Mistyeyze
06-18-2006, 04:05 PM
Hi ladies,
I'm feeling so depressed today. My husband is out golfing and I'm here alone, missing my father who passed nine years ago..... so maybe I'm being overly sensitive... (plus I have "crazy hormones")-- but I really want some feedback from you all about husbands.
Some of you may know from this board that I have had a really hard past year with the peri symptoms. I came on this board and admitted to feeling mad all the time, sad, anxious-- so what I'm trying to say is I know I have not been the easiest person in the world to live with. However, in my defense, I have tried... I have really tried.... to keep my issues from spilling over and affecting my family life. There have been so many times when I wanted to snap at my husband (often for legit reasons) and didn't.. because I have been so paronoid of being nuts with hormones...
But something inside me is just feeling so empty in my marriage. I feel like my husband is in another world compared to me sometimes... like we have nothing to really talk about-- and he seems so selfish to me. Like today, I almost begged him not to go play golf, because he works six days a week, and sunday is his only day off-- and he plays golf alot on those days- but today, I wanted him to stay home with me. We had no kids around -- father's day wasn't an issue. He just wouldn't do it. I was almost in tears when he left, and it was like he didn't care.
Have I been such an emotional wreck from my hormones this past year that any sadness from me for any reason escapes him?
I guess what I'm wondering is-- has peri/meno affected your relationship? Have you ever felt REALLY ALONE in your transition? Do you sometimes look at your husband and wonder what the hell you see in him anymore?
Took day two of my bcp today.... if this is hormones-- I pray they start working soon.
I'm feeling so depressed today. My husband is out golfing and I'm here alone, missing my father who passed nine years ago..... so maybe I'm being overly sensitive... (plus I have "crazy hormones")-- but I really want some feedback from you all about husbands.
Some of you may know from this board that I have had a really hard past year with the peri symptoms. I came on this board and admitted to feeling mad all the time, sad, anxious-- so what I'm trying to say is I know I have not been the easiest person in the world to live with. However, in my defense, I have tried... I have really tried.... to keep my issues from spilling over and affecting my family life. There have been so many times when I wanted to snap at my husband (often for legit reasons) and didn't.. because I have been so paronoid of being nuts with hormones...
But something inside me is just feeling so empty in my marriage. I feel like my husband is in another world compared to me sometimes... like we have nothing to really talk about-- and he seems so selfish to me. Like today, I almost begged him not to go play golf, because he works six days a week, and sunday is his only day off-- and he plays golf alot on those days- but today, I wanted him to stay home with me. We had no kids around -- father's day wasn't an issue. He just wouldn't do it. I was almost in tears when he left, and it was like he didn't care.
Have I been such an emotional wreck from my hormones this past year that any sadness from me for any reason escapes him?
I guess what I'm wondering is-- has peri/meno affected your relationship? Have you ever felt REALLY ALONE in your transition? Do you sometimes look at your husband and wonder what the hell you see in him anymore?
Took day two of my bcp today.... if this is hormones-- I pray they start working soon.
Sponsor
littlejmb
06-18-2006, 07:12 PM
Misty,
I am sorry I didn't see your post until now! I hate you have sat there feeling bad all day without any feedback. But yes, I know exactly how you feel. I have felt that way so much over the last few years. My husband wants to sleep all the time and I look forward to the weekend so that we can spend time together, and what does he do?? He slept all day yesterday and today too. I keep telling him upset it makes me and that I feel like he doesn't care anything about me because he won't stay awake and spend time with me - but it's like talking to a brick wall. He just doesn't get it!!! :nono:
So - you are not the only one that feels this way, and maybe its not all hormones - but they sure don't help matters any!!!
Big hug!!
I am sorry I didn't see your post until now! I hate you have sat there feeling bad all day without any feedback. But yes, I know exactly how you feel. I have felt that way so much over the last few years. My husband wants to sleep all the time and I look forward to the weekend so that we can spend time together, and what does he do?? He slept all day yesterday and today too. I keep telling him upset it makes me and that I feel like he doesn't care anything about me because he won't stay awake and spend time with me - but it's like talking to a brick wall. He just doesn't get it!!! :nono:
So - you are not the only one that feels this way, and maybe its not all hormones - but they sure don't help matters any!!!
Big hug!!
Alabasterlyn
06-19-2006, 06:36 AM
Hi Misty
I've only just read your post too and I think it's awful how your husband treats you. I would hate if it my partner worked 6 days a week and then spent his one day off playing golf. I don't think you should be feeling guilty for having hormone symptoms, I mean we are all going through this and although we don't all have the exact same symptoms, I am sure we all get days when we feel really crappy, but we don't expect our partners to just go off and enjoy themselves and leave us on our own.
On top of my meno symptoms I have had agoraphobia, panic, anxiety and depression issues for years, so topped with the meno I know there are times when I must be hard to live with. Luckily my partner of the last 9yrs is very sympathetic and supportive too and when he is off at weekends he is here at home with me. I really don't think I could have got through the past few years without his support to be honest. I know you mentioned that you were feeling sad thinking about the loss of your dad some years ago. I lost my dad 6yrs ago this August and it still makes Father's Day a hard day to get through.
I wish you well and hope that your husband starts to appreciate you more and spend more time with you. Relationships are hard work at the best of times.
Lyn
I've only just read your post too and I think it's awful how your husband treats you. I would hate if it my partner worked 6 days a week and then spent his one day off playing golf. I don't think you should be feeling guilty for having hormone symptoms, I mean we are all going through this and although we don't all have the exact same symptoms, I am sure we all get days when we feel really crappy, but we don't expect our partners to just go off and enjoy themselves and leave us on our own.
On top of my meno symptoms I have had agoraphobia, panic, anxiety and depression issues for years, so topped with the meno I know there are times when I must be hard to live with. Luckily my partner of the last 9yrs is very sympathetic and supportive too and when he is off at weekends he is here at home with me. I really don't think I could have got through the past few years without his support to be honest. I know you mentioned that you were feeling sad thinking about the loss of your dad some years ago. I lost my dad 6yrs ago this August and it still makes Father's Day a hard day to get through.
I wish you well and hope that your husband starts to appreciate you more and spend more time with you. Relationships are hard work at the best of times.
Lyn
Mistyeyze
06-19-2006, 01:35 PM
Thanks to both of you for the responses. Lynn thanks for validating that my expectation that he SHOULD spend his day off with me, at least sometimes, is not being unreasonable. He honestly thinks it is! After all, all his buddies are there playing too, and some of them work six days a week. I have felt so guilty about this-- maybe guilty is not the right word, just second guessing myself all the time thinking maybe I'm being unreasonable. I work with a lot of men and I've been asking them how often they play golf. Some do seem to play a lot. I would be happy if he just spent ONE sunday a month not playing golf.... I'm telling you guys he is a total sports junkie.
Well here is an update. I totally flipped out on him when he got home. Yelled, cried.... the whole works. He tried to defend himself by saying maybe I should get a new bcp and then I REALLY flipped. It was HOURS before we could talk in a civil manner to each other. I told him if things didn't change I wanted a divorce. Has anybody ever said that-- not really wanting one, but just out of total frustration and pain? I don't think he took me 100% serious, but he did say "we" could work through this. I'm thinking to myself NO, YOU need to work on YOU and YOU need to make some changes, but I didn't say it- I was too exhausted at that point. So.... we'll see.
Men :rolleyes:
ps- as far as the sleeping husband... why is he sleeping so much? Could it be a medical thing? Have you ever tried just opening the curtains and waking his butt up?
Well here is an update. I totally flipped out on him when he got home. Yelled, cried.... the whole works. He tried to defend himself by saying maybe I should get a new bcp and then I REALLY flipped. It was HOURS before we could talk in a civil manner to each other. I told him if things didn't change I wanted a divorce. Has anybody ever said that-- not really wanting one, but just out of total frustration and pain? I don't think he took me 100% serious, but he did say "we" could work through this. I'm thinking to myself NO, YOU need to work on YOU and YOU need to make some changes, but I didn't say it- I was too exhausted at that point. So.... we'll see.
Men :rolleyes:
ps- as far as the sleeping husband... why is he sleeping so much? Could it be a medical thing? Have you ever tried just opening the curtains and waking his butt up?
MommaBee
06-19-2006, 04:34 PM
The part before this was deleted by the MODERATOR. Sorry!
My husband and I have been using some counseling principles for a year now and I can say that it has helped our marriage. My husband had an affair.
When your husband is away all of the time, he is not putting anything into your marriage. He is living his life without you in it. This is what is called a marriage buster. Your emotional needs are not being met and this leads always to divorce. He is going to need to find a way to include you in his life. Period. His independant behavoir will cause your marriage to fail. I am sure he loves you, but without any time spent with you only causes you pain and resentment. You will continue to withdraw from your marriage until you find someone else or divorce.
You can not be expected to be a door mat for this man. You do all kinds of things to make his life easier, so he can live the life of a single man? I don't think so.
One thing also, do you think you give him any reason's for not spending time with you? I know that you are crying for sometime with him and he is not hearing you. Have you pushed him away and maybe are not helping him with his emotional needs?
My husband and I have been using some counseling principles for a year now and I can say that it has helped our marriage. My husband had an affair.
When your husband is away all of the time, he is not putting anything into your marriage. He is living his life without you in it. This is what is called a marriage buster. Your emotional needs are not being met and this leads always to divorce. He is going to need to find a way to include you in his life. Period. His independant behavoir will cause your marriage to fail. I am sure he loves you, but without any time spent with you only causes you pain and resentment. You will continue to withdraw from your marriage until you find someone else or divorce.
You can not be expected to be a door mat for this man. You do all kinds of things to make his life easier, so he can live the life of a single man? I don't think so.
One thing also, do you think you give him any reason's for not spending time with you? I know that you are crying for sometime with him and he is not hearing you. Have you pushed him away and maybe are not helping him with his emotional needs?
I C Hot
06-19-2006, 10:45 PM
Hi Misty,
I sure hope things are better for you today. You are not alone. I think most of us seem to go through this during the meno years. I know for me it is a up and down thing with my husband. Some days seem unbareable. Without spending time together you are not being supported and you need it. Try and talk with him and tell how important it is to you. Maybe you could also play golf with him. :rolleyes: Men just don't understand what the hormones really do to us. Have a wonderful day! Julie :bouncing:
I sure hope things are better for you today. You are not alone. I think most of us seem to go through this during the meno years. I know for me it is a up and down thing with my husband. Some days seem unbareable. Without spending time together you are not being supported and you need it. Try and talk with him and tell how important it is to you. Maybe you could also play golf with him. :rolleyes: Men just don't understand what the hormones really do to us. Have a wonderful day! Julie :bouncing:
katidid95
06-20-2006, 01:28 PM
Mistyeyze:
I do empathize with how you are feeling. I think when things are not quite right in our marriage or relationships, it's difficult enough. Add to that whacked out hormones, and things can seem bleak and hopeless. About 6-8 months ago when I was still struggling with a lot of physical symptoms, I really wondered if I could stick it out in our marriage. I love my husband to death, but the stress caused by having his 18 yr old son live with us just felt, at times, too much to bear. I remember thinking that I just didn't think I could make it through the next XX number of months until he went away to college. That is NOT rational thinking. To give up our whole marriage? I'm not saying that every rocky relationship can be rescued by better hormones, but peri sure doesn't help anything!
By you saying you wanted a divorce, in the heat of anger, I think is a cry for help. I'm sure it got his attention. You deserve to get your needs met in your marriage. Not only do you deserve it, it won't work otherwise. It sounds like with your husband working so much and needing his own time (to play golf or whatever) leaves little time for you. In my book, while his time/golf are important, you should come first. You both need to figure out how to negotiate his attention to you and your marriage. Like if he'd taken you out to dinner Sat. evening or made a special dinner for you, spent time with you, would you have felt better about him being gone on Sunday for golf? Or if he'd played early Sunday, then come home and spent the afternoon with you on Sunday?
I do empathize with how you are feeling. I think when things are not quite right in our marriage or relationships, it's difficult enough. Add to that whacked out hormones, and things can seem bleak and hopeless. About 6-8 months ago when I was still struggling with a lot of physical symptoms, I really wondered if I could stick it out in our marriage. I love my husband to death, but the stress caused by having his 18 yr old son live with us just felt, at times, too much to bear. I remember thinking that I just didn't think I could make it through the next XX number of months until he went away to college. That is NOT rational thinking. To give up our whole marriage? I'm not saying that every rocky relationship can be rescued by better hormones, but peri sure doesn't help anything!
By you saying you wanted a divorce, in the heat of anger, I think is a cry for help. I'm sure it got his attention. You deserve to get your needs met in your marriage. Not only do you deserve it, it won't work otherwise. It sounds like with your husband working so much and needing his own time (to play golf or whatever) leaves little time for you. In my book, while his time/golf are important, you should come first. You both need to figure out how to negotiate his attention to you and your marriage. Like if he'd taken you out to dinner Sat. evening or made a special dinner for you, spent time with you, would you have felt better about him being gone on Sunday for golf? Or if he'd played early Sunday, then come home and spent the afternoon with you on Sunday?
littlejmb
06-20-2006, 02:26 PM
Misty,
I agree with the other ladies here, our husbands should ALWAYS make us their number one priority - just like we do them. You asked why did my husband sleep so much, well its because he is on disability for osteoarthritis and degenerative disk disease. He is on Fentynl pain patches for that, but it doesn't seem to be enough for him. So - he takes too many muscle relaxers and Xanax to make him sleep. WE have fought and fought about this, I have threatened to leave him (just like you did) not really wanting that to happen - but wanting to get my point home at how desparately unhappy I was with the way things were. It's really been a struggle with this, too much to even write, but we're still working thru all this.
I guess my point here is that I feel badly in that he doesn't care enough or make a point of being alert to spend time with me. There's been many times that even though he was there - I felt like I was all alone. HE is not meeting my needs.
So - everything you are feeling is very much valid and I have been and still am right there with you. I think alot of us have been. Just keep posting here and we hope that your husband will see your needs - and make a point of trying to meet them! And mine too for that matter!
I agree with the other ladies here, our husbands should ALWAYS make us their number one priority - just like we do them. You asked why did my husband sleep so much, well its because he is on disability for osteoarthritis and degenerative disk disease. He is on Fentynl pain patches for that, but it doesn't seem to be enough for him. So - he takes too many muscle relaxers and Xanax to make him sleep. WE have fought and fought about this, I have threatened to leave him (just like you did) not really wanting that to happen - but wanting to get my point home at how desparately unhappy I was with the way things were. It's really been a struggle with this, too much to even write, but we're still working thru all this.
I guess my point here is that I feel badly in that he doesn't care enough or make a point of being alert to spend time with me. There's been many times that even though he was there - I felt like I was all alone. HE is not meeting my needs.
So - everything you are feeling is very much valid and I have been and still am right there with you. I think alot of us have been. Just keep posting here and we hope that your husband will see your needs - and make a point of trying to meet them! And mine too for that matter!
Alabasterlyn
06-21-2006, 04:50 AM
Maybe it would help if our husbands/partners had hobbies/interests that included us?
Although my partner doesn't go off and leave me on my own whilst pursuing his own hobbies, he does like just being at home. This is fine up to a point, but now that it's just the 2 of us I find I get very depressed staying home all the time.
As I mentioned in my previous post I suffer with agoraphobia, so I can't do things on my own. We used to have a very good social life and now we have none, I think the last time we went out was on New Year's Eve, which is nearly 6mths ago.
I'd love to find an interest that we could both get our teeth into as it would maybe give us something to do together.
Lyn
Although my partner doesn't go off and leave me on my own whilst pursuing his own hobbies, he does like just being at home. This is fine up to a point, but now that it's just the 2 of us I find I get very depressed staying home all the time.
As I mentioned in my previous post I suffer with agoraphobia, so I can't do things on my own. We used to have a very good social life and now we have none, I think the last time we went out was on New Year's Eve, which is nearly 6mths ago.
I'd love to find an interest that we could both get our teeth into as it would maybe give us something to do together.
Lyn
Mistyeyze
06-21-2006, 12:16 PM
MamaBee- I am sorry to hear about the affair. I really am. If it got you into counseling though- maybe that is some kind of consolation.
Thank you for the insight. My husband does not think he is away all of the time. He thinks evenings together each night is enough time...... and also feels he is entitled to time to do things he likes to do, like play golf and watch sports. Did I mention he follows EVERY sport there is?
The problem is, I don't see our evenings as quality time.
IMO- we ARE lacking quality couple time. I made that point clear to him on Sunday. Right now I feel like I am in a wait and see mode.
Have I not helped him with his emotional needs? Actually, I think I have. In fact, I honestly think I have been the one who has nurtured-- and he has gotten used to always being on the receiving end. He's not the giver.
This past year I've learned I just can't be the constant giver anymore.
Littlejmb- I can see your husbands medical issues are a problem, but it seems like his management of it has become your problem-- do you think he might be depressed? Does he sleep at night too? Does he have an interest in anything? I feel for you in this situation.... feeling alone for any reason is no fun. Kati- you know I understand the step issues.... although mine don't live here- I give you a ton of credit for that alone!
I guess the bottom line is we all have our unique challenges in our marriages. I Just feel like peri-meno and even getting older in general can sometimes make those challenges seem all that much harder.
I'm going to try a new strategy with myself, and with how I deal with my husband. I'm not going to whine about him not spending quality time with me-- I'm just going to start doing more things on my own. For too long I've let my world revolve around him, and it has become our pattern. I guess I am thinking I can't change us until I first change me. There is no going back in time. Things will never be "the way they used to be".... so... I need to take care of myself. We all do. If we don't--- who else will? Not most men, imo.
Thank you for the insight. My husband does not think he is away all of the time. He thinks evenings together each night is enough time...... and also feels he is entitled to time to do things he likes to do, like play golf and watch sports. Did I mention he follows EVERY sport there is?
The problem is, I don't see our evenings as quality time.
IMO- we ARE lacking quality couple time. I made that point clear to him on Sunday. Right now I feel like I am in a wait and see mode.
Have I not helped him with his emotional needs? Actually, I think I have. In fact, I honestly think I have been the one who has nurtured-- and he has gotten used to always being on the receiving end. He's not the giver.
This past year I've learned I just can't be the constant giver anymore.
Littlejmb- I can see your husbands medical issues are a problem, but it seems like his management of it has become your problem-- do you think he might be depressed? Does he sleep at night too? Does he have an interest in anything? I feel for you in this situation.... feeling alone for any reason is no fun. Kati- you know I understand the step issues.... although mine don't live here- I give you a ton of credit for that alone!
I guess the bottom line is we all have our unique challenges in our marriages. I Just feel like peri-meno and even getting older in general can sometimes make those challenges seem all that much harder.
I'm going to try a new strategy with myself, and with how I deal with my husband. I'm not going to whine about him not spending quality time with me-- I'm just going to start doing more things on my own. For too long I've let my world revolve around him, and it has become our pattern. I guess I am thinking I can't change us until I first change me. There is no going back in time. Things will never be "the way they used to be".... so... I need to take care of myself. We all do. If we don't--- who else will? Not most men, imo.
katidid95
06-21-2006, 04:00 PM
"I'm going to try a new strategy with myself, and with how I deal with my husband. I'm not going to whine about him not spending quality time with me-- I'm just going to start doing more things on my own. For too long I've let my world revolve around him, and it has become our pattern. I guess I am thinking I can't change us until I first change me. There is no going back in time. Things will never be "the way they used to be".... so... I need to take care of myself. We all do. If we don't--- who else will? Not most men, imo."
Misty:
I agree you DO need to take care of yourself, but it will also take the TWO of you to nurture your relationship. Otherwise you will never be happy in it - either of you. Obviously you know whining isn't the answer. But, you must find a way to communicate with your husband what your ideas are on "quality time" together. Start with something that he CAN do, like date night or taking a walk after dinner a couple of nights a week. I heard on the news the other day about how men like to talk about things when they are involved in an activity, rather than sitting face to face. (I guess they feel trapped or uncomfortable.) You might actually find that he has a need(s) that is not getting met even though you feel you give 110%. I think it's true - I do seem to get a lot of good discussion from my husband when we jog together. Some things in my marriage will "never be the way they used to be", but I can say for the most part that things are actually better. We've grown and matured as a couple together. Sorry, don't mean to sound like a marriage counselor!! But it sounds like you do love him - don't give up!
As far as taking care of yourself, just know that when you are feeling hormonal and tired is probably not the time to have a serious talk. I know for myself I'm just irrational and might end up saying something I don't mean. Try to pick a time when you are feeling okay (hard right now, huh?)http://www.healthboards.com/boards/images/smilies/dizzy.gif
:dizzy:
Misty:
I agree you DO need to take care of yourself, but it will also take the TWO of you to nurture your relationship. Otherwise you will never be happy in it - either of you. Obviously you know whining isn't the answer. But, you must find a way to communicate with your husband what your ideas are on "quality time" together. Start with something that he CAN do, like date night or taking a walk after dinner a couple of nights a week. I heard on the news the other day about how men like to talk about things when they are involved in an activity, rather than sitting face to face. (I guess they feel trapped or uncomfortable.) You might actually find that he has a need(s) that is not getting met even though you feel you give 110%. I think it's true - I do seem to get a lot of good discussion from my husband when we jog together. Some things in my marriage will "never be the way they used to be", but I can say for the most part that things are actually better. We've grown and matured as a couple together. Sorry, don't mean to sound like a marriage counselor!! But it sounds like you do love him - don't give up!
As far as taking care of yourself, just know that when you are feeling hormonal and tired is probably not the time to have a serious talk. I know for myself I'm just irrational and might end up saying something I don't mean. Try to pick a time when you are feeling okay (hard right now, huh?)http://www.healthboards.com/boards/images/smilies/dizzy.gif
:dizzy:
lauralu2000
06-24-2006, 10:20 AM
I would like to add something if I may...my sister who is 51 now and just went 12 months without her period and is hoping she is through now has just gotten her divorce from her ex finalized about 2 months agao. I have been divorced for 8 years after being married for 16. I am now remarried to a wonderfully supportive man.( I do know how lucky that makes me )I am just starting down this meno road of twists and turns emmotionally , hormonally ect. ect.
I have a question actually and I am wondering what others might think about .... Does anyone think that maybe age is a bigger issue in this whole scenario than changing hormone issues when it comes to feeling fed-up in a relationship that does not meet our needs? That maybe we as women who are in relationships that have not been meeting our needs for so long in our lives that the older we get the more we realize that life is to short to live this way and we would like it to change for the better? That maybe adding the hormones into things just makes it easier for us to finally let out those feelings that have been on the surface for so long but we were unable to let loose. That it actually brings feelings we have stuffed for years and years to the for-front for us to see and want to deal with and fix finally?
When my sister got divorced HIS side of the family said it was all meno related and she was acting crazy due to meno. However our side figured she was about 20 years of the 28 she was married overdue and should have gotten divorced a long time agao from this man.
She believes that it was all coincidental as far as finally having had enough and than going through meno as well.
But the theory is interesting to me. I think maybe hitting meno for some women is the big wake up call to knowing we are getting older and life is short. WHy waste it being unhappy any longer so working on ones relationship becomes a priority. Divorce or not... a women may feel life is just too short to live it feeling lonely and wants to change it for the better.
This could pertain to relationshps, jobs, friendships ect..
I guess I just hate it when men or anyone else refers to our pain we feel inside as being just irrational hormones running rampant making us feel this way. That we would not feel like this if we were not hormonally imbalanced...Maybe so... to an extent but maybe it's making us more aware of our true feelings in some instances as well.
Good Luck ladies ...and I truely hope your husbands see the light soon. Sometimes it just takes a good kick in the butt so to speak for them to hear us for it to get better ...and some never hear us no matter how we approach it...
Hang in there .....chin up! :angel:
I have a question actually and I am wondering what others might think about .... Does anyone think that maybe age is a bigger issue in this whole scenario than changing hormone issues when it comes to feeling fed-up in a relationship that does not meet our needs? That maybe we as women who are in relationships that have not been meeting our needs for so long in our lives that the older we get the more we realize that life is to short to live this way and we would like it to change for the better? That maybe adding the hormones into things just makes it easier for us to finally let out those feelings that have been on the surface for so long but we were unable to let loose. That it actually brings feelings we have stuffed for years and years to the for-front for us to see and want to deal with and fix finally?
When my sister got divorced HIS side of the family said it was all meno related and she was acting crazy due to meno. However our side figured she was about 20 years of the 28 she was married overdue and should have gotten divorced a long time agao from this man.
She believes that it was all coincidental as far as finally having had enough and than going through meno as well.
But the theory is interesting to me. I think maybe hitting meno for some women is the big wake up call to knowing we are getting older and life is short. WHy waste it being unhappy any longer so working on ones relationship becomes a priority. Divorce or not... a women may feel life is just too short to live it feeling lonely and wants to change it for the better.
This could pertain to relationshps, jobs, friendships ect..
I guess I just hate it when men or anyone else refers to our pain we feel inside as being just irrational hormones running rampant making us feel this way. That we would not feel like this if we were not hormonally imbalanced...Maybe so... to an extent but maybe it's making us more aware of our true feelings in some instances as well.
Good Luck ladies ...and I truely hope your husbands see the light soon. Sometimes it just takes a good kick in the butt so to speak for them to hear us for it to get better ...and some never hear us no matter how we approach it...
Hang in there .....chin up! :angel:
Mistyeyze
06-25-2006, 02:59 PM
I have a question actually and I am wondering what others might think about .... Does anyone think that maybe age is a bigger issue in this whole scenario than changing hormone issues when it comes to feeling fed-up in a relationship that does not meet our needs? That maybe we as women who are in relationships that have not been meeting our needs for so long in our lives that the older we get the more we realize that life is to short to live this way and we would like it to change for the better? That maybe adding the hormones into things just makes it easier for us to finally let out those feelings that have been on the surface for so long but we were unable to let loose. That it actually brings feelings we have stuffed for years and years to the for-front for us to see and want to deal with and fix finally?
I agree with this.
My husband is either going to get with the program, or I predict we will divorce within a year.
Time does feel more precious to me now.... and I'm no longer willing to waste a bunch of time, or energy for that matter, trying to get my husband to be more supportive. His mere existance in the world is not enough to sustain our marriage, and I told him that the other day. I refuse to do ALL the work, or treat him like a child trying to "show" him how to be supportive and how to nurture a (OUR) marriage. At 45 years of age, I feel it is HIS responsibility to figure a few things out for himself.
I have time to write this today because guess what?? He is golfing.
But, but, but...... when he gets home at 4:00-- then we have the WHOLE
day together to sit around the yard. :rolleyes:
I'd be real curious about the statistics on how many women have affairs during this time?
I agree with this.
My husband is either going to get with the program, or I predict we will divorce within a year.
Time does feel more precious to me now.... and I'm no longer willing to waste a bunch of time, or energy for that matter, trying to get my husband to be more supportive. His mere existance in the world is not enough to sustain our marriage, and I told him that the other day. I refuse to do ALL the work, or treat him like a child trying to "show" him how to be supportive and how to nurture a (OUR) marriage. At 45 years of age, I feel it is HIS responsibility to figure a few things out for himself.
I have time to write this today because guess what?? He is golfing.
But, but, but...... when he gets home at 4:00-- then we have the WHOLE
day together to sit around the yard. :rolleyes:
I'd be real curious about the statistics on how many women have affairs during this time?
kathryn+2
06-25-2006, 03:17 PM
i'm going to add to this discussion also. In C. Northrups book "the Wisdom of Menopause" she discusses this exact issue. That their are other issues that come up besides just hormones. Many women do wake up and see what is really happening and instead of just taking it ,they start making changes. Many women leave unfulling jobs for a new career,or unfullfilling marriages. She speaks of her own marriage ,and how she finally decided that she needed to leave it. You are not alone in your feelings . I recommend this book to anyone going through peri menopause or full blown menopause.
in my own life i went through this about 3 years ago. i'm 54 now. My mom died ,my grandkids moved to another state ..it was just me amd my husband,and i was feeling very needy. We had a pretty rough year ..but we did work it out. I agree with the last post as far as finding something to do together. Maybe walks ,or get bikes ,or set date nights or find something you both like. He's a sports nut...do you like any sports? Maybe you both can take tennis lessons together? My husband just bought a motorcycle ....now for many years i fought that ,but now that he has it i find i actually like riding on the back with him ..and we're having all sorts of new adventures together.
But also i have found things i like to do without him. i joined a gym with a pool ,so now i'll go swimming ,I love to read ,and spend many hours at the library, of course shopping works for me too, but can get exspensive. LOL. I took a knitting class. i'm going to be getting a piano and taking lessons as that's something i've always wanted to do. Good luck...I know this is a time of confusion and despair for you. I know how that feels. I hope you can find your way out of it with the best outcome for all.
in my own life i went through this about 3 years ago. i'm 54 now. My mom died ,my grandkids moved to another state ..it was just me amd my husband,and i was feeling very needy. We had a pretty rough year ..but we did work it out. I agree with the last post as far as finding something to do together. Maybe walks ,or get bikes ,or set date nights or find something you both like. He's a sports nut...do you like any sports? Maybe you both can take tennis lessons together? My husband just bought a motorcycle ....now for many years i fought that ,but now that he has it i find i actually like riding on the back with him ..and we're having all sorts of new adventures together.
But also i have found things i like to do without him. i joined a gym with a pool ,so now i'll go swimming ,I love to read ,and spend many hours at the library, of course shopping works for me too, but can get exspensive. LOL. I took a knitting class. i'm going to be getting a piano and taking lessons as that's something i've always wanted to do. Good luck...I know this is a time of confusion and despair for you. I know how that feels. I hope you can find your way out of it with the best outcome for all.
Alabasterlyn
06-26-2006, 04:24 AM
i'm going to add to this discussion also. In C. Northrups book "the Wisdom of Menopause" she discusses this exact issue. That their are other issues that come up besides just hormones. Many women do wake up and see what is really happening and instead of just taking it ,they start making changes. Many women leave unfulling jobs for a new career,or unfullfilling marriages. She speaks of her own marriage ,and how she finally decided that she needed to leave it. You are not alone in your feelings . I recommend this book to anyone going through peri menopause or full blown menopause.
Having read up on this book online, I have just ordered it as it really does sound a very good book. Thanks for the recommendation Kathryn :)
I have also ordered another book mentioned on here which is all about adrenalin fatigue as I'm sure I have that.
Lyn
Having read up on this book online, I have just ordered it as it really does sound a very good book. Thanks for the recommendation Kathryn :)
I have also ordered another book mentioned on here which is all about adrenalin fatigue as I'm sure I have that.
Lyn
Red Maple
06-29-2006, 08:11 PM
I suppose that many of us feel very alone during this part of our lives. Our children are leaving the nest, our bodies are very out of wack, we are emotional, depressed and just don't feel well. Men:rolleyes: who have never experienced the slightest discomfort from PMS, pregnancy, cramps etc. haven't a clue as to what it's all about!!! and what's worse is that they really don't want, or care, to know! However it's also a great time to "re-invent" ourselves and really not care if they like it or not either! What do you like to do? Are you a reader? Find some other women and join a book club. Are you a gardener? Try volunteering at botanical garden, or offer to water the plants at a plant store. Do you work? If not, maybe it's time for a part time job. If so, do you enjoy your job or is it time for a change there too? Are there any classes you could audit at a local community college that you would enjoy. Do you like animals? Volunteer at the humane society. Do you like theater? You could volunteer at a local theater company as an usher and see all the plays for free, there may even be matinees on Sundays. I suppose my point is, if your husband wants his own life, you certainly deserve yours also. You sound not only lonely, but very bored as well. Perhaps also there could be a compromise with the golf issue. If he plays golf all day, when he arrives home instead of a "nice home cooked meal" inform him that he needs to take you out for a nice dinner that evening. You could spent the afternoon relaxing in a bubble bath, do your hair and makeup, and get dressed for the evening out. Or better yet, if you can find a day spa open on Sundays, treat yourself to a pampering facial.
My husband works alot too, often travels weekly, and wants to have some time to "relax on his own" on the weekends. I got sick of that, and was simply "unavailable"--out of the house doing something else--when he wanted the "household staff" to "take care of him" aw...poor baby. By improving your own life two things happen--you feel better about yourself, and you start to have fun! It's a win-win situation. When your husband realizes you don't need him at all to provide companionship-maybe things will change. It's worked for me! I may be old enough to be menopausal, but I'm certainly over the hill, I enjoy my OWN life-with or without my husband to accompany me.
Best wishes to you, hope to see you around here with great news that you are feeling better!!!!
My husband works alot too, often travels weekly, and wants to have some time to "relax on his own" on the weekends. I got sick of that, and was simply "unavailable"--out of the house doing something else--when he wanted the "household staff" to "take care of him" aw...poor baby. By improving your own life two things happen--you feel better about yourself, and you start to have fun! It's a win-win situation. When your husband realizes you don't need him at all to provide companionship-maybe things will change. It's worked for me! I may be old enough to be menopausal, but I'm certainly over the hill, I enjoy my OWN life-with or without my husband to accompany me.
Best wishes to you, hope to see you around here with great news that you are feeling better!!!!
Mistyeyze
06-30-2006, 09:56 AM
Lisman,
THANK YOU!! I feel like I should pay some of you a counseling fee! Your post had some great ideas and some great insight. I do work, part time now, but I am sick of my job. I've been thinking about a change. I've taken some steps, and it has felt empowering. I think I can get a new one.
I also know I need to start doing things that I can enjoy on my own- I AM bored, lol... I'll tell you something, not feeling well, and having major anxiety for a year really reaked havok on my ability to get out and enjoy things and people. I will NEVER, ever underestimate what peri/meno and meno can do to a woman.... I think it has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with because it seems never ending.... well, you know the drill.
My recent complaints about my husbands schedule may have been heard- he seems to be trying, we are going away this weekend-- but what we really need is a compromise, and I need to get out on my own more. I can't thank you enogh for pointing out the boredom-- that IS *my* responsibility. I realize that now. I have a lot of interests, they have just been buried for awhile... a long while.
You are right though.... there are so many things men just don't get. I agree... men :rolleyes: LOL. Luckily, women get it:D
THANK YOU!! I feel like I should pay some of you a counseling fee! Your post had some great ideas and some great insight. I do work, part time now, but I am sick of my job. I've been thinking about a change. I've taken some steps, and it has felt empowering. I think I can get a new one.
I also know I need to start doing things that I can enjoy on my own- I AM bored, lol... I'll tell you something, not feeling well, and having major anxiety for a year really reaked havok on my ability to get out and enjoy things and people. I will NEVER, ever underestimate what peri/meno and meno can do to a woman.... I think it has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with because it seems never ending.... well, you know the drill.
My recent complaints about my husbands schedule may have been heard- he seems to be trying, we are going away this weekend-- but what we really need is a compromise, and I need to get out on my own more. I can't thank you enogh for pointing out the boredom-- that IS *my* responsibility. I realize that now. I have a lot of interests, they have just been buried for awhile... a long while.
You are right though.... there are so many things men just don't get. I agree... men :rolleyes: LOL. Luckily, women get it:D
Red Maple
07-01-2006, 12:32 AM
Misty---Love that attitude my new friend!!!! You go girl!!!
Deb
Deb
Mistyeyze
07-01-2006, 12:00 PM
Ladies.... here is my Men:rolleyes: tidbit for the day.
I made a comment to my husband last night about reminding myself not to forget my bcp's when we go away this weekend. My husband says- when will you be on the period part? Me- in about a week. Him- I hope you don't turn psycho on me. Me- I hope I don't get the cramps. Him- I can handle the cramps, I just don't want you to go psycho. (Isn't that great HE can handle the cramps, LOL)
Me- :rolleyes: to myself. Then I said- honey! this is a really good time for you to show me how supportive you can be.
We kind of laughed......
Anyhow- have a great weekend everyone :wave:
I made a comment to my husband last night about reminding myself not to forget my bcp's when we go away this weekend. My husband says- when will you be on the period part? Me- in about a week. Him- I hope you don't turn psycho on me. Me- I hope I don't get the cramps. Him- I can handle the cramps, I just don't want you to go psycho. (Isn't that great HE can handle the cramps, LOL)
Me- :rolleyes: to myself. Then I said- honey! this is a really good time for you to show me how supportive you can be.
We kind of laughed......
Anyhow- have a great weekend everyone :wave:
kathryn+2
07-02-2006, 01:43 PM
Oh yeah...that sounds familiar:) At least you can laugh about it together.
I think you're on the right track. Keep up with the attitude. and remember to be good to yourself,and start doing the things YOU want to do ..with or without him. He'll come around eventually. Be strong:)
I think you're on the right track. Keep up with the attitude. and remember to be good to yourself,and start doing the things YOU want to do ..with or without him. He'll come around eventually. Be strong:)
katidid95
07-03-2006, 03:28 PM
Mistyeyze:
I do think it's a good thing that you can have a chuckle about peri symptoms. It took my husband and I years to get to that point. I'm not sure how it happened, probably around a year ago when I was really suffering (actually thinking I was dying) that he finally realized how "real" the pain and suffering is. Up until that point, any reference to "we" or how my peri affected him just pissed me off. Now I feel that in a way, we are in this together, just as we would be if he had an ailment that affected his energy levels, moods, etc. Now we can make small jokes and it helps me to have more perspective, not just about my feelings but about his as well.
Great discussion!
I do think it's a good thing that you can have a chuckle about peri symptoms. It took my husband and I years to get to that point. I'm not sure how it happened, probably around a year ago when I was really suffering (actually thinking I was dying) that he finally realized how "real" the pain and suffering is. Up until that point, any reference to "we" or how my peri affected him just pissed me off. Now I feel that in a way, we are in this together, just as we would be if he had an ailment that affected his energy levels, moods, etc. Now we can make small jokes and it helps me to have more perspective, not just about my feelings but about his as well.
Great discussion!
lgrot
07-07-2006, 12:14 AM
Yep, I have little patience for my husband nowadays. Alot of it may be menopausal, but alot is political. I married a Democrat who is becoming a
right winged Republican from listening to conservative radio programs, and he comes home venting that crap.....
Maybe it's menopausal inability to "go with the flow", but we've been married 20 years and I told him I've had it with all that right winged venom.
Can you really stay married to someone so apposed to your political views?
Or is this just menopausal irritation?
lg
right winged Republican from listening to conservative radio programs, and he comes home venting that crap.....
Maybe it's menopausal inability to "go with the flow", but we've been married 20 years and I told him I've had it with all that right winged venom.
Can you really stay married to someone so apposed to your political views?
Or is this just menopausal irritation?
lg
kathryn+2
07-07-2006, 01:49 AM
sorry ,but personally i could not be married to someone that didn't share my political views. I think your politics say a lot about your values,and morals ,and if you don't share that with your spouse then the rest doesn't mean much . ( for the record i am also a Dem.) but having said that i do know a couple who don't share political parties and it works for them.
In your case he changed from the person you married. That's a tough one.
I also think that when we hit menopause we are more outspoken in what we want and need,and what we DON"T want. That may be part of it. Many of us wake up to the fact that maybe we don't want to spend the rest of our lives doing something we hate ,or living with someone we have no respect for.
I suggest the book "the Wisdom of Menopause" by C. Northrup. She not only goes into the physical changes in menopause ,but also the emotional ones.
Good luck...
In your case he changed from the person you married. That's a tough one.
I also think that when we hit menopause we are more outspoken in what we want and need,and what we DON"T want. That may be part of it. Many of us wake up to the fact that maybe we don't want to spend the rest of our lives doing something we hate ,or living with someone we have no respect for.
I suggest the book "the Wisdom of Menopause" by C. Northrup. She not only goes into the physical changes in menopause ,but also the emotional ones.
Good luck...
Mistyeyze
07-07-2006, 02:23 PM
Kati,
I don't think we are quite on the "We" train yet, but I'm trying. Honestly the last thing I want is a divorce, but if I was 20 something...... I might be very seriously thinking about it. Of course, in my 20's I wasn't in peri.
I just get so sick of trying to figure out--- is it me, being 100% totally irrational, or are we doomed to a mediocre (sp) marriage?? Sometimes I just don't know. To make matters worse, summer visitation is looming, and I'm dreading it like never before... not the kids fault, even though they can be really annoying, it's just me-- I'm so afraid I'm going to be bitchy. My mother in law who normally doesn't come around or give me the time of day will be a constant fixture.... lord give me strength.
My pills are almost to the end of the cycle, and I'm so worried I'm going to feel terrible. Already I think I do... sore breasts, moody.... I'd give anything to be my old self again, this totally sucks. I called my doctor from work today, and I'm going in a week from Monday. I think I need to add an antidepressant into the mix. I don't know what else to do.
I don't think we are quite on the "We" train yet, but I'm trying. Honestly the last thing I want is a divorce, but if I was 20 something...... I might be very seriously thinking about it. Of course, in my 20's I wasn't in peri.
I just get so sick of trying to figure out--- is it me, being 100% totally irrational, or are we doomed to a mediocre (sp) marriage?? Sometimes I just don't know. To make matters worse, summer visitation is looming, and I'm dreading it like never before... not the kids fault, even though they can be really annoying, it's just me-- I'm so afraid I'm going to be bitchy. My mother in law who normally doesn't come around or give me the time of day will be a constant fixture.... lord give me strength.
My pills are almost to the end of the cycle, and I'm so worried I'm going to feel terrible. Already I think I do... sore breasts, moody.... I'd give anything to be my old self again, this totally sucks. I called my doctor from work today, and I'm going in a week from Monday. I think I need to add an antidepressant into the mix. I don't know what else to do.
littlejmb
07-07-2006, 02:43 PM
Misty,
I think you're on the right track of taking care of "you". March of last year, I got at the end of my rope. I went to my GYN and told him I couldn't take this hell anymore, I had to do something. That's when he put me on Lexapro and I became myself again - actually a much better me. I just wish I hadn't waited so long to finally give in to taking something. I tried so hard to do it without any hormones or an AD - but then you get to a point where you say - hey - my sanity is alot more important!!
I think you're on the right track of taking care of "you". March of last year, I got at the end of my rope. I went to my GYN and told him I couldn't take this hell anymore, I had to do something. That's when he put me on Lexapro and I became myself again - actually a much better me. I just wish I hadn't waited so long to finally give in to taking something. I tried so hard to do it without any hormones or an AD - but then you get to a point where you say - hey - my sanity is alot more important!!
katidid95
07-07-2006, 03:35 PM
Misty:
I really do sympathize with your situation. As I've mentioned before, this past year with the stepson living with us has been particularly bad for me. I do blame some of my irritation on peri. I'm just more irritable. And if I get irritated by something ss has done (or hasn't done), and mention it or downright fly off the handle, it just gets between me and hubby. I've tried so hard to put myself in hubby's place and basically try to keep my mouth shut as much as I possibly can (which unfortunately isn't enough!!) The only thing I can offer is to keep at getting yourself to feeling better, physically and emotionally. Don't forget that you and your hubby will STILL need that time together, even when the kids are visiting. Don't do without it or you'd just resent the kids being there. Make sure you also take time out for yourself! I remember when we had summer visitations, occasionally I'd just want to go in the bedroom and read while hubby and kids watched TV or a movie. My hubby would get upset and feel torn between being with them and being with me. I finally convinced him I just WANTED A LITTLE SPACE BY MYSELF.
I really do sympathize with your situation. As I've mentioned before, this past year with the stepson living with us has been particularly bad for me. I do blame some of my irritation on peri. I'm just more irritable. And if I get irritated by something ss has done (or hasn't done), and mention it or downright fly off the handle, it just gets between me and hubby. I've tried so hard to put myself in hubby's place and basically try to keep my mouth shut as much as I possibly can (which unfortunately isn't enough!!) The only thing I can offer is to keep at getting yourself to feeling better, physically and emotionally. Don't forget that you and your hubby will STILL need that time together, even when the kids are visiting. Don't do without it or you'd just resent the kids being there. Make sure you also take time out for yourself! I remember when we had summer visitations, occasionally I'd just want to go in the bedroom and read while hubby and kids watched TV or a movie. My hubby would get upset and feel torn between being with them and being with me. I finally convinced him I just WANTED A LITTLE SPACE BY MYSELF.
Mistyeyze
07-07-2006, 06:36 PM
Misty,
I think you're on the right track of taking care of "you". March of last year, I got at the end of my rope. I went to my GYN and told him I couldn't take this hell anymore, I had to do something. That's when he put me on Lexapro and I became myself again - actually a much better me. I just wish I hadn't waited so long to finally give in to taking something. I tried so hard to do it without any hormones or an AD - but then you get to a point where you say - hey - my sanity is alot more important!!
I hear you!! I didn't want to get to the point of antidepressants, because my first experience with them, about 10 years ago after my dad's death-- was not great. I felt sick on them... and sort of strange- I tried for about 2 months. Maybe that wasn't long enough.
Now-- just like with the hormones... I'm feeling bad enough, I just have to do something. I'm glad they worked for you. I will mention Lexapro.
I think you're on the right track of taking care of "you". March of last year, I got at the end of my rope. I went to my GYN and told him I couldn't take this hell anymore, I had to do something. That's when he put me on Lexapro and I became myself again - actually a much better me. I just wish I hadn't waited so long to finally give in to taking something. I tried so hard to do it without any hormones or an AD - but then you get to a point where you say - hey - my sanity is alot more important!!
I hear you!! I didn't want to get to the point of antidepressants, because my first experience with them, about 10 years ago after my dad's death-- was not great. I felt sick on them... and sort of strange- I tried for about 2 months. Maybe that wasn't long enough.
Now-- just like with the hormones... I'm feeling bad enough, I just have to do something. I'm glad they worked for you. I will mention Lexapro.
Mistyeyze
07-07-2006, 06:42 PM
Misty:
I really do sympathize with your situation. As I've mentioned before, this past year with the stepson living with us has been particularly bad for me. I do blame some of my irritation on peri. I'm just more irritable. And if I get irritated by something ss has done (or hasn't done), and mention it or downright fly off the handle, it just gets between me and hubby. I've tried so hard to put myself in hubby's place and basically try to keep my mouth shut as much as I possibly can (which unfortunately isn't enough!!) The only thing I can offer is to keep at getting yourself to feeling better, physically and emotionally. Don't forget that you and your hubby will STILL need that time together, even when the kids are visiting. Don't do without it or you'd just resent the kids being there. Make sure you also take time out for yourself! I remember when we had summer visitations, occasionally I'd just want to go in the bedroom and read while hubby and kids watched TV or a movie. My hubby would get upset and feel torn between being with them and being with me. I finally convinced him I just WANTED A LITTLE SPACE BY MYSELF.
Kati--
Thank you so much for the support. I sooooo don't want to take things out on the kids-- but this step stuff is hard when you aren't in peri. And you are right, the dynamics are a huge challenge... I too try to put myself in my husbands place... it's so hard!!! Then we have the ex.... :mad:
Like I said, if I was 20 something :rolleyes:
I'm being a real whiner today..... thanks for putting up with it!
I honestly wish we could all be neighbors! Anymore, I do not underestimate the value of woman to woman support.
I really do sympathize with your situation. As I've mentioned before, this past year with the stepson living with us has been particularly bad for me. I do blame some of my irritation on peri. I'm just more irritable. And if I get irritated by something ss has done (or hasn't done), and mention it or downright fly off the handle, it just gets between me and hubby. I've tried so hard to put myself in hubby's place and basically try to keep my mouth shut as much as I possibly can (which unfortunately isn't enough!!) The only thing I can offer is to keep at getting yourself to feeling better, physically and emotionally. Don't forget that you and your hubby will STILL need that time together, even when the kids are visiting. Don't do without it or you'd just resent the kids being there. Make sure you also take time out for yourself! I remember when we had summer visitations, occasionally I'd just want to go in the bedroom and read while hubby and kids watched TV or a movie. My hubby would get upset and feel torn between being with them and being with me. I finally convinced him I just WANTED A LITTLE SPACE BY MYSELF.
Kati--
Thank you so much for the support. I sooooo don't want to take things out on the kids-- but this step stuff is hard when you aren't in peri. And you are right, the dynamics are a huge challenge... I too try to put myself in my husbands place... it's so hard!!! Then we have the ex.... :mad:
Like I said, if I was 20 something :rolleyes:
I'm being a real whiner today..... thanks for putting up with it!
I honestly wish we could all be neighbors! Anymore, I do not underestimate the value of woman to woman support.
littlejmb
07-08-2006, 01:03 AM
Misty,
There is NOTHING like women for support. They know what you are feeling and can empathize - where men can't. Well heck - they are the problem - so how can they? lol
There is NOTHING like women for support. They know what you are feeling and can empathize - where men can't. Well heck - they are the problem - so how can they? lol
Fabat40
07-08-2006, 02:37 AM
Misty,
I understand how you're feeling, except the way you feel about your husband, I feel that same way towards my job. I'm just at my wits end, full of frustration, anger, hatred, which is a strong word, but I truly hate my job. It's Friday and I was one of handful of people working at a Friday night while most of the people had gone home or partying! I don't feel the same passion and satisfaction towards my job anymore and I don't know what to do. I could quit, but I don't know if I'd get the same salary that I'm getting now if I were to go to another company. And the insurance is so good, I still have a child in college. I am just so unhappy with my job. The illogic part of me wants to "divorce" my current company that I'm working for, but another part of me "needs" to stay for the money and insurance. Plus the amount of years I've invested into the company I work for.
I'm glad there are places like this where we can stay anonymous. I was going to start a blog, but with all the privacy laws out there, they might trace the IP account to me and I'd definitely loose my job.
I hate my job. Is this another sign of perimenopause? Now I know why some women around our ages do the things they do.
I hate my job.
I understand how you're feeling, except the way you feel about your husband, I feel that same way towards my job. I'm just at my wits end, full of frustration, anger, hatred, which is a strong word, but I truly hate my job. It's Friday and I was one of handful of people working at a Friday night while most of the people had gone home or partying! I don't feel the same passion and satisfaction towards my job anymore and I don't know what to do. I could quit, but I don't know if I'd get the same salary that I'm getting now if I were to go to another company. And the insurance is so good, I still have a child in college. I am just so unhappy with my job. The illogic part of me wants to "divorce" my current company that I'm working for, but another part of me "needs" to stay for the money and insurance. Plus the amount of years I've invested into the company I work for.
I'm glad there are places like this where we can stay anonymous. I was going to start a blog, but with all the privacy laws out there, they might trace the IP account to me and I'd definitely loose my job.
I hate my job. Is this another sign of perimenopause? Now I know why some women around our ages do the things they do.
I hate my job.
littlejmb
07-08-2006, 01:50 PM
Fatbat,
If you didn't feel that way about your job previously - I would definitely think it's a peri thing. I always felt somewhat about my hubby that way, but it wasn't unbearable and I wasn't so hopeless feeling about him and my life until I hit peri. So - I honestly does think it colors your relationships - whether it be your spouse, your friends, work - ect.!
If you didn't feel that way about your job previously - I would definitely think it's a peri thing. I always felt somewhat about my hubby that way, but it wasn't unbearable and I wasn't so hopeless feeling about him and my life until I hit peri. So - I honestly does think it colors your relationships - whether it be your spouse, your friends, work - ect.!
Red Maple
07-09-2006, 12:28 PM
Everyone needs to decide for themselves whether a divorce may be the right thing for them individually. But be cautious about such a life altering decision when in such an emotional state of mind.
Will being on your own really fulfill what you are looking for? When I have been annoyed with my hubby, and sometimes feeling like I would be better off without him; I have to ask myself the question, "What am I going to do? Buy a house and live by myself?" -- I bought the house we live in now, and I live by myself already!!! What will I really accomplish for myself by being divorced?
Misty, you are so right that you need to make yourself happy. Then you have the opportunity to share that happiness with your hubby. It will make you a much more interesting person to him. But more importantly it will make you a much more interesting person to yourself. If he still chooses not to share his life with you, expects you to be his servant etc. then perhaps it's time to end the relationship. But, by then, you are stronger and more confident in yourself. If you divorce and go your separate ways now, your unhappiness will just follow you to your new life. I suppose I am saying to get your life in order first, then make the decision on divorce. You will have a much better chance of success as a divorced woman, if you move in with a happy person---YOU!
Best of luck in whatever you decide. Hope to see you around this board with good news about your life!
Will being on your own really fulfill what you are looking for? When I have been annoyed with my hubby, and sometimes feeling like I would be better off without him; I have to ask myself the question, "What am I going to do? Buy a house and live by myself?" -- I bought the house we live in now, and I live by myself already!!! What will I really accomplish for myself by being divorced?
Misty, you are so right that you need to make yourself happy. Then you have the opportunity to share that happiness with your hubby. It will make you a much more interesting person to him. But more importantly it will make you a much more interesting person to yourself. If he still chooses not to share his life with you, expects you to be his servant etc. then perhaps it's time to end the relationship. But, by then, you are stronger and more confident in yourself. If you divorce and go your separate ways now, your unhappiness will just follow you to your new life. I suppose I am saying to get your life in order first, then make the decision on divorce. You will have a much better chance of success as a divorced woman, if you move in with a happy person---YOU!
Best of luck in whatever you decide. Hope to see you around this board with good news about your life!
Fabat40
07-09-2006, 02:26 PM
Fatbat,
If you didn't feel that way about your job previously - I would definitely think it's a peri thing. I always felt somewhat about my hubby that way, but it wasn't unbearable and I wasn't so hopeless feeling about him and my life until I hit peri. So - I honestly does think it colors your relationships - whether it be your spouse, your friends, work - ect.!
First of all, littlejmb, thank you for making me laugh for early in the morning! BIG HUGS! LOL @ my name you'd posted above. Please don't delete or change it, I feel that way during PMS! XOXOXO HAHAHA!! :D I like when people make me laugh especially when they're not trying. :D
I think you're right about peri. I loved my job up until last year... then I started dreading it. There are days were, I'd rather slam my fingers on my car door than go into work. LOL as bad as that sounds, there were times when I'd called in sick and head out to the beach or go window shopping which is so unlike me. I've always been the "go-getter" type person, Miss Corporate - climb that ladder - break through the glass ceiling type of person... but the way I feel right now, I want to flip my finger at my company & say, "f it". And tell all those balding- pot bellied- think they're better than the rest of the population people to shove the company and its greedy corporate stockholders up their saggy butts and walk out. But another part of me says, "hey, play it smart - beat them at their own game and stick around and just milk them greedy jerks and take everything I can" BIG SIGH. :confused:
I guess I'll have to do more thinking about this whole thing.
Thank you again for the laugh. I needed that. :D
If you didn't feel that way about your job previously - I would definitely think it's a peri thing. I always felt somewhat about my hubby that way, but it wasn't unbearable and I wasn't so hopeless feeling about him and my life until I hit peri. So - I honestly does think it colors your relationships - whether it be your spouse, your friends, work - ect.!
First of all, littlejmb, thank you for making me laugh for early in the morning! BIG HUGS! LOL @ my name you'd posted above. Please don't delete or change it, I feel that way during PMS! XOXOXO HAHAHA!! :D I like when people make me laugh especially when they're not trying. :D
I think you're right about peri. I loved my job up until last year... then I started dreading it. There are days were, I'd rather slam my fingers on my car door than go into work. LOL as bad as that sounds, there were times when I'd called in sick and head out to the beach or go window shopping which is so unlike me. I've always been the "go-getter" type person, Miss Corporate - climb that ladder - break through the glass ceiling type of person... but the way I feel right now, I want to flip my finger at my company & say, "f it". And tell all those balding- pot bellied- think they're better than the rest of the population people to shove the company and its greedy corporate stockholders up their saggy butts and walk out. But another part of me says, "hey, play it smart - beat them at their own game and stick around and just milk them greedy jerks and take everything I can" BIG SIGH. :confused:
I guess I'll have to do more thinking about this whole thing.
Thank you again for the laugh. I needed that. :D
marys62
07-10-2006, 12:04 PM
Hello everyone - just thought I would put in my 2 cents! I think we all need to remember that husbands are first and foremost - MEN. They don't look like us, they don't think like us, they don't feel like us, etc. We need to cut them a break sometimes. We cannot expect them to sense our every need and want 24 hours per day (especilly during peri when it changes hourly!)
I grew up with 3 brothers and no sisters. I had a wonderful father. I have been married to the same man for 20 years. One thing I am sure of is no matter how hard they try, most men are baffled by women. Throw in the ups and downs of peri and we must seem like aliens to them.
I really believe that if women take care of themselves and are satisfied with their lives for the most part, all of their relationships will benefit. It is hard to feel good about yourself all of the time, but it is critical to the health of the relationships you have.
Mary
I grew up with 3 brothers and no sisters. I had a wonderful father. I have been married to the same man for 20 years. One thing I am sure of is no matter how hard they try, most men are baffled by women. Throw in the ups and downs of peri and we must seem like aliens to them.
I really believe that if women take care of themselves and are satisfied with their lives for the most part, all of their relationships will benefit. It is hard to feel good about yourself all of the time, but it is critical to the health of the relationships you have.
Mary
Mistyeyze
07-10-2006, 07:01 PM
Lisman and Mary,
I missed both of your posts until now.
You are both so right. I can't thank you enough for the advice.
I feel so lucky to have found this board and the wonderful people here.
I missed both of your posts until now.
You are both so right. I can't thank you enough for the advice.
I feel so lucky to have found this board and the wonderful people here.
Red Maple
07-27-2006, 11:55 AM
Misty, Haven't seen you around the board for a little while. How are you doing? Hope things are getting much better. I am leaving for a family vacation next week and won't be around for a little while, but wanted to let you know before I leave that I'm still thinking about you and hope things are working out well for you. Take care!
Deb
Deb