My partner is going through a really tough time right now and has been for several years. It's beginning to cause serious strain on our relationship. Here's the deal...

She's always suffered with depression, but the last couple years it's been much worse. She used to take prozac and it helped for a while, but then she began getting depressed again so she went off it. The depression got better after about a week and she did fine for several months. Since then she's been depressed and growing steadily moreso over time. I think that a large underlying cause of that is anxiety, however. She can't go out in public without feeling inferior somehow. She hates herself and moreover is convinced that everyone hates her. She constantly thinks that people are talking about her or about things they don't want her to know about.

She's always been arachnophobic, but it's gotten so much worse that she wants to move because we have spiders. I'm also arachnophobic so I'm doing everything I can to get rid of them. She will spend an hour at a time staring at the ceiling and the walls looking for spiders. She let her hamburger get cold yesterday because she had to check the bedroom for spiders when we weren't going to bed for several more hours.

It's not an O/C thing. She's driven by fear, not a compulsion. I think that her anxiety is making her life unbearable.

I don't know what medication she's tried in the past, but she says that they make her feel not quite herself so she doesn't want to take them. She insists they won't work, but I keep asking her how she can know that.

I'm hoping to find out what works for you all with the least amount of side effects. Thank you so much!

From experience, I can tell you that depressives, because of the nature of the illness, often believe that nothing will work, but that's simply not true. After trying several medications and cognitive therapy, effexor has finally helped me. I too suffer from anxiety, general though, rather than specific. The effexor has really lessened it and helped me to cope.

The problem lies in what med will be effective for any one person; unfortunately, it's still a crapshoot. For example,lexapro comes highly recommended, especially for anxiety. But for me, though it worked brilliantly, it caused unrelenting fatigue, so I had to drop it. When you're in the midst of depression, it's so hard to wait out side effects and weeks of trial. Sometimes we give up too soon, assuming that the medication isn't working - I almost did that with effexor as it took a good couple of months to kick in. It's also difficult to find a good therapist. If you're fortunate enough to find one, it can be exhausting to tackle your problems when you're super depressed and anxious.

I feel for your partner - and you. Just know that, while it is a battle, depression definitely isn't as hopeless as your partner believes it to be. Best of luck!

Please don't post the same question more than once on the same board.

Thanks for your cooperation and understanding.

Ms_Mod

to janus
try taking her out and about in some area to which you need not return to and where you arent known, this is easier for some

I think antidepressants are the answer, you eventually should find 1 that works for her

encourage her to want to get better