brighterday
06-21-2006, 05:00 PM
Hello,
I just need to talk to someone or anyone about the last stages of cancer. Is it bad as they say. Does hospice help? My husbands kidney cancer is now in his bones.We were told if it ever got there our options run out. We are not giving up but I just need to know truths about all of this. Thanks.
I just need to talk to someone or anyone about the last stages of cancer. Is it bad as they say. Does hospice help? My husbands kidney cancer is now in his bones.We were told if it ever got there our options run out. We are not giving up but I just need to know truths about all of this. Thanks.
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ktshorty
06-21-2006, 05:34 PM
Hello brighterday
Im sooooo sorry to read about your husband. My mum has cancer in her throat, lungs, liver & chest. It is heartbreaking watching someone you love deteriate from this disease.
I dont know that much about kidney or bone cancer so i dont know if the symptons will be the same.....
My mum is on a morphine syringe driver 24 hrs a day and takes oral morphine when the pain is too bad. She can only eat ice cream. She sleeps a lot. She is nothing but bone and even walking is a struggle for her. All the normal day to day things have gone..... watching tv, doing a crossword, knitting etc. If she sits for longer than a minute she is asleep.
In all honesty, all she is doing is existing and its pityful seeing her the way she is. I hope your husband does not get to this stage .........
Please keep me up to date on how he is doing, and how you are. The emotional and physical effects of dealing with a loved one who has cancer, can be harsh.
You are in my thoughts
xxxxx Kay
Im sooooo sorry to read about your husband. My mum has cancer in her throat, lungs, liver & chest. It is heartbreaking watching someone you love deteriate from this disease.
I dont know that much about kidney or bone cancer so i dont know if the symptons will be the same.....
My mum is on a morphine syringe driver 24 hrs a day and takes oral morphine when the pain is too bad. She can only eat ice cream. She sleeps a lot. She is nothing but bone and even walking is a struggle for her. All the normal day to day things have gone..... watching tv, doing a crossword, knitting etc. If she sits for longer than a minute she is asleep.
In all honesty, all she is doing is existing and its pityful seeing her the way she is. I hope your husband does not get to this stage .........
Please keep me up to date on how he is doing, and how you are. The emotional and physical effects of dealing with a loved one who has cancer, can be harsh.
You are in my thoughts
xxxxx Kay
shnswms
06-21-2006, 09:19 PM
You never really run out of options. You and your husband have to determine whether quality of life or quantity matters more. Radiation may help with his bone mets. You could probably continue chemo and try to get clinical trial information. You could also get second opinions. Treatment could prolong his life, it may not, every patient is different. Treatment could also make his remaining days worse off.
Hospice is a wonderful service and I recommend them strongly if you decide to go that route. They can adjust medication according to his pain levels to make him as comfortable as possible and make his last days better. Good luck to you and your husband.
Hospice is a wonderful service and I recommend them strongly if you decide to go that route. They can adjust medication according to his pain levels to make him as comfortable as possible and make his last days better. Good luck to you and your husband.
anne is asking
06-22-2006, 01:23 AM
I am sorry to hear about your husband. I know that it is hard to see someone you love not only in pain, but leaving you. I am sure both your hearts ache. I agree, hospice is a great resource, for you and your husband. I am a firm believer, that you need to tell him your feelings of love and how important he has been in your life. Tell him everything you want to tell him and allow him to do the same. It will be very emotional. but healing comes from it, this allows him to leave peacefully and enables you to say, until we meet again, while cherishing the memories. I have lost several loved ones and there are those that I did not voice what a difference they made in my life, and the grieving was difficult because I had things I wish I had said. Then a very, very close loved one, I did let him know his affect on my life, and although I cried and cried when he died, I healed so much quicker, simply because I told him all of my feelings, I know he heard them and took them to heaven with him. Everyone is different, I just wanted to share what helps me through my grief. Best wishes and I will keep you both in my prayers.
winterwan
06-22-2006, 09:26 PM
Dear Brighterday
Im new to this site but not new to anxiety and worry over loved ones. Im so sorry you are having to go through this, and sorry for your dear husband too
Ive just gone through a sad time with my sister who died in January with a brain tumour that spread to her spine.
In my experience you and your husband will get the help and comfort you need in a hospice it becomes a sort of extended family and it will help you to cope.
Ive seen the Hospice care from both sides, i spent 6 years working with terminally ill people as a carer, then saw it from a different angle with my sister when she became so ill.
In the later stages of cancer our loved ones will be sedated so they are pain free and will sleep most of the time, maybe waking now and again for a tiny sip of water or to hold our hand.
I know there are no words that will take this pain away from you, i wish i could. After sitting with my sister and my mum when they were dying i told them all the little things i wanted them to know, including how much i loved them and promised them i would be strong, afterward i found this comforting.
Iam keeping you in my thoughts
xxxx
Im new to this site but not new to anxiety and worry over loved ones. Im so sorry you are having to go through this, and sorry for your dear husband too
Ive just gone through a sad time with my sister who died in January with a brain tumour that spread to her spine.
In my experience you and your husband will get the help and comfort you need in a hospice it becomes a sort of extended family and it will help you to cope.
Ive seen the Hospice care from both sides, i spent 6 years working with terminally ill people as a carer, then saw it from a different angle with my sister when she became so ill.
In the later stages of cancer our loved ones will be sedated so they are pain free and will sleep most of the time, maybe waking now and again for a tiny sip of water or to hold our hand.
I know there are no words that will take this pain away from you, i wish i could. After sitting with my sister and my mum when they were dying i told them all the little things i wanted them to know, including how much i loved them and promised them i would be strong, afterward i found this comforting.
Iam keeping you in my thoughts
xxxx
brighterday
06-23-2006, 12:19 PM
Thank you to all who have shared with me. It helps to know someone cares and can understand. He is doing ok right now since they fixed his leg. He has kidney cancer and they took his kidney out in 2002. He had kung surgery 3 months later then another lung surgery 9 months later. He has had his adrenal glands taken out and takes steroids. He walked on a broken hip for 6 months thinking it was a pulled muscle. His steroids masked the pain. He broke his hip from a fall(believe it or not working with his tractor in his garden he loves so much) they did surgery to fix it and they found the cancer in his bone.
He is so much of an inspiraion to me!:) I do not know if I could have had his wonderful attitude. I love him and he is also my best friend.
I do not want to lose him but I do not want him used as an experiment either because he has went through so much. It is his choice though and what ever he decides we will do.
We are probably headed to Houston to see what we can do next.
It is so hard to think about sometimes I can not get a deep breath.
I am truly sorry for each of your losses. May you continue to heal in your hearts. :angel:
He is so much of an inspiraion to me!:) I do not know if I could have had his wonderful attitude. I love him and he is also my best friend.
I do not want to lose him but I do not want him used as an experiment either because he has went through so much. It is his choice though and what ever he decides we will do.
We are probably headed to Houston to see what we can do next.
It is so hard to think about sometimes I can not get a deep breath.
I am truly sorry for each of your losses. May you continue to heal in your hearts. :angel:
ktshorty
06-26-2006, 01:06 PM
Your husband sounds like he is so determined to fight and you should be proud of him! I really hope he continues with his fighting spirit.
Sadly, my mum lost her battle on Saturday and now she is sleeping peacefully. x Thankyou to all of you who spoke to me and for all your kind words x
Sadly, my mum lost her battle on Saturday and now she is sleeping peacefully. x Thankyou to all of you who spoke to me and for all your kind words x
brighterday
06-28-2006, 04:25 PM
I am crying ktshorty for your loss of your mother. My heart is with you.I am here to talk if you need a friend.
ktshorty
06-28-2006, 08:29 PM
Thankyou brighterday.
My lovely, lovely mum has gone.... Really don't think it has sunk in yet as we are very busy with all the arrangements. Think it will really hit home after the funeral...
Have prepared her a lovely service which i hope will do her justice.
For anyone suffering from this awful, awful illness, firstly, the doctors don't know everything. We were told she had 4 months and she lasted for 9 months, and, secondely, cancer gives so much more than it takes away.... So sad, i know, but ever since her diagnosis, her life was a blessing. It makes you take stock of whats important and whats not. Makes you appreciate what you have and the value of having a family. We were always a close family, but this brought us even closer. I got some time with my mum (never enough!) but it was precious and we made some memories!
3 things are keeping me going right now - my family and friends. Knowing she is at peace now with no more pain, and the fact we made her happy in the last few months of her life. Her thankful words and her laughs and smiles......
In my heart Mum forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My lovely, lovely mum has gone.... Really don't think it has sunk in yet as we are very busy with all the arrangements. Think it will really hit home after the funeral...
Have prepared her a lovely service which i hope will do her justice.
For anyone suffering from this awful, awful illness, firstly, the doctors don't know everything. We were told she had 4 months and she lasted for 9 months, and, secondely, cancer gives so much more than it takes away.... So sad, i know, but ever since her diagnosis, her life was a blessing. It makes you take stock of whats important and whats not. Makes you appreciate what you have and the value of having a family. We were always a close family, but this brought us even closer. I got some time with my mum (never enough!) but it was precious and we made some memories!
3 things are keeping me going right now - my family and friends. Knowing she is at peace now with no more pain, and the fact we made her happy in the last few months of her life. Her thankful words and her laughs and smiles......
In my heart Mum forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
brighterday
06-29-2006, 10:27 AM
wonderfully said ktshorty! I am sure that your mom is smiling! Sounds like you two really enjoyed your time together. I am sure that the service you planned will honor your mom greatly. My heart and prayers will be with you. Please get you some rest if you can. I can not imagine the pain in your heart right now, but remember we all love you.:angel:
rudiraven
06-29-2006, 05:27 PM
My sympathy and empathy to all of you. I know what you're going through. My husband was diagnosed with esphogeal cancer in Nov. 2004. They gave him 3-6 months. He has been fighting this thing and amazing his doctors with his will to live and strength. The esphogeal cancer was cleared but it had already metastasized to his liver and that's what we're fighting now. He has been on chemo non stop except for a 6 week break when the tumors on his liver multiplied. Once again they are subsiding so we'll see how long this will last. He's due for a short break from the chemo, but they're keeping him on the Avastin. He's such a tough guy, it breaks my heart and he's only 59. Everyone hang in there, we'll all get through this somehow.:)
whitewingdove
07-09-2006, 06:38 PM
hi,
my pappaw had liver cancer and it was bad toward the end. he wouldn't eat for neone but me and then he just stopped eating all together and was just wasting away. hospice did help us alot. and they kept him comfortable and he was pretty coherent all the way to the end. and he went very peacefully.
so i already went thru this once with the person i loved most in the world and now i'm going thru it again with my girlfriend. she has a malignant carcinoid tumor in her small intestine which is very rare. and we think it's moved to her liver.
she has a different perspective on her cancer tho. she says that it's God's mercy. that he has given her another chance to get closer to Him thru this instead of hating Him for it. He could've taken her quickly in a car wreck or something and she would never have had the chance to get closer to Him and go to Heaven. it made me feel better and i hope it makes other people feel better too. does it sound weird to anyone? my pappaw took it that way too. he went and got baptized after he was diagnosed and got closer to God than he had ever been.
i hated God for it for a long time. but then i realized that it was His mercy and that He was the One that took pappaw away and ended his suffering. so i thank Him now.
i feel for anyone going thru this as i've been thru it 3 times now. and i will be praying for all of you.
my pappaw had liver cancer and it was bad toward the end. he wouldn't eat for neone but me and then he just stopped eating all together and was just wasting away. hospice did help us alot. and they kept him comfortable and he was pretty coherent all the way to the end. and he went very peacefully.
so i already went thru this once with the person i loved most in the world and now i'm going thru it again with my girlfriend. she has a malignant carcinoid tumor in her small intestine which is very rare. and we think it's moved to her liver.
she has a different perspective on her cancer tho. she says that it's God's mercy. that he has given her another chance to get closer to Him thru this instead of hating Him for it. He could've taken her quickly in a car wreck or something and she would never have had the chance to get closer to Him and go to Heaven. it made me feel better and i hope it makes other people feel better too. does it sound weird to anyone? my pappaw took it that way too. he went and got baptized after he was diagnosed and got closer to God than he had ever been.
i hated God for it for a long time. but then i realized that it was His mercy and that He was the One that took pappaw away and ended his suffering. so i thank Him now.
i feel for anyone going thru this as i've been thru it 3 times now. and i will be praying for all of you.