I don't really know where to begin in this post. All I know is that I need to post somewhere or I am going to implode.

I am 34, overweight (but healthy and very active!), and have been annovulatory for the past two cycles (the only two I have charted). I have had one m/c (April 2005) at 12 weeks, and we've been trying ever since.

I could handle most anything about infertility, really... I am a strong woman and know what I want for my life. But my world came crashing down a week ago when my brother-in-law and his gf announced they were expecting - in September. They are younger than us, and it will be the first grandchild on my dh's side. I know that having a child is not a competition, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I am letting people down (not the least I am letting myself down).

Now, this morning, first day back at work after a medical stress leave, I get in and check my email - and there is an invitation to the baby shower.

I am feeling so broken, so down-hearted... how can I possibly attend a baby shower before I get to see the fertility specialist??

I apologize if I seem so negative right now - it's not what people need to hear from me, especially on a first post :( But I definitely needed a place to just write down my feelings hopefully get some feedback on how to cope.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Talmeir

Hi I would like to say welcome I am new here too and I hope you get alot information here I know I have.
I really don't know how to tell you to cope with things it sounds like you are going through what I am. It is really hard to be happy for other people when you are hurting so bad but this site has helped me ALOT.
When we started seeing the fertility specialist by baby brother(18still in HS) called to say his gf for a month was pregnant. It was hard not to cry and hang up so I avoided him for awhile (until we found out the gf lied just to hurt me & my sister in law) I am like you everyone seems to make it a point to tell me about so and so is pregant or call and invite me to a baby shower and I want to explode because my hurt turns into anger and it is not good to be like that. What really keeps me from going crazy is reading on here the stories of these women and seeing anything is possible and seeing the amazing strength they all have, and I know things could be alot worse atleast we all still have a chance I mentioned my sister in law she was 19 when she had twin girls by C-section and they had to do a hysterectomy because she started hemoraging and she don't have a chance anymore and I really hurt for her.
When you feel like you are going to explode come on here and read and feed off of the positive energy that these women have. I wish you all the best and if you need someone to talk to I am here I don't know alot because I am knew to all of this doctor stuff but we have been TTC for almost 6 years.
Good luck and stay positive
Tami

I am new too, and have been amazed by some of the items I have read. I also feel your frustration, but find the site supportive even when I am not feeling "oh so positive". Today is one of those days. BFN after IUI, and it hurts a lot. I wish the outcome would be different, but not willing to give up yet. There is so much to learn about this process, both medically and emotionally, and reading the other posts helps a lot. It feels good to be able to tell my story in postings, because the average, everyday person does not understand how difficult it can be for others. Keep your chin up and keep your hopes even higher!

Rock

Hi there. Welcome to the boards. I have found incredible support here and I know you will too. Honestly, sometimes I've felt completely alone in the world and then logged into the infertility boards and learned that other people are feeling the same way I do.
No two situations are alike but seem to be able to understand and support each other.
I can related about the baby shower you've been invited to. I attended two baby showers for my best friend this spring (in fact I threw one of them). I was nervous at first, but actually both went very well. But, I have declined on a couple. I think it's okay to send a lovely congratulatory card and present, but to say unfortunately you can't make it that day.
Whatever you need to do is okay and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I'm also new to this board. I've found it very helpful especially on my lowest days. I'm also not ovulating.... just found out 2 days ago that I once again didn't ovulate (3rd straight time). I know the feeling about hearing about pregnancies. Everytime I turn around I see another pregnant lady. One of my best friends found out that SURPRISE she's pregnant and they didn't plan it. It's just hard to be supportive all the time but that doesn't make you a bad person. Just remember that no matter what kind of mood you are in we are all here for you!!

Amy

Well, I am feeling nearer normal today. Thank you all for your positive thoughts and empathy - I did feel alone until I found this place.

I've begun to read the threads here, and I am beginning to re-realize (heh) what a journey I am just beginning. I'm so glad that I will be following in the footsteps of so many great women!

Hi Talmeir :wave:
Welcome! I am fairly new to the boards myself (joined earlier this month), and I'm also new to the whole fertility thing. So, I know what you mean when you talk about the long journey ahead. We have been TTC for over three years, but we have just started talking to our dr and asking for help. Who would have ever thought there would be so much to do and so many questions to come up?? It is dizzying :dizzy: The boards have DEFINITELY been my salvation. I used to feel so bad crying to my friends about everything - they are all moms (mostly by mistake) & I could see the sympathy in their eyes, which wasn't what I wanted. I needed somebody to talk to who could understand what it feels like to want something with all your heart and not know if it is ever going to happen. I don't like being emotional about it with my BF because he feels guilty for not being able to get me PG and that tears me up even more. The women on these boards are so informative & caring & positive, that it makes this whole ordeal seem much more bearable. It was exactly what I needed. Again, welcome. I hope you find as much support here as I have. Good luck with everything - I hope you get your miracle soon :D
Holly~

One great thing about these boards is that there are so many women in different phases of the process. That is where I am getting so much information, and kind words. I was sad yesterday, but feel so much better today. Thanks all my new friends!