TawnyInTally
06-08-2006, 03:16 AM
:wave:
I hope this isn't too much of an "influx" of info or solicitation for advice...but I've been looking for some place to talk about my anxiety... I hope i can share it with others and return support.
I am 17 years old and I just finished my first year of college. When I turned 11 at the end of sixth grade, I began to get severe "anxiety". At the time I didn't know exactly what it was. I skipped class - something I NEVER did - because of how uncomfortable I got. The moment I thought about going to school, or the moment I walked into school, my body froze. My throat tightened, and I have asthma as well, so that was worsened and I'd have an asthma attack on top of my panic attack. I'd shake and my palms would sweat and I would always feel like I had to run.
Anyway, I had trouble the next year...it only worsened over the summertime. Eventually I was homeschooled for 7th and 8th grade. I went to counsellors, but I found it difficult to talk to them. One prescribed me Paxil, but it didn't seem to work (didn't really do anything, but I was on a low dose).
I went to a smaller private school for high school, where I thought it had virtually discipated...I did well in high school and even graduated early. During the summer of last year after graduation, I had a summer job, but hardly slept because I was plagued with the thought of attending a very large, public college. My first year at college went okay - though my anxiety is still present, and seems to fester and worsen between semesters when i'm not at school. I am taking a summer class and I hope that continually being there won't give my anxiety any time to get worse.
I find that my panic and anxiety -severely- cuts into my daily routine... I literally take the same route to class, driving and walking on campus because for some reason I fear changing it or something. I consistently get stomachaches when I enter class, which is embarrassing because I feel as if I need to leave...but then find out it's a false alarm because once I am out of the classroom situation I feel better.
I literally pick my schedule around my anxiety! I check the classroom # and then go see what it looks like before I have to go, because certain classrooms make my anxiety worse (ie..cold classrooms, ones without lots of exits, or ones that have desks set up a certain way). Still, it is the same everytime: When i am in class, I tremble and am very nervous, my mind continously tells me to "run", and I absolutely have to sit nearest the door, and can't have my back to any exits.
The "phantom" stomachaches are a big thing too, because I fear embarassment in having to leave during class. Tests and finals are hell because its implied you don't "leave" in the middle of them...
My anxiety isn't just in school, though, like it used to be. Now I am uncomfortable in lots of situations... I can still go out...drive...go to stores...but I always feel like people are judging me. I don't have any reason to suspect this, but I still feel extremely self conscious. I stutter when talking to new people, especially figures of authority. Interviews, for example, make me tremble and trigger my asthma to kick in.
I moved to attend college and find it difficult if not impossible to make friends because I'm naturally shy, combined with my anxiety, which basically makes me seem anti-social.
Sometimes its not as bad, other times it is. I worry constantly about everything, and I think I even have OCD, but I won't go off topic... I do believe though, that my anxiety is enforced by this worry. I worry about big things, things I can't control, small things, things I can control - everything. I have difficulty falling asleep because my mind races with thoughts. I worry about my family members, my pets, my responsibilities...I have a billion notes reminding me to do a billion things, and a billion more notes reminding me to read the first ones.
I can only talk about this to parents/siblings to an extent...because it's hard to talk about. On the outside I portray a very different person- I try and act calm and cool and relaxed, but inside I feel like I'm spinning. I often feel like things are going "wrong" a lot. To enforce this believe, my dog of 11 years died a couple months ago, and has only sent me into more of this 'worrying' and not being able to sleep...
Anyway - I really apologize for making this so long. If you're still reading, thank-you a million :)
---Tawny
I hope this isn't too much of an "influx" of info or solicitation for advice...but I've been looking for some place to talk about my anxiety... I hope i can share it with others and return support.
I am 17 years old and I just finished my first year of college. When I turned 11 at the end of sixth grade, I began to get severe "anxiety". At the time I didn't know exactly what it was. I skipped class - something I NEVER did - because of how uncomfortable I got. The moment I thought about going to school, or the moment I walked into school, my body froze. My throat tightened, and I have asthma as well, so that was worsened and I'd have an asthma attack on top of my panic attack. I'd shake and my palms would sweat and I would always feel like I had to run.
Anyway, I had trouble the next year...it only worsened over the summertime. Eventually I was homeschooled for 7th and 8th grade. I went to counsellors, but I found it difficult to talk to them. One prescribed me Paxil, but it didn't seem to work (didn't really do anything, but I was on a low dose).
I went to a smaller private school for high school, where I thought it had virtually discipated...I did well in high school and even graduated early. During the summer of last year after graduation, I had a summer job, but hardly slept because I was plagued with the thought of attending a very large, public college. My first year at college went okay - though my anxiety is still present, and seems to fester and worsen between semesters when i'm not at school. I am taking a summer class and I hope that continually being there won't give my anxiety any time to get worse.
I find that my panic and anxiety -severely- cuts into my daily routine... I literally take the same route to class, driving and walking on campus because for some reason I fear changing it or something. I consistently get stomachaches when I enter class, which is embarrassing because I feel as if I need to leave...but then find out it's a false alarm because once I am out of the classroom situation I feel better.
I literally pick my schedule around my anxiety! I check the classroom # and then go see what it looks like before I have to go, because certain classrooms make my anxiety worse (ie..cold classrooms, ones without lots of exits, or ones that have desks set up a certain way). Still, it is the same everytime: When i am in class, I tremble and am very nervous, my mind continously tells me to "run", and I absolutely have to sit nearest the door, and can't have my back to any exits.
The "phantom" stomachaches are a big thing too, because I fear embarassment in having to leave during class. Tests and finals are hell because its implied you don't "leave" in the middle of them...
My anxiety isn't just in school, though, like it used to be. Now I am uncomfortable in lots of situations... I can still go out...drive...go to stores...but I always feel like people are judging me. I don't have any reason to suspect this, but I still feel extremely self conscious. I stutter when talking to new people, especially figures of authority. Interviews, for example, make me tremble and trigger my asthma to kick in.
I moved to attend college and find it difficult if not impossible to make friends because I'm naturally shy, combined with my anxiety, which basically makes me seem anti-social.
Sometimes its not as bad, other times it is. I worry constantly about everything, and I think I even have OCD, but I won't go off topic... I do believe though, that my anxiety is enforced by this worry. I worry about big things, things I can't control, small things, things I can control - everything. I have difficulty falling asleep because my mind races with thoughts. I worry about my family members, my pets, my responsibilities...I have a billion notes reminding me to do a billion things, and a billion more notes reminding me to read the first ones.
I can only talk about this to parents/siblings to an extent...because it's hard to talk about. On the outside I portray a very different person- I try and act calm and cool and relaxed, but inside I feel like I'm spinning. I often feel like things are going "wrong" a lot. To enforce this believe, my dog of 11 years died a couple months ago, and has only sent me into more of this 'worrying' and not being able to sleep...
Anyway - I really apologize for making this so long. If you're still reading, thank-you a million :)
---Tawny