hello, i am new here. i am using my friends user name by the way since i do not have one yet here. anyways, i am a 34-year-old single (from Vancouver, Canada) mom to 5 kids. there ages are 17, 15, 12, 8 and 7. well i have been raising my kids by myself since my youngest was seven months old and it has not been easy. anyways, i have been having recently having major problems with my oldest son (hes 17). he has always been pretty lippy to me, but for the past year or so hes been out of control and its tearing me apart. for one, he doesn't do ANYTHING i tell him to... he thinks that hes "old enough" to do whatever he wants (basically he thinks life is one big party)... he comes and goes as he pleases at home and whenever i try to talk to him he tells me to f*** off and mind my own f-in buisness. the people he hangs out with are low-lives who party and do drugs and get themselves into all sorts of other trouble, but there doesn't seem to be anything i can do to get him away from people like that. we don't exactly live in the best neighbourhood in the city (its not the kind of area where you would feel safe having your children walking around at at night time alone... but its all i can afford right now). my son is also rude and mean to his younger siblings, which isnt setting a very good example for them. school is out for summer now, but when school was in he *never* attended class... and on the weekends he would take off and i would have no idea where he would be. now that it is summer holidays for him and he is off school, he is always gone even more now. it seems that he only comes home to eat and shower. he's been in trouble SEVERAL times with the cops for a lot of different things. i just don't know what to do, because this is absolutley tearing me apart! i know that i have not been able to give my kids all that they deserve but i have tried so hard. another thing that worries me about my son is the fact that i used to be the exact same way when i was his age (i was his age when i had him), i was very out of control as well and i got myself into lots of trouble and my life definatley didn't turn out the way i wanted it to and i dont want him to end up having a life any less fufilling than what he is capable of having. i know that he also might be acting the way he is because of the fact that their father is not around and when he was around he wasn't the ideal father (he was extremely heavy into drugs and not a pleasent person to be around). also, i dont know if this has anything to do with anything but all of my kids are biracial (i am white but their father was black, but my kids do not look mixed, they look like they are full black) and as you may know, there isnt a whole lot of people on the west coast of Canada who come from African backgrounds and i know that my kids have had to deal with a lot of racial remarks from some people. anyways, i just don't know what to do so i was wondering if anyone has any advice for me on how to deal with him. i love my son obviously, but he is tearing me apart and i have just about had it with him. if someone could answer me with any advice they may have then it would be very greatly appriciated!:)
thanks... from a desperate mother,
Samantha

Well, if he thinks he's grown...kick him out. Make the rule: You live under my roof, you go by my rules, if not, you're out. It's hard but honey it works!!!! Try it!!!:)

I think you need to get help for him. He is obviously dealing with some tough issues. Dealing with racial remarks and also not having dad around has to be painful. He sounds like he is using anger to cover up sadness. You need to get some emotional support for both of you. You can't go through this alone. Is there a local youth group in your area? A lot of churches have teenage youth groups that can be a very positive influence in a teen's life. It gets them in with good kids and positive role models. take care and I wish you well.