Hi my name is Mike and on June 2 2006 my girlfriend killed her self. I am having a very hard time dealing with this. I need help, I am just falling apart. Sometimes I feel like joining her. Can anyone give me any help?

I am sorry for your loss. I don't know how to help you except to say that you were not to blame. I think you learn to do as we all do. You get through one day at a time and you thank God every day for the good things in your life. All the time you had with your fiance was a gift from God, and He will give you the strength to live through this if you ask Him.

I can in no way imagine your pain and guilt...all we can do is tell you that you can post here anytime. Tell us whatever you want us to know...we will be here to listen. God knows you can handle this....now you have to ask him for directions.

I thank all of you who posted and answered. My life has been filled with heart breaking new, or something bad. I been married 2 times, my first wife left me because I worked to much and she took my kids away from me. My 2cd wife left me when I was in a car accident and it left me in a wheelchair. My Grandma died not long after that, then a yr later my granddad. Then the love of my life did suicide. I been in a chair for 13 yrs this Oct. and for those 13 yrs. she was the only woman that looked past the chair and seen me as a man. We was very happy, I known her for 8 yrs or 10 yrs, and we had been seeing each other for 2 yrs until her death. I would have given her anything, would have done anything in this world for this woman. She was a Godly woman, she thought the Bibble was a road map to life and we both loved god. Everone that knew her thought she was an angel. She was a caregiver and took care of people like me and older people. She would bust her buns for everyone even stop for people on the side of the road and help them. She was a great woman I love her very verymuch. I still have so much to tell her and to show her and to give her. I got a ring for her about a month ago, but waited until the right time to give it to her, needless to say I still have the ring. I even held back that I had a tomur in my chest because I didn't want to worry her. Now I kinda wish I did tell her maybe she would have thought about staying and helping me. I feel so selfish thinking about my feelings and the pain I'm going threw. I just got out of the hospital today and while I was in there I prayed and prayed everyday please Lord take me and let me be with the woman I love. I think God hates me because I have had everything I ever loved taken away from me.

A few of us think there something fishy about her death. I wish there was something I could do to make sure there was no one that did this to her.

Again Thanks everyone

See we are finding out that there might have been foul play in her death. Cell phone missing and things are just not adding up.

Oh she was a beautiful woman, she was my Angel sent to me by GOD. She made me feel so happy inside, I felt like I could take on the world with her around. I would see her in the day time and dream about her at night. She was the love of my life. I been married two times and no other woman can stand close to her, not just because she was beautiful out side but inside to. Her heart was 101% Gold, and her kindness would go around the world a million times. I wake up everyday praying to get a call saying hahaha got ya it was a joke. I am a soft harded guy and this hearts me more than any kind of pain I ever had. It says in the Bibble about a pain you feel all the way into your bones....... well it's in my bones.

I gotta be hard on my self because I didn't hold my end of the deal up. I swore to her she would not be unhappy again. I promissed I would tell her I love her and how beautiful she was everyday.

You know I been in been in a chair for 13 yrs this Oct. I hear this God has plans for you. When am I gonna find out these plans? I lost a lot of love ones, lost my abilty to be a real man and do manly dudties. When will I get my break in life. I been to jail for things I didn't do. My whole life I have scaped and climb my way up, and only made it half way.

You know I don't understand why God would take someone like Wendy and leave someone like me behind. Any of you that has pets and you got outside and you step in something............. well that the way I feel because I did hold my end of the deal and she did everything right and then some.

Thanks everyone




She sounds like a beautiful woman. I am sorry for all the heart ache you have been through. Share your concern with the police. My fiance was murdered last July and they can not prove it in courts. I went to a medium, and my fiance came through and told me that because he was in heaven, he didn't care how he died, as he was at peace. But he also told me that if I needed to seek justice for myself then I should.

None of your thoughts are selfish. There are always what ifs in any kind of death. Try not to be hard on yourself.

I too asked God to take me, just so I could be with my fiance. But you know, we all have a purpose here on earth and we need to discover it. Remember, when it is your time ... you will be reunited with her for eternity.

God does not hate you, He loves you so much and feels the pain you are going through. He said everyone would have problems in life. I have been through a lot in my life time and now I look at the problems as challenges that gave me strength and character. Try to figure out what you have learned from each challenge you have had. You have a lot in you that you can teach someone else.

Just take it one day at a time or even one second at a time. Just never give up on yourself and try not to give up on God .. as He is a great source of peace, love and guidance.

Remember that even though you are physically separated now, you will never be spiritually separated. Talk to her, she hears you. She is with you.

God Bless and keep writing.
Diane

Yeah I really need help dealing with this because it's getting harder and harder for me to deal with this. I went to church today and a good friend of mine is a firerescue and he said he was call out to the site. I am gonna ask him questions about how was things around her, and how did her mom and step dad acted. He told my mom it was a bad site. We already have a P.I getting her phone records sent to him. So we will be able to find out who she last talked to. He will check out a few other things. The chair has never dstopped me, but it has stopped others from seeing the real me. I wasn't talking about sex no. I mean like cutting grass, auto work, repairs to the house, you know man things.

Mike

Yes I can get grief counselling, but right now I am more worried about getting what happen to her than anything. I haven't slept for almost 10 days now I am starting to where out.

Something else to worry about. See Wendy was getting a divorce and wasn't living with her soon to be exhubby. Well now everyone is telling me it might be best if I didn't go see her and leave flowers or anything. He was the one that treated her bad and called her names and hated his step child and kids. Even her mom wasn't on her side called her names and downed her, step dad made moves on her. But they act like I am the bad guy here. Why? This is getting harder and harder on me, not sure how much I can last.

Well I went to the gravesite today for my first time. They put her off in some little crappy place. No headstone yet, still working on it. Only two things of flowers there and a few little things like a chrome plake like deal that had a smiley face and it said smile God loves you. I put here fav. flower out there a dz. roses. She always said smile God loves you and then say to me and I love you. I know God knows that she was a great woman, but why take her away from someone that Loved her as deeply as I do?? I think God really has it out for me, for some reason. I will never get to close to anyone anymore. I don't think I would even get to see her if I would die right now.

Please call one of the Hospice locations in Dallas... They have grief counseling both individually or in groups. And they are specialists in end of life matters.
And please realize that God is not doing this to you. He started the world and set in motion laws of nature. And one of those that is the hardest to accept is that our bodies will die. ALL of us. It is what truly makes us US that lives on.

Please realize that it will take a long time to feel better. My friends husband committed suicide 4 years ago and it is still hard for her.
Check into Hospice for sure - they are wonderful....

Found out last night she was bipolar. Or they say she was I never seen that in her. But any ways they said when someone is bipolar that they do things like this with no reason and as fast as a snap of your fingers. She wasn't on any meds for it or anything. I know it's no better that she kill her self, but I feel a little better that I wasn't the reason why she did it. I still miss her as much and hurts the same. Is there any way to talk to one person on here?

Mike, hang in there. This will get better, I promise it will. Just remember that there is only one short breath between this life and the next one. God has promised ALL of us eternal LIFE. You know what that means? Eternal is forever it goes on and on and on. It will never truly end, not for you or for your love. She has a new life now, she is in a place where she is at peace. This life was obviously too difficult for her to deal with, therefore God has given her a new life in a place where she only knows peace. The loveing God that I know would never punish her for choosing a new life. For you, Sweetheart, life here is not over. This is something that your sole came here to expierence, we don't know why, we don't have all the answers, sometimes they are too difficult for us to understand. Remember the wonderful things that the two of you expierenced and remember the love that she brought to your life, this is something that you WILL someday be able to pass on to another love. You will have this opertunity to love again if you will choose to allow it. I will pray for you. You are the only one who can decide how long you will morn for her. Take your time, she is worthy of that. Also take that same time to remember LOVE, because in the end............. LOVE is all there reall is.

But thats it I want to feel her love. I want her in my arms telling me she loves me. I want to see her big smile on her face. I just don't think I can go on without her here with me. At times I think I can deal and then there is days like this. All I can think about is her and her smiling face and her warm love in my heart.

Wondering if it was a sign. I went to church today and the very first song played was the song they played at the funeral home. My heart just dropped into my shoe. I strated crying and everyone was looking at me like I was crazy. But thats ok, we know why.

Thank God for days like this when you CAN remember her so vividly. You do have her with you, everyday in your heart and in your mind, you can still fell her beside you, that too is called a memory. She will never be far from your heart. What you are missing is the physical "her". That is so normal and so real. This may never pass, you are never aked to forget her, you are forced to remember her. You will find a way to go on, time has a way of assuring that. I'm sure Mike, that there has been days when it's been too painful to remember so you push it aside and do something else. Those are the days that, believe it or not, you are getting stronger. Her smile is forever imbrased in your heart and your head, there it is safe, at least that much is safe. If you died so would every precious memory that you have. You have lost enough, don'r deny yourself these momories. Her love and kindness that she gave to others, gave to you, can only be passed on if you choose to remember. Someday you'll be able to take her memory and apply all that you have learned from her in another truly loving relationship. It wont be today and it probally wont be tomorrow, but it will come. Remember all those who are less fortunate that you, those whom have never known such love, they are the ones less blessed. I'm still praying for you and I and glad that you cried, that you went to church, there in both places you will find your solitude, and your peace. Trust God, love him as passionately as you did her, God is your refuge, God is Love and in the end..............love is all there is Mike. Take care

Things aren't getting any better for me. I have been to everyone, but with no change. I just can't deal with not having the one person I truely loved by my side. I just don't care about nothing else in this world but her. I sat here and tried thinking why should I stay here and keep going threw this. My daughter hates me, my family act like they hate each other, my friends only call to get something from me or something. Life is no more for me worth staying.

Please get help Mike... we can't do it from here... 'your daughter hates you' ... the love of your life kills herself... you need to talk to someone who can support you and help where you need it.

we can't do it here - we are always here to talk to... but please listen to everyone's pleas to get some guidance where you are concerned...

you sound very troubled...