Hi all :wave:

I am now 35 and lost my mum when i was 14, she was stabbed to death by my step-dad, my brother and I found her on the living room floor in the early hours one morning. From that day my life was changed forever.

My step-dad was jailed for 16 years and during that time i seemed to just get on with life, I married and had 3 wonderful children.

He has been out of prison now for 7 years and no matter how hard i try i cannot get my head round it, i feel that he doesnt deserve to be free.

I was very scared of him and the memories he left me with and in order for me to move on I felt that i needed to see him (face my fear). I hope someone on here can understand why i would want to meet him after everything he had done. It wasn't that i wanted to see him, i felt that i needed to, in order for me to "move on". Because of the decision i made i lost a lot of family members as they thought it was a betrayal to my mums memory. They couldn't see that i needed to face this man again in order for me to face my fear. The last time i had seen him i was a child and i needed to face him as an adult. Can anyone understand that?

I met him in March this year and have to say that it went better than i thought it would do. There was a lot of people involved in setting it all up, mediation, police, probation officers and my CPN, now it's all over though i feel so deserted by everyone. These people were in my life for about 3 years whilst it was all being sorted and now they have all gone. I suffer with depression and have to say i feel very low at the moment, however, even though i feel so bad i have managed to start my own self-help group for people with depression and that has helped me quite a lot. What i have told you all is only a small fraction of what has happened but hopefully someone out there will be able to relate to me????

take care all

Mickeymad11

Mickey,

Hi, Your storey is really sad, but amazing at the same time.

You are obviously a strong person, although you probably don't see it! you got on with your life, got married and went on to have three children.

Although I have never experienced anything like yourself, I have heard of other people having the same wish as to meeting face to face with the guilty person. I don't know, but maybe it has something to do with you wanting him to face you, and realise that you haven't conveniently disappeared, and for him to confront his guilt! by making him see you, he had to face you as an adult, and be reminded of what he did to your mum and to your life!

As for the people that set this up for you, the fact that they have now disappeared, I can only assume they took this meeting as closure for you, and have left you alone, thinking that maybe you now wanted to move on, and had laid it to rest. I don't know, just a thought.

The support group you have set up is great, to share your grief with others is a great self help, and all power to you for doing that.

I am sure your mum in spirit is proud of you, and especially the fact that this evil man didn't stop you from living and continuing your life.

You suffer from depression sometimes, well in view of what you went through at such a young age, that is only to be expected.

I am sorry I couldn't relate, but I just wanted to say, well done for being so strong! your kids must be proud.:)

DEAR MICKEYMAD..I AM SO SORRY YOU LOST YOUR MOM AT SUCH YOUNG AGE...I AM CRYING OUT LOUD CUZ I HAVE 2 BOYS AND JUST TO THINK SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN TO ME AND THEY BOTH WERE LEFT TO FACE THE WORLD ALONE MAKES ME SAD. MY KIDS ARE 17 YEARS OLD AND 9 MTHS OLD..I AM GLAD YOU ARE FINDING WAYS TO GET OVER UR DEPRESSION AND I WILL PRAY SO THE LORD WILL GIVE YOU PEACE AND TO BLESS U GREATLY FOR ALL U WENT THROUGH.......LORENA :wave:

Hiya:wave:

Thank you both so much for replying. Things have been hard for me and still are but I know I'm strong enough to get through this black period.

God Bless

Mickeymad11

You've shown a lot of courage simply by opening up about it here. Maybe there are also support groups for people who have suffered traumatic losses like this, where you can share with others who have experienced the same sort of things.

We are all shaped by what has happened in our lives, but I've found that it is not so much what happened but how we allow it to affect us that makes the difference between a balanced and an unbalanced life. To put it another way, things happen but the way we deal with them is more important than what happened.