I have a 15 year old girl living with my children and myself. She has had a horrible past of abuse and neglect. I noticed the other day that she cuts her arms when she is upset. I have never dealt with that before. Among other issues I am trying to deal with her, this seems the most like a cry for help, but when I ask, she says she is just having a bad day. Anyone know anything about this?

Hi :wave: I have a daughter who cuts....it is a form of self injury and you may get better support on that particular board in terms of understanding the mind of a cutter. For the most part it is a coping mechanism.....somehow the pain from the cutting allows them to release some of the emotional pain that they are feeling within. There are ways to help if it is dealt with early enough.....the child must find healthier coping mechanisms and be redirected as to how to do that.

I suggest you visit the self injury board or do a search on cutting....there is lots of support here and people who will help you better understand how to best support this girl. It is great to see that you care enough to help her through this.

Good luck ~ Goody :angel:

Thanks...
I will go and see if I can find answers...

Dialectic behavior therapy is the way to go or any type of solid cognitive behavior therapy. She feels bad obviously and bad days really bring her down. The problem is that she most likely believes that she cannot go to anybody for empathy and help. So it will be an up hill battle and the only way to work on this is to get her some dialectic behavior therapy. Dr. Linehan is the master of that and has written plenty of books on it. I am not sure if you know of anybody that specializes in that but online and interviewing different people is a good way to find out. Also understanding this problem is only the first step. The therapist may want to do a functional analysis meaning what is the pay off to this and is there a more healthy way of asking for it or getting it.

Thanks...
I do understand why she is doing it. We were both abused by many men in our childhood... I turned to not eating, she has turned to cutting... I guess it makes it a bit easier on me understanding and not getting angry...
When I found out, I had the mental health crisis number ready to be dialed, but then I stopped and thought that is what my parents would have done and I knew it was not the right thing to do. I would have been angry and distrustful...
I know the girl has been through many counselors, as did I, and has not found one yet that will help...
I want her to have a healthier life than I did. I also know it is over my head on how to deal with it. I can only supply her with a home and love... Which, I suppose is more than she has had, but not enough.
I guess I need to find a cutter that has stopped cutting. It took me until I was 34 to realize through really digging deep into my thoughts and being honest with myself to realize turning to not eating was a control issue. If I felt I had no control over something in my life, I would not eat. Last month, my son got charged with criminal trespassing climbing the water tower and the cop who had caught him had raped me when I was 19... ( I am now 37) I had not seen him since and had no idea that he was a cop in my own town... I was shocked and quite impressed that the next day I went and ate lunch... Previously, I would have not eaten in days... I had to realize that I did not necessarily NOT have control... I guess I have to find out how to put control back in to this girl's life and maybe that will work...

Sorry for rambling...

That is because most counselors have no skills for cutters or forget their skills and make matters worse. That is why Dialectical behavior therapy is really the only way to go or if you can find somebody who works with borderline population that is a behavior analyst/therapist.

Here are some ideas that could help -
A good Church or Temple or religious environment where the people are predictable and friendly. You may want to put her in an environment where the people are nice and predictable and will not fly off the handle one second and then act sweet the next (stay away from those churches and the ones that try to manipulate you into doing or believing beliefs that you do not agree with).
Self Help Audio Books - I know Dr. Phil's books really help me. Much more than any arrogant counselor. Also self affirmations CDs are fun and cheer inducing to hear.
Scheduling fun activities.
Brief Exercise
Board Certified Psychiatrists could help yall out
Group therapy or family therapy??

Also I am sorry to hear about that cop. That wasn't right or fair but good luck to you. Let me know how things work out ok :)

Thanks! I will keep you posted.
No cutting so far for over a week, I am hoping I am helping her...
She now knows that no matter what she does, I am not kicking her out, I hope...
I like Dr Phil, I will look and see if I can find some of his stuff...

The best Dr. Phil audio book is self matters and life strategies. Have you thought of checking out a book by Dr. Linehan maybe she offers some advice on how to help a cutter overcome their deflated ego/self rage problems. :angel:

Hello! I am a cutter and have been for a long time over twenty six years now. Cutting though does occur with Borderline Personality it can also occur with other things. Cutters tend to use it as a stress relief in which they need a relief valve to let emotions go. They tend not to have that ability to do so and somehow didn't learn the coping skills needed to deal with such matters. Cutters some might do it for attention but most don't. Cutters tend to be pre-teens and teens though it obviously does last into adulthood. There are other things to do besides DBT though it is probably the best form of threatment. Here are some examples that people often use to help not to cut: rubber bands on the wrist flipping causes pain but no scars, ice cubes in the palms pain but again no scars, writing and journaling the emotions releasing the pain without injury, exercise, music can also be employed, focusing the attention elsewhere perhaps through art or other areas of interest can be helpful....and education i think is important not just for those who cut but also for those who care about them...some cutting is considered a far more serious cry not just for help but possibly a suicidal idealation of sorts...especially when around the wrist or throat area....some therapists will tend to place people with such wounds inpatient even if they are not overtly suicidal at the time...hope this helps...Emerald ;)

Thanks Emerlad.
I am trying to help this girl out where no one in her family can or will. Everything helps, especially coming from a cutter. I can't make her not cut, but I can only try to help her get the feelings out before she cuts. My worry was that a counselor would put her in the teen help hospital. I was there two weeks as a teen and it was scary and controlling and did not help me at all. I can't do that do her... I appreciate all the info I can to try to help her the best I can....
She has not cut for over two weeks, so I am hoping what I am doing is helping. I don't just give up and let her deal with her frustrations alone, I dig a little in a nice sort of way and try to help guide her as to why she might be angry or sad or whatever... She mostly has tried to ignore bad feelings as I did and I know that won't work...

Liz

luv2play: You are trying really hard and have the right idea. Also Emerald is right about Art. It is really self soothing. I love art and I have not done it in years but I remember when I was most depressed and upset a certain Art class always calmed me down and helped me to feel so much better.

Also some behavior therapists believe if you get rid of all stimuli in the environment that could evoke more cutting or cutting in general then to get rid of the stimuli or hide it away somewhere. ALso if you catch her cutting it would be daring but try to snatch the cutting device from her and physically not let her harm herself.