hi, i lost my mum about a year ago. She died from 3brain hemerages. When she died i missed her loads but i didn't cry very much. People/my friend always feel sorry for me or bad when they speak about my mum but speaking about my mum and how she died doesn't seem to bother me that much. I feel kind of heartless because i can't seem to feel/show my emotions towards but mums death even though i do miss her. Sometimes i have random days where i cry but i don't know what about. Do you think that this is because my mind hasn't grieved properly yet? xx

hi, i lost my mum about a year ago. She died from 3brain hemerages. When she died i missed her loads but i didn't cry very much. People/my friend always feel sorry for me or bad when they speak about my mum but speaking about my mum and how she died doesn't seem to bother me that much. I feel kind of heartless because i can't seem to feel/show my emotions towards but mums death even though i do miss her. Sometimes i have random days where i cry but i don't know what about. Do you think that this is because my mind hasn't grieved properly yet? xx
Hi teengirl89,
First of all, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. I have experienced loss of people I love in my life too.

An odd thing happens to us when we experience a pain so deep. Sometimes we "shut down" a bit in order to handle it. The pain and feelings are in there, but it hurts so much to really feel them 100%, that we don't feel them at all. It is like being in a state of shock. Do you feel like a robot sometimes? (I know I did).

Have you noticed that some good feelings are hard to connect with too? Emotions are emotions, we perceive them as "good" (love/happiness) or "bad" (fear, loss, anger, pain). It is impossible to suppress one emotion without suppressing them all.

What you are going through is very natural and normal. Remember, everybody grieves in their own way, in their own time. There are no rules to this.

Are there support groups where you live, maybe through your local hospital, or maybe your doctor knows of one to recommend. It helps to talk, to cry, to feel. It's like dashing through a house on fire - it's scary, and painful, but you will come out the other side - and it will hurt less and less as the years go by. But it must be faced first. In your own way, in your own time.

Prayers & hugs to you dear. I'll be checking in to see how you're doing.

thank you for getting back to me..yea i suppose i do feel a bit like a robot. im just finding it harder to sort of get in touch with my emotions or talk about them face to face. I do have a boyfriend to talk to who i have been with for almost a year and whenever im upset infront of him he always comforts me but when something is bothering me it seems that even if i try to tell him i can't because i never know wether its because of my mum or something else which is in the back of my mind..its like my mums death completely messed with my way of thinking/feeling.

and yea i didn't realise but ur right, i find it hard to connect with my good emotions aswel.

it just makes me feel like its kind of wrong of me to not of grieved over my mum..or js like its a bad thing..the rest of my family when she first died cried loads but my mind was kinda numb n like didn't wana believe it..i spose like the whole 'mind shuttin down' thing like u said

xxxxx

thank you for getting back to me..yea i suppose i do feel a bit like a robot. im just finding it harder to sort of get in touch with my emotions or talk about them face to face. I do have a boyfriend to talk to who i have been with for almost a year and whenever im upset infront of him he always comforts me but when something is bothering me it seems that even if i try to tell him i can't because i never know wether its because of my mum or something else which is in the back of my mind..its like my mums death completely messed with my way of thinking/feeling.

and yea i didn't realise but ur right, i find it hard to connect with my good emotions aswel.

it just makes me feel like its kind of wrong of me to not of grieved over my mum..or js like its a bad thing..the rest of my family when she first died cried loads but my mind was kinda numb n like didn't wana believe it..i spose like the whole 'mind shuttin down' thing like u said

xxxxx

Don't judge yourself, now is the time to be kind to yourself. Your mother died and that is one of the hardest things anyone can experience. There is no way of grieving that is "wrong" of you. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you must grieve a certain way. You are doing the best you can, aren't you?

Do you keep a journal? I have found writing and writing and writing all of my feelings is a great way to open up buried emotions. Give it a try. Just any type of paper will do, nothing fancy.

You can keep the paper, or throw it away. Just start to express feelings inside of you. More will come out. If you don't know what to write, start small. You can even write that you stubbed your toe on the table leg and it hurt! Just start, it will help you open up.

Everything is okay to write down and express. When someone we love so deeply dies, we not only feel loss, pain, shock, but also anger, too. We flip from feeling our deep love for them, or laughing over happy memories, or our special jokes, to feeling deep, dark sadness or feeling really angry that they left us. This can be a safe place for you to let all of this out. Remember: do not judge your feelings. They are all normal.

It will help you to separate the issues that bother you from the pain of losing your mother. Right now, pain is pain. Eventually, as you work through this big pile of emotions, you will see & feel more clearly.

You're off to a good start by writing your thoughts here on this board. Right now, grab a pen and a piece of paper and start writing. See what happens.

Prayers to you dear.

thank you so much for the advice:) i really appreciate it and will start writing down things too see if it helps me! wil also try to stop judging myself. Ill message this in a few days time and tell you how i am getting on. Thank you again xx