Help

Not sure what to do. My son has been having a rough time with adjusting this past week. Whenever there is a school break, change in routine, etc. he acts out. We try to help him and prepare him for these things, only we weren't prepared for the ending of the school year and what was going to happen at school with all of the assemblies and field trips, etc. going on that threw him off. He is a kindergartener. All of this upset him, along with being the last week of school. He was severely naughty at school, to the point where he was aggressive and too touchy towards the other kids with lack of impulse control and talked obsessively, that the principal had him leave school the second to the last day of school. She did let him come back the last day. Thankgoodness. He is on meds- and they are adjusted well; he was out of the norm for himself; completely. And, we had a lot going on at home as well.

Then, on top of things, DH has to leave for a week on business. That always throws him for another loop, and he is usually very naughty when DH is away. This time, he was so naughty that I had to take him out of his ballgame due to being so severely aggressive towards me and his brother and destroying parts of his room; I didn't know what else to take away because I had already taken away some toys for another thing he had done. He was so mad at me that when we went to leave for the ballgame (his brother plays on the same team) he had a huge tantrum (I expected this) he got aggressive towards his brother. When I tried to stop them both from fighting he grabbed at me, and lached his teeth onto my arms and bit me; numerous times. Not like a baby bite- viciously to the point where the bites swelled up. I had to hold him down to calm him. It was not pleasant. I understand what he was going through because when I am not on meds for BP I too, can be like this, and was like this as a child growing up only without the biting.

Do any of you have suggestions on how to help me as a parent as to what I can do when he gets like this? Holding him helps but sometimes it doesn't always work.

He is in therapy, sees a physiciatrist, and psychologist. Has been in attachment therapy for adoption and has made great improvements with that. I just feel any more therapy will not do any justice. He went through Occupational Therapy, and Physical therapy, along with Speech Therapy in Preschool thru the age of 5. Does he need more Occupational Therapy?

Help!! Suggestions needed.

Thank you

Coffeegirl

Drugs given for ADD and ADHD can cause, promote or worsen existing aggression so probably those are a factor. Counseling might help possibly. But seriously, if my kid bit me that hard he'd get cocked real good...that's a form of physical abuse towards you and even a child shouldn't be allowed to do that, what's next, he'll set fire to your bedroom while your'e in it?

Kids need to learn at an early age about consequences of their actions....others will defend themselves against him someday and he'll be completely surprised....he needs to learn early otherwise he will not stop at biting people..he might end up on assault charges or rather you since you are legally responsible intil he is 18 if he harms someone else.

IMHO, I'd rather have an ADD kid who didn't do well in school off drugs than one who did do well in school on drugs, but ended up in jail for assault....just my own opinion here. Get him help for his aggression at any rate....good luck to you.

Coffeegirl - There is a book that helped me more than any other when my kids were that age. It's called "SOS! Help for Parents" by Lynn Clark, PhD. You aren't likely to find it in bookstores but should be able to order it online.

Good luck!

I have one question for you, has it been recently he has been acting more aggressive. When he was first diagnosed was it before he was roudy in class, aggressive with others, destroying things. Do you think it has gotten worse? I remember when I was in kindergarden, there was one teacher who told my mother I had ADD and said I should seek medical attention for it, I didnt really listen in class and would go off and do what i wanted, but my mom refused to do what the teacher did and thank god. In my opinion, I think if i was told when i was little that i had a problem and was given meds then I would have gotten worse. However, your son sounds like a more severe case, and it would help with the questions to be answered above to see why he is acting like this. A lot of times, kids want to do what they want to do, and when they cant they freak out and become aggressive, seeing as children act more innately or on their primal instincts. if you hit a pet dog that you have, and just keep hitting it, it gets more aggressive and lashes out at others and at its master inevitably. so being a child, they sometimes cannot comprehend the idea of consequences, they feel resentment towards those who try to suppress their actions or feelings, such as a doctor giving meds, pyschiatrist, a teacher telling them what to do, taking away their toys, which is why they make act or lash out against them. Because I know when my mother would try to stop me i would sometimes get insanely mad (i told her i wished she was dead when i was a child), though i grew out of it. I just matured and my mom was really loving and caring about it. I was horrible in school, never did work, fooled around in class, and nearly failed everything till I just simply grew up and smelled the coffee. I am not sure if this helps, and I am not trying to advise you to do anything from what you are doing currently to help your son as you are doing out of love. But just keep it in mind, and if the meds and help does not work, and he progressively gets worse remember, sometimes TLC is all a child really needs.

Thank you to all who have so far responded to the post about my son. I really appreciate it a lot, and all your comments and suggestions.

index: I'll have to check out that book on Amazon. It sounds very appealing and I need extra help in the parenting category.

NeOsiris: What you have stated really hit home and makes a lot of sense to me. We have been told numerous things by one tdoc to parent this way and to be very firm and strict, and then to be more laid back and less strict by another tdoc/psychologist. It has been very confusing for us, but mostly him and our other son. Our other son is more resilent towards everything but the one with ADHD of course is not going to be able to rebound or go with the flow. (I can relate as I have Bipolar Disorder and have difficulties with that myself).

We've tried to reach a happy medium in the middle from what we've learned from both tdoc's, only it has made for a more confusing territory I think and unbalanced arena of life. I think I have figured a way out to help the matter and to help us parent better as well.

He and his brother, were both in a special needs preschool for 2 years. They had state funded Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, and Sensory Therapy, 3 times a week. It did wonders for our boys plus they also came to our home as well during the summer. Since he has left the program I have noticed a decline in a negative way in his social skills, eating habits (some from the meds-but beginning to get pickier), etc. An idea a family member mentioned was to put him back into Occupational Pediatric Therapy where he could recieve all of that again instead of 'play therapy' only or intensive cognative talk therapy, where he can't even sit still long enough to carry a sentence conversation. That would be cruel. Play therapy only is more narrow where occupational therapy is more broad.

It would be more away from his pdoc/tdoc, whom he sees every 3-5 months. He likes hands on therapy, and got excited when I asked him if he would be interested in doing stuff he did back in preschool days with his former assistants. I explained to him that it would help him grow into a happier little boy who would be less aggressive towards his friends at recess. He thought that was a cool idea. That was a first.

One thing I do sometimes when he has really bad days is I hold him in my lap at night and I rock him, even though he will turn 7 in less than a month. He is 37 pounds but very cuddly and needs all the TLC possible.

There is one thing I do know about him, is he is not able to be without meds. He is like me, as in realm with the mental issue, as some people unfortunately have to be medicated or some not, and he is one of them. He even will say it is time for his meds or I need my meds. I wish that he did not have to take them, but without them he cannot control himself, his actions, or almost anything about himself, to the point of harm to himself or others.

Anyway, I hope that down the road he can find a happy peaceful medium within himself. We, the parents, try to prevent the triggers, look for them, and try to keep life low key as possible for me and our son. Our lives are definitely interesting at our household that is for sure!

Coffeegirl