IdaElli
06-11-2006, 03:06 AM
Hey everyone,
I'm new here and looking for support with PTSD. I need to talk with others who are going through similar issues because I feel very alone and embarressed by some of my symptoms. :(
So the story starts like this: I was brutally gang raped at the age of 14. I am now 23, and still experiencing painful flashbacks, nightmares, even hallucinations related to this event. That's not all, though. When I came to college at 18, I was date raped and am also dealing with the reprocussions of this. Everything in between is blurred. There were good times and bad, but for the most part I have had a very difficult time with relationships. I have also been addicted to drugs, although I am clean at the moment. I also have suffered from an ED (Anorexia,) which is directly related to the rape, so obviously I have a lot of body issues that I need to work on. And dissociation issues that relate. :rolleyes: It is so terrifying and so frustrating sometimes. I feel like I cannot get away from it and I want to get help because I feel like I am loosing my mind.
I am very fortunate that I have a loving boyfriend in a committed relationship and two beautiful dogs (Ida and Elliott,) who I got my screen name from! They are very theraputic and have helped me get through some very hard times. My boyfriend is wondefully caring and we have plan on getting married after college when we move. It is frustrating for him, however, to deal with my PTSD and I want him to understand it and not scare him so much.
Thank you all for reading and please, if you have any suggestions and advice, let me know! Right now I am feeling like no one understands, so I'm glad I found this board!
I'm new here and looking for support with PTSD. I need to talk with others who are going through similar issues because I feel very alone and embarressed by some of my symptoms. :(
So the story starts like this: I was brutally gang raped at the age of 14. I am now 23, and still experiencing painful flashbacks, nightmares, even hallucinations related to this event. That's not all, though. When I came to college at 18, I was date raped and am also dealing with the reprocussions of this. Everything in between is blurred. There were good times and bad, but for the most part I have had a very difficult time with relationships. I have also been addicted to drugs, although I am clean at the moment. I also have suffered from an ED (Anorexia,) which is directly related to the rape, so obviously I have a lot of body issues that I need to work on. And dissociation issues that relate. :rolleyes: It is so terrifying and so frustrating sometimes. I feel like I cannot get away from it and I want to get help because I feel like I am loosing my mind.
I am very fortunate that I have a loving boyfriend in a committed relationship and two beautiful dogs (Ida and Elliott,) who I got my screen name from! They are very theraputic and have helped me get through some very hard times. My boyfriend is wondefully caring and we have plan on getting married after college when we move. It is frustrating for him, however, to deal with my PTSD and I want him to understand it and not scare him so much.
Thank you all for reading and please, if you have any suggestions and advice, let me know! Right now I am feeling like no one understands, so I'm glad I found this board!
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NitroChic
06-11-2006, 03:18 AM
I dont kow if everyone can do this, but when things come up that bring me back to those moments...I stop in my tracks....close my eyes...and talk myself out of it.. Tell myself that the event is long gone, and today is a new day. I can no longer allow y offender to have control of my life. That is what it is....you are allowing the fear to creap in and take over.
Don't give in to it.. It isnt easy at all.. I dealt with it bady for years till I finally had a total meltdown... and the pychologist gave it a name. That was all I needed to take it back.... Hang in there and god bless...
Also tell your BF about the triggers, and why they are triggers..
Don't give in to it.. It isnt easy at all.. I dealt with it bady for years till I finally had a total meltdown... and the pychologist gave it a name. That was all I needed to take it back.... Hang in there and god bless...
Also tell your BF about the triggers, and why they are triggers..
mena4sale
06-12-2006, 12:58 PM
i wish i could help. i was also brutally raped at the age of 14. i only went to therapy two years later and thats when i found out i have PTSD... nightmares and flashbacks are a normal occurence for me... but sometimes i wonder if it's normal at all.
what often helps me is writing it all down... when i wake from a nightmare, or if it seems to be on my mind more than usual... having someone read it afterwards my also help.. a close friend/bf/psychologist.... i have had problems with coping and turned to cutting and EDs. so i understand somewhat how you feel.
i think if you've never talked about what happened if no one knows the extent of the burden you've been carrying it's harder on both you and the people you love. my closest friend had a hard time dealing with and understanding me until i told her the details of my rape. it was a hard thing to do and a hard thing to listen to but in the end she was better able to help and understand then pain i was/am feeling, and I felt much better knowing i wasn't carrying the burden alone. if you've already told your bf everything well then, go you, that's a big step. otherwise maybe you could try.
just remember, you're a rape survivor, not a rape victim... because you're still here today alive and working hard to put this in the past ... and the relationship you've built with your boyfriend further proves that.
sorry for the lengthy reply.
-mena
if you want to talk-
anem@hotmail.com
what often helps me is writing it all down... when i wake from a nightmare, or if it seems to be on my mind more than usual... having someone read it afterwards my also help.. a close friend/bf/psychologist.... i have had problems with coping and turned to cutting and EDs. so i understand somewhat how you feel.
i think if you've never talked about what happened if no one knows the extent of the burden you've been carrying it's harder on both you and the people you love. my closest friend had a hard time dealing with and understanding me until i told her the details of my rape. it was a hard thing to do and a hard thing to listen to but in the end she was better able to help and understand then pain i was/am feeling, and I felt much better knowing i wasn't carrying the burden alone. if you've already told your bf everything well then, go you, that's a big step. otherwise maybe you could try.
just remember, you're a rape survivor, not a rape victim... because you're still here today alive and working hard to put this in the past ... and the relationship you've built with your boyfriend further proves that.
sorry for the lengthy reply.
-mena
if you want to talk-
anem@hotmail.com