia, and sleeping problems, plus I've had my gallbladder out, and have severe digestive problems...at the peak of my life at two decades.

Anyway, just found out I have to get allergy shots....not fun at all...I have to get them weekly....or give up my love of animals. So, I'm just really not happy about that. Plus, I found out that my best friend's mom (who is like a second mother to me), has Colon Cancer....it's so heartbreaking. :(

So my week has already been crappy, not to include the constant everyday dealing with my father's vicious mood-swings.

I don't know, I felt like I was doing a little better, but I've crashed again. I've been losing sleep, have lost my appetite, and the motivation to get out of bed....even though I'm not sleeping. I'm just so physically and emotionally exhausted. I just need an emotional vacation....just wish their was such a thing... :rolleyes:

hopefully this is a little setback and you will feel better soon

take care
trg247

I'm so sorry about all the things you are dealing with, but at least you are dealing. I know how the depression feels, but I can't pretend to know how it is to have so many medical problems.

I hope you get some relief soon and keep posting. If nothing else, it sometimes helps to vent.

Take Care,
Whisper :)

Thanks for responding. I've had a very hard last couple weeks. I usually have enough to deal with on a normal day, but I've had so much going on the last couple weeks, I've just been so down. Plus, it doesn't help that the closest good friend I have lives over three hours away....and I am a student and work full-time, so I have no time to see them.....or seek comfort.

I haven't written in a while, as I've been so busy, I haven't had time to do anything besides working, doing schoolwork, and sleeping. Now that it is summer, I'm only taking one class, so I have a little extra time....extra time to think....and no matter how hard I try to relax, I just think...and think...and think about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g....

Anyway, I just know I can always get reliable support on here, and since my computer friends are the closest ;) , I thought I'd seek support here...and I always recieve!! <many thanks!!>

-Vers

is there a counselor at school that you could talk to? Or maybe talk to your friend by email or regular mail? by phone? Just a few suggestions

take care
trg247

Thanks for the suggestions trg. I think my biggest problem is being able to trust people. The really feel that a real person would help me a lot....but the only ones near, I don't think I'd be able to talk to... I just feel like they'd be judging me and constantly thinking about how I have these problems...or just make me feel stupid.

I really love my good friends, my one friend especially. She would know exactly what to say to help me, and she is such a great listener. One time she just sat and hugged me for like a half-hour while I cried on her shoulder...she's probably the most patient and forgiving person I've ever met. I am almost tempted to take time from work and make the long trip to go see her....

It's just so amazing...I've never had a good friend in my life, and now I've finally found not one, but three...and they're all so wonderful that I just suffer such separation anxiety from them....I finally got used to having friends, and now they are so far away, it tears me up inside.

I think the thing that frustrates me the most is that I have a counselor....and she's fantastic, but I just haven't found it in myself to trust her yet...I keep telling myself I'm going to open up, but when I get there, I'm at a loss for words and get nervous...and play off the whole, "I've been doing fine" act. Which is stupid I know, I just wish this psychological fear of people judging would go away...I know it is a stupid thing, I just can't seem to fight it off....

Thanks again for your support.

-Vers

Hi Vers, have missed you my dear. Am also feeling the strain of friends far away so my heart goes out to you. Perhaps if you start thinking about things too much it would be a good idea to post them on here? Get them out into the open air so you can deal with them and once it's said once it will be easier to say again e.g. to a councillor. I know how hard it is to think people are judging you, but remember the councellor is being paid not to, it's all in the job description: though shalt not judge. Not that there's anything to judge badly anyway, and hopefully you know that deep down.
I have a reputation among friends for being level headed and able to listen well, so I've heard some pretty awful stuff, but I can honestly say it's never changed how I feel about someone, and I've never been moved to judge them any differently to who I thought they were before. Your friends will do the same for you.
With much love, hoping to hear from you soon.
xxxxx

It's so nice to hear from you Flinch!!!

I'd love to just get everything out on the table...but I don't even know where to start. I think the most of the frustration I know is within myself. I'm frustrated with my lack of motivation..I feel like there are so many things I want to do, but I just can't get off of my lazy butt and do them...it makes me so mad at myself.

It also makes me mad at just the secrets I have to hide everyday, the feelings I have. But I have to. If I didn't, I would be judged by everyone around me. So it's very hard for me.

I don't know, it's just all so frustrating sometimes.

well my dear, you're among friends, there's a lot of common ground, do it in little bits if you have to, it doesn't really have to make sense, but get some of it at least out. We'll all be here.
xxxxxx

I actually am really confused as to why I'm so down. I know that I am pretty frustrated about some things though. First, I've been having these constant headaches and have been really nauseous, I think it is just anxiety or something.

Also, I really want to get out on my own, I just get so stressed in my parents house, they're always fighting and I feel like I'm constantly judged for everything I do. I don't feel like I'm ever good enough to be in this family of mine. They keep telling me to live my life for me....but yet they never stop judging my decisions!!! I hate it! But I don't have the money to get out yet...but I can't wait.

I really just hate who I am...I just feel like I should be so much more than I ever can be. I just don't know what to do, I just wish I had somewhere to go besides this prison I live in.....

....*sigh*