:confused: My 10 year old daughter revealed to me last night that for 2 1/2 years her 14 year old brother has been forcing her to perform oral sex on him. My heart is breaking for her. I am setting up counceling for her and told her that I am very proud of her for telling me and trusting me. My husband is a survivor of incest from the ages of 2-18 by a brother and a sister. It was very violent for him so he understands more than I do. My main concern is for my son. We had no clue that this was going on and I feel so guilty. My daughter shows no fear of him. Should I call the cops and hope he gets the treatment that he needs or should I keep him in the home under strict guidelines theat we set in play last night and get him the help that I know he needs? I love my son but need to protect my daughters more. I also have a 5 year old and 4 year old. Help please This is tearing me apart.

You need to get your son out of the house.... I have a cousin that abused his little sister for YEARS, and by the time they admitted what was going on, they were obligated to call the authorities. My cousin was taken to the juvenile detention center till the case was finished, if I remember correctly 2 months, and then lived with his grandmother for 2 years after. You have to et him away from those kids.. you can't possibly know whether he has done this to the other kids, or maybe even some of your daughters friends.
I is going to be VERY difficult for anyone that has not lived what you are living to understand that you still love and support your son.. dont let them get to you.
You have to protect all the kids. I suggest that you call a criminal lawyer, and see if he can help you with the results, because my cousin was charged as a juvenile and his record is sealed and he isnt labeled a sex offender. This worked well for this family, and I hope yours can get through this as well.
God be with you, as this is going to be one of the biggest tests of your faith and relationship.

You are right Nitro. I am looking into residential treatment centers for him. I hope to God I do the right thing by all of my children. I cannot.stop loving him just because of him doing a horrendous act to his sister. but I have to do something to protect them as hard as that is. Thank you so much for understanding and not judging me for what I said. It is so hard to do this to my son, The Good Boy not my son The Monster.

Something like that happend to me when I was 9 years old. But it was a cousin he was 13 at the time. And He wouyld be babysitting me and my little cousin (boy) he didn't know anything about it. I was soooo scared to go over there again. I finally told my mother and father 2 yrs later. Because it tstill bothered me alot. My father got on the phone with his mother and cursed her out. And then I was accused by his side of the family that I was lying because I had waited so long to say anything and because he denied it. It was the worst feeling to have someone say your kying about something like that. It still bothers me till this day and I am now 26. I agree with the previous poster get him out of the house. Even though she shows no fear toward him she is probably very scared inside. She just doesn't want anyone to see it. Trust me on this one. Also keep him away from the other children also. The best thing you can do.
I hope everything turns out ok. And remember your daughter is probably going to need alot of counseling for this. I never got any so that is probably why it still bothers me.

God bless you..What a tuff thing for a parent to deal with. You guys must be great parents for your daughter to have the courage to come to you about this Iam sure it wasn't easy. (It took me about 8-10 years to tell my mom I had been sexually abused by a step-dad) Anyways, It sounds like your handling it well. As much as your heart is hurting for your son, and some angry, both of you need to be there for him too. May God give your family the strength to get through this.

I agree with all the other post to get your son out of the house away from your daughter..Also get him into treatment right away...I would definetly look into why he did this, like did this happen to him..My heart goes out to you and your family..As a mother i could not imagine how hard this is going to be for your family..

I just wanted to post and say that my heart goes out to you and your family.

You've been given some very good advice and I agree with all of it. I also think that's it important to get your son out of the house and family counselling is a must. Not just for your son and daughter but for your younger children as well ( you don't know if anything has happened to them yet) and for you and your husband. There are going to be some very hard times ahead for all of you but I'm sure you will all pull through.

(((BIG HUGS)))

I agree with what everyone has said. You must do what you can to protect ALL of your children. If he was able to do this without your knowledge, I can't imagine ever feeling safe with him around his sister again.

I can't believe your son spontaneously decided to do this to his sister. Someone must have hurt him too. I hope that he can get the help he needs and open up about it.

You are not alone. Believe me this happens in the best of families and your an example of the best.
There are specialised programmes to treat this problem but sadly you have to seperate your son from the family, to protect your daughter and ensure he gets the therapy he needs. This need not be forever as such programmes usually slowly integrate children back into the family. This may possibly be under social services supervision.

I agree with all PP to get your son out and get him help. I would also turn your focus on your daughter it is very important that you give her all she needs to work this out or it will haunt everyone for a long time. She is telling you now so something can be done. She held it in for a long time so she needs this to come to an end. She also will need to see you be very strong and proactive now!! I am so sorry that this is happening to you and take it from me it happens to many, many families. Please be strong for them and I will keep all of you in my thoughts.

I'm sorry to bring this up, but I would wonder if your son was ever abused by your husband. you say your husband is a survivor of abuse. sometimes it trickles down in families.....I'm not saying that's the case, and your husband may be completely perfect, but you need to think about it.

Believe it or not this is not uncommon! I work in a residential facility for youth males and we just switched our program like in the last year to a sexual offender program. Most of our kids have been abused and then reabused. You really do need to hotline this and begin to get him help now before he gets worse. This could end up to be a really tough thing. I know that this is your family but you have to be worried that it could go farther and he could be a problem to other family members and friends and kids at school or at the neighbors house. Most kids do these acts to people that can not tell on them. Especially in special needs children and small children that cannot talk and if they can they usually dont tell because they have been threatened or they have been persuaded that these acts are okay. I hope everything works out but the questions that you have need to be resolved and maybe check his background and make sure that he was not abused sometime in his life!:angel:

My heart aches for you! I cant even imagine but I do know this happens more then most people would ever admit.
I have a friend that is 36 he just told me for the first time in his life that his brother molested him for years.

I hate to say this and I dont want to accuse anyone of anything but most kids dont just start doing this type of thing, have you talked to your son, has someone molested him???

You do have to be strong for all of your kids. I hope that things will be ok with your family.

I was molested as a child by a step father age 6-about 11 years of age. I am 36 and it still bothers me today. I never told my mother because I jut thought it was "normal"

We all have to tell our kids NO ONE can touch them certain ways. if we dont teach them, they will not know.

You will be in my prayers and please keep us posted!

Your daughter must really believe in you to confide in something like this. You must be a great mom!

I hope you update us, I have been thinking about this post!