hi im new to this board and i think im suffering from mental health problems but havent been able to get an real help. basically, i think the root of these problems is drug abuse. im 21 years old and started taking drugs at the age of 15. it started off with light usage of cannibis but by the age of 16 i had become a heavy user and it started to make me quite paraniod and withdrawn when i was around people, even my best friends. I kept smokng it though and also started using ecstacy and amphtamine around the age of 16. By the time i was 17 i was using ecstacy every week (like 10-15 pills over a weekend) and spending the whole following week feeling extremely paraniod, withdrawn, self-consious and edgy. After a while it got to the point where even taking 1 ectascy tab was making me feel terrible so i stopped taking them. I then found that I could still take amphetemine and get a buzz off it so i started using it regularly for about a year until the comedowns became so hideous that i jut couldnt carry on. However, around this time I came in contact with a regular source of Diazapam (valium). At the time this felt like a blessing because my head was a mess with all the uppers i'd being doing and valium just made me feel relaxed, in control and a lot sharper where before my head felt so messed up a could barely hold eye contact with anyone or even concentrate on the simplest things, like i would try to read the paper but it was like my brain just wouldnt take in the info.
So, from that i got quite a bad valium habit but to get it i needed to go to dealers who were also selling harder drugs like herion. After refusing herion a few times, one day when i was feeling like **** and couldnt get valium i accepted and bought some herion. i was still about 18 at the time. I used herion and valium fairly regularly for about 6 months until my source got arrested and locked up which meant i had to go through about a week of feeling ill then fell into a horrendous depression which has never really gone away. the reason i started using drugs so heavily in the first place was because i was feeling depressed but all they did was compound the problem and make it a hundered times worse. Anyway, after the i was still using cannibis daily and taking whatever i could get my hands on at the weekends (usually uppers like cocaine, ectascy & amphetamine) just to block out the paranioa, depression, anxiety, lack of energy (feeling exausted ALL the time) etc. In the last six months ive started using valium regularly again but this has allowed me to stop taking all other drugs including cannibis. Because valium makes me feel normal i dont feel the need to take anything else.
The main problem now is that when i dont have valium i find it impossible to function at all. Im too paraniod to go to work and find it impossible to concentrate or take in information which means if i do get a job it usually doesnt last long before i get sacked. the only time i make a good impression is when im on valium (i only need to take like 5-10mils in the morning and im fine).
Anyway, i decided enough is enough and went to see my doctor to explain my problems and find out what help is available. to be honest he was no use at all. didnt seem to take me too seriously and just prescribed me citalopram which is a standard anti-depressant. It didnt help in the slightest, if anything mae me feel worse. I abstained from taking drugs and took citalopram for three months and at the end still felt as bad as ever. the doctor is refusing to prescribe diazapam because i have admitted to using it regularly and thinks i will get addicted. he also wont prescribe anything else from the same group of drugs as they all have the same addictive tendancies. he thinks the way im feeling is a reaction to withdrawal from diazapam but i am sure that heavy drug use in my mid-late teens has caused me long term mental health problems. the only thing that seems to help is diazapam, when i take it i feel just normal, i can function as a normal, happy human being.
I thought going to the doctor and confronting my mental health problems would be the first step to recovery but feel like ive had no help at all and havent really been taken seriously or listened to properly. now ive just started buying diazapam on the street again but rationing myself to 2-3 a day (20-30 mil). I feel completely fine now, not wasted, just totally normal but if my supply runs out (which could happen at anytime) i know i'll just crash again and this makes it impossible to get a job or anything.
Sorry about the ultra long post, just had to get that off my chest. Any advice? should my doctor have taken me more seriously? is there any hope for me to just lead a normal life?
by the way, the reason i posted this in the mental health section rather than the addiction section is that i was totally clean for 3 months and dont actually have any cravings for drugs, just want to sort out the mental health issues which i think were triggered by the drugs.
Please help me!

Well the doctor was covering his butt...You told him you are addicted to these types of drugs plus addiction to others...You write a good letter which makes me think ...You still have alot of brains up there working...:D Your body is addicted to this type of drug that is why you feel better on it...Your feeding it...Now let me say I started drugs and drinking when I was about 16...stopped when I was about 34 was into about a year of soberity and seeing what it was like with NOTHING in my body...then I got ill...and did ummm...about 15 or so years of PRESCRIPTION MED'S...this is the first time in my adult life that I am not taking ANYTHING...and it is really strange to think hey...what do I do with myself...it's like taking so many baby steps....okay enough of me...just wanted you to see where I have been alittle...No matter what you do...breath the air, sit around electrical objects, drink the water, take drugs...street or prescription...or drink...what ever you do is going to change the chemicals in your body and brain...You have abused yours and the chemicals in your head are going to be way off ...you feel crappy when you don't take the valium. that's because your body is use to this medication..and you are use to how you feel...You may think you are normal...but you really aren't being who you should be...and right now I'm sure you don't quit know who you should be....I think it is wonderful that you did take a baby step and try to find some help...just try not to be discouraged...are you still on the antidepressant??? If it isn't working then no need to take it...Possibly you need to build your body up...I mean with Vitamins, and things like proteing powder...I just started taking what is called SAMe little over a month ago...It is the most wonderful thing for me...It is all natural and it helps get the seritonin and neurotransmitters and your body all functioning again...possibly read about it...BUT SOMEONE SAID ON THE BOARDS NOT TO TAKE WITH CHEMICAL ANTIDEPRESSANTS....only side effect...nauseated stomache...maybe....And I do feel that it might be good for you to post on the addiction board. Oh another supplement that I started taking is called "Juice Plus" they come in capsuels...one is pure vegetabels..the other is pure fruits...I mean I could tell my brain really really needed them...So my dear...you should be proud of yourself...you see at a younger age that you need to change your lifestyle...Your taking steps to change it...be proud and happy...those withdrawls are not fun evey time you come off of something...so just bear with them and stop all of them...it is going to take some time to be who you really are...And I bet you are a very Awesome person!!!! Keep your head above water...and STAY STRONG!!!

:angel:

thanks for the kind words jojo, you're reply has put a smile back on my face :)
i kinda thought the doc would have some kinda of rule where he couldnt prescibe a med to someone who has admitted to being addicted to it so i wasnt too surprised about that - jut a little pissed off that he prescibed something else completely ineffective.
You say when i take valium im not really being who i should be but to be honest it makes me feel like the person i was before i started getting into drugs - its the only thing that seems to sort me out. Your right in saying im not quite sure who i shoud be. ive spent so much time on drugs during a period where i should've been growing from a boy into a man that im not really sure how i would have turned out without this drug problem. my moods are all over the place and im not really sure who the real me is.
you're right in saying my brains still working - i dont feel any less intellegent than a few years back, just have more trouble concentrating and get more flustered under pressure so cant think as quickly in some stressful situations.
to answer your question about if im still on meds, i stopped taking the citalopram about a week before the course was due to end as i felt they were making me feel worse rather than better. im supposed to go back to the doc to discuss a different medication but really cant see the point and dont want to face the attitude of my doctor who really didnt seem to understand.
I dont know if i'd cll myself an "awsome" person but i think you certainly are for replying to my post in such a positive, uderstanding way. i am quite a quiet person though, not the steotypical media drug abuser. i did well at school and was expected to be a "success" in life but because of drugs i feel like ive fallen right off the rails and i dont think i'll ever get to be the person i would've been. i tried to go to university a few months ago on the basis of my school grades but found it impossible to concentrate on the work or form relationships with the other students. this in itself adds to the depression.
anyway, i'll stop boring you now. thanks for the help and support :)
hope i can do the same for you.

Read the first post and the rest as well. I think part of the problem currently is that you failed to learn coping mechanicisms to help you deal with life and its many issues. I do congradulate you on getting clean. I too am struggling daily with staying clean from abusing Valuim and zanax. So far it is a battle that i win though it is a daily fight. I think if you learned a few ways to help deal with things and how to relax in new ways it might help. Hope things are going well and keep up the good work.
Emerald

thanks emeraldeyes, i did read the first post, and understood every word of it. ive taken on board a lot of what was said and i think just having the support of other people who understand where im coming from will help a lot.
good luck with your own struggle and thanks for taking the time to reply to me. if theres any practical advice i can give you (not that id be much use) then let me know.
all the best.
SA

ive taken 25 valium today (250mils), smoked 4 joints & drank 3 pints of lager. i went out and bought another 70 vally blues (10mils) this morning (there goes the overdraft limit) so im likely to be using regularly for the next couple of weeks at least. :mad:
sometimes i feel i have no willpower whatsoever! as long as ive got access to money and a source of benzos i cant help going out and buying in bulk, then feeling guilty afterwards.
how diud i get into this mess! :mad:

I have a feeling that I woudl be in the same boat but a bit worse if I did have a supply along with the funds. Luckily I don't have either and my own thing right now is Tylenol Pm's which i do too many of them period. I wonder the same thing at times how I got into this mess as well. It is hard to fight a battle when you crave something so much. So it didn't go well today but tomorrow can be better. Maybe think about not only the buddy system meaning someone you can call or talk to when you feel the urge to use or buy. Just a thought on that one.
Take care,
Emerald

thanks for the idea but most of my mates are users and if i phone them we'll probably end up deciding to go out and buy drug. sad but true. all my friends from when i was younger who i grew up with dont really have much time for me now - everyone kinda moved in different directions. i couldnt imagine they'd be to happy if i phone them up after not seeing them for months to tell them im struggling with w/d. im on my own with this one but i just know im gonna et through it. this site has been a great help!
take care of yourself and be safe, SA.

You probably need professional help to get clean but if you don't then it might be possible to wean off these things yourself; the trick with depressants is to slowly, wean off one at a time. Pot should be the easiest from what I have heard about it, so try to cut down/then quit altogether over a period of a few weeks; then the alcohol reduction for a few weeks and lastly the valium, but that one may take several months depending on how much you are used to.....

Valium withdrawals can be brutal so you might have to take it for awhile still, especially if you are used to alot you will need to take it slow, cutting around 10% every two weeks. This will help ease withdrawals. There is a free online manual called the Ashton Manual concerning benzo drugs like Valium.

BTW, mixing benzos with alcohol can be quite dangerous, causing respiratory failure in worst case so be careful with these habits!

When you succeed in weaning off everything, you may still have some lingering issues, but you are young and the brain can recover itself from such things in time so be patient. It has an amazing instinct of homostatis and will strive to correct imbalance caused by drugs. Give it time; chances are you will even notice feeling better during the weaning processes, especially if you take good care of yourself while doing it(good food, rest, get rid of stressors, exercise when possible). Good luck, you can do it if you really want to and not end up with mental illness if you do it now.

Just joined this because of your posting. Just wanted to reinforce what the last person said. Valium, being a benzodiazepine medication, must be tapered off very slowly. My son, who is 18, is coming off prescribed benzos. and it is very tough - it is going to take him approximately 6 months to come off of a 4 mg. daily dose. Check out the ashton plan, as was mentioned by previous person. Google "ashton plan for benzodiazepine withdrawal", print it out and try to find a supportive doctor who can help you with this. Also, you need supportive people around you whether it is family, friends, mental health professionals or all of the above. Be kind to yourself, this does require patience and strength. Depression is also very common after the withdrawal is done, and symptoms can last for a number of months. If you are aware of these things and have supports in place it may help you from using again. My son withdrew once, but started to use again due to anxiety and depression issues - if we had been more aware of the after effects he may not have started to take again. I wish you well with this - my thoughts and prayers are with you.