Notguilty
06-20-2006, 04:16 PM
Well, I've been diagnosed with OCD this year, after having Tourette's since I was 7, I'm now 15.
Its been tough, but I always feel that I should be doing something with my life, even though right now I feel I can't. Every little thing just takes so much effort. I am trying to do homework, and I just keep on thinking of these thoughts, sexual ones, like pedophelia and molestation. I know I'll never follow through with these, but it still makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I have never had issues concentrating, even a month ago. But it seems like the longer I don't attend school, the worse it gets. Though its just so painful going to school, I feel so conscious, and always stressed, there isn't a moment of peace.
I can't sleep these days, so I usually just stay up in my bed until 5am until I drop out. Or I'll go on the internet and read about OCD, or play a video game, to get my mind off of these things.
It just makes me feel, worthless, and I feel guilty over every little thing, which is good that comes to me. I often talk to a friend who had OCD, and he enjoy talking with me, and doesn't mind it at all, he likes helping me. But I feel guilty using his time, even though he says I should not feel like that, because he enjoy talking.
I feel guilty when the school tries to help me, and I feel I should be doing something, but I can't. I've also been lately having trouble differentiating from compulsions, and non compulsions(normal things). So I might wait there for 10seconds, thinking should I do this, is it a compulsion, because if it is, I don't want to perform it, because it will make it worse. I usually end up not doing it, because I can't tell which one it is. I just feel so useless. I wanted to do things with my life, but now it feels like my life has stopped, and I'm wasting away.
Thanks for listening, it really feels good having people to share experiences with
Its been tough, but I always feel that I should be doing something with my life, even though right now I feel I can't. Every little thing just takes so much effort. I am trying to do homework, and I just keep on thinking of these thoughts, sexual ones, like pedophelia and molestation. I know I'll never follow through with these, but it still makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I have never had issues concentrating, even a month ago. But it seems like the longer I don't attend school, the worse it gets. Though its just so painful going to school, I feel so conscious, and always stressed, there isn't a moment of peace.
I can't sleep these days, so I usually just stay up in my bed until 5am until I drop out. Or I'll go on the internet and read about OCD, or play a video game, to get my mind off of these things.
It just makes me feel, worthless, and I feel guilty over every little thing, which is good that comes to me. I often talk to a friend who had OCD, and he enjoy talking with me, and doesn't mind it at all, he likes helping me. But I feel guilty using his time, even though he says I should not feel like that, because he enjoy talking.
I feel guilty when the school tries to help me, and I feel I should be doing something, but I can't. I've also been lately having trouble differentiating from compulsions, and non compulsions(normal things). So I might wait there for 10seconds, thinking should I do this, is it a compulsion, because if it is, I don't want to perform it, because it will make it worse. I usually end up not doing it, because I can't tell which one it is. I just feel so useless. I wanted to do things with my life, but now it feels like my life has stopped, and I'm wasting away.
Thanks for listening, it really feels good having people to share experiences with
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06-21-2006, 01:07 AM
are'nt you feeling guilty for posting here too? :p .. JK! .... I don't know how you relate anything else to OCD besdies the 'sexual thoughts part which disturbs you'. A bad thought in your mind and you did nothing about it , May temporary bring you a feel of guilt but if you are always getting it then its probarly your way of thinking .OCD has no direct link to feeling guilty or such!
I recommend you to seek a counseller or someone or just stop thinking like that. You are not a burden on anyone , if you were then you would have been kicked , smashed & busted. So you don't need to feel like that about anything.
Feeling uncomfortable in school is ok for peoples with OCD due to their hyperactive brain but just stick close to your close friends and try to keep your mind distracted from thinking as far as you can, you'll end up your school just good. Peoples with OCD are highly intelligent ( me and stevo23 has talked about it a zillion times , if you check out recent threads ) so they do know whats happening around them , always aware of what they think , how they think. So if you consider all the possibilities then this may results in you feeling uncomfortable anywhere. Its perfectly ok, as far as you try to get rid of it. I'am not a professional , and not so good in counselling and maybe you won't get any professional help here either. If you think your problem is severe , then i recommended you seek some professional help! .. If you think its one of those problems which only your personal affords can solve , then stick here and you'll be just fine!
I recommend you to seek a counseller or someone or just stop thinking like that. You are not a burden on anyone , if you were then you would have been kicked , smashed & busted. So you don't need to feel like that about anything.
Feeling uncomfortable in school is ok for peoples with OCD due to their hyperactive brain but just stick close to your close friends and try to keep your mind distracted from thinking as far as you can, you'll end up your school just good. Peoples with OCD are highly intelligent ( me and stevo23 has talked about it a zillion times , if you check out recent threads ) so they do know whats happening around them , always aware of what they think , how they think. So if you consider all the possibilities then this may results in you feeling uncomfortable anywhere. Its perfectly ok, as far as you try to get rid of it. I'am not a professional , and not so good in counselling and maybe you won't get any professional help here either. If you think your problem is severe , then i recommended you seek some professional help! .. If you think its one of those problems which only your personal affords can solve , then stick here and you'll be just fine!
Notguilty
06-21-2006, 04:16 AM
Oh, I have a lot more OCD quirks, I just didn't want to write about them.. well because they're just weird. Even if we're all going through the same problem, I still feel uncomfortable mentioning them all.
I am taking CBT right now, as well as seeing a specialest.
I am taking CBT right now, as well as seeing a specialest.