I have some Q's about this Attachment Parenting (AP). I'll say up front that I don't practice this, I don't agree with many of the explanations behind it ( I do agree with many of the things you do with your babies...I just don't agree with the theory/explanations behind it), nor am I looking to be convinced to do AP...I'm just really curious about some things for the sake of understanding it.

First, here are my Q's to start off with...I'm sure I'll have more later on:
1. For those who do AP...do you intend to homeschool your kids?...or is there a general tendency to homeschool if you AP...or is it not even related?

2. What kind of intructions or expectations do you have for a babysitter? I'm talking about not just an hour or 2, but if grandma or someone watches baby for a whole day?

3. I'm curious how old the child gets before you put them in their own bed? No timeline?...a specific developmental milestone? How do you avoid 4, 6, or 8 year old children still sleeping in your bed? I'm just thinking if I let DD sleep with me as a baby...it would always "feel right" for DD & she would never want to go to her own bed.


I'm posting a bit below from a post by Northof60...she explained some things in another post...hoping to save you guys some time so she (and others) wont' have to re-type/re-write some things.

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Here's the clip that Northof60 wrote:
In short, you form an attached bond with your child through breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, minimal outside distraction, engaging interaction and learning, etc.

I practice attachment parenting, but not so much because I want to follow a "fad", because in truth I was doing it before I knew such a term existed, but because it just feels right. The basic premise is that you view your child like another person with needs, and you meet those needs as quickly, logically, and sensitively as possible.

I try not to rely on swings, bouncy seats, or play mats to get me through the day. They're there for both of us to use together, but I don't rely on them to entertain her. I use my bouncy seat to take a shower and use the stove to make breakfast because I don't feel it's safe to wear her while I cook, otherwise most of the time she's with me.

I co-sleep because I feel that as her mother I'm meant to share my warmth and protection with her. She sleeps her long stretch in her bassinet, but she's still able to hear me, I can touch her, and when she needs to be fed I just bring her back to bed with me (with out having to get up).

I don't let her cry. In fact, she doesn't cry much unless she's in pain, or I've neglected to "beat her to it". In other words, from being so close to her I've learned to read her cues far earlier then her crying. People say a cry is their only form of communication, but I try not to let it get to that point. I can smell a dirty diaper, and I can see lip smacking and hand chewing, I can see a look of disinterest, I can sense a movement of uncomfortability, I can feel if she's too warm or too hot, etc etc.

I believe that by including her in my life, and not just letting her watch it from afar, that she learns through interaction. Her mellow state of contentment also makes for increased learning and development and opens her up like a sponge. We talk all day long. I show her things. I teach her things (like how to load the dishwasher, or how to feed the dogs, etc).

You literally do become attached to your child. But the good thing is that it's VERY adaptable. You can take what works for you, and either do it, or change it to suit you. For the first two and half months I did not exclusively breastfeed. She does sleep in a bassinet. I do use a swing. I do own a stroller. But I still consider myself an attached parent. I think it's as much a state of mind as it is a check list of things to do (or not do).

But it's still not a parenting technique for everyone, just as CIO'ing is not for everyone. If you google "Dr. Sears" you'll find lots of info on attachment parenting.
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Looking forward to the discussion.

For me, the same as North, I did not "know" there was a term per say to this until i saw a Book by Dr. Sears all about it. I do what comes naturally to me and I guess there is a "term", attachment parenting.

As far as attachement parenting, in my case, it is to form a bond with my DS. I wear him on me, or I carry him with me while I do everyday things. This engages him in everyday life. If he is awake, we are together. I let him sleep for naps and at night in his own bed, in our room, but of he is awake we are dong "something".

I do not practice "co sleeping" in the same bed..just not for me or DH. We plan on moving DS to his own room and bed, but when we feel it is right for us...just as in any parenting situation.

We do not plan on homeschooling...we are sending him to a private school

As far as babysitters...I use my family and that is it. They know that I do not let my DS "cry it out"...they know how I am parenting and they respect that.

Because am able to pick up on my DS "cues" per say, he does not cry. Now, he is going through this "whining" stage and I worry about that, but I will work through it. My DS is very calm and mellow. We take him everywhere with us and he is never a problem child. I think this strategy of parenting makes HIM realize that his needs are going to be met and he will be taken care of without screaming his head off!

Like I said before, it is not for everyone and I did not even know what I was doing until someone told me I was doing this. I got the book and read it cover to cover...After seeing how DS has reacted to the way I parent, I believe in it and have seen proof that it works. :D

I can only answer what I know and do for my own family, but it's important to note that with ANY parenting style there is always room for over kill. I think there are people out there who take things to the extreme, like breastfeeding a 6 year old or sleeping with a 12 year old. If YOU do it, that's fine, but for me it just wouldn't work.



First, here are my Q's to start off with...I'm sure I'll have more later on:
1. For those who do AP...do you intend to homeschool your kids?...or is there a general tendency to homeschool if you AP...or is it not even related?

No, I don't intend to homeschool, but for many people this is an important part of AP'ing. I believe kids need the interaction and socialization that they would get from school. I do, however, have many issues with the quality of public schools, but that's a whole other thread. I doubt we'll be able to afford a private or alternative school, which means that I'll be a very involved parent to ensure maximum learning, etc. But again, for those who want to homeschool, that's fine. It's just not for me.

2. What kind of instructions or expectations do you have for a babysitter? I'm talking about not just an hour or 2, but if grandma or someone watches baby for a whole day?

I have only left her alone with her grandma (my MIL) twice, but I'm pretty lucky that my family is as "attached" as I am. I do have a few rules, if you want to call them that. 1.) No letting the baby sleep with a pacifier. We use it to help sooth her, if she'll take it, but I don't want it to be used in lieu of human comfort and affection, whether it's me, my husband, or a babysitter. 2.) No letting her just sit and cry. 3.) No letting her just sit on the floor or in a play pen staring at a mobile while you watch TV or talk on the phone (for example). That's pretty much it. I don't expect my family to wear her, or anything else like that. Feed her when she's hungry, change her when she's wet. The basics.

All I want to emphasis is that she be a part of their life. Even if they don't want to constantly be holding her, at least let her be close to enough to see what you're doing, and talk to her, etc. I'm pretty lax when it comes to other people, and my husband. The important part is that her needs get met, not necessarily how. If I'm too picky I won't be able to find someone to watch her. ;)

3. I'm curious how old the child gets before you put them in their own bed? No timeline?...a specific developmental milestone? How do you avoid 4, 6, or 8 year old children still sleeping in your bed? I'm just thinking if I let DD sleep with me as a baby...it would always "feel right" for DD & she would never want to go to her own bed.

I know that AP'ing is about child led rearing.. letting them wean, letting them choose when to sleep on their own, etc. BUT, here is where I put my own spin on it. As much as I allow her to "set the pace", I think there will definitely come a time when I have to start leading her in a certain direction. She already does sleep the night through in her bassinet, but, the bassinet is right next to my bed, and she starts the night with me, and wakes up with me.

When she outgrows that (which is soon!) I'll probably move the crib into our room so she'll still be with us, but by doing so I'll also be getting used to her crib. I guess you could say I'm leading her in that direction as opposed to her doing it when she's ready. I don't want to make that transition too sudden, because I think that she'll still need the comfort of our presence for quite some time. Since breastfeeding is such an integral part of her sleeping, I think she'll be sleeping near us for as long as she's breastfed. Which is fine with me.

Perhaps I'm not AP'ing, because many of the things I (we) do are adapted to suit us, but I think that's the beauty of it - it CAN be changed. Like I said before, I think it's as much a state of mind as it is a check list.

Some AP moms I have met online think strollers and swings are evil, and you don't deserve to have children if you use them. There are definitely extremes, like with anything else! I have a swing, a stroller, a play pen, a bouncy seat, and an exercauser, and I use all them. By many AP standards I would be considered "mainstream", but I think the important thing is how I use them. My DD LIKES to nap in her swing (which is what she's doing now). I don't think I'm harming her by not holding her while she naps in her swing, as some AP moms would think. What I don't do is leave her in the swing while I sit on the internet in another room (for example).

I also don't necessarily believe in child led weaning, either. Like you said it may "feel right" for her to BF until she's 6 if I let her, which is why I think there definitely needs to be boundaries for some things.

As you can see, for me, AP'ing means something a little different then it might for the next person. I think it would be IMPOSSIBLE to parent according to a book, word for word. At the end of the day you have to do what works for your own family. I think much of the literature is good as a starting point, so you can make your own style. I know many sites would say, from swing, bottle, a stroller use, that I'm NOT an AP mom, but I'd beg to differ with that.

Anyway, I'm babbling now. I hope that explained some things. :D

I think much of the literature is good as a starting point, so you can make your own style. I know many sites would say, from swing, bottle, a stroller use, that I'm NOT an AP mom, but I'd beg to differ with that.

I agree. I think it is all in HOW you use these things. If my DS is in his swing then he is asleep..never awake. If he is in his bouncy seat, I am there engaging in the activity with him. If he is in his exersaucer then I am there engaging with him. Everything I do like work out, talk on the phone, and shower is done while he is asleep. It is HARD and EXHAUSTING but I can see the day to day enjoyment my DS gets from it. I do not go to the extreme either, but to each his own. I never leave my DS to just swing the day away, or plop him in a playpen.

Well, I guess I should start by saying that I do practice much of AP'ing. It was a choice that I made when my son was born. So far, it has made me a better mother, and him, a happier child.
Gayle, you mentioned that you don't agree with the explanations or theories of AP'ing, but I'm not sure how you could argue the benefits.......Basically, much of AP'ing is nothing new, but something that parents ( mostly) mothers have been doing for centuries or more. It's mostly in the U.S. that parents have strayed and formed a more " contemporary" way of parenting.

Now, I myself have done things that are both tradtional and non with AP'ing. I have breastfed exclusively, co-slept, ( it just wound up this way) and spend all day with ds. I do however use a pacifier, swing, pack and play, and television. I want to make one thing clear. AP'ing is not an instructional form of parenting. There is no right and wrong. Noone is telling you what you have to do and what you don't. I read Dr. Sears book, and felt comfortable with that particular style. I am in NO WAY shape or form the type of mom to ban television from my home, sugar, etc. I do not cloth diaper, grow my own food, all of the things that may be roumored to go along with this.
I just can't see how not spending most of my time will not benefit my child. He is neither clingy, needy, whiny ( well most of the time, lol) spoiled or bratty. There is much research that very attentive parents have very independant children. When they have the security from you, they are eager to explore. That is not necessarily only the AP type, but most parenting types. Right?
I think that AP is getting a bad label here. I think that it may be a little misunderstood. There are many variations on this, Dr. Sears web site goes in to it if you are interested in learning about it.
Now, as most of you know, I don't believe in CIO and spanking. I know that many people here do, so to each her own, I will not get into it, because just like me, you have your mind made up about that.
Will I homeschool? Hell, no! There is no link between AP"ing and homeschooling. I feel like that is just scary, I'm sorry. Will I ever leave my kid with a babysitter? My mom and MIL, and a few family members. They all know how dh and I feel, and thankfully they believe pretty much the same. I will not however leave ds overnight for a few more years, I just don't feel comfortable.
I hope this has explained my version of AP"ing as best as possible. I know that this will probably become a heated debate, but there is really no need. Quite honestly, I feel like most mom's especially SAHM's all have various forms of this going on, it just never needed a lablel.

Hmm...I dunno about this. I googled AP, and it seems a bit odd. I was reading about what he calls "the unconnected child", and it almost feels like this guy is trying to make you feel guilty if you don't choose his way of parenting. What he was descibing was child neglect: not what happens to children who are allowed to cry or ( God forbid) sit in a swing. Just because Dd sleeps in her own room and isn't breast-fed doesn't mean she'll be "less of a joy to be around"(his quote).

He has difficulty finding a connection because he isn't sure what he lost. This scene results in path-up parenting, with perhaps much time spent in counselors' offices.


Give me a break. I'm sure there are good things about AP, but it's just not for me. I would think it would lead to a needy child who has problems coping with issues themselves.

I was reading about what he calls "the unconnected child", and it almost feels like this guy is trying to make you feel guilty if you don't choose his way of parenting.

I did not read it that way at all. I think what he is trying to share is what could happen with different parenting styles (ie; crying it out).

As a parent, if I am to choose a particular technique based on the risks associated with other methods, I would rather end up with a needy child then one who is disconnected and untrusting.

What he describes is no different then how Dr. Ferber would predict my child, and AP child, to be in 5 years - "clingy".

I think the beauty of AP'ing is that it really validates how each child is an individual. Dr. Ferber suggests every 6 month old baby needs to sleep on their own, or at least be "sleep conditioned" to start sleeping on their own. With AP'ing you are not on schedule. It really goes to show that not every 6 month old baby is ready to sleep by themselves, and by forcing that you are not respectful of their needs.

People just aren't ready to believe that some children take longer to do things, and if you have a "late bloomer" it must have been something you did wrong. If a child sleeps with their mother until they are 3 it is obviously the parents "fault", where as a child who sleeps on their own at 6 months old is some how labeled as "normal". Who put a time line on independence? I don't see how parenting needs to be a race, ie; who can get their baby to eat solids the soonest, who can get their baby to sleep through the night the soonest, who can get their baby to sleep in their own room the soonest.

If there is one thing AP'ing has taught me, it's that each child is different, and what might take one child a few months may take another a few years, and that is OK.

Hmm...I dunno about this. I googled AP, and it seems a bit odd. I was reading about what he calls "the unconnected child", and it almost feels like this guy is trying to make you feel guilty if you don't choose his way of parenting. What he was descibing was child neglect: not what happens to children who are allowed to cry or ( God forbid) sit in a swing. Just because Dd sleeps in her own room and isn't breast-fed doesn't mean she'll be "less of a joy to be around"(his quote).




Give me a break. I'm sure there are good things about AP, but it's just not for me. I would think it would lead to a needy child who has problems coping with issues themselves.
Where the heck did it say that the child will be less of a joy to be around if not nursed or sleeps alone? I think that googling it will turn up all sorts of stuff, not by any means the real basics of AP. Not really a good way to research something.

I don't feel guilty about not choosing some of his theories. Why would you feel guilty if you are 100% sure about what you are doing with your child?

Hey if people want to use swings, pacifiers, video games and t.v as babysitters, to each thier own. I prefer to communicate and interact with my child instead. Everyone has thier own way of doing it! That's what makes this so unique.

Where the heck did it say that the child will be less of a joy to be around if not nursed or sleeps alone? I think that googling it will turn up all sorts of stuff, not by any means the real basics of AP. Not really a good way to research something

It's on askdrsears.com under the "attachment parenting index". That's exactly how it read.

Hey if people want to use swings, pacifiers, video games and t.v as babysitters, to each thier own. I prefer to communicate and interact with my child instead.

I don't think that's a good choice either, but I still don't agree with the ap.

I don't think that's a good choice either, but I still don't agree with the ap

That is the joy of parenting. The thing about AP is that it is not some weirdo writting a book, it has been proven over and over again...studied for years and the results of AP are proven to work. Not everyone agrees with it, nd that is ok.
Give me a break. I'm sure there are good things about AP, but it's just not for me. I would think it would lead to a needy child who has problems coping with issues themselves.

It is proven again that AP leads to a more indepentant child. Studies have shown that infants who develope a secure attachement to this parents during the first year are better to tolerate seperation from then in the older years. AP does not spoil a child and create a needy child..AP teaches you to respond appropriatly to your baby, not inappropriatly

If you read his book you will see that he has SEVERAL different ways to bond with a baby. It is crazy for someone to think that if you don't breastfeed your baby will be less of a joy. Many mothers CAN'T breastfeed and he states in his book that this is not for everyone. He wants you to take his basic priciples and adapt them to your lifestyle.

For instance, I bottle feed EBM. BUT, I don't just prop the bottle on a pillow and go about my business. I engage with my child, sing to him, talk to him. This is what he promotes. If you really are researching it, get the book instead of surfiing the web. You may not "agree" with AP, but I guarantee you are practcing some form of it whether you know it or not

Sheez, just forget it; and I'm sure you're right that I'm practicing it in some way. I don't want to research it, I know the internet isn't the only resource, but I looked on his own site and repeated was I read. There's nothing wrong in my book with letting your child sleep in her own room, being pushed in a stroller or crying every once in a while. And who said anything about propping up a bottle? Anyway, you raise your child your way and I'll do mine.

Anyway, you raise your child your way and I'll do mine.

AMEN! Something we agree on..;)

Where the heck did it say that the child will be less of a joy to be around if not nursed or sleeps alone? I think that googling it will turn up all sorts of stuff, not by any means the real basics of AP. Not really a good way to research something.

It says that on Dr. Sears website. I am trying to practice AP, but some of the comments he has made regarding the way children will turn out if they don't follow this, is just disgusting. Besides, every child takes different forms of parenting differently. My aunt AP'd two of her children and they are the most needy, whiny, always have to be with mommy or the world is ending, children that I have ever seen. (one of those children happens to be 12 yrs old and is still that way)...

Please don't take this post wrong though.. I am a firm believer in AP.. Really the only thing about attachment parenting that I don't follow is breastfeeding.. Which I couldn't continue due to personal complications. I have been thinking of trying to get my milk back in, I know my son can still latch as I try a few times every now and again, but I'm not sure if it's been too long.. He's a little over 3 months.. Any advice? Is it possible?

soon2bmommy - its not too late...even women that have never been pg can get a milk supply, like if they want to BF an adopted baby. I suggest seeing a lactation consultant and/or La Leche League Leaders.

Please don't take this post wrong though.. I am a firm believer in AP.. Really the only thing about attachment parenting that I don't follow is breastfeeding.. Which I couldn't continue due to personal complications. I have been thinking of trying to get my milk back in, I know my son can still latch as I try a few times every now and again, but I'm not sure if it's been too long.. He's a little over 3 months.. Any advice? Is it possible?

I could not BF becuase of complications as well. I got infections really bad and had to stop, but I pump every three hours and have been able to feed EDM and not have to supplement. If your son can still latch on then it is worth a shot. I let my DS latch on at least once a day, although I can't go back to feeding him this way, I still want to make sure he can latch on just in case. (power outage for 6 hours two days ago so I HAD to nurse...hurt like crazy but i had to do it or they would have blown up:eek:.

If you really want to try and BF again, then I say go for it. Are you pumping at all or has your milk completly dried up? From what I understand, and anyone correct me if I am wrong, you can always get your milk back?

I don't want to research it, I know the internet isn't the only resource, but I looked on his own site and repeated was I read.


It says that on Dr. Sears website. I am trying to practice AP, but some of the comments he has made regarding the way children will turn out if they don't follow this, is just disgusting.

Dr. Sears is but one published author on the subject. If you can get past his own personal opinion, which I agree is a little "all or nothing", and just look at the basic fundamentals, it's a whole different ball game.

AP is something that has been actively researched, tested, trialed, proven, studied, etc, since the 70's, but is only now becoming a published, well known, and advocated parenting style. There are MANY sources of information available on the fundamentals of AP'ing that have nothing to do with Sears.

I personally don't see anything wrong with what Dr. Sears says regarding how a non AP child will turn out, primarily because I understand that he's trying to sell books. Just as how Dr. Ferber cites that AP children will be clingy, needy children, who will sleep with their parents until the age of 10. Of course there is going to be a sense of one up manship. That's how they sell books!!

BUT, what you cannot argue about are the proven facts, and those are that AP children are, on a whole; less fussy, happier, more content, more emotionally secure, more sensitive, more independent, more focused, and over all just better mannered.

If you choose not to want to research that for yourself, then please do not argue the benefits, because anyone who reads the studies will see just how vast the differences are. One study says that children who are held at least 3hours a day cry 50% less then non-held children. And that's just one study (a well known, independent study, that was just on MSNBC the other day).

I also don't see anything wrong with allowing a child to sleep alone in a crib, in a separate room, but I have to confess that I wonder how many mothers are quick to send a 10 week old baby to an empty room all on their own.

99% of the time my daughter wakes happy and content, just waiting for me to pick her up, but there are the odd mornings when she is, for what ever reason, startled (or uncomfortable, or scared, or in pain... who knows) and I'm thankful I'm RIGHT there. Those are the mornings, when I can pick her up that much faster, that make all my sacrifices worth while.

Today our landscaper hit the side of the house with a weed wacker and scared the crap out of DD. If I was on the other side of the house doing my own thing she would have been all alone in a moment of fright.

I'm comforted in the fact that I'm raising a little girl who will know without a doubt that I'll be there for her, unprejudiced, all the time. If she knows she can count on me to be there for her, emotionally, physically, and mentally, she'll be more likely to reach out on her own to explore her world.

The children who end up needy are the untrusting ones who are afraid to look away incase mommy has snuck out of the room when they weren't looking. Or were bribed to watch a movie while mommy goes shopping. How terrifying it must be for a little babe, who is dependent on mom to turn around and find them gone. I see this SO OFTEN with non AP children. A friend of mine had to "distract" her daughter with a movie and popcorn to sneak out of the house without creating a major scene. Perhaps her daughter was so clingy because she knew when she let her guard down that mommy would disappear. It's sad, really.

I don't think there is on AP person here who will say that allowing a child to sleep on their own or ride in a stroller is being neglected. I do, however, wonder how some mothers do it, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. It just means it's not right for me.

But I do urge everyone to read any "celebrity Dr's" published AP info with a grain of salt. Get past the buy-my-book attitude and read it for the hard core facts.

by North of 60 "If you choose not to want to research that for yourself, then please do not argue the benefits, because anyone who reads the studies will see just how vast the differences are. One study says that children who are held at least 3hours a day cry 50% less then non-held children. And that's just one study (a well known, independent study, that was just on MSNBC the other day). "




Yup.

by North of 60 "If you choose not to want to research that for yourself, then please do not argue the benefits, because anyone who reads the studies will see just how vast the differences are. One study says that children who are held at least 3hours a day cry 50% less then non-held children. And that's just one study (a well known, independent study, that was just on MSNBC the other day). "




Yup.

I have seen this proof in my OWN DS. He does not cry at all unless ,you know, a loud noise frightens him or something. Let me also add that this is not because I am holding him all the time, it is when I put him down to sleep, or when other people hold him, or when I leave the room. He does not cry. I think I have instilled in him that I am coming back and there is no need to be afraid. I am not sneaking around.

Everyone in my Gymboree class comments on how mellow of a kid he is. They can not believe he has not cried once in class and he has a great time...some kids in there just SCREAM thier heads off. I ALWAYS ask them how they are handling the crying and they say they either let them CIO, or they have to put them in thier cribs and let them get out thier frustrations. Now wonder why they are like that. There are two other women in there that practice AP, and we all gather on the other side of the room so we don;t have to deal with the screamers...I know that's bad but we are trying to enjoy the class. Our three are the ONLY ones who do not screa in class and have to have a pacifier stuck in thier mouths.

I haven't gone to the Dr. Sears site since starting this thread due to being busy, or read any books on the topic, but here's what I see commonly with discussions on this board.

It seems those who are passionate about AP imply over and over that if people don't use AP, we as parents are neglecting our children; and physically & emotionally harming our children for the short and long term. We are not taking care of the needs of our children, and we should be ashamed of ourselves.

I'm trying to look past the passion you all have and see the facts. I cannot see the facts behind all the implications and subtle and insulting assumptions being made about other parenting skills.

I started this thread in an attempt to understand better. Based on this thread so far, I still don't see it. I just see more and more implications of parental neglect by non-AP. Sounds cult-like to me.

It seems those who are passionate about AP imply over and over that if people don't use AP, we as parents are neglecting our children; and physically & emotionally harming our children for the short and long term. We are not taking care of the needs of our children, and we should be ashamed of ourselves.


I feel passionately about APing but in no way do I imply that you are neglecting your child if you don't use it. I guess the way I see it is that it creates a different sort of bond with the child. No way am I saying anyone is a bad mother because they let their child CIO, or they put their child in a play pen so they can clean. I personally can't let my son CIO.. I wear my son all the time so he really doesn't ever cry. So there's no need to ever let him CIO...

I'm sorry if you took our comments about APing wrong, every mother, every child, and every mother/child bond is different.. I think the main point is that there are statistical facts that a child that has been APed becomes more independent, etc. Like someone else said, and I agree, it's due to being so secure when they are young, they really don't have fears of certain things.

So many mothers practice most of these things without even realizing it. How many mothers prop their babies bottles up and walk away... not many I'm assuming (I should hope).. So you feed your son or daughter and have that closeness.. skin to skin or holding... There you go, that's some of APing..

Also, like someone posted, APing isn't strict "cult-like" rules.. You pick and choose what's right for you. That's what makes it so personal and different for each family..

I'm sorry if anyone was offended by any of my comments, that was not my intention.. I was just stating the way I feel on the situation

I haven't gone to the Dr. Sears site since starting this thread due to being busy, or read any books on the topic, but here's what I see commonly with discussions on this board.

It seems those who are passionate about AP imply over and over that if people don't use AP, we as parents are neglecting our children; and physically & emotionally harming our children for the short and long term. We are not taking care of the needs of our children, and we should be ashamed of ourselves.

I'm trying to look past the passion you all have and see the facts. I cannot see the facts behind all the implications and subtle and insulting assumptions being made about other parenting skills.

I started this thread in an attempt to understand better. Based on this thread so far, I still don't see it. I just see more and more implications of parental neglect by non-AP. Sounds cult-like to me.

What's funny is that I hear this from "non AP moms" all the time, and in a way you're right. If I didn't think there were risks involved in not AP'ing, then I would be doing it! If by sharing the known risks of "mainstream" parenting is seen as subtly implying neglect, then as a mainstream parent I would be compelled to look into why that is. So far no one has admitted to doing that.

I think we've maintained all along that AP'ing is different for every family, and that if you don't do it, it doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that you're neglectful. It just means we're different!

I think non-AP moms have as much of a guilt factor as how AP moms feel the need to "warn" mainstream parents. I think this is what prohibits people from wanting to learn more about it, but when it comes to stating the bare-bones facts, it's hard not to do! I know I'm guilty of it, and I too apologize if my passion is hurtful to those who don't practice AP. We'll catch more bees with honey, right? ;)

I have to put my 2 cents in here.
First, going back a few months ago there was this foster mom on the news who had at least 10 kids or something like that and she had them taken away because they were sleeping in cages and subjected to severe discipline methods. This womens theory was she was practicing AP. There was an article on it in PEOPLE mag.
So I thought this stuff was some weird cult-like thing.
What you are talking about here sounds like normal parenting practices. I usually do things when DS is napping and if I do things around the house DS joins me. Even at 1 yr old he knows to sit on the dryer while I throw in a load of wash. Or he sits on the counter if I am making dinner. I know these are dangerous places for a child but from baby on he has been where I am. I never leave him alone for 2 secs but he just sits there and "helps".
On the other hand my DH's family thinks that DS and me are way to attached because I never let him cry or out of my sight. Perfect Example, we bring him to our church which has a nursery. I for one only leave him if some one I know is watching the kids. But if he cries when I go to leave I do not leave him. Some times he goes in there without a fuss and sometimes he does not want to stay. That is his choice. Well, DH's family thinks I for one should leave with out saying goodbye and for 2, I should make him stay whether he cries or not.
On the other hand I am pg with #2 right now and am so upset over the fact that I can't do things like I used to and DS is left to play alone. I cry over this all the time. I feel like I am ruining him.

I have to put my 2 cents in here.
First, going back a few months ago there was this foster mom on the news who had at least 10 kids or something like that and she had them taken away because they were sleeping in cages and subjected to severe discipline methods. This womens theory was she was practicing AP. There was an article on it in PEOPLE mag.

I saw that, it was disgusting! I have no idea what she thought she was doing, but it wasn't AP! My crib, as I type, is full of laundry, and has been for three days. If using cages, in her mind, is AP, then I wonder what the heck I'm doing. LOL

You know, there are extremes in any case....on both ends of the spectrum. There are moms who neglect their babies, never snuggle with them and pass them from nanny to nanny. There are also women who cling to their babies like monkeys and never let them have an ounce of individuality, iindependence or sense of being.

I think what we as mothers need to do is strike a healthy balance between the two.

I let my son sleep by himself at night, but I also enjoy snuggling with him and taking a morning nap with him nestled beside me. He LOVES to ride in his stroller, but I also carry him in his snugli carrier. I have times in the day where I let him play on the floor, roll around and entertain himself....there are otehr times where I will sit and read him a book, play peek a boo and other games.

I want to raise a son who is loving, affectionate, fun to be around....but I also want him to be able to take care of himself, cook a nice dinner, wash his own clothes and provide a degree of entertain to himself. I'm not his slave, and he doesn't need to be around me 24/7 to know that I love him. WHen I go off to work, and I come home, I love the look in his eyes as I scoop him up and snuggle with him for a good half hour before I do anything else. My son knows he is my first priority, but mommy has other stuff to do as well, and sometimes, those things need to be done without him clinging to me (but at a safe distance away, with me talking to him)

I do believe that each style has it's benefits and I use MY STYLE of parenting, mixed in with random theories I like here and there. The second I start raising my son by one single book is the second I lose sight of what it really is to be a mom-----

:)

I do believe that each style has it's benefits and I use MY STYLE of parenting, mixed in with random theories I like here and there. The second I start raising my son by one single book is the second I lose sight of what it really is to be a mom-----

:)

Well said. :)

ooh lex i am the same as you i could not have put it better my self but am still adding my 2 pennys worth lol:D

i have to say i agree with gayle it does sound cult like and ap moms do seem to be saying they are right we are wrong. ap to me is like one pp said is just normal parenting especially if like i interpret correctly what north says that you can opt out of certain bits that don't suit you. in the real world mommies work so working moms obviously can't ap, plus i find time out for a short break from ds means i am not burnt out and it makes me a better mommy. i also want my ds to have good relationships with dh and grandparents so i do not mommy coddle my ds like i see ap suggests. i also want to allow my son the space to breath abnd learn that i may just have gone for a wee but i am coming back.

also this crap about this study says this this study says that to put it bluntly i could do a piece of research on anything and make it have the findings i wanted. evidence base is the important bit, i am not familiar with this whats his name spears work but i can hazard a guess his work is not a randomised controlled trial level A evidence base. a study is only any good if it is a randomised controlled trial and not "well it works if i get all one type of person who i know it works for and use them in the study but exclude those people i know it does not work for".

to be honest i understand why people are passionate about the way they raise and love their children and i know i do what i feel is best for my ds as ia m sure we all do, hence no need to say or imply "what i do is the right way everyone else is stupid if they don't agree with me our spears"!!! nor to imply "you don't read his research the way i do so you must be wrong. i guess spears seems to base his work on the 1950's work of john bowlby on maternal deprivation research that aims to say mommies who don't stay at home and work bring up maladapted children, hence he was a man with political drive after the second world war to get women back home so men could have therir jobs back. i like thwe way this man i presume spears is a man tells women how to be a mommy lol how many of his kids did he raise singly handedly like it seems he implies.
i also think we all enjoy some alone time where we entertain ourselves and are not overly dependant on someone i know my son will have great self esteem and be both independant and loving because i will raise him this way believe me in my job i see many people screwed up by under or over protective parents. oh and i think it is nieve for anyone to believe they are the perfect parent i think we all learn to find out what does or does not work for us and our children

just my thoughts ladies bring on the onslaught lol:cool:

I am really not looking to argue with anyone, I think that we are all great parents here, otherwise I would never post questions asking for your advice if I thought otherwise.
To the post that mad eit seem like we AP parents think we're better parents than you, I haven't seen one word that suggested that. I'm sorry that you feel that way, it sounds a bit insecure to me.
I think that we are all doing a great job, some chose different ways than others, but in the end, it's what works for your family, right? Cult like, nonsense. CIO? Maybe, same difference.;)

insecure definately not
cio definately not
ap mostly not still think what lex says is right for me too:D
love and fun - most definately:D

ooh lex i am the same as you i could not have put it better my self but am still adding my 2 pennys worth lol:D

i have to say i agree with gayle it does sound cult like and ap moms do seem to be saying they are right we are wrong. ap to me is like one pp said is just normal parenting especially if like i interpret correctly what north says that you can opt out of certain bits that don't suit you. in the real world mommies work so working moms obviously can't ap, plus i find time out for a short break from ds means i am not burnt out and it makes me a better mommy. i also want my ds to have good relationships with dh and grandparents so i do not mommy coddle my ds like i see ap suggests. i also want to allow my son the space to breath abnd learn that i may just have gone for a wee but i am coming back.

also this crap about this study says this this study says that to put it bluntly i could do a piece of research on anything and make it have the findings i wanted. evidence base is the important bit, i am not familiar with this whats his name spears work but i can hazard a guess his work is not a randomised controlled trial level A evidence base. a study is only any good if it is a randomised controlled trial and not "well it works if i get all one type of person who i know it works for and use them in the study but exclude those people i know it does not work for".

to be honest i understand why people are passionate about the way they raise and love their children and i know i do what i feel is best for my ds as ia m sure we all do, hence no need to say or imply "what i do is the right way everyone else is stupid if they don't agree with me our spears"!!! nor to imply "you don't read his research the way i do so you must be wrong. i guess spears seems to base his work on the 1950's work of john bowlby on maternal deprivation research that aims to say mommies who don't stay at home and work bring up maladapted children, hence he was a man with political drive after the second world war to get women back home so men could have therir jobs back. i like thwe way this man i presume spears is a man tells women how to be a mommy lol how many of his kids did he raise singly handedly like it seems he implies.
i also think we all enjoy some alone time where we entertain ourselves and are not overly dependant on someone i know my son will have great self esteem and be both independant and loving because i will raise him this way believe me in my job i see many people screwed up by under or over protective parents. oh and i think it is nieve for anyone to believe they are the perfect parent i think we all learn to find out what does or does not work for us and our children

just my thoughts ladies bring on the onslaught lol:cool:

This just proves you know nothing about AP'ing...which is Ok..don't get me wrong..but your statements prove you comment on something you know nothing about. No one ever said anything about thier way being the "Only" way, it must be how you have interpreted it, as many others did on this thread. Sorry if it came out that way. What I say never intended to be offensive, or my way is the ONLY way. Everyone does what is best for THIER kids and THIER lifestyles..all I am saying is I have SEEN the results of AP'ing versus not and in MY observations, AP'ing works..I have seen it in my DS and many others....cult-like...hardly...In the "real" world parents work? Define what you mean by "real world"....I can't define all the ways AP'ing has helped my life in rasing myDS, but I can say that I am DEFINATLY going to have one rock solidly independent, self- knowing, self -aware, self -confident, un-needy, un-clingy, and loving young man and I owe it all to the way I am raising him.

the real world means that anyone can suggest a mother is best to stay at home 100% with their child but in reality not all mommies no matter how much they would like to are able to stay at home and this doe snot mean the child is malajusted in the end, the real world is also why some posters have stated they take the bits that suits them froom the ap method and leave the parts that don't suit them, i think most peoples parenting is probably eclectic. secondly yes you are right i have not as i stated earlier read any of spears work i have just read the parts pp have mentioned and like lex said i feel i agree with the ways she parents i do the same, just like i am sur esome of your methods are mirrored by other parents here. i am glad for you and your child you will raise as healthy a child as i will even if we all take a different route to get there:)

the real world means that anyone can suggest a mother is best to stay at home 100% with their child but in reality not all mommies no matter how much they would like to are able to stay at home and this doe snot mean the child is malajusted in the end, the real world is also why some posters have stated they take the bits that suits them froom the ap method and leave the parts that don't suit them, i think most peoples parenting is probably eclectic. secondly yes you are right i have not as i stated earlier read any of spears work i have just read the parts pp have mentioned and like lex said i feel i agree with the ways she parents i do the same, just like i am sur esome of your methods are mirrored by other parents here. i am glad for you and your child you will raise as healthy a child as i will even if we all take a different route to get there:)

I agree. I am fortunate enough, and I am thankful that I am able to stay at home with my ds. I think no matter HOW we raise our children, we are ALL looking to get to the same ending point when they are adults. We all want the same things for our children no matter our parenting styles and as long as we get what we want, who cares how everyone else get there! :D

also this crap about this study says this this study says that to put it bluntly i could do a piece of research on anything and make it have the findings i wanted. evidence base is the important bit, i am not familiar with this whats his name spears work but i can hazard a guess his work is not a randomised controlled trial level A evidence base. a study is only any good if it is a randomised controlled trial and not "well it works if i get all one type of person who i know it works for and use them in the study but exclude those people i know it does not work for".

I have not seen one study published by Dr. Sears (not Spears ;) ). I have, however, seen studies on the fundamentals of AP'ing ("baby wearing", etc) published by UC Berkly, Harvard, and other well known and highly respected sources.

Like I mentioned before, Dr. Sears is but one published author on the subject. I refer to him because he is well known, and his info is good as a starting point because he illustrates AP in very simple terms for people who are new to it. But, he does not conduct studies or publish them like you must think.

Just last week on MSNBC there was an article on a study (that had NOTHING to do with Sears or AP) about the benefits of wearing and holding your baby... in case anyone wants to look it up.

It would be impossible to conduct a study on attachment parenting since it is so complex and different for each family. You can, however, conduct studies on the many facets that make up AP - co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby wearing etc.

And I know plenty of women who work and formula feed who I would consider AP moms.

This just proves you know nothing about AP'ing.

LOL.

I can honestly say I have researched other parenting styles before I decided they weren't for me. I wonder how many people can say that they've actually researched AP'ing (and I'm not talking about looking at D. Sears website) before they made their mind up about it, or, called it cult-like. LOL

I just looked up that study I mentioned from MSNBC. It was conducted by Ian St James-Roberts, of the University of London's Institute of Education. The article was called "Better to comfort babies than let them cry".

"The hands-off approach appeared to backfire: babies fussed and cried 50 percent more at two and five weeks," New Scientist magazine said on Wednesday. "And they were still crying more after 12 weeks," it added.

i agree with you i don't let sam cry i want him to know if he cries i am right there to comfort him, this i find is best whilst he is a baby obviously when he is a lot older i doubt i will expect him to cry to get my attention lol.i worry if i left him to cry he would feel abandoned as at 3.5 months i go to him as soon as i can when he cries unless i am doing a wee or such necessities of life. i also love to hug, smile and play with ds but i also like to sit and watch learn with me sesame with him because i like seeing him laugh at the scottish puppet lol he loves him, i loved sesame street too when i was a kid.i did bf as best i could but health issues prevailed, i do not co sleep as i aworry too much about sids - not to say i poo those who do this i am just a born worrier i use the stroller for walks i also put him in a baby bjorn type carrier but ds is so heavy it breaks my back now. he sleeps in his cot but also in my arms at times. he plays with me and dh but also entertains himself by laughing and hitting the toys in his gym alone as i feel it important he explores the world from his own perspective too and not just from mine, i also see that a secure child does not mind some time alone as he knows he is not truely alone oin the world. i guess if love and bonding makes a baby cry less i must be doing a great job i only had one bad weekend of crying and that was after his injections and during our hottest weekend of the year - poor ds. i have found in my opinion the contented little baby regime the most daft for strictness for little babies. i have read so mch stuff about childcare and i think like we all seem to be saying in this post we are all really a bit eclectic. hope you are all enjoying loving your little ones too :)

lol did i say spears must have been a faux pas lol ;) no i don't drive with ds on my lap lol

lol did i say spears must have been a faux pas lol ;) no i don't drive with ds on my lap lol

Too funny!

i do not co sleep as i aworry too much about sids

Actually, there are less reported cases of SIDS in babies who co-sleep then in babies who sleep on their backs in cribs and bassinets. Just look at the Chinese for example. They are a culture known for co-sleeping and SIDS is almost unheard of there.

When you co-sleep your breathing actually becomes in synch with baby, which is thought to help regulate breathing and reduce the risk of SIDS. Of course, it goes without saying that co-sleeping needs to be done safely, ie; no thick quits or fluffy pillows, and don't sleep with baby if you've been drinking or taking drugs (duh!). But yes, there are studies that show co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS (I really wish we could post links... poo).



lol did i say spears must have been a faux pas lol ;) no i don't drive with ds on my lap lol

LOL!!

I totally understand how you could do this with one child but what if you had more? How could you stay totally engaged with 2 or 3 at the same time? I have 3 children and my first slept with us forever it felt like. He was 4 before we finally got him to sleep in his room the whole night. With the other 2 we used a bassinet and they went to their cribs. I didn't even put them in bed with us for fear that we would have to go through that all over again. I love my children and have no doubt that everybody here loves theres but yes there are times when I'm tending to one and the other one is kept waiting for a minute or two(sometimes crying.) My 8 month old sometimes gets to fuss a little bit before I run to her rescue. I just don't think anybody should knock anybody else in their parenting skills. My oldest is fixing to be 8, my middle is 4. Is it a bad thing that almost every Saturday night they stay the night with their grandma? They love it, she loves it, and yes I enjoy the break if we're going to be honest about it;) . My youngest has stayed with her twice. Do you let your babies play and keep themselves entertained for a while each day? My baby is right now playing on the floor with her toys totally content. I think it just depends on the baby. My son (who slept with us ) was a little bit more needy as a baby-maybe because he was my first and we babied him more. Each child of mine has been different so we have adjusted and fine tuned our strategies with each child. At what point do you quit answering every want? At 2 or 3 when they want candy at the store will you give it to them each time so they won't cry? I'm not trying to be smart I'm just wondering. Well ladies lets just stay civil with each other and enjoy this debate for what it is.

Is it a bad thing that almost every Saturday night they stay the night with their grandma? They love it, she loves it, and yes I enjoy the break if we're going to be honest about it

No, this is a GREAT thing...many misconceptions about AP'ing is that the mother NEVER let's her child do anything and they are always attached at the hip. No, not at all true. It is very much encouraged for the mother to spend time by herself, we would all go crazy if we did not!:eek: The whole concept ot AP'ing is to interact with your child as much as possible when together. The ultimate goal is that the child feels secure enough to WANT to spend time with other people. The goal is not to have to "sneak" out of the house for fear of the child screaming. It is proven that children scream when parents leave them at daycare, with the sitter,whatever because they cannot comprehend that the parents are going to return...it must be scary for a little mind to think that. AP'ing actually trys to make them secure in the fac that mommy WILL be there even is she leaves for a little while.


At 2 or 3 when they want candy at the store will you give it to them each time so they won't cry?

Again, common msconception about AP'ing is that the parent "spoils" the child. As I said in a previous post, there is a HUGE difference in acting appropriatly to instances like this and inappropriatly...like giving in everytime so they won't cry. Children are going to cry, throw fits and such, but it is all up to the adult on how they will handle these situations.

Do you let your babies play and keep themselves entertained for a while each day?

Of course, and he can entertain himself very well, and actually interacts with other children. We take him to a play class every Wendsday and I can put him on the floor with himself or the other kids and walk away and he will go for the entire class.

As far as having multiple kids, it would be a chore! God bless anyone who has more then one because I know how hard it is! You can AP with more then one. That is whats so good about it, you can adapt it to your lifestyle. You probably already have a specia time that you spend alone with each of them.

Is it a bad thing that almost every Saturday night they stay the night with their grandma?'s.

It would be if the children were not bonded or close to their grandparents. I think family living is lost on many Americans. You know the saying "it takes a community to raise a child"? I think it's true. In many cultures there are several primary caregivers for the child - grandmothers, aunts, even siblings. Women in our culture either lack the support they need or they are too proud to accept it (what I call "super mom syndrome"). If you have the support network in place to help you out and give you a break, take advantage of that!

I think that also ties into the question about having more the one child. I wouldn't have more then one if it was not for the support of my family. I honestly have no idea how some women do it. I'm in awe of any mother who can go grocery shopping with more then one child! :p


At what point do you quit answering every want? At 2 or 3 when they want candy at the store will you give it to them each time so they won't cry? I'm not trying to be smart I'm just wondering.

Let me quote something I wrote earlier; "The basic premise is that you view your child like another person with needs, and you meet those needs as quickly, logically, and sensitively as possible."

To put it bluntly - candy is NOT a need!! I think you have beautifully illustrated the point between wants and needs. A baby NEEDS to be comforted when they cry. A child does not NEED candy.

This is something my own mother was able to instill in us, and I hope to emulate that with my own parenting, and that is a clear understanding of what one wants and what one needs.

Well ladies lets just stay civil with each other and enjoy this debate for what it is.

This is a 9 page thread that I think has gone swimmingly (considering the topic). Thanx for joining in.

It seems those who are passionate about AP imply over and over that if people don't use AP, we as parents are neglecting our children; and physically & emotionally harming our children for the short and long term. We are not taking care of the needs of our children, and we should be ashamed of ourselves.

I'm trying to look past the passion you all have and see the facts. I cannot see the facts behind all the implications and subtle and insulting assumptions being made about other parenting skills.

I started this thread in an attempt to understand better. Based on this thread so far, I still don't see it. I just see more and more implications of parental neglect by non-AP. Sounds cult-like to me.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Am I reading the posts like everyone else or did I miss one?? I don't recall reading anyone's post that degraded anyones parenting styles? Did you read into something the wrong way or are YOU feeling like you could do better? Please help us understand because this post was questioning what AP'ing is and we are simply telling....

Did you read into something the wrong way or are YOU feeling like you could do better?

Like Dizzy said, I think it's insecurity. When someone tells me my child will be clingy and needy I don't assume they are implying I spoil her. I'm confident in what I'm doing. But, when we (AP moms) suggest a person wear their baby or sleep with them, all of a sudden people assume that we mean they're neglecting them or are bad mothers if they don't.

Suggesting and advocating something different, and explaining why you think it's a good idea why, doesn't mean you're a bad mother if you don't do it.

If a person is confident in what they're doing, then there should be no reason to feel as though their way is wrong or inadequate, but they (hypothetical "they") should instead recognize the diversity.

This is an interesting topic....

I only have two bouncers, one with toys and the other is a papasan type that she can nap in. She also has a toy bar that sings to her. The majority of the time, I hold her, talk to her, sing to her, play with her, and take her EVERYWHERE with me.

I have slept with her in my arms sitting upright on the chaise up until the last week. Since, she has slept most of the night in her pack and play in the living room while I sleep on the couch. I am deathly afraid of a child becoming too attached and needing to sleep in my room forever.

I also wear her all the time. When my husband and I walk around our neighborhood to look at the brand new houses and when I go to the library, bookstore, and shopping. Wearing her has been a total sucess with me. She has always slept the entire time she is in it.

Like North, I also don't let her cry. I know far enough in advance by reading her cues what she wants and she is also not needy, or whiney.

I believe in doing thing a little more old fashioned or naturally. Slending time with your child is important and in todays society parents like electronics to entertain and teach their children.

I replied previously before I read all of the posts and I think they are quite hilarious at times. I just like being Alexa's Mom and doing what we do.....I don't like being catergorized. It seems to me that unless you seriously practice all of the ways of "AP" your not an AP Mom. Although I may do things that are considered "AP" style I am not an "AP" Mom.

I see how passionate we all get about certain subjects. I am very passionate about birthing with no drugs or interventions unless completely nessecary, many others don't agree with me and don't see what the harm is getting the drugs or using interventions and I could argue that one all day. My point is, as easily as it is for someone to say that I should breastfeed, sleep with my child, carry them all day, and ALWAYS play with them, even when they are playing in their exersaucer's or gyms because that may be taking away from them in some way, I could say you shouldn't get epidurals because you harmed your kid by putting drugs into their newborn bodies all for the sake of your own pain to stop. ( And I am not talking about the people who have c-sections, complicated, or high-risk pregnancies and seriously need them.)

I am not hear to fight, it is easy to point the finger one way or another. I love wearing my baby in that sling that lay down into, but I didn't breastfeed. I read my child's cues all on my own, not because Dr. Sear's says too. It was common sense to me, that once I figured out my daughter's cues, I could get her what she wants before she begins to cry.

Let's just realize our differences. Isn't it better to NOT be catergorized? :)

Am I reading the posts like everyone else or did I miss one?? I don't recall reading anyone's post that degraded anyones parenting styles? Did you read into something the wrong way or are YOU feeling like you could do better? Please help us understand because this post was questioning what AP'ing is and we are simply telling....

Skeetersquirt,
I am not hear to fight and I am not really offended either way by AP parenting or non-AP parenting, but the posts offend some because what is said isn't right out telling them they are wrong for their own way, but it is told subtly instead.

:)

I read my child's cues all on my own, not because Dr. Sear's says too. It was common sense to me, that once I figured out my daughter's cues, I could get her what she wants before she begins to cry.

That was our point all along. For some of us this style of parenting comes naturally, and there just happens to be a name for it. I did it before I ever knew "attachment parenting" existed. Do I label myself? No. Do I use the term AP for the sake of argument? Yes. Do I think there is a noticable difference in how I parent compared to the majority of other mothers that I meet? Yes. Do I think that is because of AP? Yes.

If I've learned anything from this thread, it's that people don't want to be labeled, even if what they do tends to lead toward one "type" of parenting style. I really do think the days of letting a baby scream in another room to "exercise their lungs" are gone, and is not something many of us here, if anyone, would practice. Babies cry, and sometimes it's unavoidable, we get that, but from what I can see everyone, on some level, does some things in an AP way.

yey north i think you sumed it all up people don't like to be categorised it comes across as a negative because we all like to think we interpret our childrens cues and meet their needs. i am sure we all do by the sounds of things at least no one posted well i leave my child crying in the cot all day so i think we must all be doing the right things even if as first time moms it is trial and error till our babies teach us the right things to do for them as individuals - like i just learnt ds will sleep till 7am if i do 2 things 1 . put him in the higher tog sleep bag so he does not get cold when he starts to stir about 5 am and 2. draw the curtains on top of the blackout blind to ensure when it gets light and he stirs at 5am it does not wake him, since doing this he has slept till 7am all 3 days in a row ooh i could jump for joy thanks ds for letting mommy get some sleep yey. i know these are simple things but i have a thermometer in his room and i think it is not quite accurate as if i follow that with all the recommendations of which tog to use it seems he gets too cold and secondly i thought the miniscul amount of light down the side of the blind was not that bad well it obviously was:rolleyes: anyways i just wanted to say just as we are lucky to have our little ones they are also lucky to have such caring and dedicated parents:D amen

Skeetersquirt,
I am not hear to fight and I am not really offended either way by AP parenting or non-AP parenting, but the posts offend some because what is said isn't right out telling them they are wrong for their own way, but it is told subtly instead.

:)

I guess it is all in the way you interpret the posts. I was not trying to offend anyone, and as I said in my previous post, I did not even KNOW I was doing this until I saw Dr. Sears Books.

Actually, in all honsety, I read "Baby Wise" and was "planning" on trying this method. Then the more I read about this method I chose not to follow it. I said ok, when my little man gets here I am going to do it MY way and not follow some strict schedule. This is what I did and only then did I realize I was following Ap parenting. I think alot of things that AP promotes come naturally go most mothers, but there are other things like CIO and sleeping habits that must be ones choice.

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I am not hear to fight and I am not really offended either way by AP parenting or non-AP parenting, but the posts offend some because what is said isn't right out telling them they are wrong for their own way, but it is told subtly instead.

:)[/QUOTE]

Here's the thing. Someone asked what it was all about. The explanation was given, quite well actually. If anyone has taken offense, then it is an opinion, because noone here has implied otherwise. The reason that there is a name for this particular type of parenting is because there are so many other ways of parenting, and those may have names as well. I am so shocked that someone would be offended. I don't mean you orangecouture, but others hat have said that they were. In my opinion, all of us practice most components of AP. Others may not, but most of us do. I really think that some of you are just looking for an argument.

:)[/QUOTE] I really think that some of you are just looking for an argument.[/QUOTE]

Well said dizzy. If I posted a question about "epidurals", I would not take offense to someones opinions about the if I asked for it. Just like this thread was started to find out what AP'ing is all about....

yep some people like to be highly opinionated and think they are perfect. but look lets face it we are all the best parent we can be sometimes we learn new things to help with our babies and that is great as well as the beauty of these boards even if debates get heated. i think its best just to agree to differ rather than take the moral high ground i don't think i am better than anybody else even if some people come across this way i don't think it is intended negatively. will this post ever end lol. hope everyone is doing well regardless:cool:

Well said weepyone. Le'ts end this annoying thread!:wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:

Buh- Bye!

I think the fact that we all attend this board makes us great parents because we are taking that extra step to ask questions about them or learn more about them. There are MANY parents who don't read about their babies, or care to know anything because they may be too busy or are not interested. ;)

I think we should all write a book about parenting and make our own millions!!!:p

These were great posts to read. I find that when someone gets offended, it is their own insecurities about what they are doing coming out (I do this myself at times)

Anyway, it was interesting to see that even I have a lot of AP going on, though not to an extreme. My kids are just much more happy and independent when they are included. Now, I do have to use the help of bouncies, saucers, etc. to ensure they babies are right here with me while I work but are stimulated by something interesting to them and we can then interact together as well.

I'll share a story if anyone wants to read further. I just got back from a week vacation on the beach in Mexico. My BIL and his wife and two boys went also - boys are 3 and 1. We had our big kids but left the 15 month old at home with Grandma. I don't do diapers at the beach (oh, wait, that definitely isn't an example of AP hahaha) My BIL and SIL practice AP to an extreme. The 1 yr. old absolutely cannot be set down to play with anything or with anyone other than his mother or father. He cries and fusses, they pick him right up. The 3 yr. old is a bit better, but the moment he is further than a few steps away, he's reined back in. They wanted him to play with ONLY the things they were interested in him playing with or discovering. He wanted to go explore the tidepools, fine but only with his parents, he wasn't allowed to venture on his own or with me my DH or his cousins.

SIL wanted to sleep in one morning, fine, great and she deserved it. BIL wanted to help my DH with something on the RV, oh lordy, that meant he had to put the 1 yr. old down or in the back pack. I offered to take him and he let me. We went in to my RV, I put him down and you'd thought he was in another world. After a few timid moments, he explored and played and laughed and had the BEST time, didn't whine/cry to be picked up one single time. 45 minutes later, his Mom comes rushing in, frantic because he was in with me and not with his dad in the big, unfamiliar motorhome. She snatched him up and he began to cry "See" she said "He's frightened and this is too much for him" No, I thought to myself, he's ticked because you're taking him away from a fun adventure.

Oh well, it's like everyone says, parenting has to be done however it works for you. I think we're in a big giant era of everyone just overanalyzing their kids to death and everyone trying to be these Super Parents. Let your kids be kids, catch them when they fall but encourage them in all they want to do.

I offered to take him and he let me. We went in to my RV, I put him down and you'd thought he was in another world. After a few timid moments, he explored and played and laughed and had the BEST time, didn't whine/cry to be picked up one single time. 45 minutes later, his Mom comes rushing in, frantic because he was in with me and not with his dad in the big, unfamiliar motorhome. She snatched him up and he began to cry "See" she said "He's frightened and this is too much for him" No, I thought to myself, he's ticked because you're taking him away from a fun adventure.

I agree with you. I guess in that way I'm not AP, because I LIKE handing DD over to family members. She's fine with it. I don't think there is anything wrong with exploration, but when "exploration" becomes a pseudo babysitter I tender to raise an eyebrow.

North,

WHen is that line for you? Can you give an example? FOr the most part I am agreeing with all posts..as you remember you and I have had this discussion before. If you could give me an example, maybe you and I arent as far apart on this issue.

North,

WHen is that line for you? Can you give an example? FOr the most part I am agreeing with all posts..as you remember you and I have had this discussion before. If you could give me an example, maybe you and I arent as far apart on this issue.

I feel like a broken record....

As I've said before - I'm against using "devices" (exercaucers, bouncy seats, play gyms, TVs) to entertain or babysit my child. I include her with me, and unless it is unsafe or physically impossible to hold her, I wear her. If I can't do that, like when showering or cooking, then I use a bouncy seat.

My daughter is not at an age where she can entertain herself without the help of a device that props her up and dangles toys in front of her where she can reach them. I feel those devices replace time that should be spent interacting and bonding with your child, and are merely a device of convenience instead of actually holding the child and playing with the toy yourself.

HOWEVER, when a child is able, developmentally, to sit on their own and grasp toys on their own, the need for me to hold her lessens. When she can crawl and walk, the need for me to carry her lessens. When she can self feed, the need for breastfeeding lessens.

Attachment parenting is about meeting the needs of your child according to how your child is developing, physically and emotionally, as an individual, not some preconceived schedule.

If my daughter wants to explore tidal pools with her cousins, and doesn't need me (ie; won't need a food source, won't need emotional comfort, etc), then why not?

The whole point is to let them develop as safely and securely as THEY'RE ready. If she's not ready to go exploring on her own, I won't force it. But if she clearly wants to do something on her own, then absolutely! Parenthood isn't a race. I'm in no hurry to force independence on her. When she's ready to explore, she can.