arbegla
06-22-2006, 06:13 AM
Hi-
Although I have been diagnosed with OCD for quite a while (1.5 years) I am still strugling to deal effectively with the condition. I have attempted Lexapro, with excellent results until it burned out. I tried getting off of it (1 week), but my mind started playing tricks with me that the "withdrawl" was causing me to get severe mood swings and become violent (both of which I did not). However, it did cause acute distress which frightened my father who recommended me to get back on the medication. FORTUNATELY, the break was long enough to revamp the med. and I am getting anti-obsessional effects (though I have to push the dose high 35-40mg/day otherwise no relief) again. Lexapro is flakey though, and it cuts out or takes effect at odd times during the day (i.e. no 24 hour relief) I have wanted to get a baseline YBOC score when the medication is not working and compare the results when it is taking effect. Problem is, persistent doubting and pushing down the score lower than it may actually be because of guilt. So, maybe someone can help me out with "filling it out", just give me some insight about scoring each item or make an educated guess. OK, now onto symptoms. Well, let me tell you first hand when the Lex. kicks in, I can feel a very noticeable difference (like night and/day) Likewise, when it wears off I can feel anxiety+ obsessive thinking almost hit me physically. My psychiatrist said my symptoms were "at least moderate" and added "even moderate-to-severe". Likewise, my therapist initially rated the severity as "at least moderate...even like a "high" moderate". He later said it was perhaps a "low" severe. My obsessions are worse than my compulsions. My OCD is quite similar to the OCD portrayed by DiCaprio in "The Aviator", in fact it's the only OCD I can relate to. I have an obsession with exactness and perfection which far exceeds what's normal. For example, with OCD severity I have to know what "exact" category it falls under. Like when my doctor is vague "moderate-to severe", I get very upset because I want an EXACT clear clut answer "moderate" OR "severe". I have an obsession with math, and not in a nerdy intellectual sense. I had bought/checked out 7 books on calculus, that I had already taken, and going over the problems to achieve "maximum competence" everyday at least 1/2 hour-1 hour day interefering with other studies for 1.5 years straight. The obsession with math just feeds off from the preoccupation with exactness, because math is "numerical exactness"...there's no gray.....RIGHT or WRONG. The obsession triggered other obsessions, particularly social obsessions. At my univeristy I began getting fiercey jealous of other students who had taken calculus, and were having social lives, and who dating etc....the pain from the knowledge that math was my life and I was a nothing otherwise just wanted to make me cry and get the hell away from the campus as soon as classes were done. As a result, for nearly 3 semesters, I lived a semi-reclusive lifestyle going to the same cafe in the city where I live (subway ride away from campus) everyday and repeating the same routine...work on math, eat, and go home to my parents. I refused almost totatly to participate in any social/extra-curricular/sports at school all because of a feeling of inferiority which was too painful to bear. This constant routine pushed me to the limit of near nervous breakdown. This is similar to the "Aviator" in that Howard Hughes, spent 2 years on "Hell's Angel's" spending vasts amount of money and pushing himself to the limit just to make the movie perfect. Aside from that, my sex-drive plummeted as I developed a preoccupation with the "perfect" girl (5"9-5"10 no taller, no shorter, blonde or dark brunnet nothing in between, smart only in literature not in science or math, hourglass figure) I began insulting "normal" looking girls in my mind deriding their looks and bodies which upset me since I felt it was very mean spirited. Also, I really wanted to be attracted to a normal looking girl and felt awful feeling that I would never be attracted to a girl because there would always be something "not right" about the way they looked. To further complicate matters, I would compulsively look and read men magazine's where model's often displayed nasty attitudes, which in turn I internalized and made me feel enraged and screaming and telling them off in my mind over and over for a good 25 minutes after reading the magazine. It also gave me a bad attitude towards women, which I knew was ridiculous but couldn't help thinking about because of what some nasty b**** had to say. So this effectively prevented me from wanting to have a girlfriend while on the other hand I kept feeling the urge to get a girlfriend which created incredible frustration. Aside from exactness and precision, I also experienced aggresive thoughts. The insulting of girls, the internal yelling to fellow classmates for having outdone me in math, were some already mentioned but this extended to learning and work. I felt as soon I began studying, I would get a feeling "this is BORING...this IS BORING....THIS IS BORING" which would ultimately cumulate in an urge to throw a tantrum and scream out loud every minute and a half. The response, was repetitive checking of how much more material I had left routinely every minute and a half while the increased anxiety from this left me scattered brained and ultimately only allowed me to grasp 20-30% of the material each time I studied. This had a tremendous impact on me, since I had to spend the summer the weekend....almost every day studying new material in addition to revising useless old stuff, further entrapping me in the vicious circle of frustration, jealously, and ultimately self-isolation. Workwise, similar urges to throw tantrums badly effected my work performance and got me fired after 4 months (50% less than my peers) and limited my capacity to work for only 3-4 hours a day before I burned out and couldn't take it anymore. SO, enough babling (those are my major problems). Obsessions were very difficult to control, in my opinion. I would routinely get images of a girl stuck in my mind along with a piece of background music, which would play for 5 seconds....stop....replay again over and over just like a CD skipping (500 times+). The thought wasn't particuarly horrible but I felt anxious with increased heart rate, rapid walking, tense muscles, tapping lamposts, increased thought speed (I felt pseudo-manic or extremely wired). When I tried to break it, my mind would go clear for about 5-7 seconds and the obession would come right back. Likewise, obsessional thought about precision and isulting others were hard to control and pretty much roamed free. I didn't put much effort into stopping them, since they were too strong and continuous and I pretty much yielded. I put up some fickle resistance as in my mind telling me from time to time "your obsession with math is going to drive you insane" or "don't do that, that is stupid" but this was overrided in my mind. Parallel from the "Aviator" in the first air crash sequence "Howard, you are low on fuel, time to come down". Howard's mind heard the danger, but simply ignored it and indulged his obsession into breaking the speed record and ultimately crashed (could have been killed). The second time he wasn't so lucky..Well, that's pretty much how my mind operates. As far as time spent on obsessions, well they last pretty much the whole day, but significant ones last about 4 hours. Anxiety, I am not exactly sure. I feel jittery from some and experience physical symptoms of anxiety (palpitations/pressured speech and stride/mind racing/painful spasms in my stomach) and am visibly "nervous to others" from some obessions, while others I feel deep emotional pain and have to get away from its source. Others I feel strong anger. I guess between (5.5-6.5/10) They were not disabling nor were they really manageable. They were tolerable, but only up to a certain point until I felt that I was really going to break down. Impairment was severe, since I had considerable problems interacting with people.....I had 1-2 friends while the averege American has 6 (33% at best), I managed to date a girl (after some therapy) but OCD tore it apart in 1.5 months. I avoided MOST parties but did attend a few with predictable feeling of worthlessness and depression while attending. Work only 50% at normal capacity, school studies tied up because of checking and urges to throw tantrums which ate up 35% of my time and reduced concentration to 25-30% of normal. Overall, OCD has considerable affect on my life, but I am still able to leave the house and do "basic" responsibilites such as getting assignments in and passing classes. However, my life is devoid of any hobby, or leisure, and I am a "half functional" person. I am really only interested in the obsessional YBOC score actually. They are 1) time spent 2) distress 3)resistance 4) control 5) intereference rated on 1-4 (1 mild/2moderate/3 severe/ 4 incapacitated). I've read about much worse (people spending 8 hours washing their hands terrified of germs...and I am nowhere near that level)...nor is this mild.....I've got issues!!!
Thank You
Although I have been diagnosed with OCD for quite a while (1.5 years) I am still strugling to deal effectively with the condition. I have attempted Lexapro, with excellent results until it burned out. I tried getting off of it (1 week), but my mind started playing tricks with me that the "withdrawl" was causing me to get severe mood swings and become violent (both of which I did not). However, it did cause acute distress which frightened my father who recommended me to get back on the medication. FORTUNATELY, the break was long enough to revamp the med. and I am getting anti-obsessional effects (though I have to push the dose high 35-40mg/day otherwise no relief) again. Lexapro is flakey though, and it cuts out or takes effect at odd times during the day (i.e. no 24 hour relief) I have wanted to get a baseline YBOC score when the medication is not working and compare the results when it is taking effect. Problem is, persistent doubting and pushing down the score lower than it may actually be because of guilt. So, maybe someone can help me out with "filling it out", just give me some insight about scoring each item or make an educated guess. OK, now onto symptoms. Well, let me tell you first hand when the Lex. kicks in, I can feel a very noticeable difference (like night and/day) Likewise, when it wears off I can feel anxiety+ obsessive thinking almost hit me physically. My psychiatrist said my symptoms were "at least moderate" and added "even moderate-to-severe". Likewise, my therapist initially rated the severity as "at least moderate...even like a "high" moderate". He later said it was perhaps a "low" severe. My obsessions are worse than my compulsions. My OCD is quite similar to the OCD portrayed by DiCaprio in "The Aviator", in fact it's the only OCD I can relate to. I have an obsession with exactness and perfection which far exceeds what's normal. For example, with OCD severity I have to know what "exact" category it falls under. Like when my doctor is vague "moderate-to severe", I get very upset because I want an EXACT clear clut answer "moderate" OR "severe". I have an obsession with math, and not in a nerdy intellectual sense. I had bought/checked out 7 books on calculus, that I had already taken, and going over the problems to achieve "maximum competence" everyday at least 1/2 hour-1 hour day interefering with other studies for 1.5 years straight. The obsession with math just feeds off from the preoccupation with exactness, because math is "numerical exactness"...there's no gray.....RIGHT or WRONG. The obsession triggered other obsessions, particularly social obsessions. At my univeristy I began getting fiercey jealous of other students who had taken calculus, and were having social lives, and who dating etc....the pain from the knowledge that math was my life and I was a nothing otherwise just wanted to make me cry and get the hell away from the campus as soon as classes were done. As a result, for nearly 3 semesters, I lived a semi-reclusive lifestyle going to the same cafe in the city where I live (subway ride away from campus) everyday and repeating the same routine...work on math, eat, and go home to my parents. I refused almost totatly to participate in any social/extra-curricular/sports at school all because of a feeling of inferiority which was too painful to bear. This constant routine pushed me to the limit of near nervous breakdown. This is similar to the "Aviator" in that Howard Hughes, spent 2 years on "Hell's Angel's" spending vasts amount of money and pushing himself to the limit just to make the movie perfect. Aside from that, my sex-drive plummeted as I developed a preoccupation with the "perfect" girl (5"9-5"10 no taller, no shorter, blonde or dark brunnet nothing in between, smart only in literature not in science or math, hourglass figure) I began insulting "normal" looking girls in my mind deriding their looks and bodies which upset me since I felt it was very mean spirited. Also, I really wanted to be attracted to a normal looking girl and felt awful feeling that I would never be attracted to a girl because there would always be something "not right" about the way they looked. To further complicate matters, I would compulsively look and read men magazine's where model's often displayed nasty attitudes, which in turn I internalized and made me feel enraged and screaming and telling them off in my mind over and over for a good 25 minutes after reading the magazine. It also gave me a bad attitude towards women, which I knew was ridiculous but couldn't help thinking about because of what some nasty b**** had to say. So this effectively prevented me from wanting to have a girlfriend while on the other hand I kept feeling the urge to get a girlfriend which created incredible frustration. Aside from exactness and precision, I also experienced aggresive thoughts. The insulting of girls, the internal yelling to fellow classmates for having outdone me in math, were some already mentioned but this extended to learning and work. I felt as soon I began studying, I would get a feeling "this is BORING...this IS BORING....THIS IS BORING" which would ultimately cumulate in an urge to throw a tantrum and scream out loud every minute and a half. The response, was repetitive checking of how much more material I had left routinely every minute and a half while the increased anxiety from this left me scattered brained and ultimately only allowed me to grasp 20-30% of the material each time I studied. This had a tremendous impact on me, since I had to spend the summer the weekend....almost every day studying new material in addition to revising useless old stuff, further entrapping me in the vicious circle of frustration, jealously, and ultimately self-isolation. Workwise, similar urges to throw tantrums badly effected my work performance and got me fired after 4 months (50% less than my peers) and limited my capacity to work for only 3-4 hours a day before I burned out and couldn't take it anymore. SO, enough babling (those are my major problems). Obsessions were very difficult to control, in my opinion. I would routinely get images of a girl stuck in my mind along with a piece of background music, which would play for 5 seconds....stop....replay again over and over just like a CD skipping (500 times+). The thought wasn't particuarly horrible but I felt anxious with increased heart rate, rapid walking, tense muscles, tapping lamposts, increased thought speed (I felt pseudo-manic or extremely wired). When I tried to break it, my mind would go clear for about 5-7 seconds and the obession would come right back. Likewise, obsessional thought about precision and isulting others were hard to control and pretty much roamed free. I didn't put much effort into stopping them, since they were too strong and continuous and I pretty much yielded. I put up some fickle resistance as in my mind telling me from time to time "your obsession with math is going to drive you insane" or "don't do that, that is stupid" but this was overrided in my mind. Parallel from the "Aviator" in the first air crash sequence "Howard, you are low on fuel, time to come down". Howard's mind heard the danger, but simply ignored it and indulged his obsession into breaking the speed record and ultimately crashed (could have been killed). The second time he wasn't so lucky..Well, that's pretty much how my mind operates. As far as time spent on obsessions, well they last pretty much the whole day, but significant ones last about 4 hours. Anxiety, I am not exactly sure. I feel jittery from some and experience physical symptoms of anxiety (palpitations/pressured speech and stride/mind racing/painful spasms in my stomach) and am visibly "nervous to others" from some obessions, while others I feel deep emotional pain and have to get away from its source. Others I feel strong anger. I guess between (5.5-6.5/10) They were not disabling nor were they really manageable. They were tolerable, but only up to a certain point until I felt that I was really going to break down. Impairment was severe, since I had considerable problems interacting with people.....I had 1-2 friends while the averege American has 6 (33% at best), I managed to date a girl (after some therapy) but OCD tore it apart in 1.5 months. I avoided MOST parties but did attend a few with predictable feeling of worthlessness and depression while attending. Work only 50% at normal capacity, school studies tied up because of checking and urges to throw tantrums which ate up 35% of my time and reduced concentration to 25-30% of normal. Overall, OCD has considerable affect on my life, but I am still able to leave the house and do "basic" responsibilites such as getting assignments in and passing classes. However, my life is devoid of any hobby, or leisure, and I am a "half functional" person. I am really only interested in the obsessional YBOC score actually. They are 1) time spent 2) distress 3)resistance 4) control 5) intereference rated on 1-4 (1 mild/2moderate/3 severe/ 4 incapacitated). I've read about much worse (people spending 8 hours washing their hands terrified of germs...and I am nowhere near that level)...nor is this mild.....I've got issues!!!
Thank You
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06-22-2006, 10:42 AM
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GatsbyLuvr1920
06-22-2006, 01:28 PM
I actually don't like math for this reason: yes, there's one right answer, but there IS a considerable amount of ambiguity regarding how to get the answer. You never know for sure if you did a long, drawn-out problem correctly. The only math that's black-and-white in my opinion is basic arithmetic facts like "2 + 2 = 4." This may also be because I'm almost entirely convinced that I have some form of a Nonverbal Learning Disorder (I have Asperger's, too, and NVLD is common in both Asperger's and OCD), so I've always struggled with math. This is why I'm a science person: it's all facts and no gray area. Anyway, I think it's great to see another person who was affected so much by The Aviator, in terms of correlating with their OCD, as I was. Leo***** DiCaprio did an outstanding job, and I'm still very upset that he didn't win the Oscar... For me, it's when he's having the panic attack after the "Show me all the blueprints" scene because the hand-over-the-mouth thing while rocking back-and-forth is exactly what I do when I have a REALLY bad panic attack. Also, the scene that makes me cry is when he's first locked up in the screening room and Hepburn comes to visit him. I love how he says that he "can't" open the door because something that small is impossible. He's literally incapacitated by his anxiety, and he can't even get a shower, but he's subsequently guilty that he hasn't gotten anything accomplished when someone comes to visit. It's like looking in a mirror when he slumps down, puts his arms around his knees, and blinks back tears... and obsessions. I do the same thing. I almost always wince when I have an obsession. And, of course, this quote just says it all: "You know, sometimes I get these feelings, Katie. I get these ideas, these crazy ideas about things that may not, things that may not really be there. Sometimes I truly fear that I'm losin' my mind, and that would be like flyin' blind..." The Aviator is one of my obsessive fixations, so when you mentioned it, I couldn't help but respond. God bless, and if you have any questions or just want to talk/vent, I'm here!:angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
arbegla
06-23-2006, 04:26 AM
Thank You for responding. The reason I used the Aviator as an example, and Howard Hughe's life in general is because he's the only person with OCD that bears good resemblance to mine. I am not a "germphobic" but there are MANY subtilties of OCD that are either overlooked or simply not recognized as being part of the condition. Hughes didn't have a fixation on math, and math for me is merely the most precise subject that is available. I am seducted to it, much like Hughes was seducted into "Hell's Angels" and put his fortune on the line. People observing me indulging in equations are actually impressed and praise me on my perserverance and hard-working nature. In fact, most seem to think I have a "passion" for it, rather than an "obsession" of it. If you read most film reviews about the Aviator, they consistently state the man an insatiable passion for perfection and seperate it from OCD only applying it to scenes where he's terrified of germs and trapped in bathrooms. My OCD fixates on this and get intensely irritated that people can't seem to understand that a "passion" for which a person endangers his life/relationships/finances constitues a psychiatric disorder. After all, the O in OCD stands for "obsession" which is an exaggerated passion to an unhealthy level. Although he seems to get a kick out of what he is doing, anxiety is the ultimate driving force and it doesn't take panic levels to create this. When I work on math for example, I am pretty anxious, although it doesn't seem so to others. My writing is "pressured", I can't sit still due to intrusive worries about how much more material I have to cover combined with unpleasant urges to throw aggresive tantrums. Like I said, my concentration is reduced to 20-30% which is completely unacceptable and brews nothing than frustration. The poor concentration is indicative of high anxiety levels, forces me to spend 35% more time than the typical student to get grades that are in my opinion at least 10% lower than my potential. Watching the Aviator, observe when he is in the final stages of screening an observe the look in his eyes. They convey intense fixation, frustration, and a feeling of going mad from lack of perfection. That how I feel, and in fact many have told me that I have either a "sour-puss" face conveying this numbing frustration or a piercing look of sheer intensity which has been described as "intimidating" by some. His obsession with dating the prettiest of women is another of OCD follies we share, yet while I am embarassed and wished I didn't think that way, he doesn't seem too bothered by it. This is readily seen in his attempts to ward off censors of the day into allowing them to accept his film featuring large breasted women. One I didn't mention, was the repeating of phrases that he suffers like you had mention "show me the blueprints.....". I do this at times as well, though only alone and only maybe 6-7 times. I get caught up on silly phrases like "English is a Germanic Language...English is a Germanic Language...English...English...Germanic. ...English is a Germanic language" kinda like that, even more choppy than Howard's repetitons. These are things that haven't been shown in some OCD suffers, as the typical stereotype is the compulsive handwasher, the compulsive arranger (which is really just a "geometric" or visual-spatial form of the precision obsession I suffer with numbers.) I had many doubts that I had OCD for a while, but Lexparo pretty much lowers drastically the intensity of the obsessions, or elimantes them entirely. In fact, I got my YBOC score down to 19/40 with level 3 3 hours spent on obsessions, level 2 moderate distress, level 2 some impairment but manageable, level 1 much resistance, level 2 some control..(10 for obsessions+9compulsions). I've got it down to 17/40 before with slight distress from obsessions+compulsions but I'm not complaining. Normally my YBOC ranges from 24-25 which is moderate-severe, with obsessions scoring (level 3 3 hours on obessions, level 2 or 3 (depending on days) moderate or severe distress from obsession, level 3 substantial impairment, level 3 little resistance, level 3 little control) for a total of 14-15 obsessions + 10 compulsions. My low compulsion score saved me from becoming disabled actually, but the 14-15 obessional score (7-7.5/10) was quite interfersome even if it didn't cause panic. So, I am please with the lowering on 5 pts for obessions even if compulsions weren't reduced much...but they were not the problem to begin with. I still regard 24-25 as moderate, though strong moderate, since I am not really that impaired as some unfortunately are. This has been confirmed by Zoloft which took YBOC 23-25 as moderate-to-severe OCD, and Prozac which took YBOC 22-26 as moderate-to-severe. I don't think significantly "severe" symptoms start until 27 or 28, but I have read that scores above 30 are "really bad" and that's probably when people become housebound or exhibit extreme symptoms like washing for 4-5 hours straight and experiencing utter terror. So far Lexapro is giving me 20-25% reduction in symptoms, and I was wondering if that's considered "good" or not. My concentration certainly improved to 70% today thanks to Lex.!!!! I was so happy, since I am use to a dismal 20-30%. As opposed to usual, I actively put up a fight against the thought since they are more gentle and easier to break instead of the continous stream that's almost impossible to stop. I was able to make my mind go blank 15 seconds with effort today, as opposed to the mere 5-6 seconds normally. Any advice about meds.?? I like Lexapro because it has few side effects, but my doctor has also prescribed Anafranil which can be taken with Lex. I have heard stories of 40-50% reduction rates of OCD symptoms from it, but also alot of side-effects. I don't think I'll ever get rid of the disorder, but provided my symptoms are under fair control and I can work and concentrate well, I'll be a happy camper!! One last thing, since you are a girl or a woman from you're screen name, I was wondering what I should do about dating. Besides the obsession with beauty, which the med. should help control helpfully, I am also shy..actually borderline social-phobia. When talking to women I get quite self-conscious and obsess about them "sensing my fear" leading to visible nervousness and discomfort. I have read that women like self-confidence, but I find that difficult to achieve due to OCD (aka the disease of doubt... and direct antonym of "confidence"). I had gone out with a girl briefly, but it took 20 minutes to ask her out literally. If a girl rejects me, my OCD goes haywire and my day is ruined by not just that but stressed induced OCD. What are signs to look for the "reassure" me that a girl likes me or not, because quite frankly I got lucky with the last girl and the only reason I asked her out was because I felt I was doomed to never have a girl..I was really depressing. Many people (including my psychiatrist) have told me I am good looking, but I don't believe or internalize. At best, I see myself as averge looking and usually mediocre. Shrink said this is common in OCD patients, and if it gets too bad they call it body-dismorphic disorder...but I read up about it, and it's too extreme for me to have it....Michael Jackson has a severe case of BDD undergoing several facial operations and skin whitening, for example. Any advice? I really appreciate your response and am feeling better and more optimistic about my future granted the medication works properly.
Thank You
Thank You
GatsbyLuvr1920
06-23-2006, 12:20 PM
You're lucky that the Lexapro is working for you- I can't say the same. My mother and maternal grandfather (they're like genetic clones) both are on it for unipolar depression, but when I tried it for my OCD, it didn't do anything. If anything, it made my anxiety worse. I'm actually not on an SSRI right now. I'll be 19 in August, and I've been on SSRI's since I was 15 1/2. I was diagnosed as having GAD (which I do have) by my old PCP and given Zoloft. I only found out I had OCD by going on the Internet looking for information on mental illness because it interested me. Throughout the years I was on Zoloft, Lexapro, Zoloft again, and then Prozac this fall, which I stopped a few months ago. I've noticed that I have begun obsessing more, but it wouldn't really matter if I was on the Prozac or not. It may have quieted the obsessions somewhat, but I had two full-out breakdowns of OCD while on an SSRI. I really enjoy talking with you because you're the only person that I know who analyzes psychiatric movies as much as I do. On my really bad days, I don't know what I would have done without The Aviator or A Beautiful Mind. What The Aviator means to me for OCD, A Beautiful Mind means to me for my Asperger's. Yes, the movie's about schizophrenia, but before Nash develops the psychotic symptoms, he is extremely socially awkward and has a lot of Asperger's traits. I watch certain scenes in both movies when I'm feeling misunderstood and frustrated to make myself cry. That may sound odd, but it cleanses me. The one scene in A Beautiful Mind that I do this for is when he's just been told that he hasn't focused on his doctorate work and couldn't possibly get the position to Wheeler Labs. He goes back to his dorm, looks at his "window art," and mumbles, "I can't see it." He then goes on to say, "I can't fail! This is all that I am! I can't just sit around and stare into space. I need to get something done..." Me. It really shows how the intricacies of intelligence and mental illness mix. I'm a firm believer that anyone with OCD and/or Asperger's has above-average intelligence, but as the movie shows (and Aviator, too), our brain differences make us succeed intellectually, but also inhibit us. Why I love the "I can't see it" line is because when I understand something so well such as complicated topics in science, sometimes I'll lose my ability to know what I knew, and it all becomes a jumbled mess inside my mind. This is why I tend to get lower test scores that, as several teachers and professors have told me, "don't reflect what I know." If you haven't seen A Beautiful Mind, you should. It would probably have extra meaning for you because of the math. "The zeroes of the Zeta-Reimann function correspond to singularities in space-time.";) Anyway, the other reason that I love that movie is because of the love story aspect of it. I HATE sappiness, but I always cry when I watch him and Alicia fall in love because I know that's the type of guy I'm going to end up with- some quirky, eccentric, intellectual who bonds with me over our obsessive fixations. I've never been on a date, let alone had a boyfriend, and I think this is for many reasons, primarily because of my social deficits, and the character of John Nash is the same in the movie. He desperately wants someone to love, but can't go about it in the proper way. Then he meets Alicia, who is attracted to his nerdiness and odd wit. This is my favorite scene:
Alicia: (looks up at the stars) I once tried to count them all. I actually got to 4,348...
Nash: You are exceptionally odd.
Alicia: I'll bet you're very popular with all the girls...
Nash: A pair of odd ducks, then... Pick a shape.
Alicia: What?
Nash: Pick a shape, an animal, anything.
Alicia: Okay, an umbrella...
He then takes her arm and guides her index finger to make a tracing of an umbrella in the stars above. That scene gives me hope that I will find someone to love me one day, someone who will appreciate me for who I am and understand all of my deficits. I really like how you said that you become restless and want to throw tantrums while engaging in your obsessive activities. I'm the same way. I have all of these projects I want to get done before I go back to college, and I've been feeling very tense lately. It seems that we have a lot in common. I enjoy talking with you greatly. Write back soon!:angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
Alicia: (looks up at the stars) I once tried to count them all. I actually got to 4,348...
Nash: You are exceptionally odd.
Alicia: I'll bet you're very popular with all the girls...
Nash: A pair of odd ducks, then... Pick a shape.
Alicia: What?
Nash: Pick a shape, an animal, anything.
Alicia: Okay, an umbrella...
He then takes her arm and guides her index finger to make a tracing of an umbrella in the stars above. That scene gives me hope that I will find someone to love me one day, someone who will appreciate me for who I am and understand all of my deficits. I really like how you said that you become restless and want to throw tantrums while engaging in your obsessive activities. I'm the same way. I have all of these projects I want to get done before I go back to college, and I've been feeling very tense lately. It seems that we have a lot in common. I enjoy talking with you greatly. Write back soon!:angel:
-GatsbyLuvr1920-