Hi everyone, I am back again. I am ashamed to admit I relapsed after 3 days, this time was even worse. The lengths I would go thru to get the pills. I am really scaring myself, I know its time to get off and I have even given myself a drop dead date of Jun 6. I am going to take some vacation days and go thru w/d, But, God I am so scared my mind races and thinks all these crazy thoughts. I am affraid to admit this to anyone I feel like I have no one I can confide in. All this I know is why i am an addict. 16 years ago I kick coke and this is 10 times worse. I am getting several perscriptions going to different docs. I am teriffied that I am headed for big trouble, but, I can't stop myself. I can't go into rehab cuz I am a mom so I am going to try and do the NA and a outpatient. I hope you guys will keep me in your thoughts. This is the first time I have been honest with myself and others that I am totally out of control. I have needed to say this to someone but I don't feel I can trust anyone, I am terrifed my husband will leave me if he finds out how out of control I am. (I know thats just me projecting) But, I also know he won't understand, he's a good person but, he thinks very black and white just say no is what he'll tell me. My kids are my lifeline I would be devasted to lose them. I can honestly say I have never been so scared in my life. I don't remember how to be sober, I have a high pressure job, with difficult people I need to leave it because it is extremely disfunctional and I feel I need the pills just to get thru it. Please tell me do you guys think after I get thru the w/d's I should look for another job or before. I have taken up a lot of space please forgive me, but, I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening and being there, I really appreciate it.

The anticipation is often worse than actually going through a lot of things. We let our minds stress about the negative aspects sometimes, instead of thinking about the positive outcome. I know... I do this with almost everything! That doesn't mean that it won't be hard, but I have tried to encourage myself by thinking of the freedom from pills, the money I can save, and just living a sober life once again. My chosen form of treatment is Suboxone and although not everyone agrees with it (for different reasons) I have been off of 10 /10mg Lortabs a day for three weeks and am now tapering the sub. I agree and respect the fact that everyone is different and their choices vary. We all need encouragement just the same. You can do this, no matter how you decide to go about it. As far as your job, maybe deciding whether the stress of looking for a new job is worse or better than staying where you are now. Stress is a big trigger for me so I have found that minimizing it has helped a lot. Think of all the energy and effort you have put into getting pills, then turn that into energy and effort toward getting off of them. Stay strong and you will be free before you know it. :)

Thanks for your encouraging words, I feel like crap. I took my last group of pills this morning. So I am in beginning w/d. I keep telling myself I'll be better off without the pills I am so tired of chasing them. My head feels like it wants to explode. I really want to try the subone (however you spell it) from what I have read, they really work. Stress is a biggie for me too. I have a big event where I work coming up on saturday, and hopefully it will be the last one, I have to do for a while. Your support really means alot to me.

I know what you mean about being scared. Tomorrow I am going to call a Dr. who is my area that does Suboxone treatment. I hear and have read that it is incredible. A girl I work with says it has given her her life back. It can be expensive but when I do that math it's cheaper than paying for Lortab/Lorcet/Vicodin and Soma's. The only thing I'm not addicted to is Xanax and Klonopin which I also take every once in a great while when I can't sleep. I'm a total insomniac anyway but I started taking the pain meds because of a bad car wreck and a terrible fall I took. They say with the Suboxone treatment you have to be into mild to moderate wd's before you take the Sub. or else you'll get really sick and have immediate wd's. You should check out this website suboxone.com and it'll tell you about the medicine and give you a list of Dr.'s in your area who are able to prescribe it. I've also read that the Dr.'s who are able to prescribe it can only have a certain amount of patients at a time. I hope I've said somethings that can help...