Mimzy13
06-02-2006, 01:41 PM
Hi my name is Morgan. I'm 19 years old and I suffer from PTSD and Severe Depression. As a child I was physically, sexually and mentally abused. The sexual abuse stopped when I was about 7 years old, but the physical persisted until I was 16 and able to leave the house. I did not speak to my aubser (father) until my 18th birthday and we spoke for a few months after that. When he started to hug me and tell me he loved me it sent me into a tailspin. When I was 17, I got drunk for the first time. My older boyfriend and I were camping with a few of our friends and after they went to sleep he raped me. I pretended it did not happen, so he did it again 4 times over the course of 5 months. We broke up after I found out he had slept with 12 other girls during that time. I moved away for college and after a month developed the habit of never leaving my bed, and I stopped talking to all of my friend. I aslo developed insomnia. After 2 months of that I snapped out of it and decided I needed help. The Insomnia is cured, but I'm not getting the support I need from my therapist anymore. She is a great lady and she really wants to help, but I'm not a very angry person and when I told her I had all of this rage inside of me that couldn't get out she laughed at me and talked about getting me discharged from therapy. I'm not ready but I can't talk to her anymore. How can I deal with all of this emotional baggage? My new boyfriend and I are getting more phsyical but everytime we do I cry and freak out a little bit. I know I'm not alone, but I really feel like it, especailly now. I'm so lost and confused about everything going on. I could really use some words of advice and comfort if you have any to spare.
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StephanieAnne
06-03-2006, 10:25 PM
Hi Morgan
OK advice, it's time to find a PTSD therapist, they have the tools and have been trained to get the anger out, to help you figure out all the stuff that happened to you. It worked for me, it will work for you, you just have to be ready to work, because it is work, but it was the best work that I ever did because if changed me from feeling like you, to feeling like a normal human being, and it feels awesome!! Once you start letting things out, you will not believe how the weight is lifted off your shoulders and that pit of fear in your stomach will fade.
OK so for comfort, the things that happened to you were horrible, and girls should not have to go thru stuff like that, none of it is your fault. You dad, he is a bad person, who has a whole mess of problems that he never faced, and that is why he did what he did. The other guys, all you were looking for was, attention, someone to like you for you, but guys look at that stuff different from women, they think that sex is affection and isn't.
You are so young, and have been thru so much, you deserve to take care of you!! Morgan needs to take care of Morgan, and you can do it, because you have already started :)
I will support you any way that I can, remember I am a PTSD survivor, and so are you.
OK advice, it's time to find a PTSD therapist, they have the tools and have been trained to get the anger out, to help you figure out all the stuff that happened to you. It worked for me, it will work for you, you just have to be ready to work, because it is work, but it was the best work that I ever did because if changed me from feeling like you, to feeling like a normal human being, and it feels awesome!! Once you start letting things out, you will not believe how the weight is lifted off your shoulders and that pit of fear in your stomach will fade.
OK so for comfort, the things that happened to you were horrible, and girls should not have to go thru stuff like that, none of it is your fault. You dad, he is a bad person, who has a whole mess of problems that he never faced, and that is why he did what he did. The other guys, all you were looking for was, attention, someone to like you for you, but guys look at that stuff different from women, they think that sex is affection and isn't.
You are so young, and have been thru so much, you deserve to take care of you!! Morgan needs to take care of Morgan, and you can do it, because you have already started :)
I will support you any way that I can, remember I am a PTSD survivor, and so are you.
Mimzy13
06-04-2006, 02:41 AM
StephanieAnne-
Thanks for the kind words, its wonderful to finally talk to somebody that understands what I am going through and knows what I need to do. I'm trying really hard to live a normal life with work, college, voulenteer work, and friends but some days, today was one, I would like to just sit alone and cry, or punch somebody in the face. I don't get angry often so its very hard for me to stomach this rage I feel. But thanks for the advice, do you know how to get ahold or find a PTSD couselor?? I could really use somebody like that, or maybe a support group here. What do you think of those? :confused: Thank you once again for the advice and comfort! :)
Thanks for the kind words, its wonderful to finally talk to somebody that understands what I am going through and knows what I need to do. I'm trying really hard to live a normal life with work, college, voulenteer work, and friends but some days, today was one, I would like to just sit alone and cry, or punch somebody in the face. I don't get angry often so its very hard for me to stomach this rage I feel. But thanks for the advice, do you know how to get ahold or find a PTSD couselor?? I could really use somebody like that, or maybe a support group here. What do you think of those? :confused: Thank you once again for the advice and comfort! :)
StephanieAnne
06-04-2006, 04:02 PM
Hi Morgan,
To find a PTSD provider, do a google search, enter something like PTSD providers Lincoln NE and see what you get, here in NY we can search for providers using a NYS dr wweb site, does nebraska have anything like that?
Maybe your primary dr knows of one, or what about your therapist now, or what about the yellow pages of the phone book, once you start thinking about how to find one, it will be easy.
Support groups, I felt that my abuse was so personal that I just could not face listening to someone elses pain, ir telling anyone about mine, even though I wll tell anyone about it now, I have a tendancy to absorb peoples pain and I have learned to distance myself from stuff like that.
That is another thing, once you get all figured out, it is great to realize that you can make your own decisions, you are not doing something because that is what you should do, it comes down to what you want to do. Just like the support group, if someone would have said to me, you should join a support group, it would really help you, I would join, even though I would be uncomfortable, I would just do it because it was suggested to me to do it!!
Now I do what I want and to heck with anyone else. Ya know like work, school, volunteer work, friends, but you would just like to sit and cry, well once you start getting rid of your pain, you will find that there are other things you want to do, or just sit and watch the world go by and there is nothing wrong with that!
Nest time you want to punch somebody, get yourself a small baseball bat, and when that feeling somes smack the bat into a pillow, and keep doing it until you feel better. That was something I learned in therapy. Oce you do it a few times, you will never do it again, because getting the anger out is so freeing!!!
Hang in there sweetie, better days are coming :cool:
To find a PTSD provider, do a google search, enter something like PTSD providers Lincoln NE and see what you get, here in NY we can search for providers using a NYS dr wweb site, does nebraska have anything like that?
Maybe your primary dr knows of one, or what about your therapist now, or what about the yellow pages of the phone book, once you start thinking about how to find one, it will be easy.
Support groups, I felt that my abuse was so personal that I just could not face listening to someone elses pain, ir telling anyone about mine, even though I wll tell anyone about it now, I have a tendancy to absorb peoples pain and I have learned to distance myself from stuff like that.
That is another thing, once you get all figured out, it is great to realize that you can make your own decisions, you are not doing something because that is what you should do, it comes down to what you want to do. Just like the support group, if someone would have said to me, you should join a support group, it would really help you, I would join, even though I would be uncomfortable, I would just do it because it was suggested to me to do it!!
Now I do what I want and to heck with anyone else. Ya know like work, school, volunteer work, friends, but you would just like to sit and cry, well once you start getting rid of your pain, you will find that there are other things you want to do, or just sit and watch the world go by and there is nothing wrong with that!
Nest time you want to punch somebody, get yourself a small baseball bat, and when that feeling somes smack the bat into a pillow, and keep doing it until you feel better. That was something I learned in therapy. Oce you do it a few times, you will never do it again, because getting the anger out is so freeing!!!
Hang in there sweetie, better days are coming :cool:
hergy
12-23-2006, 02:24 AM
A therapist you can trust is vital. It's ok to leave one that's not working for you. I've done it a couple of times. I have a great therapist now. You can do it. You deserve the best treatment.
And, many times, especially with past sexual abuse, it's less stressful to give romantic relationships a break, at least until you're comfortable with intimacy again. Don't let pressure from others push you into situations that hurt you, physically, mentally or emotionally.
Your healing is important. You're the only one who has to live your life. Don't push yourself. Sometimes healing is gradual, but the effort is worth it. Find a good therapist and open up in a way that makes you comfortable.
Best wishes,
Nikki
And, many times, especially with past sexual abuse, it's less stressful to give romantic relationships a break, at least until you're comfortable with intimacy again. Don't let pressure from others push you into situations that hurt you, physically, mentally or emotionally.
Your healing is important. You're the only one who has to live your life. Don't push yourself. Sometimes healing is gradual, but the effort is worth it. Find a good therapist and open up in a way that makes you comfortable.
Best wishes,
Nikki
Phoenix
12-23-2006, 03:10 AM
Dear Mimzy13,
You wrote" I told her I had all of this rage inside of me that couldn't get out she laughed at me and talked about getting me discharged from therapy."
This is definitely not a good thing. You seek comfort, advice and answers from a therapist and it seems to me that this "trained professional" is making light of your delicate situation. I can see how the confidence in her can be lessened (shame on her for laughing).
You also wrote "My new boyfriend and I are getting more phsyical but everytime we do I cry and freak out a little bit."
You have been through a lot and remember that we all need time to heal; both physically and mentally.
As I am a father of a 14 year old daughter, it truly upsets me when I hear that a parent has abused their child. No matter how old my daughter gets, she will always be considered "my child."
Why do bad things happen to good people; I will never know but one thing that you should not do is blame yourself. You were taken advantage of and should both reserve the right and deserve to be angry.
Taking it out on others is definitely not the way to go. The scary thing about rage is when it is released, it can often be difficult to find a "stopping" point, which could really lead to serious ramifications.
You came to this forum and were welcomed with open arms. People who are concerned and care about others and their concerns.
If you look under Nebraska mental health, you will find some information.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
You wrote" I told her I had all of this rage inside of me that couldn't get out she laughed at me and talked about getting me discharged from therapy."
This is definitely not a good thing. You seek comfort, advice and answers from a therapist and it seems to me that this "trained professional" is making light of your delicate situation. I can see how the confidence in her can be lessened (shame on her for laughing).
You also wrote "My new boyfriend and I are getting more phsyical but everytime we do I cry and freak out a little bit."
You have been through a lot and remember that we all need time to heal; both physically and mentally.
As I am a father of a 14 year old daughter, it truly upsets me when I hear that a parent has abused their child. No matter how old my daughter gets, she will always be considered "my child."
Why do bad things happen to good people; I will never know but one thing that you should not do is blame yourself. You were taken advantage of and should both reserve the right and deserve to be angry.
Taking it out on others is definitely not the way to go. The scary thing about rage is when it is released, it can often be difficult to find a "stopping" point, which could really lead to serious ramifications.
You came to this forum and were welcomed with open arms. People who are concerned and care about others and their concerns.
If you look under Nebraska mental health, you will find some information.
Take care
God Bless
FTM