My mother has drank herself into a horrible stage once again. My stepfather left, along with all our money not too long ago- she's depressed obviously. He left when she was in a "stage" as well. She was sober for about 2 weeks, and totally relapsed yesterday. I live alone with her now, I'm just 22. She has drank herself to the point of incontinence and I can barely understand her speak. She's crying herself to sleep, and even has suicidal thoughts, although I do not think the overt tendencies are there: alcoholism is a way she is slowly killing herself.

When I first approached her she lied and said she didn't drink. Although I know better, some part of me believes her. I found two gallons of vodka today after I threatened her that I would rip the house apart until she showed them to me. She's just in such bad shape. I don't think I'm a really good daughter either. I get so mad, incredibly angry with her whenever she enters a "stage." I'll even go into self pity mode and play the victim in all this, boo hoo I'm the daughter of an alcoholic.

But, my post isn't here for people to feel bad for me or for me to justify my self pity. This post is a question to all of you, how do I help her?

She doesn't think she has a problem.

There is a language barrier, while fluent her first language is Russian, even if I get her to go to a meeting or any kind of treament- it wont be 100% understood by her.

Obviously, at 22 I can't afford much- or anything.

I just need to know where to go because I get to a point where I can't think logically or intelligently.

Thanks.

hi jane,
i have been reading these posts like crazy for support and knowledge. i am currently trying to recover from my pain pill addiction, ive got it pretty bad. i dont just like to read the posts from people who share my problem, it has also been very helpful to hear people like you who are trying to help thier addicted love ones. i really dont have much insight into the language barrier that your mother will face if she tries to get help. i bet if you call a treatment center they can give you some answers. surely she is not the first alcoholic w/english as their 2nd lang. maybe try that. also, dont underestimate the power in tenderness. tough love is often required when trying to make an addict hear you. i certainly hear my husband loud and clear when he is stern and forcefull. however, he gets through to me the most when he just holds me close and says how much he and our kids need me and how afraid he is for me. it may sound a little corny but maybe try a hug and some tender pleading to get better.

Your mother has to decide whether she wants to live clean. If she does not think she has a problem and if she is not committed to getting clean, your time and energy will be wasted on her.

Overcoming alchoholism is very difficult. She will need an enormous amount of self-determination to pull it off.

Don't waste your limited resources on trying to get her into rehab now. Save your resources for when she is truly ready and in need of the help.