Hi,

Some comments in the other thread got me thinking. Whenever my mom asks, I always say that I don't want kids...but I don't know if I don't want them, or if it's that I'm afraid I couldn't take care of them. I think it would break my heart if other kids made fun of my kids at a young age because I'm not "normal", or if my kids would become embarassed of me being different. However, I know those things can be overcome by talking to them...I'm more concerned about physical things. For example, I have to use crutches or a walker to walk. How would I carry them up stairs, chase them when they're misbehaving, just PICK THEM UP...stuff like that.

Albertarose, Adinahwithkaden, you guys said you have kids...how do/did you handle the physical stuff? (Mostly I'm talking about when they're really little.) Can you walk independently? Are your husbands AB or disabled (if you don't mind me asking)? CPChick, how do your friend with CP and her disabled husband manage? Basically, if you or anyone else with CP could share your experiences with children I'd really appreciate it! :)

There's a book written by Denise Sherer Jacobson called "The
Question of David." that is the story of her and her husband, both with CP and in wheelchairs and the process they went through to adopt their son David. Denise was very honest about their struggles but they found a way to make it work!

I work with a gentleman that is blind. He has been divorced for about 3 years, and his son is now 7. This child was raised with a blind father, and he know how he is to behave because he was raised that way. Your children would be raised with you as their parent, so your children will behave and adjust accordingly. I think alot of people believe they they need to adjust their life to the children...It's not the case. Children should fit into the family and life already established when they are born. It sounds as though you will probably have plenty of support, so don't count yourself out as a fantastic parent.

Thanks, I'll have to check out that book. And I guess I never thought of it that way, that the children learn to behave certain ways based on the situation. That makes sense, though! Hmmm.

I don't have children, but I am going to babysit my one-year-old nephew by myself during the day for the next 3 days. We have a one-story house, but if for some reason, I need to go down the basement with him, I think the easiest way is to get down on my butt with him in my arms. This isn't the "normal" way, but it's what I have to deal with. I don't want to risk us both falling down the stairs. And for when babies small enough, I plan on using Baby B'jorns (a pouch that you wear in front of you), and slings. I'm not sure if that would hurt my back, but I'll try it.

I agree that children learn to adapt to your needs. I read somewhere that children learn things, such as how they should hang on to their disabled parents, and things like that. There is definitely a way.

Well, my friend and her husband. They have a really GOOD two and a half year old I must say. When she was smaller all she used to do was sit/lie on her dad's lap and sleep. Her mom is very similar to me CP-wise so I watch her deal with Kendal (the daughter's name) so I can kinda know what it may be like for me ahead of time. If Kendal wanted to she could run and climb things her parents can't reach, and she does sometimes so I don't know what they do to get her to come down. Everytime you call their house she does things like stealing the phone and then they have to chase her and get it back lol. During the day, they both work so Kendal goes to daycare. I think it depends on the kid, if he/she really wanted to they could make a disabled parent's life very hard. Another challenge I suppose.

First off, I wouldn't worry about not having kids because they would get teased because you were not "normal." Disabled people have to suffer idiots enough, we don't need to plan our very lives even more around them. When the feeling in us to reproduce hits, as it does in all humans, don't let the fact you're disabled stand in the way of that.
I want children very much, but unfortunately I believe I am sterile and my wife is able-bodied but has multiple health problems which might endanger her life if she gives birth. So it's have children or lose the love of my life. A decision that I'm unwilling to make. I wanted to leave something of myself on this planet when I die. Eh, we each must play the cards we're dealt.

First off, I wouldn't worry about not having kids because they would get teased because you were not "normal." Disabled people have to suffer idiots enough, we don't need to plan our very lives even more around them. When the feeling in us to reproduce hits, as it does in all humans, don't let the fact you're disabled stand in the way of that.


I couldn't have said it better.

Sorry to hear you can't have kids, Funky...but what about adopting??
And the being made fun of thing does bother me a little, but on the other hand I think that my kids would be used to differences from a young age and would know that stereotypes are stupid. So they would be able to handle stuff like that :).

Hi,

Some comments in the other thread got me thinking. Whenever my mom asks, I always say that I don't want kids...but I don't know if I don't want them, or if it's that I'm afraid I couldn't take care of them. I think it would break my heart if other kids made fun of my kids at a young age because I'm not "normal", or if my kids would become embarassed of me being different. However, I know those things can be overcome by talking to them...I'm more concerned about physical things. For example, I have to use crutches or a walker to walk. How would I carry them up stairs, chase them when they're misbehaving, just PICK THEM UP...stuff like that.

Albertarose, Adinahwithkaden, you guys said you have kids...how do/did you handle the physical stuff? (Mostly I'm talking about when they're really little.) Can you walk independently? Are your husbands AB or disabled (if you don't mind me asking)? CPChick, how do your friend with CP and her disabled husband manage? Basically, if you or anyone else with CP could share your experiences with children I'd really appreciate it! :)

When my kids were very tiny(new born) I could not bath them in a bath tub as it ws to hard to hold onto them with one arm. I just sponge bathed them until someone, like my hubby or another person could put them in the bath tub and bath them. I learned to pick my children up with the one arm under their underarm. It did not hurt them. As for changing diapers, I laid the diaper out picked the baby up with one arm and placed she/he on the diaper and did up the velcro straps. I can walk independently, but as I am getting older I tire more easily. Both my first and now my second hubby are AB.

My kids are very good at helping me out. They are now 18, 17, and 15. Noone ever made fun of them because of my CP, but if they did I told my kids to say that at least my disability can be seen what was their problem. My kids are not embarassed of me. Ands if you ever have kids your kids will Love you unconditionally. You will find ways to look after your kids. It will come to you with ease.
Hope this helps.

Originally Posted by Funky Dynamite
First off, I wouldn't worry about not having kids because they would get teased because you were not "normal." Disabled people have to suffer idiots enough, we don't need to plan our very lives even more around them. When the feeling in us to reproduce hits, as it does in all humans, don't let the fact you're disabled stand in the way of that.
I couldn't have said it better.


Glad I'm not the only one who feels like that, Thrill Lover....

I have CP and use a w/c full time. I have two children that are just 18 months apart.

Most with CP are masters of compensation and doing whatever it takes to get the job done. With many things, we're slower, but it really doesn't matter. My kids don't care, neither does my husband (AB). My kids are 2 & 4 and I have always managed with them on my own. At times, I've even babysat when having my two.

I've always believed I was born to be a Mommie, and praise God that I am now. My life as it is now was a long time coming (I was 34 when I married, and I never dated much), but it was indeed worth the wait. I'm absolutely in love with my kids. They're both happy and healthy. (I'm hoping we have a third before too much more time passes). Oh! Btw, I was a single foster parent as well.

What I know is, I'm a much better parent in my 30's than I ever would've been in my 20's.

:angel:

I am 41 with L spastic CP and I also have a beautiful 9 year old daughter.
While being pregnant with cp can create issues with changes in gait pattern, an shifting of weight into diffeerent areas, the end result is great! I had absolutely no problems during the pregnancy, but I did have a few rough spots during delivery with the spasticity. The bottom line though is that everyine is different.
I have just the one child and that is fine with me. I had my daughter at 32 and decided that Iam too old (in my opinion) for more.

Good luck with your choices.

Lastramy

Thanks for sharing your experience. It prompted me to mention that I never even considered a vaginal birth with my children. I was concerned that my spasticity would have a mind of its own (seeing how it always does), and create problems. I didn't feel comfortable taking that chance.

Btw, b/c of the catheter for my Baclofen pump some drs. were concerned about the spinal block (epidural). No problems there.

First of all, if we ever have kids, they will grow up knowing about thier dads disability. The will also know what they can and can't do. They will love taking rides on his wheelchair.
As far as another kid making fun of them- That's when we'd take the time (if not bEFORE that) to educate that/ those children. Children actually are respectful of my dh after they've gotten to meet him and understand why he can't walk or do other things. My husband has gone to elementary classes a number of times and done this very thing (becuase the teacher had asked the advocacy group we're involved in to come). Also, i have taught the three- year old class in my church for two years. When i teach them the lesson about disabilites, i always have my dh come in and talk about his disability and how he would like people to treat him, and how people can help him. They always have questions, but that's okay. that's how kids learn. They way kids learn that disabled people are acceptable is for us to teach them. Before this lesson, the kids in my class hardly talk to him, and after this lesson, they are more than happy to do it, and often times are also happy to hold doors or do other things for him!!
I have known a number of blind or physically impaired people who have children, and they have all been successful in raising thier children. yes, it was a challenge, but they made accomodations and made do with what they had.
Also, (this kind of goes along w/ what i said) i have noticed that AB kids who grow up w/ a disabled sibling/ parent, or (like me) disabled friend or neighbor are much more accepting of people w/ disabilities and much more willing to help them as needed. That's how i want my children to be.
becky

Hi my name is Carmen. I am 35 years old and I have CP. I live in Chicago and I recently had a baby girl. I had her a month early and I am glad because I do not think I could handle another month. With my CP I am totally dependant on my husband Chris, who is AB, and the help I get during the day. Having our daughter Danielle was the greatest gift God could ever give us. I never thought that I would get married, let alone have a baby.

It was hard at first to see and have other people take care of my daughter, because I am in a wheelchair and I am not able to feed her. Sometimes I am able to hold her. It has gotten easier for me to let go. I realized that whoever helps me with her that I’m the mother. Danielle is only 5 ½ months and we think she already understands that mommy is different. I have a friend with SMA that has two kids and she told me that her daughters understand that mommy needs help. They do not know the difference because to them there is no difference. It is in the way you as parents bring up your child. Believe me it is all worth it in the long run.

I hope this helps.

Carmen :)

Thanks for sharing that Carmen, it's comforting to know!

No problem. If u have any questuons please feel free to ask.