It's not very easy to admit, but I've been struggling with pain pills, and I'd really like to talk with you guys.

Well we are here for you so talk away you will get alot of good advice when your ready to quit and also can find out what you may in store for as far as w/d's. How long have you been using? How many per day? What pain pills? Dont be ashamed it just sneaks up on you then when you realize it its too late. but type away we will type back. Kim

Kim

Thank you for kind of breaking the ice. I have a lot on my mind, but it isn't an easy subject for me. I recently had several mild to moderate health probelms kind of in a row. First off an ear infection that wouldn't go away, they put me on like 4 different antibotics because they wouldn't work, and I had a topical ear antibiotic. At that time they gave me vicodin. I took vicodin for a few weeks. When I got low, I found some more in the medicine cabinet. Which I all took for pain.
Well, here's when some of the problems probably started. I was having pretty bad insomonia, with bad RLS in the middle of the night. I knew that the vicodin was a CNS depressant and would help me sleep so I took them at night occassionally because basic OTC sleep aids weren't doing anything.
Now I take ambien 12.5 cr for insomnia, and they help a lot.

Well a few weeks ago, I had another medical problem with a severe infection, they put me on antibiotics and percocet. All I have to say is WOW. I really enjoyed how it felt to take the pills.
So the problem is sometimes I take the pills for pain but then recently I take them for fun. I usually take like 4 of the 5/325 percocets. Shortly after I'm all messed up.
I've never had any other problems with alchohol or drugs. Didn't really even try alchohol til I turned 21. I've been pretty much a "good boy" never tried pot, or any other street drugs.
I don't want to overreact, but I don't like not being in control of how I feel and I don't want to get out of control.
Another problem is I have access to plenty of the opiates from past injuries from the family. It would take some time to use them up, and I surely don't want to do that.

Any advice, or just talking would really help me out.

When you can no longer control the use your starting to have a problem. I started taking lortab (hydro) 10/500 for knee pain I would only take as needed and only the dosage my dr told me to take well I as you one day took a little bit more hoping it would make the pain really go away well what I got was a great high. Thats where it went downhill. I felt that I needed to take them I loved the high, energy, and no pain. So before long I wasnt taking the 1 I was taking 2.5-3 at a time. My script for the month would last me like 1-2wks then I would steal them from my fiance and then he would be short I did this for over a year. Then when he would run out I would buy them from other drug users. I was spending 150/mo on pills on top of my 60 and about the other 60 I would steal from my fiance. I was getting way out of control before I quit I was up to almost 10/day. Me and my fiance were fighting constantly over it. I was also like you I would never try cocaine or any other type of drug because I know addiction runs in my family and I know I would probably have that addictive gene. Never thought about that gene when it came to pain pills boy I wish I knew that then. I didnt even know they were in the same drug catagory as heroin or other drugs. So I do know how you feel but if I were you I would stop now it will only get much worse and the thoughts of pills will eventually consume your whole life. Like they did mine and it sucked. I have pain problems too but the problem came in not taking the pills for the pain it came in when I started taking them for the high and abusing them. I cannot control myself around pills someone once called it "the seduction of a pill bottle". Isnt that the truth. I hope that this helps you some and gives you and insight of what might come. By the way those pills that you said would take you a while to consume the other meds before you know it, it will take you know time at all to use them all since your always chasing that same high and will need to take more and more to get it. Good luck and where here to talk when you need to. Kim

It's a sad situation. I'm actually sitting here being pulled in towards the bottle as we speak. I took four out, got a glass of water, and somehow I put them back in the bottle, but it's still sitting right in front of me, calling my name. This is crazy. I took some yesterday, and I felt so good. What makes it hard is my wife said how nice I was when I took my medicine! She didn't know exactly WHY I took them.
I agree with you on how fast they can go. I even caught myself looking online to buy more when these run out, but I'm trying not to let it get to that point.
I really don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking to in person, or on the phone, so this is really helping a lot.

Pills say "COME! Come eat me!"
Me "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

One more question. When you took 10 a day what was your schedule like?
3 3 4 or 5 and 5 or how'd you do it?

Oh yes the looking online for the pills I too did that but never bought them. Its that voice coming in your head telling you to take them and you will feel soooo much better. Man when I would take them I would laugh, have energy, talk, talk , talk. I was fun on them so I know what your saying there. Glad you put them back in the bottle didnt take long to get up to 4 at a time did it. Chasing that high as I call it. I would take 2.5-3 then an hour later take another one to maintain the high. Thats what my life became every thought was around pills. Couldnt leave my house without being high. Consumed me and every waking thought. I would get excited about getting out of bed to run to my pills and get that woo hoo feeling. I couldnt remember what it was like getting out of bed and being excited about life not getting my pills. You can do this you can stop it before it gets out of control. Please do it before you end up like I was. I stopped easter sunday havent been perfect I have fell down a couple of times but I picked myself up and dusted myself off and got right back on track. They didnt give me that high I wanted anymore I couldnt enjoy it cause I was so upset that I took them. Addressing that you have a problem or think your getting in too deep is a good thing. Plus no one knows you here and wont judge you and have all walked in your shoes so we know what its like. My fiance doesnt abuse his pills and couldnt understand my addiction so it was hard talking to him about it thats when I came here and got so much support. So I traded my addiction to pills to an addiction to this board. lol. So please consider what I said and stop now. Your w/d's might not be that bad and the longer you use them the worse it will be. Now your wife doesnt know but soon she will know how bad it is and will really get on you to stop. Financially it sucks too. I didnt have 150/mo to buy pills but I NEEDED them. It was so hard to stop I used to say it was like giving up my best friend can you believe the very thing that was ruining my life I thought of as my best friend. Man the mind of an addict....... Consider stopping now please. good luck and keep posting. Kim

I didnt really have a schedule I just took them when I felt them wearing off so like I said 2.5 then 1-1.5 and hour or two later then another 1-1.5 a couple hrs later then another 2.5-3 at night so I was high all the time never not high. So I had no choice financially or for my relationship but to end my love affair thats so stupid to say. Now I hate the things and hate how they consumed me and made me loose who I was. So I did it for me and my fiance and for my health. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and it sucked but I lived through it and now I try to help others to know how it is when the addiction sucks you in almost overnight and takes right over. Like we (pills) will control you and you no longer have control of your life. How horrible this addiction is. Kim

Makes me feel better just talking to you. I too have been on this message board non stop. Financially it could be a problem for me as well. Not buying the pills, because in contrast they don't cost that much, but as far as not being unmotivated to work. I'm self employed and have a few guys that work for me, so latley I haven't been going to work, only the past two weeks, but still. I'm the only one that brings in the dough so eventually it could be bad.
I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety latley. I've read two books on perfectionism. I don't have OCD, but I'm probably not that far off from it. I feel that everything I have to do I have to do it perfectly or not at all.
When I take those stupid pills, it takes that away from me. I don't worry about things, and it actually makes me feel "normal" so to speak. I'm sure telling your fiance was a very hard thing to do, and unless you've experienced things you can't always understand what it's like.
For some reason I've been taking the pills at the same time everyday, around 2:00 in the afternoon, but yesterday I didn't. I waited until last night around 6:00 and took them. I usually love the rain. Just sitting there watching the rain, hearing the thunder is one of my favorite pasttimes. Well, I took the pills, a huge storm came in, and it was one of the most relaxing times of my life. I actually "played" in the rain which is funny for an adult to do, but I was just so at peace.
I should probably make an appt with my doc and see if maybe he can give me something to surpress the anxiety and obsessive thinking that I have. I feel that is also partially why I take them.
I did get up to 4 pills fast. I could probably take less and get a good effect, but I just decided to take 4, not sure why.
What is weird, just like a month ago or so if I took 2 hyro's I was spinning, and nauses and all nasty feeling. I don't get nausea with the opiates anymore, just a nice happy feeling.
I guess I should stop talking about how "nice" they are so I don't get any ideas, it just a lot of my mind and feels good typing.

Alot of people on here take them for depression and other disorders say they make them feel normal as you do and takes away their anxiety and other stresses. So you might need to see your Dr and see if you can get on something else to help you with this. My niece has OCD and was put on something for it and it has really helped her alot and also with anxiety. the pills made all the bad things go away when I took them unfortunatly they were causing alot of bad things to happen too. So you might really have a medical condition with the anxiety and ocd that can be treated without the percs. I wish you luck with that. I too got sick when I started taking them but for some reason kept on taking them which normally if it was anything else I would have never touched again. Like I cant eat pizza hot pockets cause they made me sick. But the sickness eventually went away and I kept right on taking them. I guess thats just my addict mind. I would really seek out your dr and see what he/she says and let them help you. Good luck. Kim

P.S there is no such thing as "perfect" although I like to think I'm pretty close to it. Just kidding thought I would throw in a joke. So dont chase perfection either you will only let yourself down. Kim

Thank you for your insight, very appreciated. Have a good day. I'm sure we'll talk again.