MissyS
06-13-2006, 11:31 AM
I stumbled upon this board through google and am so glad I did. I have had ocd for a long time but have only been diagnosed for the past 3 years. I suffer mainly from intrusive thoughts, fear of losing control and harming someone I love. These thoughts are so scary. I have laid in bed at night terrified that I'm crazy and that I'll act on these thoughts even though, in my heart I know I never would. And the guilt I have felt over this is enormous. I feel like such a bad person and that's hard. Medication (zoloft) has really helped and I was feeling wonderful over the past year until I got pregnant. About 2 months into my pregnancy, the intrusive thoughts came back and I was so disturbed and upset I began having SEVERE panic attacks and making myself physically ill. My primary care and therapist decided I should go to the hospital. They were afraid that the amount of stress I was under would cause a miscarriage. I went onto a regular ward (not psych) and they upped my meds and put me on buspar. Since then i've been better but not great. I'm always afraid that I'm some kind of homicidal maniac and I don't even know it... like maybe that's my true nature and that just makes me sick.
I'm sorry that other people go through this, but it's comforting to me to know that I'm not alone in these fears and thoughts.
I'm sorry that other people go through this, but it's comforting to me to know that I'm not alone in these fears and thoughts.
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basal1999
06-13-2006, 06:05 PM
you poor thing, my heart goes out to you!!!
do you know how common this is? esp. with pregnancy
and after delivering, that's when i got it, my first thought
was when my son was 9 days old, these intrusive thoughts
and the PANIC that follows is the worst thing i have gone thru!!!
what week are you in? does your partner/mom/sis know?
if not, try to tell someone, this was very helpful for me.
many people have int thoughts that don't cause panic and
when i talk to people, i bring it down a level like jumping from
the second floor of the mall or something maybe that they
can relate to, i've had great success with this, my dh has
thoughts about our son, but they go in and out, also one of
my best friends has thoughts ALL the time that DON"T cause
panic, she just dismisses it as ridiculous, but they are defintely
intrusive.
hope this is helpful,
kris
do you know how common this is? esp. with pregnancy
and after delivering, that's when i got it, my first thought
was when my son was 9 days old, these intrusive thoughts
and the PANIC that follows is the worst thing i have gone thru!!!
what week are you in? does your partner/mom/sis know?
if not, try to tell someone, this was very helpful for me.
many people have int thoughts that don't cause panic and
when i talk to people, i bring it down a level like jumping from
the second floor of the mall or something maybe that they
can relate to, i've had great success with this, my dh has
thoughts about our son, but they go in and out, also one of
my best friends has thoughts ALL the time that DON"T cause
panic, she just dismisses it as ridiculous, but they are defintely
intrusive.
hope this is helpful,
kris
MissyS
06-14-2006, 09:43 AM
Thanks so much Kris!
My husband and family and friends all know, and they are soooo supportive! My husband even comes to therapy every now and then. My mom has come with me too. My friends have a harder time understanding this than my parents, brother and husband do. At first my husband didn't get it. And my dad gave a really good analogy. He told my husband that the extreme panic is almost like coming off a bad drug and that they had to ride it out with me and be supportive and learn about what I'm going through. Even with all this support I felt isolated because I felt like I was the only one going through this. But after reading so many posts from all of the supportive wonderful people on here, I realize that I'm not alone. And that helps more than anything!
I'm terrified for what I'll go through after the baby is born. I guess I'll take it as it comes!
My husband and family and friends all know, and they are soooo supportive! My husband even comes to therapy every now and then. My mom has come with me too. My friends have a harder time understanding this than my parents, brother and husband do. At first my husband didn't get it. And my dad gave a really good analogy. He told my husband that the extreme panic is almost like coming off a bad drug and that they had to ride it out with me and be supportive and learn about what I'm going through. Even with all this support I felt isolated because I felt like I was the only one going through this. But after reading so many posts from all of the supportive wonderful people on here, I realize that I'm not alone. And that helps more than anything!
I'm terrified for what I'll go through after the baby is born. I guess I'll take it as it comes!
rastarose5
06-14-2006, 05:36 PM
hey missy
WOW, your a strong person for sure, i was thinking about what it would be like to have a child while suffereing from OCD, my heart goes out to you., im sure you will do great your first child? Sorry to hear you are having a hard time through your pregnancy .. although great to hear your doing better.. !
I have been suffering with OCD for a few months now, and it feels like forever, am currently on zoloft and awaiting change? they wax and wane so much though.. but seriously hang in there, i know this site has been a great help to me, to know im not alone and not the only one who has to deal with this horrible condition.. although i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy you know what i mean! lots of luv sweetie, take care
WOW, your a strong person for sure, i was thinking about what it would be like to have a child while suffereing from OCD, my heart goes out to you., im sure you will do great your first child? Sorry to hear you are having a hard time through your pregnancy .. although great to hear your doing better.. !
I have been suffering with OCD for a few months now, and it feels like forever, am currently on zoloft and awaiting change? they wax and wane so much though.. but seriously hang in there, i know this site has been a great help to me, to know im not alone and not the only one who has to deal with this horrible condition.. although i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy you know what i mean! lots of luv sweetie, take care
basal1999
06-14-2006, 09:50 PM
so glad to hear that you have good support! alright dad!!, i
also give that analogy to someone who has never panicked.
my heart really goes out to the preggos with this!!!
do you have xanex AS NEEDED? if not, get it for after
delivery, i am on paxil and have xanex as needed, it makes
all the difference.
also, if you have not read a book about this i suggest getting one.
i'm sure you're aware of all of this but the best thing is to realize
that this is NOT YOU!! trying to rationalize these thoughts have
driven me crazy :) doubting my love for my son is the PITS!!
it's sooooo ridiculous......the ruminating, oh, the ruminating...
i do my best when i don't fight the thought and recognize it
as a brain glitch.
again, so glad to hear about the supportive bunch,
kris
also give that analogy to someone who has never panicked.
my heart really goes out to the preggos with this!!!
do you have xanex AS NEEDED? if not, get it for after
delivery, i am on paxil and have xanex as needed, it makes
all the difference.
also, if you have not read a book about this i suggest getting one.
i'm sure you're aware of all of this but the best thing is to realize
that this is NOT YOU!! trying to rationalize these thoughts have
driven me crazy :) doubting my love for my son is the PITS!!
it's sooooo ridiculous......the ruminating, oh, the ruminating...
i do my best when i don't fight the thought and recognize it
as a brain glitch.
again, so glad to hear about the supportive bunch,
kris
skwurl_27
06-14-2006, 10:34 PM
I stumbled upon this board through google and am so glad I did. I have had ocd for a long time but have only been diagnosed for the past 3 years. I suffer mainly from intrusive thoughts, fear of losing control and harming someone I love. These thoughts are so scary. I have laid in bed at night terrified that I'm crazy and that I'll act on these thoughts even though, in my heart I know I never would. And the guilt I have felt over this is enormous. I feel like such a bad person and that's hard. Medication (zoloft) has really helped and I was feeling wonderful over the past year until I got pregnant. About 2 months into my pregnancy, the intrusive thoughts came back and I was so disturbed and upset I began having SEVERE panic attacks and making myself physically ill. My primary care and therapist decided I should go to the hospital. They were afraid that the amount of stress I was under would cause a miscarriage. I went onto a regular ward (not psych) and they upped my meds and put me on buspar. Since then i've been better but not great. I'm always afraid that I'm some kind of homicidal maniac and I don't even know it... like maybe that's my true nature and that just makes me sick.
I'm sorry that other people go through this, but it's comforting to me to know that I'm not alone in these fears and thoughts.
Oh my gosh---this brings back memories for me! The very first time I had intrusive thoughts was when I had postpartum depression with my first child. Talk about scary!! I was afraid of going in the silverware drawer, cuz I would think I would hurt him with the knives! I was also afraid to go by the microwave when I was holding him, because I would think "what if I put him in there?" Talk about crazy thoughts! And the fact that you think about them over, and over, and over again no matter what you tell yourself is really awful!! I didn't even tell my psychiatrist about these thoughts, I just told him that I didn't feel safe around him. Needless to say, they admitted me for a week! That was very hard, but I knew it was necessary. They got my meds straightened out, and I was much better! But I hear ya about the thoughts of "is this really what I'm like?" and "would I really do that"? It's sooooooo scary!! I recently went through some of those thoughts again, while I was trying to wean myself off of my medication---big mistake! Needless to say, I'm back on it!!
I'm sorry that other people go through this, but it's comforting to me to know that I'm not alone in these fears and thoughts.
Oh my gosh---this brings back memories for me! The very first time I had intrusive thoughts was when I had postpartum depression with my first child. Talk about scary!! I was afraid of going in the silverware drawer, cuz I would think I would hurt him with the knives! I was also afraid to go by the microwave when I was holding him, because I would think "what if I put him in there?" Talk about crazy thoughts! And the fact that you think about them over, and over, and over again no matter what you tell yourself is really awful!! I didn't even tell my psychiatrist about these thoughts, I just told him that I didn't feel safe around him. Needless to say, they admitted me for a week! That was very hard, but I knew it was necessary. They got my meds straightened out, and I was much better! But I hear ya about the thoughts of "is this really what I'm like?" and "would I really do that"? It's sooooooo scary!! I recently went through some of those thoughts again, while I was trying to wean myself off of my medication---big mistake! Needless to say, I'm back on it!!
MissyS
06-20-2006, 01:16 PM
I just wanted to say thank you all for your support, it helps a lot to be able to talk about these things with other people.
Melissa ;)
Melissa ;)
MissyS
06-27-2006, 02:21 PM
Skwurl, I actually have the knife fear myself, I made my husband hide them all (and the scissors) so we don't have anything sharper than a butter knife... This pregnancy is really sending me for a loop... Even though they upped my meds, I'm still not completely thought free... It's terrifying! What kind of meds are you on?
skwurl_27
06-27-2006, 04:48 PM
Missy--
I have been on Effexor for about the last 7 or so years. It really did help with the intrusive thoughts and depression. I only recently tried to get off of it,because of complete loss of libido. I had weaned myself down pretty far, only to end up suffering severe withdrawals and a couple of major panic attacks. I went back up to my original dose. I was actually at my psych dr. this a.m., and we are going to try Cymbalta. I am very hesitant, though---heard it has just as bad w/d's and some other funky side effects. He said it may work better for me, though. We'll see. I want to research it a little further before trying it. He gave me a bunch of samples to do a "cross-taper".
Are you still taking the zoloft? I was put on Prozac during my second pregnancy to try to keep my depression and anxiety a little at bay. Prozac didn't work that much for me anymore, since I was on it for about 5 years. I decided to take it during my pregnancy, though, because it was safe and better than nothing! I went back on the Effexor immediately after the birth.
I have been on Effexor for about the last 7 or so years. It really did help with the intrusive thoughts and depression. I only recently tried to get off of it,because of complete loss of libido. I had weaned myself down pretty far, only to end up suffering severe withdrawals and a couple of major panic attacks. I went back up to my original dose. I was actually at my psych dr. this a.m., and we are going to try Cymbalta. I am very hesitant, though---heard it has just as bad w/d's and some other funky side effects. He said it may work better for me, though. We'll see. I want to research it a little further before trying it. He gave me a bunch of samples to do a "cross-taper".
Are you still taking the zoloft? I was put on Prozac during my second pregnancy to try to keep my depression and anxiety a little at bay. Prozac didn't work that much for me anymore, since I was on it for about 5 years. I decided to take it during my pregnancy, though, because it was safe and better than nothing! I went back on the Effexor immediately after the birth.
MissyS
06-27-2006, 06:49 PM
I am still on Zoloft... I am reluctant to try something else because up until my pregnancy it worked wonderfully with very little side effects. I'm going to try and ride this through and see how the zoloft works after my daughter is born. aaah!